As hard as it is, & as discouraging as it can be, sometimes you have to come face to face with the realization that you’ve been watering dead plants. While, yes, I could mean this literally, if you haven’t heard the expression before I’d be more than happy to fill you in. The term ‘watering dead plants’ or ‘watering dead flowers’ stems (lol) from the idea that you are pouring a resource of yours (represented by the water), be it your time, energy, a combination of both, other resources tangible or otherwise, into an endeavor that, despite your best efforts & intentions, will not yield you the result you desire. Which in terms of the analogy is represented by the growth of plants or I guess the lack there of.
The saying can be applied to a myriad of situations; a dead end job, a relationship that’s one sided, a project that seems never ending & keeps requiring you to dig in farther & farther, the possibilities are endless. The problem comes when trying to recognize when you have in fact been ‘watering dead plants.”
Often times the process of recognition here requires a deep level of introspection. It requires you to look at a situation objectively & to be entirely honest & open about yourself about what you’re hoping to achieve in the hopeless situation. Usually when you come to the conclusion that you’ve been wasting your efforts on something those around you will be the first to reinforce that feeling. Typically you’ll get a “no duh” or a “that’s what I’ve been trying to say” or “finally, you see it” type of response to telling someone close to you about your revelation.
I’ve been watering dead plants for a few years now. There’s a relationship that I’ve really, desperately wanted to work out, but I think I’ve decided that it’s not worth my time. It’s almost entirely one sided & when I look at the relationship & wonder ‘would they do the same for me as I have for them? Would they put in the same effort as I have for them?” the answer it an undeniable ‘no.”
Does that suck? Absolutely. Because despite my best efforts & the energy & time I feel I’ve overly invested, I still enjoy the time that I spend with this person, or at least I think I do. You see I think that I’ve realized that I’ve been a convenient friend to them. I’ve offered up my companionship & my time because I wanted to be their friend, but I think in reality I was just something convenient for them. Someone to call when everyone else is busy or when they need something & that does a major disservice to me & my value as a human being.
Much like I mentioned above, I’ve been somewhat aware of this happening, but I’ve continued in the hope that it wasn’t the case. I guess Maya Angelou was right in saying “When people show you who they are, believe them.” It can just be so hard to do when you want something to work out so badly. Like I previously stated, my friends all told me this was happening, they told me I was being taken advantage of or not valued, & I ignored it, despite what they & my intuition told me. Because it sucks & I so entirely wanted them all to be wrong, but I don’t think they are.
So what are your options going forward once you’ve recognized the pattern? How do you/I break the wheel? You reclaim your power. Whatever that looks like to you, you reclaim your power. For me, in this specific situation, I think reclaiming my power looks like limiting engagement. I don’t think I want to cut this person out of my life entirely, but I also know that I don’t want to pour more effort than I am going to receive in return, which will be hard for me as someone who naturally wants to help those I call ‘friend.’ I think I’ll still see this person from time to time but I don’t plan to over extend myself, I don’t intend to have expectation or any hopes for anything deeper than what will essentially be a surface level relationship going forward. I can’t continue hoping to matter to someone who I feel I don’t matter to.
I bring all of this up as a way of bridging my gap, to help those of you reading who have been filling the same proverbial watering can over & over again just to empty it out on something that will never sprout & bloom. Sometimes the best thing you can do is throw out the plant & find a different one to fill its pot. I know it’s easier said than done & I know it often takes years of self reflection to recognize the decay & the rot, but once you do, I also want you to recognize the lesson & trust that the time & energy spent were not in vain. There is a lesson to be learned & a stronger, more streamlined & resilient person waiting on the other side.
As stated, this is not a fun thing to realize or go through, but I want you to have strength & give yourself the patience & understanding that I’m sure you’d be willing to give to somebody else.
What are the areas in your life where you’ve been watering dead plants? How can you shift out of the cycle of doing so? How can you grow from this & evolve?
As always, much love to you all,
-C