Blog: The 28 Lessons I Learned From My 28th Year (Deep Dive)

The 28 Lessons I Learned From My 28th Year

(In No Particular Order)

-We’re all a whole lot more connected than we think.

I don’t entirely know how I mean this. When I went through & wrote each of these this was the last one I did simply because I don’t know how entirely to put it into words, but let me try. I think from a spiritual standpoint this is true; we’re all brothers & sisters but I also mean from a ecological stand point. The decisions that are often made to cut cost or make a profit end up not only harming the earth or the integrity of a business or relationship but they often also do damage to other human beings whether the effects are immediate or take their sweet time showing up. We are all linked from an energy standpoint too I guess. We’re all made of stardust. We all contain matter from the beginning of the universe & we all contain matter & energy that has been transferred from something else to us. By the food we eat, the air we breathe, etc, we are all sharing the same finite matter.

-It’s okay to let go of hope for an apology you may never receive. (See Blog)

Not going to go that deep into this one simply because I wrote a whole blog post about it. What I will add is if you’re holding out hope for the apology you’re probably not going to receive then you’re keeping energy, both physical & mental, you’re not fully living in the present moment. You’re also carrying around a lot of heavy feelings that burden you for no reason.

-A lot of the world’s problems could be solved with a little less selfishness.

Climate change, poverty, slavery, they’re all linked in the fact that they require someone to give something up to solve them & often times that something doesn’t require a massive change in their life. Take COVID for example. Countries that implemented mask mandates & hard lockdowns didn’t suffer nearly as badly as the US did, has, & continues to do. Some countries are even completely out of the COVID muck & are living maskless, normal lives. But of course it “infringed on people’s civil rights” to mandate masks or to require people to stay home & thus we are still in the midst of it. Not to mention the aspect of mask wearing that literally could save someone else life but you know, screw other people as long as I can not have a little piece of cloth over my face.

-You’ll never have the answers to everything & there’s beauty in that.

We have many religions in this world that tote this same idea. Some better than others, but the general concept is still there. We as humans always want to know why everything around us happens & the more we discover the more questions we have. I think when you take things as they are & leave a little room for the divine it creates space for majesty. After all, only about .00000001% of matter is observable to the naked eye. What happens in the other 99.99999999%?

-Money is a resource, it carries no charge or intent.

I think so many of us are taught growing up that money is the root of all evil, that it’s only good for corrupting & only obtained & sought after by the greedy. I couldn’t disagree more. Do I think money is saintly? No. Money, a lot like water is a resource & an abundant one at that; it is meant to me spent, earned, traded, used, etc. When you lose the emotional value you’ve invested into it suddenly the stress of not having enough of it fades away. There are always ways to make money, always way to alleviate the burdens of desire for it & I think some of the most successful people in the world would agree with that. I’d point you to a friend of mine’s book, “Rich As F*ck” by Amanda Francis, she covers this a lot better than I ever could!

-Held anger, resentment, or disappointment fester & manifests physically.

There’s a true story in a book I’ve been reading (this is the prologue to the book, not the whole thing) about a woman who's husband takes his own life & leaves her to tend their two children & home, along with her career in neuroscience on her own. He didn’t leave a note, didn’t even try to make up an excuse or a lie about where he was going. He just walked out the door. The woman harbored feelings of resentment, anger, frustration, hopelessness, grief, etc. & within six months of her husbands death she was unable to walk. Her problems continued when she developed ulcers in her mouth, her hair started falling out, she stopped being able to produce saliva, & doctors could not figure out what was wrong with her. The woman began therapy, began meditating, began to take back her own life & dismissed the dark, heavy feelings she’d held onto for so long. In addition to all of this she was given a new hope for life, started focusing on the small things around her that brought her joy. Within a year she was walking again, another six months later the ulcers cleared up, another year later her body started producing saliva again. There are countless stories like this where people are forced to carry heavy burdens on their heart or mind & develop illnesses directly correlated to what they’re holding onto.

-You are enough just as you are in this moment.

This one is simple. To quote Amanda Francis “you are worthy because you are.” You are made in the image of God, all of us. If that’s the case then there’s something divine about each of us, a divine spark. You are worthy of love, worthy of your dreams, worthy of happiness not because of something you did but simply because you are. Believe that!

-Paint your nails, wear the dress, be authentically you. (See Blog)

Once again, see blog haha. Life is far too short to live worried about what other people think of you. Be whoever the hell you want to be, if it brings you happiness live in that happiness. You are not responsible for someone else’s, only your own, so live bolding & unapologetically authentic to the ghost that occupies your shell! Adorn your earthly home however you see fit!

-Working out your mind is just as, if not more important, than working out your body.

As we age the neuroplasticity of our brain begins to fade away. We begin to form nerve clusters that help us to navigate day to day life on autopilot. Skills that we had to learn become second nature to us; driving becomes easy, cutting up veggies gets done in seconds instead of minutes, we easily sew or knit or whatever it is in life you do that’s second nature to you. In the same way we form these clusters of neurons for skills we also form them or memory & thus these things occupy our mind & make it harder for us to form new clusters in our brain. But modern research has actually shown us that our neuroplasticity never in fact goes away, unless you have a degeneration of one form or another. In fact, our brain can be reworked & improved upon daily! This comes from reading & learning but it also comes with being present, not dwelling on the memories you have or not allowing the things in your life to become automatic. By being present, realigning your life & your mind, mostly through conscious meditation, we are able to continue the neuroplasticity of our adolescence into our adult life & further on still. Working out your mind keeps you young & spry, it keeps you open to new ideas & experiences, & it doesn’t limit you to routine.

-We don’t give ourselves nearly enough grace.

I’m pretty good at grace when it comes to other people, I feel. I often forgive a little too easily or have more patience than I feel most would especially in a service setting. So, why don’t I extend those same courtesies to myself? Why am I so much harder on myself than I am to other people? Is it because I feel in control of myself? Is it because my opinion is the only opinion of myself that truly matters? In a sense, probably “yes” to all of those. We expect others to extend grace to us & we ourselves extend grace outwards but seldom is it reflected back within ourselves.

-Life is meant to be spent living, not sat at a desk.

I don’t know if I’m the only one but the idea of a 9 to 5, a job spent in a cubicle or sat at a desk sounds like a death sentence. It sounds to me like a one way ticket to depression town for me & that’s something I try to avidly avoid. We as humans crave novelty, it’s what makes us feel alive & y’all, that ain’t it.

-If it takes 60 seconds or less do it immediately.

This is more of a productivity thing than anything, if a task you need to accomplish in your day will take 60 seconds or less, do it immediately! It’ll be done & won’t continues cluttering up your mental to-do list.

-You don’t need a special occasion to treat yourself or those around you.

Why do you need a special occasion to do the things you want to do, to have the things you want to have, to dote upon those you care about? Why does it have to be your birthday for you to get a cake or to indulge in a nice meal? Why does it have to be a holiday for you to celebrate life with your friends & family? I understand if you take about the sparsity of it that it may devalue the meaning or feeling but wouldn’t we all love for it to feel like it’s our birthday a little more often than just once a year?

-Stop calling them cheat meals, it promotes shame.

This relates a little into my rant about the 75 hard challenge but for the love of holy God above, stop calling them cheat meal. Stop shaming yourself for eating the things you want. I understand indulgences aren’t meant to be a daily occurrence but why punish yourself for eating what you crave? Instead of viewing them as a cheat, view them as a reward for all the hard work you’ve put in!

-Never feel bad or guilty for spending money on the things or the people you love.

See above, money is a resource. Just because someone doesn’t understand something you love doesn’t mean you should love it any less. I’m not saying constantly blow your bank roll but just as you are worthy simply because you are, you are worthy of having the things you want out of life simply because you are. Money comes & goes, experiences are sacred.

-Taking the time to clear your mind of the BS on a day to day basis does wonders for your creativity & your mental health.

Whether this takes the shape of meditation or journaling I highly recommend it. We let our brains get so fogged up with the things that really don’t matter or the feelings that we can’t do anything to change in that moment. Taking the time to simply clear the mental air, to note the things occupying your headspace, frees up so much cognitive room.

-If you wouldn't stand up for yourself why would you expect someone else to?

This one I’m still a bit iffy on. What I specifically mean by this has to relate to those times in which something happens & you think “huh, why didn’t then stand up for me?” When the real question should be “why didn’t I stand up for myself?” Now, naturally, this doesn’t apply to those instances in which you stand up for yourself & the situation continues to deteriorate & the people around you do nothing. I’m talking about owning who you are & being confident in that & knowing your worth & what is a respectful & appropriate way in which you should be treated.

-You never know who needs a bit of daily encouragement or kindness; have patience & be compassionate.

I try to practice this one daily, especially to randos I interact with in public. These can be as simple as complimenting a barista’s pin or genuinely asking someone you’re interacting with how their day was, taking a wholehearted momentary interested in the life of a stranger. This doesn’t just apply to strangers of course, I encourage you to randomly text your friends & tell them how beautiful they are or how much you appreciate them. You never know who is having a hard day, who is doubting themself, who is struggling. Be kind & spread love everywhere you go, even at the Target checkout.

-You will never know the degree to which someone has or has not suffered in their life or which engrained systems have suppressed them. Stop telling them they’re wrong for feeling the way they do.

The reason this popped into my head mostly has to do with the racial equality movements of the last year. So often I see people trying to excuse the experience of someone else simply because that isn’t their lived experience. “They should just work harder, they shouldn’t have worn that/they were asking for it, they have the same opportunities as me,” these are all things that diminish someone else’s lived experience & the pain that experience has caused them. Stop being a selfish asshole & think of someone else for a change! This applies politically as well…naturally.

-The eyes are truly the windows to the soul, masks proved that.

For those that actually spent the last year wearing face masks it’s become overly apparent just how much you can tell about a person simply by looking into their eyes. You can often see their joy, their exhaustion, their wonder, their pain simply by observing the little space above their nose & blow their brow. It’s truly extraordinary just how much we humans wear our heart, not on our sleeve, but behind our eyes.

-We live in a system that puts profits over people…but you knew that.

Nikola Tesla was nearing his 50th birthday when he had a breakthrough around energy. He was on the verge of discovering a limitless, clean source of energy. So what happened? Nik pitched this idea to his backers, capitalists, & all of them pulled their funding. Not because the idea wasn’t sound, but because it would infringe upon their profits. The same goes for the modern food/medical systems in the states. So many things are deregulated or legal for human consumption that would otherwise be outlawed. Why? Because we live in a for profit healthcare system. If you keep people sick & needing medical, business will always be booming.

-Conventional retirement sounds like a nightmare, quarantine proves that.

The idea of sitting around, doing nothing sounds horrible to me. The idea of my daily routine becoming so predictably mundane sounds like Hell. I’m not saying retiring is a bad thing, but the slow pace retirement we’re often presented with feels like murder.

-The more you give, the more you receive in all aspects of your life, but be sure to take care of yourself too.

Being a helpful person if very rewarding, especially when it comes with no ties or catches, but if you’re sacrificing your health & wellness to save someone else’s over & over again you’re going to crash & burn. Being a giving person is a beautiful thing but don’t give all of your energy & light away! Don’t forget you’re worthy of it too!

-If you are someone in a position of power; socially, financially, from a cooperate standpoint, etc, it is your responsibly to stand up & speak up for those farther down the ladder than you.

Hi, music industry, looking at you! I have so many friend, colleagues, whatever what all share so many of the same stories. One of the people we know ends up “making it” & all of the sudden they’re a ghost. Of course they fake niceties to you at the supermarket & ask to hear what you’re working on but how many of them actually help the next people in line? This isn’t just the music biz either, there are so many instances I’ve seen of people too selfish or self absorbed in the “me, me, me” of it all they leave other deserving people behind or they vote in favor of themselves instead of the less fortunate or they trample all over people on their way up the ladder. Don’t be like those people, I’ll do my best not to be.

-Your home is meant to be personal, fill it with the things you love & the things that feel like you.

Woof, we spent a lot of time in our homes over the span of 2020 & boy did my home begin to not feel like my own. I was never one to really invest in decor, to put stock in the little kitchity things that fulled the nooks & crannies of my dwelling but the longer I stuck tether to this abode, the more I feel passionately that it should reflect me as a person. The more I personalize my house with quirky things that bring me little sparks of joy the more at home I feel & in turn the more comfortable with myself I become. Having an outward expression of what lies beneath helps to solidify the feeling of self.

-Extend joy & love outwards, always, but for God’s sake extend it back to yourself as well.

Is there a greater emotion than joy? Is there a greater feeling than love? No. I’ll answer for you & the answer is no. People often reflect back when they’re presented so why not look for a little bit of love to be sent your way. I am someone who has a very difficult time with self love, I was raised in a world where pride was the greatest sin one could commit & where self betterment was contrary to God. I struggle desperately to show myself love & that also stems from me feeling like no one could possibly love the person that I am underneath. Fortunately I’m working on that & you should too but the best way to receive love & joy is to give it!

-We give far too much of our energy to the past (grievances, trauma, etc) & the future (worry, anxieties, anticipation) never living in the moment & being present.

I mentioned this a little above, but how can you expect to be present when you’re constantly worried about the future or constantly stuck reliving the past? We get into these patterns of life where we do the same old things over & over always anxious over the future when in reality we’ve already written it. How can you expect your future to change when there’s no differential in your present? Thats the same as the definition of insanity; doing the same thing over & over again & expecting a different result.

-Not enough people read or actively do things to expand their minds anymore.

The number of people I know that actively read has got to be around 10% at max. No joke. No one reads anymore & those that do often don’t read about anything new. The read something in the same genre or topic as they always do. They read strictly non-fiction or fiction. They limit their world view to whatever they’ve deemed legible & don’t try to expand outwards from there. In a similar vein to many people go to the same vacation spots, the same restaurants, do the same things, hang out with the same people, etc. We grow & adapt from changing situations. It also does wonders for your ability to empathize which we are severely lack in.

Blog: The 28 Lessons I Learned From My 28th Year (List)

The 28 Lessons I Learned From My 28th Year

(In No Particular Order)

-We’re all a whole lot more connected than we think.

-It’s okay to let go of hope for an apology you may never receive. (See Blog)

-A lot of the world’s problems could be solved with a little less selfishness.

-You’ll never have the answers to everything & there’s beauty in that.

-Money is a resource, it carries no charge or intent.

-Held anger, resentment, or disappointment fester & manifests physically.

-You are enough just as you are in this moment.

-Paint your nails, wear the dress, be authentically you. (See Blog)

-Working out your mind is just as, if not more important, than working out your body.

-We don’t give ourselves nearly enough grace.

-Life is meant to be spent living, not sat at a desk.

-If it takes 60 seconds or less do it immediately.

-You don’t need a special occasion to treat yourself or those around you.

-Stop calling them cheat meals, it promotes shame.

-Never feel bad or guilty for spending money on the things or the people you love.

-Taking the time to clear your mind of the BS on a day to day basis does wonders for your creativity & your mental health.

-If you wouldn't stand up for yourself why would you expect someone else to?

-You never know who needs a bit of daily encouragement or kindness; have patience & be compassionate.

-You will never know the degree to which someone has or has not suffered in their life or which engrained systems have suppressed them. Stop telling them they’re wrong for feeling the way they do.

-The eyes are truly the windows to the soul, masks proved that.

-We live in a system that puts profits over people…but you knew that.

-Conventional retirement sounds like a nightmare, quarantine proves that.

-The more you give, the more you receive in all aspects of your life, but be sure to take care of yourself too.

-If you are someone in a position of power; socially, financially, from a cooperate standpoint, etc, it is your responsibly to stand up & speak up for those farther down the ladder than you.

-Your home is meant to be personal, fill it with the things you love & the things that feel like you.

-Extend joy & love outwards, always, but for God’s sake extend it back to yourself as well.

-We give far too much of our energy to the past (grievances, trauma, etc) & the future (worry, anxieties, anticipation) never living in the moment & being present.

-Not enough people read or actively do things to expand their minds anymore.

Blog: Yeah, I Guess I'm A Red State Blueneck.

Earlier this week the social media platform Tik Tok shot another independent artist’s song up the charts premiering it at #1 in all of country music & #4 in all music charts on iTunes. This time, however, I had the privilege of knowing one of the writers, Nell Maynard. Nell is a frequent co-writer & friend of mine & I honestly couldn’t be happier for her & this major win! The song in question is called “Blueneck” performed by Chris Housman, written by Housman, Maynard, & Tommy Kratzert, & produced by Kratzert & Matt Geroux. If you haven’t hear it I’ll attach it below, definitely give it a listen:

Music video for Chris Housman's new country song "Blueneck" (2021). Listen to the TikTok star his latest original song here!https://www.tiktok.com/@chrishous...

The song, if you didn’t click the above link, details what it’s like being a liberal redneck, or as the term has been coined here, a blueneck & I think its success out the gate is no accident. You see there are a lot of us in this world & in this industry who love country music but don’t align with the often bigoted stereotype that comes along with it. I think when you tell someone you work, listen to, perform, or write country music there’s a certain assumption that comes up in their mind around your political beliefs or the way you view human rights issues when for the most part, especially amongst the younger country music industry itself, that narrative is false. We as liberal fans & creators of the genre have been mostly excluded from the narrative of country music in favor of party songs about trucks & beer or loud boasting right leaning artists so much so that the stigma remains regarding country music but dear lord is this a much needed breath of fresh air.

I grew up loving country music of the late 90s, 00s, & 10s (up to a point) where I found grounding & representation in the stories being told. At a certain point, that shifted. We went from heartbreak ballads & story songs to just straight up Yee Yee or songs without purpose. I often find it ironic when ‘country purists” say pop country is killing country music when in reality pop country is one of the few forms of country that is maintaining the heart of country music, which boils doing to telling an honest story. Within the last year especially it seems the gates of relatable storytelling are once again being blown wide open in favor of demographics that are typically not represented in country.

I think it is worth noting that Housman is an out, gay country artist (as is Nell). Hailing from Kansas, much like myself, Chris embodies the country lifestyle & legacy & is more than worthy of inclusion in this genre. However, I fear that much like Mickey Guyton, Chris will face adversity simply for being who he is. As much as it pains me to admit, country still has a lot of gate keepers in the industry & in the fan base lest be forget the attempted “cancellation” of Little Big Town’s “Girl Crush.” Housman’s story is one that so many living in rural America face, we’re often forced to blend in or fake who we are as a survival tactic or we’re forced to alter parts of ourselves simply to fit in. That’s precisely why this song debuted at #1. This song blew up because so many people out there, like myself, like Chris, like Nell, feel exactly like this song’s album cover; we are little dots of blue swimming in a sea of red.

Think I’m even the slightest bit wrong? Go read the comment section on the link I inserted. Go to Chris’s Tik Tok & read the comments on the video he posted for the song. Go look at his instagram story. There is an overwhelming amount of people who didn’t know how badly they needed this song to validate who they are, to show them that they’re not wrong, that they’re just as valid in country music as their redneck counterparts. Country music is changing, quickly. This is evidence & a half of that, just like Guyton’s “Black Like Me” or Maren’s “Better Than We Found It” show. I for one can’t wait to see the direction it’s heading & hope to be a active part of the change as well! Until then I guess I’m a red state blueneck.

Congrats to all involved in this song! I’ll post the lyrics below so you all can give them a read!

Grew up with cornfields in every direction That's where I learned all of my lessons About life and living without fences In the land of the free to have opinions If you gotta job, you oughta make a living George Straight or George Gay, there's no difference People need help and I think that we should listen Three chords and my truth is I'm a good ole boy with a bleeding heart Just a homegrown hick with a hybrid car I think y'all means all and I know we all Just wanna know that we belong There's a lot more color in the mix Whеn you're loud and proud out in the sticks I am what I am, you get what you gеt Yeah, I guess I'm a red state Blueneck My American dream is wide open spaces Plenty of room for us all to be safe in Yeah, that's a future that I'm chasing So I'm gonna go make it I'm a good ole boy with a bleeding heart Just a homegrown hick with a hybrid car I think y'all means all and I know we all Just wanna know that we belong There's a lot more color in the mix When you're loud and proud out in the sticks I am what I am, you get what you get Yeah, I guess I'm a red state Blueneck Yeah, I'm a red state Blueneck Can a country kid wanna see the glass ceiling shatter? Wanna see a world where Black Lives Matter Liberty and Justice for just some of us Ain't how the heartland brought me up I'm a good ole boy with a bleeding heart Just a homegrown hick with a hybrid car I think y'all means all and I know we all Just wanna know that we belong There's a lot more color in the mix When you're loud and proud out in the sticks I am what I am, you get what you get Yeah, I guess I'm a red state Blueneck Yeah, I'm a red state Blueneck Yeah, I'm a red state Blueneck

Blog: *Insert Number* Hard Challenge

I’m not sure if any of you have heard of the 75 hard challenge, it was a daily challenge proposed by Andy Fricella. It isn’t exactly a diet plan or a fitness plan, though that is a part of it, instead it is branded as a test of mental fortitude. The rules of the challenge are as follows.

• Follow one diet plan of your choosing (no alcohol & no cheat meals allowed)

• Two 45 daily workouts (one must be outdoors)

• Take one daily progress picture

• Read ten pages of a non-fiction self improvement book per day

• Take a daily 5 minute cold shower

• Intake one gallon of water per day

While I won’t go into the logistics of why I don’t think the 75 hard or for that matter Whole 30 lead to positive life changes or permanent ones, I will admit the challenge has its merits.

A few friends of mine have taken the challenge & completed it in its entirety & while I’m sure most would attest that they don’t regret the experience it’s not something they’re actively looking to undertake again. I aimed to create it in a better form, in a manner that personalizes the experience for me while creating lifestyle change that I could use moving forward.

As many of you can probably tell from a lot of my previous blogs I eat paleo quite often, following more of the primal side of the diet. One of the beauties of paleo/primal is that it has room for forgiveness asking you to partake in it 80-85% of the time instead of forever making you long for the foods you love but can no longer consume. Paleo also has the benefit of allowing some alcohols but those derived from paleo approved sources which for a wine lover like me is a major win. My modification of the 75 hard challenge follows the diet of my choice, paleo, with the inclusion of two cheat meals & the occasional bottle of wine or cocktail.

The next aspect of the challenge is the physical side of it. 45 minutes, twice a day. An hour & a half total. Every. Single. Day. Y’all that’s just downright unhealthy. Your body needs rest, it needs time to heal. I know training hard leads to amazing results but there has to be a conscious effort into maintaining the body involved as well. My modification; seven & a half to eight hours of exercise per week. It allows you to workout hard for longer amounts of time while still allowing yourself & your body to rest periodically, to take a day off. The 75 hard challenge would tell us that resting would require us to restart the challenge, I would rather you come out the other side a healthy, happy human.

I’m just going to outright tell you I don’t do the progress pics. I think looking for progress day to day to day minimizes the growth you’re actually achieving. It’s also an easy way to get discouraged. Not looking different enough from the day before or the week before is what leads so many into self deprecating habits or toxic mindsets. Your body fluctuates 5-10 pounds a week anyway in addition to the fact that working out is literally tearing down muscle to rebuild it. You’re going to look “more cut” & less so from day to day, documenting such doesn’t feel like a healthy way of viewing that.

I started this challenge with the thought of making the reading 10 pages of anything. I think I’m sticking to that. We as humans don’t read enough. I would say out of the people I know only about 5-10% of them actively read books. That’s sad. I think if a challenge incorporates reading in any form & gets people to actually read then it’s a win in my book (see what I did there?) Read what you’re passionate about, it doesn’t have to be the book that makes you realize you have too many attachments or that you have the ability to be superhuman or manifest money. Read what you love, it’ll improve your brain & open up your mind, screw the requirements.

Honestly, I didn’t know that the shower was part of the challenge. I may have to throw that in haha. I mean at the end of the day cold showers have a lot of very great health benefits! It raises your metabolism, it increases your circulations, it boosts immune function, it reduces muscle soreness, & the list goes on & on. I know it may not be for everyone but I think I’ll actually incorporate it slowly, dropping the temperature over the duration of the shower instead of taking the polar plunge every single day.

A daily gallon of water is a great goal to strive for! Sometimes though a gallon of water can be too much or even too little depending on how much you weigh. I think the typical rule of thumb is that you’re supposed to drink half your body weigh in ounces but you also have to be careful not to dilute yourself. Adding a little sodium to your first glass can help to prevent that or even drinking something else with a little bit of electrolytes will do the trick!

In addition to these changes I’ve taken it upon myself to add in two more daily challenges.

• Something Creative/Journeling

• Meditation

Your something creative can be anything. It can be painting, writing, designing, playing an instrument, creating a floral arrangement, trying/coming up with a new recipe, just something that engages that left hemisphere of your brain. I often find myself getting frustrated as a songwriter because I can’t tap into my creativity when I want to. This is a good way to flex that mental muscle & establish the neuroplasticity to make your creativity an easy asset to call upon. I also count journaling under this daily task. I think journaling can take a few very helpful forms & often helps clear away the fog hiding all of your great ideas from you. Just journaling about your day, about what’s weighing on your mind or heart, about emotional baggage you’re still holding onto can make all the difference. Likewise writing poetry or a short story helps to get the juices flowing & stretch your creative neural pathways.

The last addition is meditation. Much like reading I think too few people actively practice meditation. Meditation is not just some mystic Buddhist art it is a way of centering yourself. Of coming back to the now & helping to experience your life as it happens. Too often we’re anxious about the unknown future or depressed about the past that way or the way things have change, meditation’s goal is to recenter you in time & in yourself. It is the inner work that we all should be doing. It is the quieting of the mind that allows our problems & areas of weakness to rise up so that we may look at them in a new light, dissect & transform them so that we can let the past, the future, the whatever go & simply be. I have found in the last two weeks of daily meditation that my joy & energy are elevated, my anxiety & depression have almost faded completely, & I am an all around more fun person to be around. If meditation is a new experience to you I highly recommend Headspace on Netflix, they also have an app!

The final step of my “…whatever” hard challenge is forgiveness. This is the key. Forgiveness. There are going to be days where accomplishing all of these things is impossible. There are going to be weeks you don’t meet you exercise goal or don’t read enough & y’all, that’s okay. Really. The difference is that you forgive, let it go, & try to do better the next day or the next week because that’s how we grow. That’s how we become better, not by hard restriction & rule, but by freedom & grace. I don’t want this life style change to be something I do for a month & a half then abandon, I want lasting change. I know, much like the 75 hard challenge isn’t for me, that this might not be for you & you may need to make your own modifications to it, but if you want to change your life for the better there are healthy ways to do it. Do what works for you, what makes you feel fulfilled, what makes you happy, healthy & expands your brain. Hold yourself accountable; set reminders on your phone, set a calendar on your fridge, try it with a friend or loved one. Do something that keeps you on track & keeps you motivated. I can honestly say in the week or two I’ve been doing this my life is improved; I’m sleeping better, I have so much more energy, so much clearer skin, my chronic allergies are hardly noticeable to me. I feel great & I want you to as well. So take the challenge! Make up your own, make it practical, & make your life as you want it to be because you deserve it!

Much Love,

C

Blog: A Year Of COVID & The Lesson Within

Well. Here we are. A year later & still, we’re here…well, at least many of us are.

I was talking with my friend Lindsay the other day & she brought up a time during the first two weeks of quarantine in which I offhandedly made a comment something to the effect of making plans for when life goes back to normal in just a couple of weeks, little did I know just how wrong I was. I guess hindsight is 20/20 but man, has it been a year.

I entered quarantine on March 12th, 2020 as many of us did, fully expecting life to be back to normal by April. I couldn’t have imagined a year later finally, just now, getting glimpses of the light at the end of this miserable, virus laced tunnel. I guess that’s a clear sign that fortune telling isn’t my calling.

Pre-quarantine I’d planned out my year right up until about midsummer. I was planning to fly to Barcelona in order to premiere “Obliterated” with Hektor Mass, I was in the studio, in the middle of recording “When He Was Me,” & had planned a post-Stagecouch radio tour for the UK in late April/Early May. Needless to say none of these things ended up happening. I’ll be honest though, I held out hope for those last two, especially in the early days, but blatant government mismanagement quickly put an end to those plans. I really didn’t mind the first two weeks of this whole mess. It felt like a little vacation, a respite that the entire world was taking together, a massive global inhale. I think things changed around the time of my 28th birthday. April 16th.

I’ve always been of a mind that we as humans should celebrate the anniversary of our own births joyously; doing the things that make us happy despite exterior input or perceived extravagance. I tell my friends often to celebrate their birthdays by doing something they’d be thrilled to do alone & if others choose to join & be a part of that, great! If not, then your day is still your own & yours to celebrate however you see fit. I was incapable of doing what I wanted for mine this last year but fortunately I am surrounded by a lot of amazing people who threw me an incredible virtual birthday despite the circumstances. At the time I was doing daily “silver-linings,” essentially little videos I’d post on my instagram story that were meant to put a little bit of hope back into a wildly uncertain world. Eventually those faded out, not out of lack of desire to create them but more out of fatigue & in my mind, lack of visible hope.

This past year hit me hard. Luckily I have been fortunate enough not to have lost anyone near & dear to me as so many have but as someone who has struggled their entire adult life with depression, things really haven’t been easy. Where a lot of people were able to continue working virtually, I had been doing supplemental work in person, a job I could no longer do. In addition to that, the job I’m passionate about, music, came to a screeching halt. All the progress & momentum I felt I had made or was making felt like it’d been thrown out the window. On top of all of that I found myself in the high risk category for COVID, having spent the last year & a half dealing with respiratory issues so my options for work were limited, further so perpetuated by the surmounting unemployment crisis we’re facing in this country.

It’s hard to find inspiration as a songwriter in a life without novelty buried in the monotony of it all. It’s hard to get up every day to the same Groundhog’s Day hellscape & try to force inspiration & drive. Coasting becomes your default, simple tasks being to feel like unscalable mountains, & your life becomes a stagnant void where you always feel like you’re just sitting around waiting on your life to begin all the while aging. Harder still is watching how truly selfish some of your peers can be. So many continued life as if nothing was happening; people played shows, went to massive get togethers, went out, all while completely ignoring CDC guidelines that could have helped return life to normal for all of us long ago. Trust me when I say, those of us who have been doing out best day to day will remember who you are.

COVID has shown a light on just how much some member of our society just don’t give a shit about others. This was further magnified in the wake of the Black Lives Matter movement that happened over the summer & the divisive at best November election season. We talk a lot about how much we care for those around us or practice religions where that is one of the core tenets but when it really comes down to it we have a massive shortage of empathy & compassion. For me the last year has proven that ten fold.

We have to be better. We have to see the struggling, the hurt, the disenfranchised, those without privilege, or those at high risk of whatever (not just COVID) & put our selfishness aside to truly help out “the least of these.” This pandemic & the last year have provided ample opportunity for that & we as a society have fallen short time & time again. Even within the last week & the surmounting hate against those in our asian communities, we have fallen short. It’s disheartening, it’s frustrating, & it’s down right infuriating. I hope we will do better. I hope on the other side of COVID-19 lies a brighter world & I guess in the end that’s what I’m holding out hope for. We have to be the change we want to see, the burden doesn’t fall on others. I choose to see the message that the divine has nailed into our heads all year long & accept the challenge. Will you do the same?

Blog: What Is Grief If Not Love Persevering?

Don’t worry, don’t worry. I’m not here to spoil the ending of WandaVision for you all, nor am I here really to review the show either. In reality I wanted to talk about something very much outside of the show itself. If you haven’t been watching WandaVision, Disney+’s excellent show about Wanda Maximoff & her endless grief you’re seriously missing out, especially if you’re someone who claims to be a Marvel fan. I know a lot of us, myself included, weren’t exactly hype over the reality bending sitcom that the show initially presented itself as but boy was I wrong to feel as such. You see, the MCU aside, WandaVision paints a very interesting picture of how we as humans (or super humans) handle grief.

(MCU Post Avengers: Endgame Spoilers To Follow)

At the end of Avengers: Endgame we are left in the fallout of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes having to sacrifice a great deal to save the universe at large from Thanos & his plan to (successfully) wipe out half of all life in the universe. A study of grief & loss in it of itself especially the first act or so, Endgame concludes with the funeral of Tony Stark & the retirement of Captain America, the respective friends & families of whom are left to mourn on their own as they go their separate ways. Each of these groups of individuals have their own support systems in place to help their grief & consul them with the exception of Wanda who after losing her love, Vision, in Infinity War is left with no one. Truly no one. And there in lies the true tragedy of Wanda Maximoff.

Wanda is an outsider to the rest of the Avengers at the best of times. Entering the MCU as a follower of Ultron, Wanda reluctantly becomes an Avenger with a little talking up from Hawkeye before losing her brother, Pietro, in the ensuing battle. At this point in the timeline Wanda has known her fair share of grief. Having grown up in war torn Sakovia, Wanda & Pietro lost their parents to violence at an early age. Following the Age of Ultron Wanda is inducted into the Avengers & basically becomes the linchpin that the events of Civil War revolve around. She is tossed in the middle of a conflict by people who treat her as an outsider, as someone who doesn’t entirely belong. Only Vision, a fish out of water himself, seems to care to show Wanda genuine kindness & humanity.

Why do I tell you all of this? Why give you the MCU wiki page on Wanda for the purpose of discussing grief? Because perspective is important, as is recollection. If you’re an avid MCU watcher you’ve no doubt noticed Wanda being sequestered to being a side character throughout the films despite her overall importance to the plot of each film she is featured in. I think this is intentional. She is meant to feel alone, isolated, because that is what she is. Wanda is a tragic character destined for misunderstanding & that is why taking the time, as Marvel/Disney+ have done, to give her breathing character moments is so important & relatable.

Wanda’s grief is poignant to us because she is forced to save face & continue foraging through her life without taking the time to offload the accumulating grief & pain she is baring. She is forced to be strong, to be an Avenger because people are afraid & don’t know how to handle her emotions & her sadness. Wanda is forced to carry these things on her own until she cracks, until she can no longer hold it in any longer & has to find some way of coping with her sorrow in a manner most would deem unhealthy.

So often we do exactly this; we don’t make the time or have the energy or the support systems in place to allow ourselves to truly face the things the are weighing us down. We mask our pain, we bottle it up, we let the rot fester until it consumes us because we decide that’s easier on our peers than honesty. We don’t want to inconvenience people or come of as weak so instead we self destruct. This is beautiful illustrated in WandaVision. Wanda had no one left to turn to, no one left to hold her & consul her so she creates them. She fell down the rabbit hole into a fantasy that ended up doing harm to those who happened to be caught in her orbit simply by proximity.

Gah, there’s another statement to be said here about the ending of this series but I won’t spoil it, especially since we’re still within 24 hours of it having dropped.

We have to be more self aware, we have to give ourselves more grace & love. We have to recognize the signs that tell us to stop & grieve; to process the emotions & trauma we are going through because if we don’t, no one will. The world will just keep chugging onward piling on new experiences & fresher wounds that just stack on top of the ones we haven’t taken the time to heal until we can no longer take it & we break. We have to show ourselves a little of the love we’ve lost along the way because as Vision so beautifully stats, “what is grief if not love persevering?”

WandaVision is a beautiful look at the consequences of grief avoided. It sees the beauty in the sadness & illuminates pain in a way that is relatable to all. Give it a watch & don’t forget to check in on yourself from time to time.

Blog: Representation In Country Music

I’m not sure if you followed the news coming out of Nashville this past week but for those of you that may have missed it, something revolutionary happened on Wednesday. In a Time Magazine article that dropped around 10 AM Eastern on Wednesday TJ Osborne, of The Brothers Osborne, came out as gay making him the first openly gay major label country artist.

Here’s the article in question, it’s definitely worth the read:

This is a significant milestone in country music for a few reason not the least of these being that almost a decade & a half prior Shelly Fairchild, a Sony signed artist at the time, was dropped by her label because it got leaked to them that she was lesbian.

Shelly commented on Wednesday’s events in an instagram post here:

While I viewed mostly overwhelming support for TJ’s bravery from folks of all walks from around the internet I began to notice a few comments that sought to diminish the effects of truly what he had done. I’m sure a lot of these comments were well meaning but there were a large cluster of comments similar to the following:

“Who cares what he does behind doors, it doesn’t effect their music.”

or

“I’m straight! See, nobody cares. Why do we feel the need to announce this to the world.”

I think TJ himself diminishes the impact that his actions have had & how they will ripple throughout all of history going forward. He mentions in the article that part of the reason he felt he needed to make his sexuality public was that people might think it odd if he were to just show up at an awards show with a male date. His actions, however, cannot be overstated. What TJ has done is open doors for LGBTQ country artists that were previously sealed pretty tight simply because they didn’t fit the mold of “Straight, White, Cis Male.”

I’ll be the first to admit our genre of music has a historically conservative audience; hell I myself have battled with that in the past being a fairly liberal, all accepting human. It’s still hard to carve out a niché as an artist of color, it’s still hard to get “unique” sounds & stories to mainstream radio & labels, & it’s even still incredibly hard for female artists to make it in Nashville but this is progress is being made in the right direction. Country is not a genre limited to the white yokel, despite what stereotypes would say. Some of the biggest country fans I’ve ever met are people of color or members of the alphabet mafia & their stories deserve a platform to be shared as well. It’s clear Nashville is, at the very least, attempting to make steps in the right direction; embracing TJ & signing/promoting artists like Mickey Guyton, Jimmie Allen, & Willie Jones but there still seems to be some major resistance to change. For every black artist or female artist signed there seems to be five white male artists signed. It almost feels like the industry is trying to counter balance or compensate. And I will admit as a straight passing, cis, white male I’m a part of the problem, but I choose to be part of the solution.

This industry needs to be more open to change, more open to different stories being told because dear lord am I tired of the truck/beer/party songs. Country music deserves to be an ever evolving story told by a beautiful mélange of people from completely different walks of life instead of the same damn things over & over again. People are starved for representation in their media, they’re starving for someone who looks like them or has the same sexuality, gender identity, etc. to say that you can do this too, that this can be their dream as well. That their stories have value & are equally important to the culture at large. It deserves to appeal to a mass audience, not just the rural white American. Country music deserves to evolve just as the listener base has, it deserves to be a platform where everyone can tell their stories, not just the privileged. TJ’s openness & the acceptance of said openness is definitely a step in the right direction but we still have a long, long way to go. Representation matters. Openness matters. And the continued acceptance of both matters. We must continue to do better.

Blog: Reclaiming My Creativity & Reclaiming My Voice

I know, I know. I’m a day late on this one.

Apologies.

I, of late, have found myself bumping into limitation. Whether it’s limitation around the current state of the industry/the world, limitation around the things I think I are feasible, or limitation around when I feel talented or have a free flow of creativity; I keep finding myself hitting walls.

Now I’m quite certain a lot of these are limitations self imposed by my own mind, by my own subconscious because I had the man in the mirror telling me I wasn't enough. He would say that I wasn't rich enough, wasn’t connected enough, wasn’t related to the right people or that I couldn’t write good enough songs, couldn’t sing well enough, didn’t have the right charisma to find success in the music industry. And quite frankly that’s all a load of horse shit.

I began going into writes & going into studio sessions putting immense pressure on myself to “perform.” I thought I had to come up with the most cleaver lyrics, the greatest hooks, but every time I went to write I felt like the song I wanted to write was locked away from me on the other side of an invisible barrier. I felt I couldn’t access the parts of my brain I wanted & it became so insanely frustrating.

I will admit that part of my issue, specifically when it came to the pressure I was putting on myself around vocal performance came from being on the flip side of several months therapy for vocal cord dysfunction. I felt like I’d lost my voice, like every noise that came out of my throat was pure, stinking garbage because once again, comparison was the thief of my joy…a common theme in my life. So, much like Irma S. Rombauer had to do for cooking, I had to rediscover the joy of singing.

What had once been a liberating platform for which I could openly express emotion & passion had become the thing I dreaded most. I hated the sound of my voice on recording, I hate the way I thought I sounded in a mic, so I barely sang for about a year because doing so filled me with nothing but shame, defeat, & terror.

I honestly have two things to thank for my vocal recovery, outside of therapy. Greg Breal, a dear friend of mine who became my vocal coach & musical theater. It’s odd, rediscovering something, especially when that something has been such a pivotal point in your life but it’s really a lot like having coffee with an old friend; the foundation, love, & admiration are there but you’re seeing it all in a new light, through a different lens, & with new, completely separate life experiences under your belt.

I started singing because of music theater. I started my music career on a stage telling stories through music. That’s what led me to country music, a genre that, used to at least, be about telling stories through music. The reason music theater became my beacon once again was due to COVID. I found myself, as many of us did, trying to fill the time we had while trapped inside, so I began rewatching musicals. (You can probably thank Hamilton for that desire.) Rewatching naturally shifted to going back to soundtracks which led me naturally to Wicked.

…I actually think it was Tik Tok that led me back to Wicked thanks to illegal recordings of Jessica Vosk belting her face off during her tenure as Elphaba on Broadway. At any rate Defying Gravity, as it always does, got stuck in my head. The line I found myself repeating over & over & over was:

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap!

It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

I couldn’t escape it. I couldn’t get it out of my head for the life of me, I think there was a reason behind that. I took the song to Greg in the summer, where I’d been singing pop, country, & originals with him, I decided to try music theater one week. I decided to sing Defying Gravity. Greg loved it. He told me it was the freest, most passionate he’d heard me sing in a long time so I ran with it. I began playing piano singing it, singing it in the shower, while washing my hands, in the car, but I strangely never listened to it, I let it become my own living with the lyrics & feeling its energy.

From there it went from “On My Own” & “I Dreamed A Dream” from Les Mis (a show I actually loathe) to “Go The Distance” from Hercules to “Out There” from Hunchback of Notre Dame (a seriously underrated Disney movie.) Then Folklore came out.

I am unabashedly a Swiftie, I think Taylor is one of the greatest songwriters out there & I think she has navigated the music industry magnificently. Folklore was an album that at its core was minimalist. It was often piano, vocal, guitar, & drums with a tiny bit of production & that made it extremely accessibly to me, the quarantined singer-songwriter. I could probably sit at my piano & play you the entirety of Folklore in my own keys.

I was sitting there plunking on the keys one day when I realized something. I was humming. I was audibly making music with my voice subconsciously, something I hadn’t done in months. I had done it. I had reclaimed my voice, I had grown accustomed to its new way of opportunity, to its new life. I began recording again, I began releasing music again, I began posting videos again. The progress was slow & I am still learning & adapting but I’m finally back to loving my gifts & the music I can make with them.

I want to backtrack a wee bit to talk about writing. Yes, I am still writing & yes, a lot of the songs I’ve written recently are songs I’m very proud of because I’ve realized the only thing limiting me was myself. The only thing restricting the ideas I had & the words I wrote was myself. Much like my journey with my voice, I am reclaiming my creativity, becoming more comfortable in the unknown, & becoming reinvigorated knowing I can write kickass songs. I started journaling daily, creative writing, free writing, whatever. Just getting ideas out. I started to write out the restrictions in my life; what I was afraid of, who I was angry at, what I was holding onto that it was okay to acknowledge & let go of. I found peace & granted myself forgiveness & grace & almost immediately the ideas started pouring back into my brain.

I’m still grappling with my fears especially when it comes to solo writing but I’ve decided it’s time to move on. It’s time to be a confident human who deserves success, who deserves a flourishing career in this industry. I’ve decided I am an amazing vocalist, an incredible songwriter, & a worthy artist. I am worthy of my dreams, of my talents, now I just have to get out of my own way & let them shine. I am limitless, & strong, & more than capable. Yes, something has changed within me & something is truly not the same. I’m so over playing by the rules of what someone else or what I say should limit me.

It’s time I try defying gravity.

Blog: It’s Okay To Give Up On The Apology You May Never Get

Hi folk!

Interesting topic for this week’s blog, no? I’m sure the title put some people on edge before I’d even began but I felt compelled to write about this, this week. I actually started jotting down ideas for this blog throughout my week as I’ve been reading more introspective literature & doing more personal evaluation all in the name of trying to clear the debris that’s gotten in the way of my creative processes especially when it comes to writing. As I’ve stated before in blogs, specifically those regarding the state of the world or the way people treat other people, I have often found myself dwelling on anger. Not an emotion or a feeling I typically enjoy & usually, despite my sign (Aries), something I maintain fairly well outside of the flashes that occasionally arise in me. I was angry & I couldn’t for the life of me pinpoint what was causing it.

I’ve been doing quite a bit of journaling, answering some difficult questions about myself; the emotions & memories that live inside of me, amongst other things. I was prompted one afternoon to answer the following question:

“Why Are You Angry?”

My first response was “psh, I’m not!” That was a lie. You see, deep down I had this building, nagging rage that I couldn’t explain & really sitting & reflecting upon this question brought me to the realization that I was angry. In fact very much so.

The next prompt was:

“Is there anything you haven’t forgiven yourself or someone else for?”

That’s when it struck me.

You see I’d been dwelling upon this desire, this festering, insistent desire that I knew was farfetched at the best of times & was ultimately bogging me down. I was waiting for an apology that knew I will probably never receive. That’s a hard thing to live with, especially if that person is no longer in your life & even more so if that person is still a constant in your life but nonetheless we all still live with it.

We’re all human, we all make mistakes, we all hurt each other & sometimes we don’t realize the extent to which we’ve done damage to another person. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’ve done anything wrong. And that’s where this gets tough. It’s one thing entirely to ignore the pain you’ve caused someone out of pride or spite, it’s another thing entirely to be completely oblivious to it. But it doesn’t matter.

Let me say that again, it. doesn’t. matter. Bottling hurt helps no one, it benefits no one, the only thing that it does is harm you. Holding onto hurt leaves a piece of you in the past, it holds you back from growth & from realizing your true potential. Sometimes you just have to let it go.

There is peace in that, forgiveness. There is light, unfettered freedom. I’m not saying you have to ignore what someone has done to you, but I am saying that you can give yourself permission to let it go, to let bygones be bygones. I know that sometimes we so desperately just want someone to say “I’m sorry” for them to do the bare minimum & acknowledge what they’ve done but when everything in your gut is telling you that it’s never going to happen what good does it do to hold onto that distain?

I just wanted to come on here tonight & much like Elsa give you permission to let it go. To start a fresh, new day & be at peace. Acknowledge the pain, dissect it, but don’t keep holding onto it. You deserve better than that, you’re worthy of feeling better than that. So just let it go. I know it’s not always that simple but it is. It’s okay to say “thank you for protecting me, for making me feel like I’m deserving of an apology but you’ve surpassed your usefulness in my life & in my mind, but it’s time for me to let it go.”

You’re worthy of being at peace, of feeling light & unrestrained. Love yourself enough to see that.

Blog: Wear The Dress

Self confidence is a lot like a day at the river. Some people are fearless, swinging gallantly into the current without a care in the world. Others of us are a little more timid, entering the water one step at a time, carefully calculating each submerged rock, cranny, & finding footing before we shift our weight & commit to the step. Then, there are those who spend their whole lives sat on the banks, never knowing the joy they miss, always wondering what might be.

My first thought in making this analogy was to make it about a pool; same concept, different aptitudes. The reason I chose the river over the pool boils down to one thing. The current. You see a pool has minimal current at best while a river has the potential to sweep you off your feet & carry you away. A river has a higher threshold for fear & therefore is something we deem to be more dangerous. You see those who would deter you from entering a pool are few & far between (that is unless you’ve got your phone in your pocket or it simply isn’t the time for swimming.) Where as those who fear the current more readily voice their opinions & hesitations.

So how does this all relate? What does this have to do with my title, “Wear The Dress?” Allow me to explain. You see, a few months ago something entered the collective consciousness of American society that I feel has yet to have fully exit its media cycle; Harry Styles wore a dress on the cover of Vogue magazine. For whatever reason a lot of right-wing pendants were infuriated by this & became all up in arms about “the fall of masculinity” & the “loss of manly men.” Notice how I said American society above, majority of other countries couldn’t have cared less. I, myself, was so blown away by the sheer stupidity of this backlash that I went out & made a post in solidarity with Styles where I myself wore a dress.

See below:

Before you come for me, yes, I know that Harry is not the first man to wear a dress for a photoshoot, that’s part of why the controversy is so outlandish. I also understand that this look is not for everyone & you know what? THAT’S OKAY!!!!! But isn’t it incredible to be able to have the freedom to express oneself outside the confines of the status quo in a manner that does literally no harm to anyone else?

I’m sure if you’ve made it this far into the blog you’re beginning to ask yourself, “what’s the point?” I’m getting there I promise, but pretext is important. You see there’s a really lovely quote that Rick Barker, Taylor Swift’s former manager says when he’s dealing with artist that I think applies perfectly lot life as well. It follows:

“I have artists that come to me every day asking me to make them the next Taylor Swift & I tell them no. Not because I don’t think I couldn’t do it but because there’s already a Taylor Swift who is doing the best “Taylor Swift” that anyone out there is going to do. So you go do the best “you” that you can do, because there’s no one out there who is going to do a better “you” than you can.”

— Rick Barker

We are each unique in our own way, the status quo is just an illusion, it is a prison that restricts us. It keeps us from being who we so desperately know we are & want to be. It is the naysayers sat on the bank telling you you’ll never survive the current because you dare to be different from them, you dare to live freely & express yourself boldly without limitation. The dress is not for everyone but then again neither are blue jeans, neither are painted nails or certain lengths or styles of hair but if that’s what makes you, you & makes you feel the most you then by all means wear them & wear them boldly. I understand that to a lot of us these little things are the great plunge from the rope swing into the river so I would challenge you to find your wading steps. Paint one nail, wear it out, see how you feel. Remember that bravery is not always grandiose & brazen nor will you always feel comfortable in your bolder steps but give yourself the patience to live in them & accept them as a part of yourself if you so feel they are.

Don’t for a second think that this is limited to your outward appearance or your public presentation either; your inner machinations are just as important, if not more so than the statements you provide externally. Love who you love, unapologetically! Stand up for what you believe is right. But at the end of the day be sure to check in on yourself, be honest & vulnerable, don’t judge the things you find based on how the world tells you that you should. You are enough, you have always been. You have everything you need contained inside the vessel you inhabit & that is beautiful, powerful, & inspiring. You never know who needs to see the person you are living bolding & unapologetically, you never know whose life you might change or even save just from being you.

So wear the dress.

-C

P.S.

I wanted to end on that point but I also felt inclined to level with you & tell you that this blog is as much for you, the reader, as it is for me, the writer. I’m having to unlearn a lot of things the society I grew up in taught me, I’m having to come to terms with myself & who I am wholeheartedly. The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it makes up me. And believe me, I have my days of doubt & struggle just as much as you do but I am working on it & I’m giving myself patience & grace in the meantime.

Blog: Happy 2021!

Well we’re back!

I promised myself, as well as you all, that I was going to get back into blogging in the new year. It’s something I’ve sorely missed & based on the amount of you that I know have read them in the past, so have a lot of you! I’m going to do my best to be as consistent as possible going forward, not just in here but also with music releases, shows, videos, etc. because I’ve fallen behind.

I don’t want to spend a lot of time on it, because I am truly done living in 2020, but I think I’d be remiss if I didn’t address the damage that our lost year did on yours truly.

I’ve written a lot in the past, quite openly about my mental health struggles. There’s no doubt 2020 reaped havoc on my mental health plunging me head first back into depression & a brain fog that’s intolerable on its best days. It’s incredibly frustrating. This last year has been especially hard on those of us who perform for a living, who are out here chasing a dream that felt like it had to be put on hold indefinitely. I already felt as though I was slipping through the cracks of the music industry, this all just magnified that feeling.

In addition to my mental health, my physical health has drastically diminished over the last year. I was in fairly decent shape going into march; I was working out consistently, eating really well, but all of that went out the window after march when hardcore workouts became all but impossible.

You see, I’ve dipped into this lull that I’ve spent the latter part of last year trying to claw my way back out of. I try to make a change, to get back to being productive, to being better at self promotion but I slide right back into it. Objects in motion & all that, but I want to change that, nay, I need to change that. I need so desperately to move forward, to make progress, to feel like myself again because I am suffering. My mental health demands it, my physical health demands it, I must make the change & be better.

All of that being said, as I’ve stated before on this platform, I loathe new year’s resolutions, they aren’t practical or helpful, but I do emphasize the point of self growth quite often. If I were to categorize my growth I’ve shriveled quite a bit, I’ve stalled, I’m stagnant. I need to grow again, to flourish again & the only way to do that is with work. Growth takes work.

So here’s what I’m hoping to accomplish. Consistency.

Blogs. Every Friday.

Vlogs. Once A Month.

A return to tubesday?

…

We’ll see on that one haha.

Definitely more singing though!

More self promotion, more fan promotion, more fan interaction.

Finally launching the merch store!

Rediscovering my passion for solo writes.

More singles. More music.

More collabs.

I need you all to hold me to these things. I need you to message me on Friday evening if a blog hasn’t popped up yet to say “hey! get to writing!” I need you to ask about new music, let me know which things you loved & which you hate. I want to hear from you all as fans. I want to know what you’re looking for from me as an artist, what you wish I offered more of, what drew you to me as an artists, etc. I whole heartedly want to include you all more on this journey, because the truth is, without you all I’m just a sad boy with a guitar haha.

At any rate I want to wish you all the happiest of 2021s. I’m pretty sure it’ll be easy to beat last year but I’m really hoping we can knock this one out of the park!

Much love to you all, thank you for the support & happy new year!

-C

Blog: Thankful!

Happy belated thanksgiving to all my American folks! I guess also a happy super belated thanksgiving to my Canadian folks as well! I hope it was a safe, civil, calorically dense holiday for you all!

I think it’s time I got back to blogging, the US election is over, a lot of us can breathe easy now & for that I am thankful. In fact, in the spirit of the holiday, I thought I’d make a list of things this year that I’m thankful for. I know we’ve had a hell of a year & for a lot of us, myself included, gratefulness seems like a taboo subject at this point. This year has been beyond exhausting for a lot of us, especially living in Tennessee, especially those of us in the entertainment industry who feel like our job is impossible right now. I wanted to take the time & reflect on the aspects of this year that are bright points in my life!

I’m thankful for time, thankful that I’ve had the privilege of reflection, thankful I’ve been able to slow down & find answers within myself as well as externally.

I’m thankful for answers, I’m thankful that my health issues are finally being resolved & that the cause has been discovered & the remedy is being administered.

I’m thankful for strength, I’ve battled some severe moments of depression this year, those disheartening moments when you find out the people you love aren’t who you thought they were & look out more for themselves than those in need.

I’m thankful for love. I’m thankful for those who care for me through my valleys, through my bolder moments, though my pain & my shortcomings.

I’m thankful for introspection, for all that I’ve learned about myself. I’m thankful for the courage I’ve unearthed in myself. I’m thankful for the self acceptance I’ve developed.

I’m thankful for support. I’ve thankful for those who have stood by me over the years, for those who have gone out of their way to help me achieve my dreams. I’m thankful for those who listen to my songs, who read this blog, who watch my videos.

I’m thankful for contentment. I’m thankful for finding peace in the hurricane, for learning to live in the uncertainty, I’m thankful for patience.

I’m thankful for progress, not only internally but also in my career, despite the COVID conditions. I have my first ever label release coming up, I’m thankful for that!

I’m trying to live a more grateful life & not get caught up on the little things. I’m trying to be a happier person, to not be so angry at the world all the time, something I’ve really struggled with especially over the last year & its political season. I’m still learning everyday, still trying to grow & be more “me” day by day.

All love to you all, I’m thankful for you & wish you well during the holiday season to come.

Blog: Why No Blogs?

Where have my weekly blogs gone? Why have they disappeared? Well to be fair, they haven’t, I just haven’t been able to post any of the ones I’ve drafted. You see I’m angry, I’m actually beyond angry, I’m livid & it’s not something I can hide any longer.

Every week, for the past whenever I’ve sat down to write a blog. In the past I’ve written on political issues, social issues, recipes, recommendations, details on song construction, etc. I usually try to write what is on my heart for that week to keep things current. That being said, the last few weeks, months, etc. what’s been weighing on my heart is the state of this union & quite frankly, I’m disgusted & I am tired.

I see so many people out here making excuses for the monstrous behavior exhibited by the current administration of the United States. Too many people are okay with the actions of the president & his gooneys, too many people have grown complicit. It seems daily that another new atrocity is unearthed around the Trump administration but a lot of people I know & care about don’t care. At all.

Do you know how hard it is to make something care about something that doesn’t effect them? Do you know how hard it is to try & force people into having an ounce of empathy, into having seeing the what the consequences of their vote have had one marginalized groups. Do you know how infuriating it is to try to show people what is happening just for them to chalk it up to fake news or choose to remain complicit?! It makes it incredibly hard to believe that someone loves or cares about their neighbor when they turn a blind eye to the suffering their chosen leaders inflict upon them.

I’m not going to get into the specifics of Democrats vs. Republicans, I’m not, mostly because the past has shown me that people simply don’t care. Their feelings are easier for them to digest than facts. I know this goes both ways, but we have a wanna be fascist regime in office. I’m not speculating, I’m not hyperbolizing, the things they say are literally fascist/authoritarian rhetoric. I’m someone who has voted on both sides of the aisle BECAUSE I do the research, I look into the problems & see who has the solution that makes the most sense. I do the research. I’m also someone who considers themselves very politically literate so being dismissed as “whatever” “you don't really know” is frankly insulting.

Your black brothers & sisters are crying out for help, your immigrant brothers & sisters are crying out for help, your low income families are crying out for help, your LGBTQ children are crying out for help, your veterans, your Latinos, the Earth we literally all have to live on, are all crying out for help & you’re turning their back on them. All for the sake of an “R” on your ballot. I’m tired of it. Grow a little damn empathy & see how you’re hurting those you claim to love. Open your eyes.

This country WILL NOT survive another four years of this current administration. Do I think the alternative is without fault, hell no, but I see a chance to course correct the destruction & divisiveness of the last four years & I’m taking that, as should you. If you want this nation to continue, if you truly believe the tenets of the Constitution then for the love of God save this Republic.

I’m sorry for the rant but I’m so, so tired. Your neighbors are so, so tired. People are literally out here fighting for their basic human rights & you can’t be bothered to give a shit. Time to own up & open your mind.

Blog: Lover In The Sheets, Bigot In The Streets

Hi folks, how’re we doing? I hope the answer is incredible!

Earlier this week I had the privilege of consuming Homecoming King by Hasan Minhaj, his hour & some change comedy special on Netflix. In said comedy special Hasan effortlessly balances comedy & tragedy by telling the story of his life as an Islamic Indian American living in California. Hasan’s experience that he describes has a definite through line that carries across time & is still very poignant today, despite most of it having happened over ten to fifteen years ago. It is a point that I found extremely relevant to our modern political climate here in the state, though I think it translates overseas as well. Hasan, who rose to prominence through The Daily Show with John Stewart as well as his own show, Patriot Act, lays out this ostracizing of groups he refers to as “the other” within American society & highlights a problem that many of us who identify as “not racist” seem to want to ignore. I think this blog will end up being something similar to my blog regarding LGBTQIA+ affirmation but it incorporates the broader topic of not only sexuality or gender identify but also race. These topics have commonalities, though they are altogether inherently different. However, for the sake of this argument, for the sake of “the other” we’ll be incorporating the two together as I’d like to further add to Hasan’s point. I think the best place to start here is with the simplicity that Hasan distills this down to. One simple phrase that I’m sure we’ve all heard or thought;

What. Will. People. Think?

You see in Hasan’s narrative he comes face to face with two very distinct types of racism; having his family threatened & the windows of their car smashed out the evening of September 11th, 2001, and not being allowed to take his white date to prom because there were going to be pictures, evidence she had gone with someone they considered to be “other.” Naturally I’d like to focus on the latter here as the former, while it still runs rampant, at the very least is outwardly & actively frowned upon by those who actually have a brain between their ears. I want to talk about that silent form of bigotry, the kind that sneaks up, that makes you lock your car doors in that “bad” neighborhood, the kind that says “love the sinner, not the sin,” the kind that causes you to save face. That’s they kind I want to shine a light on here.

You see the most heartbreaking part about Hasan’s story, to me, is not necessarily that it happened, because any person of color will tell you, racism happens just as any LGBTQIA+ person will tell you homophobia/transphobia happen, just as any non-christian will tell you xenophobia happens. (Not that it’s okay that they do, but they do happen.) The thing that is heartbreaking is that Hasan thought these people were different; this was a white family who under normal circumstances had welcomed him into their home, had broken bread with him, treated him like an equal, had gone as far as to tell him they loved him but when it came time to do so in the public eye their love had conditions. Hasan couldn’t go to prom with their daughter not because “they didn’t love him” or think he was a stand up lad but because there would be pictures of them together, people would see their daughter with someone they considered to be a part of “the other.” At first a lot of us may be thinking, shame on them, I would never, & that may be true, you may never but I can’t help think further down the rabbit hole on this.

Let me ask you this. How many queer individuals have “accepting” parents that introduce their partner as their friend or roommate? How non-binary or trans individuals have people in their lives that don’t honor their chosen pronouns? How many people exclude a particular person because they wouldn’t fit the rest of the group simply based on their racial or religious background? How many keep in tact the boys club solely on merit or shame other cultures simply because they don’t understand them & have no interest in trying to? Isn’t it amazing how loud actions often contradict the words of those who claim to not have fear or prejudice living in their hearts?

What will people think?

Screw that.

Who the hell cares?!

Love with conditions is neither love nor is it worth your time. If your precious image is more important to you than loving another human, and I mean truly loving them as they are, not as you’d like them to be or as society or your faith says you should then you are no better than those who scream slurs from the side of the street. Be better. Choose to be better, choose love first, we’d all be a lot better off.

Much love to you all,

Thanks for reading!

Blog: Being Productive In The Midst of A Global Pandemic

Hi Friends!

How are we today?

On a scale of one to ten, ten being the most, how productive would you say you were today? Is that a number you’re happy with? Is that a number that feels like it has been pretty constant over the course of the last couple months? I’ve been doing a bit of outreach all week; to friends, to colleagues, etc. to see kind of how people have been handling self improvement during the COVID-19 pandemic & what I’ve if an overabundance of proof that most of us are struggling. I get it, I really do. There’s no where to go, nothing to do, no way to travel, or in my line of work, play shows. It’s hard to be a frowardly mobile person when the world feels like it has stopped dead in its tracks, at least in the states…

So what’s to be done? How do we break the monotony? By adding more.

Hear me out. Productivity is a habit, Newton’s first law of motion explains:

“An object at rest stays at rest & an object in motions stays in motion...”

— Sir Isaac Newton

This is you. You are the object in this scenario. If you’ve developed a habit of stagnation, you must replace it with one of mobility. How do you have mobility when you can’t go anywhere? Establish routines. Now is the perfect time to be establishing a routine, a diet, a workout regimen, etc, because you have the time & mental space to do so. Here’s what I recommend, even if you can’t be productive in your chosen career field, that doesn’t mean you can’t still establish habits that can be applied post-COVID.

Here’s where we start; your alarm clock. First off, if you’re not setting an alarm, it’s time to start. I’m aware a lot of us, 22.4% of us, are out of work right now, but your routines are still important. Set your alarm for 30 minutes earlier than normal, then here’s how I want you to break down that 30.

Minutes 1-4: Drink a large glass of water, take your allergy meds, drink your coffee.

Minutes 5-10: Stretch, specifically doing cat/cows (look it up.) Cat/cows open up your spinal column & get your spinal fluid moving.

Minutes 11-14: Do 25 reps of an exercise. Could be push-ups, sit-ups, squats, lunges, pull-ups, etc vary this daily but get the blood moving.

Minutes 15-24: Meditate. Doesn’t have to be some spiritualist experience, just center your thoughts, center your mind & body & breathe for 10 minutes.

Minutes 25-30 Journal: Write out how you’re feeling, write out what you need to do that day, write out how something resolved, get out all the mental clutter & lay it out before you so you can start your day with a clear mind. 1 whole page of journaling, write til it’s full. No cheating, no short hand.

And there you are, that’s your new morning routine. Do it daily, you’ll be amazed how driven & clear the day ahead feels after this. Best of all, it puts your body in motion, gets you moving right off the bat so you can carry that energy throughout your day.

From here you branch out; add a strict diet regimen, add working out in, add daily tasks you can do that will advance your career. You’ll be amazed how clearly new ideas present themselves to you once you put the body in motion. It can’t just be your physical body you’re putting in motion, it has to be all aspects. Digestion, cardio vascular, muscular, mental, spiritual, all of it must be prepared for the day ahead for you to be successful.

I truly hope this helps you, it’s been helping me a lot! You have to stick to it though & be disciplined, it takes 42 days to form a habit so make yours about forward momentum.

Blog: To Naya

To Naya,

I know you & I never met. I also know this blog may come across as opportunistic but I promise my intent is simply to educate. I wanted to shine a light on some of your accomplishments for those out there who may not truly understand the magnitude of your contributions.

I’d be lying if I said the show Glee wasn’t a huge part of my late high school years, hell I used to tweet out the week’s featured songs a week before each episode aired but as a choir/theater kid Glee really spoke to me. I also know the Glee wasn’t your entire life or career, but for those of you out there who were not like myself, a former Gleek, I need to fill you in on Naya’s role in the series. Naya played Santana Lopez, a character that, for all intents & purposes, started out as an antagonist of the show. Santana would do her best as a cheerleader to sabotage the glee club, even going as far as to join to try & destroy it from the inside out. So, why is Naya’s role so important to pop culture? Well, Santana Lopez was a Latinx character that often directly pointed out the cherry picking that American culture, specifically white American culture, & history often do when it comes to the Latinx community. More on Santana as a character in a moment.

Now, I’ll be one of the first to admit the Glee’s writing was cringey at best sometimes, it also featured quite a few problematic cast members during its run & often made broad missteps by today’s cultural standards but the one thing Glee really had working for it was representation. Glee wasn’t afraid to incorporate gritty stories, often dealing with suicide, bullying, racism, LGBTQIA+ issues, domestic abuse, etc. this is once again where Naya comes into play.

Santana wasn’t just a beautifully realized Latina, she was also Lesbian, a revelation that took several seasons of character growth to unearth. You see the amazing part of Santana was how unapologetically she lived. She loved who she loved & she stood her ground & fought for the things she wanted even when those she loved turned their back on her simply for being herself. I know so many people who derived strength from that.

I know it may sound silly to say that representation in a show from 10 years ago matters but it does, it matters so very much. We live in a world that often tells people it’s not okay to be who they are, it’s not okay to feel the things they do, or love the people they do & this, this beautifully imperfect show gave so many people hope. It showed so many people that they are worth of love & their dreams & looking back Naya’s performance was definitely a pillar of that.

Naya, I hope you were so proud of that. I hope you realized how much you changed this world for the better. I hope you know how many lives you saved, how much courage you instilled in people who were struggling, & how many people are truly living free thanks to you. I hope you rest easy, I hope you know how grateful so many of us on the earth are for you & the gifts you shared. You have changed the world for the better & you are gone far too soon but you left a truly earth shaking legacy behind you.

Rest in peace Naya. Much love to you & yours.

Blog: Vocal Cord Dysfunction

Hi all,

How are we doing?! I hope you’re doing well, I hope you haven’t missed me too much but I wanted to take the opportunity in this Friday blog to fill in some of the gaps of my absence the last couple of months. I’m going to do my best to jump right into this & not keep it too long winded but I also I know I can get carried away when it comes to blogging from time to time. Let’s get into it.

As a lot of you who follow me may have noticed I’ve been pretty scarce, vocally, over the last few months. While everyone else has been doing Instagram/Facebook Live sessions I have been fairly quiet. There is a reason for that. First, let me rewind a bit before I give away my prognosis…if we’re not counting the way I have in the title.

Back in the Fall of 2019 I began to have shortness of breath, mostly brought on by exercise & I assumed I was developing asthma. From there the shortness of breath began to develop into constant phlegm sitting on my vocal cord which I have to quite loudly adjust to get to go away. These symptoms developed further til about early April when my shortness of breath was getting so bad I could barely breathe sitting on the couch. Naturally, giving the climate of the world, I assumed it was COVID-19, thankfully it wasn’t.

I sought the assistance of a doctor who, while unable to see me in person to properly diagnose me, added me to some asthma medication to give them a try. I was on these for about a month before I was finally able to go & see a pulmonologist. We did a series of breathing tests before she came to the conclusion that I don’t have asthma at all, in fact what I’ve been suffering from is a combination of several things; Vocal Cord Dysfunction, Silent Reflux, & Severe Allergies.

What is vocal cord dysfunction you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. Vocal cord dysfunction (VCD) is when you inspire (breathe in) & your vocal folds clinch up restricting the flow of air into your lungs instead of remaining neutral & wide open to let the air in properly. What causes it? In short, fear. Not like physical fear of the dark or whatever but fear of damage. You see your vocal folds, in addition to phonation, are in place to prevent debris from entering the lungs. In my case I have “debris” coming from two places: my stomach (silent reflux) & my nasal passage (severe allergies.) My vocal cords have grown so accustomed to being a secondary epiglottis for me that I now find myself in a position of completely having to retrain my vocal cords.

Did you catch what I said there? I have to retrain my vocal cords. Completely. I first must retrain them that it’s okay to stay open when inspiring, which I’m in physical therapy for. I also have to find the root of the assailants in my body & treat that. So I’ve been taking medical grade antacids, I’ve gone & done an allergy panel to pin point exactly what’s causing them (the answer being mold & dust mostly) & I’ll soon need to start therapy to lighten my allergies.

In addition to having to relearn how to breathe naturally, I’m having to retrain my vocal cords to sing, hence my absence. If I’m being honest I’ve been fairly self conscious of my current voice, it’s not anywhere near where I feel I should be. It’s also very frustrating because I feel all of this is halting or even back peddling my music career. I haven’t gone live or posted singing videos because, in my current state, I do not feel comfortable doing so. I’m embarrassed of the voice I have right now.

I know that is in part psychological, I’m doing the work there as well, but it’s a road block I’m still doing my best daily to find my way around. I’ll get there, I swear. At any rate I hope you found this informative & not too medical or scientific, I tried to keep it relatable & easy to digest. I just wanted to fill you all in & let you know the path I’ve been down the last few months. I’m so thankful for your continued support & hope to be back singing for you all very soon!

Much Love,

Charlie

Blog: No One Feels Skinny When Their Jeans Don't Fit

Hi!

I know, I know, it’s been a hot minute since I blogged, mostly because I felt I didn’t have much to blog about. I’m sure a lot of you are in this boat with my where life feels pretty stagnant especially during quarantine. We all feel like the Earth has stopped spinning; days become weeks, weeks become months, & before we knew it a half a year has slipped by. Sorry if that scares you by the way, yes we’re already on the verge of being halfway through with the year 2020. I wanted to make this blog last week but it felt to me that it needed a little more breathing time so I let it sit for a bit. I’m glad I did. You see I’ve become a bit of a council point for people, for whatever reason during this bizarre time. I’m flattered, I really am, but I was talking about two things last week with two separate parties, both of whom had gotten a little stir crazy & were feeling the effects mentally as a lot of us are. I tried to be as encouraging as my often pessimistic mind will allow but everything I’d say seemed to fall short, then it clicked with me. I think originally I said “it’s hard to feel beautiful when your jeans don’t fit” but I think I’d like to modify that.

It’s hard to feel skinny when your jeans don’t fit.

I mean that in the most metaphoric way possible. It doesn’t specifically have to apply to weigh or physicality but I think during this time, especially all these months later, it’s hard to have patience with ourselves or to allow ourselves grace. I’m beyond guilt of it, I mean, I’m currently writing this in a pretty terrible mood because I put on a shirt I used to wear all the time & it feels two sizes too small. That hurt. I’ve tried my best to stay healthy during all of this but the availability of exercise & healthy eating has diminished substantially. I’ll tell you I’m someone who hates home workouts, they just don’t do it for me, they allow me too much room for laziness. I also have a hard time going for runs daily or every other day, I have pretty bad shin splints. So to say I haven’t put on weight during this, between the lack of exercise & the amount of carbs & sugar I’ve consumed, would be a lie. So, I get it. It’s hard to feel sexy, skinny, whatever when your jeans don’t fit, or I guess in my case, when your sweater doesn’t fit.

Like I said above, I don’t just mean this about your clothes mysteriously shrinking, I mean this all around. I’ve struggled creatively through all of this, I derive a lot of my song ideas from conversation & social situations. I also had to cancel all of the shows that I put months into booking. It’s hard to be in the entertainment business & feel stagnant but knowing there’s really not much you can do to propel your career onward short of social media. I’m doing my best to be patient & be kind to myself, though there are days I falter.

Let me say this here. You are allowed to be upset, you’re allowed to be annoyed & frustrated, those are all valid responses to being locked in your home for two months. You’re allowed to not be okay. It truly is okay to not be okay, to feel less than. We’ve all been there. It’s okay to have breakdowns, to feel defeated, it is okay. But give yourself grace. Give yourself the patience you tell others to give themselves. Treat yourself like you tell your friends, your loved ones, your cohorts to do, because you deserve it.

I think that’s all I’ve got for you today, just a small moment of vulnerability. Please, please, please take care of yourself, know you are loved, know you are important. We will get through this, be responsible, respectful of other's health & safety, & be kind to yourself.

Much love to you all,

Charlie

Blog: Obliterated

About two & a half years ago I was sitting on the steps inside my former manager’s Hollywood apartment jotting lyrics into my notes app to a song, humming softly to each line that popped into my head, all while Danny sat less than three feet to my left at the computer programing a track. This song started as an idea I had in passing about those who had lost their love & never recovered, those whose hearts had been truly & utterly “Obliterated.” Fast forward to today when I’m having my first ever international feature release with an artist I’ve come to call a friend, Hektor Mass!

Don’t worry, don’t worry, I’m going to fill in the details from the last 2.5 years, I’m just currently in a bit of a state of disbelief that this song is finally seeing the light of day, especially in its current form!

If you don’t know songwriters there’s a little known fact about us that I think the outside world should know. Much like your Miranda Rights, anything you say or do can be used against you in a song. Thus many of us have hidden lists; in our phones, on our computers, in notebooks, on random post-it notes, of all the things we’ve heard in passing or all the thoughts that crossed our head that we think would make intriguing song ideas. As I mentioned above (see above), I had the idea for a completely decimated heart in passing. I’m not entirely sure how long it sat in my notes, but I don’t feel like it was there for that long before it got put to use.

The fire that ignited the idea for Obliterated, sonically, came from a song called “Lips on You” by Maroon 5. Danny, otherwise known as The Delta Mode, & I were driving around in Billie, our former manager’s, car & I had the aux. I put on the song & remarked about loving the production, to which Danny said “you know we should do something in the similar vein!” That was really all it took. We got back from BevMo & immediately got to work on the song.

I remember it not taking long to write. I remember it lyrically being a very stream of consciousness idea as Danny started to assemble the bones that would make up parts of the track you hear today. I’d pitch him lines, he’d tweak them lyrically or melodically or offer me another approach, but the song as a whole took about 30-45 minutes to write that day. I remember Danny & I had a long discussion regarding the use of the word “Obliterated” itself. At the time the idea was to do the song then potentially release it under The Delta Mode, so Danny’s concern was that German audiences, where he lives, wouldn’t be able to say/understand the word. My counterpoint was “good, make them look it up, drive more views to the song.” So the lyric stayed.

After the initial write was done Danny set up a small tracking mic in Billie’s closet. Truly a three foot by two foot space with a ceiling that sat about five and a half feet tall. For those that have never seen me in person, I’m a tall gent, 6’4” to be exact, so did I record vocals with my head cocked to the side, right up against the ceiling the whole time? You bet your ass I did.

The session itself happened at some point in the afternoon. I think I, myself, took a break & ventured down to Barry’s in Hollywood. By the time I got back Danny had taken Billie’s Ovation guitar & recorded a drop lick very reminiscent of Slash himself! Of course it had gone through compressors & filters galore to get from sounding like an acoustic guitar to an electric but parts of that guitar line are still present in the songs current form!

From there we had a very well produced demo, it got passed around amongst our friends & collaborators & everyone was head over heals for it, but I thought it was missing something. A second verse. See, at this point in time the song was just a verse, pre-chorus, chorus, & post chorus then it had a drop & would repeat everything save the verse a few times. I sat with the song for weeks trying to wrap my head around a second verse idea but I couldn’t for the life of me recapture the inspiration I had the afternoon it was written. So I took it to Evan Michael. Evan was very keen to write on the song, he loved the idea, the melody, etc. He was able to see the song from an outside perspective & find new angles to come at it with. And thus the second verse was born.

From here the song entered a series of disagreements. Danny would want one thing, I’d want another, we’d try to compromise to no avail; I am hardheaded after all. Danny himself claims to have done about a hundred different versions of the song but was never happy with it himself, so it was put on ice for about a year. The next time the song came up was to be under the newly minted Delta Mode, a group that expanded outside of just Danny & his brothers, in which the production would be cut back to the original demo, vocals would be recut, & the second verse would be added. However, it never came to be. Once again disagreements, misunderstandings, & life got in the way & the song was iced indefinitely.

Having finished that last paragraph I’d like to interject something here. Music is a creative medium, it is very personal. We all, as musicians & songwriters, want for our vision of a song, especially one that’s personal to us, to be our vision. It’s hard to let other people’s ideas in to that vision from time to time. No one is the bad guy in this situation, no one is to blame, we’re all on good terms still, there’s no need to take sides on any of this, it’s simply the music business. Got it? Okay, good. Onward we go.

Like I said, the song was on ice for quite a while. I had many friends asking when it’d be released or how & I honestly loved how much people loved the song, I knew it had to come out in some form. Enter fate.

A friend of mine from LA, who is a writer & artist began posting a lot of different things with a Spanish gent in LA. I was curious who he was as I’d never seen him in any of his stories in the past so I acquired. He told me his name was Hektor Mass a DJ/Producer in town from Barcelona whom he was showing around. I was told to check him out, so I did! I followed Hektor, added songs of his to my workout playlist, then we began to interact with one another over Instagram. This continued for a few months before I eventually ended up in Spain for Medusa during August of 2019 & who was the headliner for the opening party of Medusa Spain? Hektor Mass.

Unfortunately I missed Hektor’s set due to delays & I was honestly a little upset I wasn’t going to get to hear his music live or have the chance to meet him face to face. Call it manifestation or destiny or whatever but on the last night of Medusa who did I see at the bar? Hektor Mass. We struck up a brief conversation, I told him about “Obliterated” & he asked me to send his way. He loved the song but wanted to put his spin on it & make it his own.

From there I reconnected with Danny after about a year of distance & he sent over the stems for the original track and Hektor & I got to work in LA. Hektor wanted to keep a lot of the bones of the track, which we did, but this is the point in which we pulled Max Hurrell into the mix. Max is an incredibly talented young producer out of Adelaide, Australia who now resides in Los Angeles, someone I am also proud to call friend. Hektor, Max, & I sat down in small classroom studio at MI Hollywood & hashed out the song. We pulled up all stems, sorted through them, kept the ones we liked, ditched the ones we didn't, & began to move forward. At this point Hektor proposed a rewrite of the verse melody, siting that he wanted it to be more rhythmic with less space to give people something to dance to live. I struggled with the idea for a while, thinking I had to rewrite these lyrics I’d grown so attached to but in the end we were able to find a nice compromise! We pulled a lot of the same lyrics but added new ones in to fill the rhythmic chunks that were missing. We gutting the chorus instead opting for a verse, pre, chorus, verse, pre, chorus, drop, chorus, post chorus set-up!

Next we went to Capitol Records’ demo studios to retrack vocals. (Thanks Jenna!) It was honestly one of the most affirming yet grueling vocal sessions of my life. Max & Hektor were looking for a very specific vocal performance out of me, which after a while I believe they got! I sang higher & fuller than I think I have on most of my tracks & left the studio that night exhausted. I’m pretty sure we ended up cutting hours of just adlib vocal.

I went home to Nashville the next day but Max & Hektor continued working on the song over the next two to three weeks replacing a large chunk of the original track & adding a whole assortment of new melodic themes & ideas into the mix. I was blown away when they sent me the initial mix. Which we then sent off to Jonathan Roye here in Nashville to mix & then to Mike Monseur for master. Finally the song was complete!

After finalizing everything the song came out today, March 13th! There’s a lyric video here:

---

There are purchase links here:

---

Steaming Links:

---

Credits:

Performed By:

Hektor Mass, Charlie Rogers

Produced By:

Hektor Mass, Danny “The Delta Mode” Bernath, Max Hurrell

Written By:

Charlie Rogers, Danny “The Delta Mode” Bernath, Hektor Mass, Evan Michael

Drop Guitar By:

Danny “The Delta Mode” Bernath

Keys By:

Charlie Rogers, Hektor Mass, Danny “The Delta Mode” Bernath, Max Hurrell

Guitar By:

Danny “The Delta Mode” Bernath, Max Hurrell

Drums/Rhythm By:

Danny “The Delta Mode” Bernath, Max Hurrell

Synth By:

Hektor Mass, Danny “The Delta Mode” Bernath, Max Hurrell

Mixed By:

Jonathan Roye

Mastered By:

Mike Monseur

Blog: Tennessee Tornadoes

As I went to bed Monday night/Tuesday morning just after midnight, around 12:40, I received a text from my mother that said “my weather alarm just went off for a tornado just northwest of you.” My immediate assumption of this was that she was referring to the tornados in lower Kentucky, but I dutifully opened my Weather Channel app & checked. It showed me nothing, just severe thunderstorms, so I went to sleep. I was awakened two-ish hours later by my dog, Harvey, barking. Whether he was barking at the lightning or the wind or the tornado sirens (apparently they went off, I didn’t hear them at all & I had my window open) I wasn’t sure, but I went into the living room to get him to stop. While up I found Evan on his phone & who casually dropped “Five Points is gone” without looking away from his screen. I said “what do you mean Five Points is gone?” He said “a tornado came through between 12:30 & 1:30 & took it out along with a lot of East Nashville & Germantown.” Little did we know that was far from the extent of the damage. From then on I spent the next several hours going from news sites to socials to figure out exactly what had gone down.

I’m sure a lot of you have seen the extent of the damage the two EF3 tornados brought to Nashville, Clarksville, & the surrounding areas. As of this moment that I’m writing this we lost 25 of those that called Nashville home, not to mention those who are still missing. The property damage is extensive, emotions run high, but the spirit of Nashville thrives. If you didn’t know, Tennessee is know as the Volunteer State, a tradition that dates back to the War of 1812, and I can firmly say that tradition holds true to this day. The response by the people of Nashville & its surrounding counties was immediate. Shelters were set up, donation sites & hotlines were activated, ground teams were put into work, but, my friends, we’re going to need a lot of help recovering.

I didn’t want to write too much in this blog about myself or my experiences because I’m fine. My house is fine, my body is unbroken, I am fine. And for that I thank God because I have witnessed the alternative. I have a lot of people I call friends who were directly impacted by the storm; those who hid it out in their closets, behind doors, or in their bathtubs. I have friends who are still without power & running water. I have friends who lost everything but their story rings true with so many folks from Nashville, Mt. Juliet, Clarksville, & Lebanon. I wanted to make the focal point of this blog all about helping.

If you have the ability the volunteer your time head over to www.hon.org & sign up. They send out daily volunteer opportunities but be warned, they fill up quickly. If you know someone effected offer them shelter, offer to help them clean up, don’t wait around for a volunteer spot to open up just because you feel you have to. There are ongoing postings on facebook, instagram, twitter about certain areas requesting certain types of work, grab one of them.

If you have the ability to donate specific supplies the current needs are:

• Hygiene Products

• Trash Bags

• Gloves

• Box Cutters

• Leashes/Collars

• Canned Meat

• Tarps

• Water

• Non-Perishable Snacks

• Bread

• Peanut Butter

• Flashlights

• Hand Sanitizer

• Towels

• Feminine Products

• Coloring Books & Pencils

  These items can be donated at:

• The Community Resource Center located at 218 Omohundro Place

• Cross Point Church of Bellevue located at 7675 Us-70S, Nashville, TN 37221

• Second Harvest Food Bank at 331 Great Circle Road

If you’d like to donate money visit cmft.org or unitedway.org, any amount counts!

If you are in Nashville & are still in need of shelter or provisions there are shelters & food available at the following locations:

• Centennial Sportsplex (222 25th Ave N)

• East Magnet School (110 Gallatin Ave.)

• Bridgestone Arena

• American Legion Post 82 (3204 Gallatin Pike)

• Cookeville Community Center (240 Carlson Drive)

• Inner Light Yoga (2227 10th Ave S)

  Resource Hubs can be found at:

• Eastland Funeral Home-Food at Noon (904 Gallatin Ave)

• Zeal Church (5807 Charlotte Pike)

• Lee Chapel AME Church (1200 Dr. DB Todd Jr. Blvd)

• Victory Baptist Church (1777 Tate Lane)

Uhaul is offering 30 days of free self storage to displaced residents.

The following East Nashville Restaurants are offering Free Food and/or Coffee:

• Five Daughters Bakery

• Nicolettos

• Cafe Roze

• Retrograde Coffee

• Brightside Bakeshop

• Bongo East

• Grilled Cheeserie at Hunter’s Station

I have no doubt Nashville will come out the other side of this a stronger community than the already thriving one that existed here. It won’t be without its scars but I truly do believe in you Nashville. I believe in your incredible strength, endurance, & resilience. Fight on, love one another, & please do everything in your power to help each other.

I Believe In Nashville