Travel Blog: Singapore- Part One: Dinners With Friends In Cities Where Some* Of Us Live

Welcome Back!

I kind of teased the existence of this part of my Malaysia travel series at the very end of the blog last week. It was a very, not so subtle, bit of foreshadowing where I basically was pretty blatantly forthcoming with this blog being the follow up to where we left off. What I wasn’t prepared for was just how much I had to say on the subject, so like Malaysia, this will also be a two parter. So, this will act as the follow up to part one & part two of the Malaysia portion of this trip, but will be their own part one & twos. That make sense? You can go back & read about the Malaysia segment of this trip in the links that I post below if you’d like! I won’t be titling this segment “part three” simply because it’s not. It doesn’t depend on previous context other than knowing where we were prior & how we ended up in Singapore following our time in Malaysia. For all intents & purposes, it is a stand alone as it has nothing to do with diving, navigating Malaysia, or the vast majority of the people listed therein (Evan naturally still exists & we have a few cameo mentions here & there). The only direct tie we’re going to have is the dating. I’m going to continue where I left off in part two of the Malaysia series finishing out the day I left off on & using the continued dates thereafter. We’ll say it’s like a stand alone sequel, both to the Malaysia portion of the trip, as well as my previous trip to Singapore, which I will also link below! Any questions about that? Well, it wouldn’t really matter if you did because this is a blog, now a forum so, let’s get this show on the road once more!


SINGAPORE

Day Nine Continued…


Our flight from Kuala Lumpur was a quick one, maybe an hour total. We landed in Singapore at Changi Airport right around 8:30 in the evening. I’m glad someone was looking out for me in the booking of our Scoot flight in, because we ended up picking to sit on the left side of the aircraft, which got us the amazing view of the harbor with all of the ships docked on the way in.

We were with our luggage & through customs fairly quickly with little to no fuss & were immediately spit out in Terminal 1, right in front of The Jewel.

The Jewel At Night. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

In all of the pictures, if you search the “Singapore Airport” or “Changi Airport,” the first thing to come up is the Jewel. The Jewel is effectively a mall, but to say it’s just that would be to do it a massive disservice. You see The Jewel IS a mall, but it also holds a massive botanical garden complete with sky bridges, 360 viewing, & a massive waterfall that rains from the center of the glass dome encapsulating the gardens, five stories down, into a basin. It’s breathtaking, honestly, & it was one of the main ‘touristy’ things that Evan wanted to see while we were in Singapore. It got marked off the list as soon as we walked out the doors from baggage claim.

At the time that we were there, The Jewel was doing a partnership with Disney to celebrate the introduction of the Disney Cruise that now leaves from Singapore. This meant that many of the topiaries, the floral arrangements, the what have you, were modeled after Disney Characters. Even the music that played in the botanical gardens, overlooking the falls, were popular Disney, or Disney owned, themes or melodies. As we walked up to the first floor observation platform for the waterfall music from Avatar was playing. By the time we left it was The Avengers theme.

For a Saturday night The Jewel wasn’t overly crowded. It was busy, but it wasn’t a mad house, which was refreshing. We left it behind & descended the escalator down a level or two to the ride share pick up.

Several years back Grab had bought out Uber’s license for the country of Singapore. The app & the interface for Grab is almost identical to that of Uber or Uber Eats & it’s just as easy & friendly to navigate. We Grab’d a ride & off we went from the airport to our hotel.

I’d like to stop here & hype up our hotel. When we were booking this trip I stumbled upon a major deal for the hotel we ended up staying at. Evan was a little on the fence about it, but I ended up insisting & booked us a three night stay at the ParkRoyal Pickering. He later would inform me that I was exuberantly & expertly correct in my selection for us.

ParkRoyal Pickering

The ParkRoyal Pickering is a staple of Singapore. It is a Michelin Guide recognized hotel, receiving what is known as a Michelin Key which is the hotel version of a Michelin Star. There are seven total Michelin Key’d hotels in Singapore. The hotel itself features an incredible biophilic design that features over 15,000 square meters of sky gardens, waterfalls, & planter terraces. It also has a rooftop farm where many of the ingredients for the restaurants housed within are farmed. It boasts eco-friendly amenities & designs throughout & actively practices sustainability & incorporates a number of facets to reduce the building’s carbon foot print. In addition to all of these statistics, the hotel & its rooms are simply stunning.

Under The ParkRoyal Pickering. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

When you disembark your ride at the entrance of the hotel you are greeted by concrete, stone, soft water features, & an army of orchids. In addition to the very personable staff of course. When you enter through the main doors the orchids continue endlessly & the reception desk sits off to the right in what looks like a limestone cave made entirely of wood. The tile floors give way to dark wood floors which eventually melt into soft green carpet with clustered tuffs of ‘moss’ sewn in. To the left as you walk towards the elevators & the main level restaurant are a number of seating areas made of high wicker chairs & low, lava rock-esque tables. The right side of the walk is dotted with paper lanterns that sit perched above the lava rock bed water feature that runs the length of the hall. It is truly an immersive marvel & I haven’t even begun to talk about the scent.

Orchids In The Lobby. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

To say the scent of the ParkRoyal Pickering is intoxicating would be an understatement. I want to bathe in it. I loved it so much that, not only did I request to buy a candle, a sample, something, of the scent at the end of our stay, I kept my suitcase in the bedroom at home for an additional week just because it was permeating the smell into our bedroom at home. It’s delightful. The woman at reception gave me a site to look up for a candle of the scent, but it unfortunately doesn’t seem like they make it anymore or carry it. However, the notes are Green Vetiver, Rosebud, Lily of the Valley, Saffron, Rosebush Leaf, Lavender Blossom, & White Cedarwood. It’s warm & green & vivacious but also incredibly calming & soft. The florals, while being one of the main notes across the board, aren’t overbearing, nor do they lean overly feminine or masculine. It articulates the duality of the hotel in a perfect way, this urban garden made of concrete & wood & stone & an overabundance of greenery. I desperately need a way to have it present in my home.

We checked in fairly quickly & were given our keys to our room on the eighth floor. One thing that I didn’t realize about the hotel is that after the fifth floor, where the amenities reside, the hotel is made up of three interconnected towers that are connected by walkways to get to your room. I am desperately afraid of heights.

We got up to the eighth floor, too a right, & went out the glass doors onto the walkway & I immediately froze. The walkway is only about three feet wide & the railing is made of concrete poles stuck in the cement with no top railing between them. The walkway also isn’t flush against the building, it features a couple of rooms along the way, but also large gaps where there are climbing plants that go from floor five all the way up. Additionally these walkways are on the outside of the building, so off to the side, if you look down, it’s just straight down to the street. Every time I crossed it, the multiple times a day, I had to hug the plant side & stare straight ahead.

We got to our room, again, a vibe & then some. It featured large glass windows with a series of shading & privacy options, a very Japandi style aesthetic of almost entirely wood surfaces, & a massive bed.

Our Room

When I say a massive bed, I mean a massive bed. This thing was listed as a king but was definitely two fulls, if not two queens, pushed together. I could lay on it, as a 6’4” individual, & not reach the other side. It was wild. Literally with the two of us laying in it we could’ve fit probably two more people between us comfortably & still had room.

Seeing as it was getting fairly late in the evening & we’d had a long day of travel, we freshened up & went in search of food.

We asked the receptionist who had checked us in for any late night food recommendations, at this point it was around 9:30-ish. She pointed us to the Hawker stalls at Lau Pa Sat just down the street. Which I thought was an excellent idea & it was only about a ten minute walk from us.

If you aren’t familiar with the term, a hawker stall is a small trade stall typically specializing in a small handful of relatively inexpensive items. They are notorious all over Asia, Singapore boasts around 285 of them that are Michelin recognized. They are typically open facing with a counter you walk up to & place your order at with a quant kitchen sat behind them. They are typically in groups or centers, which is exactly what Lau Pa Sat is.

Lau Pa Sat Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

Lau Pa Sat (Old Market in Mandarin) is one of Singapore’s oldest food markets. It recently celebrated its 130th anniversary. It contains around 80 hawker stalls under its roof & the surrounding streets, & sits right in the middle of the Downtown Core surrounded by mountainous buildings. It’s sitting on a plot of land that is worth hundreds of millions if not billions of dollars & I applaud Singapore for preserving it & keeping it a priority & a cultural center!

Having been to Singapore in the past, I was no stranger to the hawker markets, though it was new for Evan. It was something that I knew I wanted to include in our itinerary at some point, the opportunity had just presented itself earlier than we’d expected. We wandered around the fairly busy market, it was a Saturday night after all, taking in the smells & the options before settling in on traditional Satay.

Satay At Lau Pa Sat

Satay is super easy; grilled meat on sticks with a dipping sauce & some rice cake. We opted for a shop called Stall 7 & 8, which came highly recommended for basic satay & had clearly done well enough for themselves that they took up two stall spots on the road outside of Lau Pa Sat. We walked up & ordered a number of beef & chicken skewers as well as a couple of prawn skewers. They gave us a pager & we went over a Sugarcane Juice vendor for drinks. Evan got the calamansi one & I got the traditional.

Our pager went off shortly thereafter & we sat at one of the communal tables, working through our skewers until the point where we couldn’t take it anymore & threw in the towel.

Before heading back to the room for a shower & bed, we popped into the 7-Eleven right next door to pick up an energy drink for the morning & a protein bar, as well as a small assortment of local candies & a coke zero for the night.

Taxi Out Front Of The ParkRoyal Pickering. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

End Of Day Nine


Day Ten

Barry’s Raffles Place. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

The reason for the protein bar & the energy drink purchase the prior evening was because Evan & I had booked a spot at Barry’s Raffles Place at 8:30 AM. We typically are Barry’s frequenters here in Nashville, but it’s always nice to find one when you travel as well. It helps to have an idea of what you’re getting into & allows you to get a 50 minute, hard workout in, & go about your day.

We got up around 7/7:30 for the class & made our way back towards Lau Pa Sat to the building that hosts Barry’s. It was at this point where I noticed a little bit of fogginess in my left eye. It was just in the lower right corner & honestly, just looked like a bit of grime on my contact lens. I attempted to clean it off at Barry’s to no avail. And yes, this strange detail will have relevance going forward.

The class was a difficult one, with several challenges imbedded throughout. Having not done a formal workout (scuba burns a lot of calories) in over ten days at this point, it proved even more difficult, but we made it through with sweaty, depleted colors.

Lau Pa Sat From Barry’s. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

After the workout class I grabbed a “Barry’s Raffles” t-shirt to join my collection of Barry’s shirts from around the world & we headed back downstairs & across the street to Lau Pa Sat in search of a bit more morning sustenance. We both were in desperate need of coffee. We had early lunch plans so we were trying to save our appetite for that, but we needed that caffeine carryover in the interim.

At the center of Lau Pa Sat there is a 24 hour drink stand. It serves all kinds of beverages of the soft variety & I think maybe also beers. It was one of the only things open at what would have been about 9:45 in the morning & they had drawn in a little bit of a crowd. Many people who had ordered & were eating had plates with Kaya Toast & Dippy Eggs in addition to the glorious elixir of life. No, not whiskey, Kopi.

Kopi is the Singaporean term for a robusta brewed coffee with condensed milk & sugar. It is very similar in style to Vietnamese Coffee. It is heavenly as most things with condensed milk & sugar are known to be. I ordered one for myself but Evan resigned himself to waiting til we got back to the hotel to pop a Nespresso pod in the in-room Nespresso machine…that was until he tried mine at which point he got back in line to get his own.

Back at our hotel we started getting ready for our early afternoon lunch, showering the workout & morning humidity away, laying out outfit, & ditching my contact lenses for glasses after the cloudiness had begun to spread from just the corner of my eye to the entirety of it.

It is now time for a “my personal medical history” break. In the past I have had a small number of optical migraines. Essentially what happens here is that there’s some sort of pressure put on the optic nerve & your brain perceives the information through a hazy lens. It can be brought on by a number of things & as of yet, we have yet to find what my trigger for them is. That’s the theory we were going with at the time at least & yes, I have seen a number of doctors about it.

I know I just did an ADHD indulgent aside, but I’m going to require another one here. This one is not about my ocular health, but instead about the lovely duo we were about to go to lunch with.

I met Linus & Karen Chua on my first Singapore Airlines flight from LA to Singapore back in 2022. At the time the Singaporean couple was based out of Los Angeles & were commuting back to Singapore to visit family & friends. They were kind enough to see me, a solo traveler on his first expedition to the Asian continent, & strike up conversation with me. They also essentially ended up giving me about 50% of my itinerary for the last time I was in Singapore. They’re the loveliest of people & over the years we’ve kept in touch, even following their move back to Singapore.

I had messaged the two of them on Instagram prior to our departure from the states, asking if they wanted to do lunch or something while we were in town, not knowing if the phone numbers that I had for them were still theirs or not. I never heard from them. That was until a day or two prior to our flight to Singapore when Linus replied & we arranged to meet up for lunch. Come to find out the Chuas, who are devout Catholics, had given up social media for Lent & Linus had randomly received a pull to check his notifications for the socials that he’d moved to the last page of apps on his phone & found my message.

They were gracious enough to come by the hotel & pick us up & right at 11:30, they pulled out, sprung out the car, & greeted the two of us with enormous hugs even despite having never met Evan. They even brought us two jars of Kaya from Ya Kun! They are truly lovely people.

They had picked out a spot for lunch for the for of us called “Violet Oon” by famed local chef Violet Oon. We went to their Dempsey Hill location, which was in an old army barracks that had been converted into a series of shops & restaurants, as well as a park. The barracks themselves had been where Linus’s family had dropped him off to begin his Compulsory Military Service.

Chicken Satay At Violet Oon

They had picked out Violet Oon because it was a restaurant that served Peranakan Cuisine. A food steeped heavily in Singaporean culture, Peranakan blends elements of Chinese cooking with Malaysian & Indian to create something uniquely Singaporean that reflects the culture, history, & the Peranakan people themselves. Honestly, to most people I pitch the idea to they seem strangely skeptical, that is until you frame is as the very best of Indian, Southeast Asian/Malaysian, & Chinese foods meshed into one dish. Then they’re always on board.

At Violet Oon we ate family style. We had the Chuas order with a few suggestions here & there from the waitress. They were lovingly very careful with Evan’s limited spice tolerance which was very thoughtful of them to do.

For lunch we had a large assortment of foods over just as large an assortment of courses. We started with their version of chicken satay, Kuay Pie Tee, & Ngoh Hiang. Our next course was Assam Nanas Barramundi, Dry Laksa, Beef Rendang, & Babi Pongteh which is actually one of the first dishes that Linus said Karen made for him when they started dating. For dessert we had Calamansi Sorbet, Roti Jala with Banana Pengat, Kueh Beng Kah, & Gula Melaka Tea Cake with Gula Melaka Ice Cream. Of all of these dishes my favorites were the Kuay Pie Tee, the Babi Pongteh, & the Roti Jala, if I’m just picking one from each course.

We ended up sitting at lunch well into the afternoon, to the point where the restaurant was actually closing at which time we were given an amazingly in-depth driving tour of the city by our hosts!

CapitaSpring Building, Central Business District. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

We didn’t ask them to do that for us, but they generously offered & we weren’t about to turn down a chance to see the city through the stories & eyes of those who grew up there & lived there. Especially when they’re such warm & welcoming individuals. They took us around the city showing us everything from the Botanic Gardens, to the Raffles Hotel, finally ending at the Marina Barrage. At the Marina Barrage we got out & walked the dam. They informed us of the history, as well as Singapore’s ongoing problem with water retention. The barrage was installed to cut the city’s water loss exponentially. They then took us back to our hotel where we hugged them & thanked them profusely for such an outstanding afternoon & the exemplary company.

By the time that we got back to the ParkRoyal it was about 2:30 or 3 PM. We opted for a nap after our early morning & when we awoke we decided that it was time to go downstairs & check out the pool.

Cabanas At The ParkRoyal Pickering Pool. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

The pool at the ParkRoyal Pickering is situated on the fifth floor of the building. It occupies the right side of the level (if you’re on the street looking at the building) & has a mirrored fountain on the other side that, while we were there, was being used for wedding photos for a reception happening in the building. There is also a greenway walk around the entirety of the level which takes you through some of the main gardens of the facility. Additionally, the fitness center & spa both overlook the infinity edged pool. All along the pool, recessed from the walkway, or outright jutting into the water, there are several birdcage-esque cabanas, each painted a different pop of color amongst the otherwise earth tones & the greens of the facilities.

Pool At ParkRoyal Pickering. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

When you exit the elevator you are greeted by a member of the hotel staff who hands you a towel & offers you a glass of the daily fruit infused water or their hot lemon tea. We parked our towels, phones, room keys, shirts, shoes, what have you on a lounge chair near the fitness center & made our way into the water.

The pool is almost entirely shaded, at least it was when we were there, but it honestly kind of matches the vibe. However, that, mixed with the wind, made the water in the pool pretty chilly. We hung out there against the ledge that overlooks Hong Lim Park, watching the people below & the crows swoop in to take a drink from the water return below the end of the infinity pool. When we had our fill of the cool water, we toweled off, & made our way back upstairs to get ready for dinner.

At this point my left eye had degraded further. My vision, which was only slightly blurry at lunch, was now almost entirely clouded. Not only that, but the physical lens of my eye had clouded over, something that had never happened in the past when it came to my optical migraines... Or at least it was something that I had never noticed happening before. I opted to try some medicated eye drops that I had & doubled down on the migraine medication that I carry with me.

The eye drops were not so fun. They burned horribly & made my eye completely red. I then switched to the dry eye drops I use that were recommended to me by my optometrist. Of course, google always points you to the worst possible diagnosis & was telling me that I had Acute Angle-Closure Glaucoma, which is where the iris gets stuck trying to contract/retract & causes the eye to be unable to drain fluid. It can lead to blindness if not treated very quickly. We ruled this out however when I found no “severe pain” as is listed all over, nor did I have shadowing, or half the other symptoms. Apparently ocular migraines can also have physical clouding of the lens, the thing that concerned me was the fact that I had developed halos in my vision around lights, which definitely leans more into the glaucoma lane. We decided that we were going to go ahead with our evening plans & in the event that things got any worse in any way, we’d go to the emergency room.

Planter Terraces At The ParkRoyal Pickering. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

I always debate telling stories like that in my travel blogs. I always think to myself “well, what if ParkRoyal sees this & that’s what deters them from wanted to do anything with you in the future?” or “what if one of the other places listed & tagged here don’t share this because of that?” & I guess my answer to that is simple. While I do these blogs & tag & mention all of the parties involved, none of this is paid for or incentivized by any of them. I write these travel blogs for the same reason that I write any of my other blogs or why I write songs; to tell stories. That’s a part of the story of this trip. It frames why certain decisions get made, why certain things get opted out of, & informs those of you who come here simply looking to read the story I have to tell of the details of this adventure. Not every part of every adventure is glamorous or shiny or positive & that’s life. Without all of that, this would feel inauthentic to me, too polished, & that’s not why I do this. The moment I do something like that, where it’s praise to the high heavens & lacks the nitty gritty, it will because it is in partnership with someone involved in the story, at which point I will let you all know that was the case & that they have asked me to refrain from such details. Anyway. Continuing on.

Dinner was at a little restaurant called Odette. This year Odette was once again labeled the top restaurant in Singapore by The World’s 50 Best Restaurants. It currently sits ranked 19th in all of Asia & last year was #25 on the list of the best restaurants in the world (this year’s list isn’t out yet). It currently has three Michelin stars & offers French Contemporary food framed around Chef Julien Royer’s tenure in Singapore.

We initially weren’t going to go, full transparency, it’s pricey, but were talked into it by Erica while in Malaysia. Erica had previously dined at Odette her last time through Singapore & claimed it as one of the top ten meals of her life. She gave it glowing review upon glowing review & when we initially looked to book it, following this conversation, we found it booked up. That was until one night when we checked again & found that they had opened up reservations for that Sunday evening. We then justified it because our trip had been payed for already months in advance, so other than our resort incidentals & our food in Singapore, the trip had already been budgeted out & executed.

Odette Sign Through Fabric. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

Odette was only around a fifteen minute walk from our hotel. It was around mid-dinner time when we began to walk there so there were quite a few people out, each settling into their respective restaurants. The sun was also starting to set, though we’d clearly dressed more for the fact that we were going to be inside & the night we would greet upon exiting the restaurant. It was a warm walk.

Odette is one of three restaurants housed in the National Gallery Singapore, which is an art museum that used to be the former Supreme Court & City Hall buildings until the two buildings were merged & converted into the art gallery. When I went in search of a restroom to reapply eye drops towards the beginning of the dinner, I was instructed through the gallery & told to turn right at the jail cells. They weren’t joking, there are literally jail cells still in the build that now serve as a historical exhibit.

We were sat fairly close to the kitchen, greeted by Sarah, who would be the one primarily taking care of us over the evening & handed our menus. Sarah went over the pairing & wine options with us before leaving us with our first couple of bites.

Grignotages. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

To say this was a long dinner with a lot of courses would be an understatement. I have, in my record here, three courses that appear before the menu we were given at the end of the night even kicks in. They are referred to as Grignotages or roughly translated to “nibbling.” So for them, I will have to be a little vague as this was almost a month ago & I do not recall entirely what they were specifically. I can tell you what I do remember, as well as my feelings around them still!

Mushroom Soup & Tart. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

Bread.

The first set (yes set) of items were little bites. Served in a group of three we had a Tuna Belly, Maki-esque bite, a “taco” made from sashimi, & fresh herbs with a radish as the “shell,” & a Yeast Doughnut stuffed with soft cheese & topped with some form of cured pork. Of the three of them I definitely favored the donut, but that’s only in the slightest bit over the others. I could have made a meal of any or all three.

The next snack was an ode to the mushroom. It consisted of two parts; a Mushroom Tart & and a creamy Mushroom Soup. Served in a mushroom shaped cup with a wooden cap lid, the mushroom soup was warm & evolved as you went down the layer & the tart was earthy & flakey. Both felt very comforting.

The final snack course was bread, but not just any bread, different varietals of sourdough that used an heritage rye from Les Moulins d’Antoine cultivated & milled by 15 local farmers. We had a slice of the loaf, small individual loaves, & a black truffle, laminated roll of some kind. They came with a cultivated butter & our first wine pairing, a sparkling Greek Cuvee Des Vignerons by Vassaltis called ‘Gramina’ from 2022.

Hokkaido Botan Ebi. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

In addition to bread & cuvee we also got our first course, the Hokkaido Botan Ebi. Bafun Uni (Sea Urchin) with Brown Butter ‘Ponzu’ & Maison ‘Kaviari’ Caviar. The Uni was served atop a buttery bit of bread itself. Small but packed a punch. The rest of the course came presented in a bowl. The ‘ponzu’ acting a broth for the Botan Ebi (shrimp), with the caviar nestled in the middle. The whole course was buttery on buttery on top of buttery in all of the right ways. What?! Butter?! In French food?! Shocking!!! Sarah would make a similar joke later in the meal & I have genuinely no complaints over the amount of butter use in this tasting menu.

Crab Contrast. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

Crab Contrast. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

Next up was a dish they call “Crab ‘Contrast.’” It was also a monster of a course in terms of its respective size. The Crab ‘Contrast’ consists of several items. A bit of Crab Leg swimming in a deep green Béarnaise, chilled Crab Meat in a Rémoulade served under a dollop of Horseradish Ice Cream, & a bun stuffed with their take on Singaporean Chili Crab. My clear winner here was the one with the savory ice cream which Sarah said took them a while to perfect. She said a lot of guests wouldn’t finish the course initially because they found the ice cream had far too much horseradish in it. It has since been adjusted several times. This course was paired with ‘Fermier’ Albariño from Niigata, Japan from 2024.

Langoustine Comme Un Dumpling. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

The following course was my favorite of the night. It had the option to add black truffle to it, but Evan & I opted out of it. I can see how it would make the dish pop off even more than it already did though. Langoustine “Comme Un Dumpling’ (like a dumpling). Langoustine (obviously), Leek Fondue (to die for), Vin Jaune (a dry French white wine), & Katsoubushi (a dashi made of skipjack & seaweed). Oh my lord. This dish was everything. Truly everything. It was herbal & buttery & packed to the gills with umami. It was so good that we had the staff save the pitcher of sauce on the table for us so that we could dip bread into it. This is where that black truffle roll really came in handy. The menu could’ve just been this dish over & over & over again & I’d have left overjoyed. It was paired with Marques De Murrieta ‘Capellania’ from 2018.

Jeju Abalone & Foie Gras Duo

To follow this high, however, we have what is probably, unfortunately, one of my least favorite courses of the night. I think my reasons for disliking this dish lay entirely in the ‘fattiness’ of it. It was a Jeju Abalone & Foie Gras Duo.

The dish is served like a soup. A bowl is brought out with the abalone & foie gras cut up in equal parts & intermixed then a Pork Broth with Shiitake & Yuzu is poured over top. It was just a lot of the same textures happening within the soup & the broth was a little too ‘wintery’ for my taste & what otherwise felt like a fairly spring forward menu. It was paired with the 2021 vintage of the Yangarra Estate in McLaren Vale, Australia’s ‘Roux Beaute.’

Shimane Cod.

Our last course before the main course was fish. Shimane Cod to be exact. This dish came with a Sauce Champagne, grilled Yari Ika (spear squid), & Tarragon Oil & sprigs. I really loved this dish. Buttery, of course, but the fish was so perfectly cooked & offered such an amazing contrast to the texture of the squid with the lulling herbaciousness of the tarragon. Top marks. Honestly, this dish might have been top three of the night for me in retrospect! It came paired with Antoine Chevalier Coteaux Champeniois from 2023.

The main course was first presented to us from the pan in which it was cooked. Very showy with smoke & all! Roasted on a bed of Cambodian Kampot Peppers accompanied by an assortment of flowers, we had Pigeon from Brittany. It was then returned to the kitchen to be dressed & plated.

Kampot Pepper Crusted Pigeon.

Kampot Pepper Crusted Pigeon Plated

I can feel it. I can feel the amount of people reading this who were just put off by the notion of eating pigeon. How do I know? Well, every time I mention this story/menu to people I get that reaction. It seems to me a lot of the, mostly American, audience is put off by that & I honestly get why. We don’t view pigeon like we do dove (which people active hunt), even though they are from the same family. In the US, pigeons are generally considered dirty street pests that most people can’t fathom consuming. However, some of you may have already eaten pigeon without your knowing. It occasionally appears on a menu as “Squab.” These pigeons are specifically raised for their meat & are fed a particular diet. They aren’t just flying about a city picking through the ruffage.

The pigeon was plated & served with a glass of Clusel Roch 2021 ‘Les Grandes Places’ from Côte-Rôtie. A red to go with the intense pepperiness of the bird & the medium-rare preparation they had suggested for it. It came with the butterflied breast & a leg which had a note wrapped around it, harkening back to the days of the carrier pigeon. The liver had been turned into a mousse & injected into a Moral Mushroom which was nestled next to a bed of shelled Sugar Snap Peas. The whole dish was then laid with the jus from the bird & a Black Garlic paste.

I talk of the pigeon a lot, it was the main course after all. That being said, I don’t think it was my favorite. In all honesty, I actually think it sits pretty far down the list of my ranking for the overall meal. It wasn’t bad by any stretch of the imagination, in fact it was quite good. It just didn’t blow me out of the water like some of the other dishes on this menu.

Palette Cleanser.Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

Before dessert we were offered a cheese course. Both getting fairly full & working on plans that followed dinner, we graciously passed.

Before we moved on we were given a palette cleanser. A very vivacious & green sorbet of some kind served with citrus & granita. I wish I could recall what type of any of it it was, but unfortunately, all I have is a picture to offer. I remember it being exceedingly bright &, as aforementioned, green. Maybe it had something to do with apple if my mind serves me…

Hazelnut-t-ella.

Our main dessert course was right up my alley. I noticed a bit of a trend in Singapore while we were there of the Hazelnut. While Dubai Chocolate is currently ransacking The US, hazelnut was having its moment in the sun in Singapore. I actually spent the first four years of my life growing up on a hazelnut farm in Oregon, so they have a very special place in my heart & of course my palette. I love them.

Dessert was a dish they call Hazelnu-t-ella. It was a pastry shell with Piedmont Hazelnut Praliné & Jivara Chocolate topped with Chestnut Ice Cream & little droppers of pure hazelnut oil. I was in heaven. What a perfect dessert. Honestly, I’m such a sucker for a really good hazelnut dessert & this delivered over & over again!

Douceurs. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

Last we closed out the night with just a few more little bites. Some sort of meringue bites, a plating of different fruits; Melon, Apple, & Strawberry, & two final little baked bites.

I think all in all we were at dinner for around 3-4 hours. It was definitely in the top 10 meals I have had in my lifetime & I think the pacing we went at prevented the common problem that wine pairings often result in, which is drunkenness. On our way out the door Sarah gave us gift boxes with a jam inside as a souvenir, in addition to our menus from the evening.

Odette Sign.

At this point my eye had almost entirely cleared up! This fortunately mostly ruled out glaucoma which tends to get worse at night from the pupil trying to open up as wide as possible to let light in. There was still a slight blurriness, but the eye drops I’d been dipping off to the restroom to apply over the course of the meal certainly seemed to help.

While we were at dinner Evan had been in contact with a coworker of his, Io. They both work for Duolingo, on the Duolingo English Test side, & had never physically met. Most of the Duo English Test team is scattered all over the world & Io, & her partner, Piri, who also works for Duo, just happened to be in Singapore at the same time as us.

Marina Bay Sans At Night. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

Typically splitting time between Dubai & Greece, they had flown Dubai after the war broke out in Iran. The only flight they could get out was to Vietnam. Once they got there they found that they couldn’t get many flights back to the Mediterranean, so they came down to Singapore to see if they’d have better luck at a larger international airport. He’d been coordinating with them all day & we were finally able to set a time & met them for drinks!

The last time I was in Singapore I spent a long afternoon in the MO Bar. Located inside the Mandarin Oriental hotel, the MO Bar, at the time I was there last, was doing a series of cocktails that celebrated a number of countries on the Asian continent. This time the drinks were themed around the many different prominent art forms of Singapore & I had convinced the group to make it the destination for our meet up & collective nightcap.

The last time I was at the Mandarin Oriental it was an entirely different vibe. Dark, brooding, earth toned, natural elements. This time it had undergone a full make over. The walls were bright, the art colorful & full of whimsy. An entirely different feel from before.

We met the Duo duo down out in front of the lobby, hugged & greeted, & we made our way up to the bar together.

They didn’t have a table for us, unfortunately, but they were able to put us at one of the standing room high tops. They brought around a small snack & the menu. We each took turns looking through it & getting recommendations from the bar manager who was serving us before we made our decisions.

MO Bar Menu

I ended up ordering the Pine-dustry, a cocktail of Cold Distilled Pineapple, Silver Patrón, White Wine Reduction, & Coconut garnished with a little Pineapple Tart. It was design to commemorate the Singapore bar industry, which is one of the top rated in the world.  Evan had the Bukit Kemas; Ryukyu Baijiu, Lotus Lillet Blanc, & Roasted Corn. It was in celebration of local jewelry house Forbidden Hill. Piri got the Forest Fire. A Monkey Shoulder Whiskey, Los Siete Misterios Mezcal, Pala & Cengkeh Amaro, & Lapsang drink inspired by the National Gallery Singapore, where we just were, specifically Raden Saleh’s painting Boschbrand. Finally, Io got The Jukuleles, named after the four man Singaporean band. It was Código Mezcal, Yuzu Marmalade, Tulasi, & Angostura. The drinks were excellent as always & the conversation was joyful & felt like drinks with people we’d known for ages.

We were at the bar for a good hour/hour & a half. At one point we were brought a round of shots by the staff, which we hesitantly, yet gratefully accepted. We all found ourselves getting more & more tired & I, unfortunately, found my eye burning more & more. So we called it, rode back down the elevator to the lobby, called our separate cabs, bid each other luck & well wishes, & went back off to end the night in our respective hotels.

Terraces. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

End Of Day Ten


Plumeria. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

End Of Part One

Travel Blog: Malaysia- Part Two: Dives, Vibes, & An Indoor Water Feature

Welcome back to my two part series on my most recent trip to Malaysia! If you are new here, welcome, I’m happy to have you. I just wanted to let you know that there’s a part one to this whole adventure that you may want to stop, go back, & take a gander at before we continue on. Totally up to you if you’d like to do that, there’s probably some set ups & introductions in there that will be continued on here, but either way, I’m happy you’re here! I’ll link part one in a big ole button below this introductory paragraph before we get that big, bold “part two” title & continue on. If you read part one & are here for part two, you honor me with your commitment! Thanks to you as well! Alright, enough of my jabbering, let’s get back to it shall we?


PART TWO:

Day Five


Our morning dive time reset. The previous day, with our trip to Sipadan, we’d had to be up & at the boat by 6 AM. Today we weren’t required on the jetty until 8 AM. That didn’t stop the call to prayer from waking us up, though I think Evan & I pushed through until around 6/6:30 at which point we gave up & went down to breakfast.

Following the day prior, Evan had resigned himself to ‘possibility.’ He would go down to the jetty for each perspective dive, sit through the briefing, & decide, based on the brief, whether the dive was for him or not. We call that growth folks. Snaps for the growth.

Evan didn’t end up going, but this morning we were heading over to the neighboring island of Kapalai to dive the house reef of Sipadan Kapalai Dive Resort, called “Mandarin Gardens.” The house reef featured a number of man made structures that acted both as wave breakers & as artificial reefs & they were full to the gills with macro life!

Ornate Ghost Pipefish

Nudibranch

Chocolate Chip Starfish

Although we were all fairly on top of one another this dive & the visibility was only about 30 feet, the sight was exceptional. There was a lot of “look at this, no wait, look at that, ooo, look what I found!” going around. Right off the bat, in the water Roy found an black Ornate Ghost Pipefish. We found a number of Mantis Shrimp, a Crocodile Fish, tons of Rabbitfish & Angels, Nudibranchs on nubibranchs on nudibranchs, Coral Shrimp, Chocolate Chip Starfish, Coral Catfish, more Batfish, another Flamboyant Cuttlefish, & finally something I never thought I’d see again in my life, much less all the way up here off the coast of Borneo. The Lembeh Sea Dragon.

I’m going to stop here & geek out over a fish for a second. This is my blog, I can do that if I want. The Lembeh Sea Dragon is a fish that most divers go their entire lives without seeing, in part because it is so very difficult to see. It looks like a piece of hair or a little bit of algae that’s come loose from the reef & is hanging on by a thread as it sways in the current, & I guess that’s the point. The dragon is only around 1mm in width & is only about 3-4 cm in length, that is about the thickness of a fingernail & the length of your average table grape. Tiny. The crazy part is, the guy that spotted it did so from a good 10 feet above it. It was unfortunately too small for my videos to pick up & focus on.

Flamboyant Cuttlefish

Mantis Shrimp

I first saw a Lembeh Sea Dragon when I was diving the Lembeh Strait back in October of 2022. You can read about that here. The Lembeh Strait is a 10 mile long stretch of ocean that sits between the islands of North Sulawesi & Lembeh in Indonesia. It is also one of the premiere dive spots in the world because of the muck diving here & the specialized creatures that live here, like the Lembeh Sea Dragon. It is also around 825 miles from Sipadan as the crow flies. You can then imagine my surprise at finding this tiny little special speck that far north of its typical habitat. I was geeking out then, just as I am now.

After out dive had concluded we went back to Mabul for our surface interval. The food & beverage offerings were once again coffee, tea, juice, cake, & toast. I leaned into the toast & had my entire first slice crumple in the toaster. The tending resort workers & I spent the next ten minutes or so getting it out of the toaster bit by little bit. & yes, it was unplugged. The pineapple jam on slice #2 made the struggle all worth it though.

Fimbriated Moray Eel

Orangutan Crabs

Giant Green Moray Eel

Dive two was back on Mabul as well, this time at a site called “Coral Reef Gardens.” It was a wall dive that also had its fair share of fun little inhabitants to observe. We found a number of Orangutan Crabs in Bubble Coral (the gesture for which I got to demonstrate on land to several people after the fact), a Yellow Boxfish, lots of eels (one of which was a Fimbriated Moray & one Green Moray that was truly massive), a teeny black Frogfish, some Sexy Shrimp (another fun one to try & give hand signals for), &, of course, a number of Nudis, Turtles, & some impressive schools of Anthias! By the way, the dive signal that I gave for “Orangutan Crab” was arms scratching up my sides from hip to arm pit followed by a pincer motion. Tonny replied back to me with the pincer motion & mimed pulling at long hairs on his forearm. I liked mine better.

Lunch was the usual fanfare & was followed in the early afternoon by our afternoon dive.

This dive was only Erica, Jennifer, Roy, Tonny, & me. At least from our boat. The site was just off the resort, but wasn’t Paradise 1 or 2. Instead it was the Seaventures Dive Rig just off shore from us.

Sexy Shrimp

Flower Urchin

Day Octopus

The Seaventures Dive Rig is an old oil rig turned dive hotel & dive site. The rig is mounted into the ocean floor below it at a depth of only around 30-40 feet & features an abundance of man made reefs, all of which are host to a plethora of marine life. Once again, specifically macro. It’s only about a minute & a half-two minute boat ride from the jetty of our dive resort.

The visibility when we got down was pretty low, maybe 20-30 feet max. Additionally, once you got out from under the rig the current was blasting. That’s not to say it wasn’t a great dive with lots to see. There were mantis shrimp, lots of nudis, crocodile fish, eels (including a male Ribbon Eel), Lionfish, Stonefish, Cherry Grouper, big ole Jellyfish, tons of beautiful corals, a type of urchin I had never seen before called a Flower Urchin, a little orange frogfish, Scorpionfish, & we rounded out our dive with a Day Octopus cradled in the rock, completely white.

Clownfish In Anemone

I ended the dive with a little less air than I would’ve liked. I remember slowly ascending up the line that we used to have our safety stop in the midst of the rushing current, just watching my breath drop 10 psi with each methodic one I took, making sure Roy & his spare was in reach if needed. It’s not that I wasn’t checking my air, it was the current kick up & fighting it that caused me to burn through my supply on our way back to our entry point. Evan was less than pleased at the number I told him when I was done. Again, we recognized the problem, & went about ending the dive once it happened & had steps in place in case my air went too far down.

The rest of our evening was spent at the bar with the group. I sat there editing video, Evan edited photos, we had fries, samosas, rum & cokes, & went off to dinner when we were informed of its readiness. It was another early evening though as our 6 AM call to Sipadan awaited us in the morning.

Sipadan Shore by Evan Buddenbohn

End Of Day Five


Day Six

Back to Sipadan which once again meant back to that 5 AM wake up. We’d planned in advanced this time & ended up getting some cookies from the souvenir shop to have as breakfast so there was at least something on the stomach for dives & medications. We’d snagged a Thai brand of Oreos called Cream-O’s (yes, that’s their real name) & honestly, they were pretty solid! We’ll get more into Cream-O’s later on in this blog, I’m sure!

Sunrise On The Way To Sipadan

The protocol for this morning was the same as our first trip to Sipadan; 6 AM departure with everything loaded onto the boat, 45 minute crossing to Sipadan, check-in at the park office, dive briefing, dive. This morning’s first dive was at “Barracuda Point” just around the bend from where we’d been two days prior. Evan naturally opted out because of the current & instead chose to stay on Sipadan to read & sit on the beach.

Barracuda Point was actually a really solid dive! The visibility was way better than the days prior & while we didn’t run into any schools of Barracuda or Bumphead Parrotfish, we did at least see some, amongst a lot of other things.

Yellowfin Tangs

Six-banded Angelfish

Clown Triggerfish

For starters, the coral here was outstanding. All different shades & expressions as far as the eye could see. The top reef was only about 10-20 feet below the surface & then the entirety of the rest of it slopped off gradually on either side of the point to about 60 feet. Like I said, we did see the two target species here. We ended up running into about four or five different bumpheads & managed one barracuda as it swam along the drop off. Nemo’s parents beware.

Bumphead Parrotfish

In addition we ran into a school of Yellowfin Tangs, a couple of Clown Triggerfish, a rather large set of fish bones, a Six-Banded Angelfish, another huge green moray, a Whitetip Reef Shark, tons of Bubble-Tip Anemones with Clownfish, schools on schools of Green Chromis, & a big ole Napoleon Wrasse! The other half of our group saw an Indo-Pacific Leopard Shark & the FOMO there hit hard.

Our surface interval was also a similar set up as the two days before. Fried noodles, hard boiled eggs, fruit, toast, tea, coffee, & little sausages followed by a briefing for dive number two of the day.

Dive two was also at a dive site close to one from the first trip to Sipadan, this one was on the other side of the island from Barracuda Point at a wall dive called “Staghorn Crest,” so named because of the abundance of Staghorn Coral on the reef here. This site had been requested by Erica because she wanted to get better photos of the schools of Jacks that populate the area. Her request was “get me in the middle of a jack tornado.” So we went jack hunting.

You can see the schools of jacks from the surface of the water, they appear like ever morphing shadows under the surface. We pulled right up to one & Jennifer, Tonny, & Erica were off before the propeller could die down. I was the first in of my group of Darin, his daughter, Deb, & Roy & as soon as I was in the school of jacks came thundering beneath me just about 15 feet below. They swept through followed by Erica with her camera rig finning after them.

The vis on this dive was less than stellar, but I experienced something I’d never experienced in the ocean before here. It swept over the reef almost like a cloud cascading over a mountain top.

Anthias

We were down at around 40 feet after moseying around the wall. Our visibility was already only around 20-30 feet when all of a sudden this cloud of silt & sediment descended upon us. It cut our already fairly low visibility down to around 5 feet on average. At one point the sediment was so thick that I could barely see my hand when I stretched it all the way out in front of me. The craziest part was that it was temporary. We pushed through, continuing on the direction we had been, & eventually came out the other side of it, instantly gaining 10s of feet of visibility.

Other than the jacks, the cloud, & the sheer abundance of Turtles, the dive was less than stellar. Not mad at it though, it was a pretty relaxing one with the current sweeping us sheepishly along.

Smaller “Dinosaur”

Back at the resort we checked off our daily game of “spot the dinosaur” only this time it was a different Asian Water Monitor Lizard than before, this one was much smaller than the one we’d been spotting around the island.

Before departing from the rest of our boat for lunch & the afternoon we were asked by Jennifer if we wanted to join her, her family, Darin’s family, & Erica on an excursion into the village in search of alternative food. They’d been told there were several markets in the village where we could purchase food, though all of the little restaurants on the island were closed for the ongoing observation of the final week of Ramadan. The six of us gathered down by the jetty & began our walk around the island.

One of the main paths on Mabul cuts between the entrance to the resort & the jetty. It then goes all the way across the broad side of the island, curves & meanders through the local village, before looping you back around to the front entrance of the resort once again. We struck out at the first stall which then led us to push farther into the village.

I was clearly at a height disadvantage here as most of the electrical for the homes & businesses, weaving the street, sat about eye level. Any time I needed to cross from one side of the path to the other I had to duck down to avoid the lines.

We eventually found a shop that had some of the items the others were after, picking out chips, some toiletries that were needed, some other different snack foods, & a few local or sought after beverages that were missing from the resort.

Village Laundry by Evan Buddenbohn

The whole time we were wandering the village we had the local children coming up to us so they could offer up any English phrases they knew along with a smile & a laugh. We’d reply back accordingly, but it was typically already at the length of the conversation’s capability. They do much better than me though, I could hardly offer up even the most basic of greetings in Malay, even after spending a week there.

At one point a woman who on a video call got very excited at our passing, turned the camera on us, & informed the person on the other end of the line to “look!” Exclaiming, “we have guests!” We all smiled & waves before moving on through the village.

Once we returned to the resort it was lunch time. Most of us were satisfied with our gatherings from the excursion, but we went by anyway just to fill in any gaps we felt we were missing in our afternoon meal. Towards the end of lunch it started to rain. At first is was just a sprinkle, which we used to return to our room before the downpour came, & boy did it.

We were just about back to our room when the storm unleashed. Massive rain drops hit like meteors in the dry dirt, the trees roared with the wind & the smattering of the droplets. We ran the rest of the way back & quickly pulled our drying gear from off the rack on the balcony.

Not three minutes into the storm the waterfall started.

Remember in part one when I talked about waking up in the middle of the night unable to breathe? This was around night #2 at the resort. I remember distinctly telling Evan that what I was feeling was similar to when there is an abundance of mold present in a room. I am very allergic to mold. Well, we now know the source.

Indoor Water Feature #1

Yes, the waterfall started. Down the wall between my bed & the air conditioning unit was about a three foot wide cascade of water streaming down the side of the wall & dripping from the ceiling. I quickly got up, moved my laptop that was charging on the outlet right under the leak & scooted out the bed from the wall. As soon as we had done that we noticed the trickle of water that was starting to emerge from under the baseboards on the opposite side of the room. It began to pool & puddle pretty quickly. I gathered my shoes & an umbrella & made my way back to the dining hall which also housed the reception desk for the resort.

Indoor Water Feature #2

Once there the woman at the desk call for housekeeping. She then asked me to return to our room & wait. About five minutes later a man from housekeeping showed up, took some pictures, & told us to wait here. Then we heard nothing for about an hour & a half.

By the hour & a half mark I decided that I would need to return to guest services to see what the plan was. Once I got there I was informed they had moved us rooms & had apparently already prepared it for us about an hour earlier, the only problem was that the room was directly below the one we were in. It shared the same walls, the same ceiling/floor, everything. So I expressed that.

The woman working the desk, to her credit, had very good English. Again, far exceeding any grasp I could possibly have on Malay, but we weren’t bridging the gap of language barrier. I was trying to explain that due to my severe mold allergy I would need to be away from that room as much as possible. Nothing sharing walls, ceilings, floors, etc.. She just kept saying that she understood before saying they moved us to the room downstairs. Eventually I did the annoying tourist thing that I try to avoid, pulled out google translate, & illustrated the problem in Malay. That made it click. She then informed housekeeping one more time & they tidied a room & moved us down to another building, not connected to the first.

After The Rain by Evan Buddenbohn

We’d skipped out on doing an afternoon dive in favor of a night/sunset dive. Those of us who were invested in the night dive (Erica, Jennifer, Roy, & myself) all met down at the docks around 6 PM. We also ended up diving with another guide that evening, but I unfortunately never got his name. At this point the rain had been over with for about two hours, but it had unfortunately left all of our gear from the morning pretty soaked. At least they were now cleaner than before, though that wetsuit was absolutely freezing to put on.

Our dive started around 6:30. At this point the sun had almost entirely set & night was rapidly upon us. We just dove right off the end of the jetty, technically doing a shallower redo of “Paradise 2” in the dark, only maxing out at about 40 feet. It was actually a wonderful night dive spot, mixing a bit of muck diving with reef. There were lots of things out & about for the evening & lots of things that had come in to the reef or nestled down in the sand for shelter during the night ahead.

The craziest thing was the amount of urchins that had come out for the night. They were literally everywhere covering most of the rocks, decking, sand, or anything else. Long Spined Urchins literally everywhere. I always wonder where they go during the day & how they manage to navigate the crags & cubbies they hide in with spines that are around a foot long.

We almost immediately found another day octopus (though I guess it would then have been a night octopus…………….) upon our descent into the darkness. It clearly didn’t want anything to do with us & kept attempting to use a shell to cover up the entrance to the cave it had found to hunker down in. After that the dive was a veritable blend of invertebrates & predatory fish.

We saw a large handful of hermit crabs ranging from size from fingernail to soccer ball. We found several black Forskal’s Slugs, a cluster of rabbitfish attempting to appear as a rock on the ocean floor, Tube Anemones, Hancock’s Flatworms, some sleeping sea turtles, Tile Starfish, a Papal Miltre, a small school of Antennata Lionfish, a Zebra Eel, lots of different Pufferfish, a Banded Pipefish, a Velutin Snail, lots of nudibranchs, a big ole Horned Helmet Snail buried in the sand bed, a Bearded Fireworm, some Shrimpfish hiding amongst the spines of the urchins, & two juvenile Harlequin Sweetlips wiggling about.

By the time we’d finished the dive the tide was up so high that we could just float up onto the dock to get out. We quickly dried, stored our gear, & made our way down to dinner which was on the verge of closing out. After that we were all fairly beat & called it a night.

Washed Up Trees On Sipadan by Evan Buddenbohn

End Of Day Six


Day Seven

This was to be our last day of diving. If you’re unfamiliar with dive protocol you’re not supposed to dive within 24 hours prior to a flight. So, typically dive resorts keep your last day with them clear so that you can keep that window of time clear. Since we weren’t out at Sipadan we got to sleep in a bit AND have breakfast.

We were back out at Kapalai this morning. Our dive site was “Little Okinawa.” Not entirely sure why the site was called that, but it featured a sloped reef that led to a sandy bottom with another smaller reef on the other side. Erica & Jennifer went off with Tonny & Darin, his daughter, Deb, & I went down with Roy, as per the usual arrangement.

I’d been having a bit of trouble with my ear the previous day or so, I could feel the eustachian tubes getting sore from all of the equalizing, & I had a bit of trouble off & on throughout the week with a reverse squeeze in my left ear. Some of you may remember that I actually perforated my left ear drum back in March of 2024 in the Philippines. You can read about that here. Well… It reopened…

After years of healing that included diving along the way, my left ear decided it wanted to go ahead & perforate again.

It was entirely unexpected & happened in only about 30 feet of water. I remember clearing my ear upon decent, which did so without issue, then having a horrible reverse squeeze when I happened back up a foot or so with passing current. When I went back down to try & relieve the reverse squeeze I was met with severe pain. My dive group was gathered around a decent sized Broadclub Cuttlefish at the time just under out entry point & I almost called the dive then & there. The pain was so bad that I started tearing up but then like nothing, it went away. So before I could even attempt to convey the “I’m out” message, it had dissipated. I thought I was in the clear until we started to ascend at the end of the dive & I could feel it/hear it. The little tiny bubbles slipping out of the tiny hole in my ear drum as the gas within expanded from the decrease in ambient pressure. Luckily I wear a diver’s earplug in that ear, so minimal saltwater got in, but it’s still incredibly uncomfortable.

The literal hole in my head aside, the dive was actually pretty good! I mentioned the Cuttlefish, we ended up also seeing a Dwarf Cuttlefish towards the end of the dive. The front half of the dive was actually a little light on things to see & Darin & his daughter ended up calling the dive about halfway through & left Deb & Roy & me to continue on. Once they’d left we found all of the good stuff of course. Clear Cleaner Shrimp, Sexy Shrimp, heaps of different kinds of nudibranchs, some doing fun things. A group of around 10 black lionfish, some of which were free swimming in the current. Itty bitty baby clownfish, a field of Garden Eels, a white stonefish, a juvenile black ribbon eel, & of course more turtles & the aforementioned bobtail cuttlefish. Deb also put it perfectly when she came up & said “wow, absolutely just drunk on coral” & she was correct, the colors on the coral at Little Okinawa were magnificent.

Bougainvillea By Evan Buddenbohn

Naturally, with my bum drum, I didn’t go on anymore dives, though the rest of the folks did. I ended up spending the rest of the day oscillating reading poolside & editing video down on the jetty. At some point Evan got a massage & I made the incredibly stupid decision to try & get the water out of my ear with a bit of “Swimmer’s Ear” solution. Which, is you’re not aware, is a mixture of glycerin & alcohol. Oh, & I made the really stupid decision to equalize my ear while doing it so that the solution would get into the inner ear. I felt like someone was manually ripping my ear off of my head. You’re welcome for that macabre diversion by the way.

From there we eventually found our way down to the shop where we purchased the Blueberry varietal of Cream-O’s before heading to the bar for further editing, drinks, fries, & samosas.

Y’all. The Blueberry Cream-O’s. Exceptional. I know back in day six I said we’d talk about Cream-O’s further. Well the time has come.

The blueberry flavor is not like an Oreo. It maintains that shape & vibe, but it is a vanilla cookie with vanilla cream in the center & a nice little dollop of blueberry jam on the top. They are pang as the British say! I liked them so much that I ate an entire pack of them in one night. I then had to go back before we left & buy four sleeves of them to take home. Cannot recommend enough & some of the rest of our group was well on board with them also by the time we left.

As the evening let on more & more people filtered into the bar. At a certain point, so did the dive crew. They had the next day off for Eid, the end of Ramadan, & were celebrating a successful week of work with a bottle of scotch that Roy had procured.

When dinner was called we all drifted down & had our fill. Afterwards I told Evan that I wasn’t yet tired & we made our way back across the resort onto the jetty & returned to the bar.

I could tell we spoiled their fun a little bit. That wasn’t my intention at all & I understand that at the resort bar the guests’ wants & comforts come first. But as we walked down the jetty towards the bar we could hear it, karaoke.

We strolled in & sat down on the outer edge. We ordered our typical rum & coke & sat there. As soon as we were sat the staff stopped doing karaoke & resorted to doomscrolling or eating the food they’d had delivered. Ev & I felt bad so we got up to leave after finishing our drink so that they could get back to enjoying their night off. It was here, while we were waiting for the bartender to return to cash out, that we were met at the counter by Roy & his bottle of scotch. He graciously asked us to have a drink with him, which we agreed to, then before we could order our own drinks so as not to subtract from his hard earned scotch, he poured us two very large glasses filled with the brown liquid. He proceeded to shoot his while Evan & I sipped gingerly. It was here that I think the levity was able to creep back in & Karaoke resumed.

The guides kept apologizing profusely to us about the lower than average visibility we’d had over the week. They explained that the rainy season had lasted longer than it usually did & that they had gotten about twice as much rain as they typically do in a year, so all of the rivers were still washing out the silt from the mainland that had yet to settle in the ocean. We just kept reassuring them that it was okay & also, definitely wasn’t their fault or the resorts fault, that we still had a great time filled with great dives. We’d just need to come back a little later in the season next time.

Another tall rocks glass of scotch later for each of us & we were being propositioned to sing. I knew Evan wouldn’t do it so I accepted. The Malaysians then chose “Tennessee Whiskey” by Chris Stapleton as my song to sing because we were from Tennessee.

How is it that I always end up singing on dive trips? I’m not mad at it & am happy to have fun with it & all that jazz, it just always seems to happen.

After I finished Tennessee Whiskey I was asked to perform another before we left. Evan was sat at the bar getting drunker & drunker & the bottle of scotch just kept extending our way. He eventually looked at me & said “if you don’t sing so we can leave I’m going to pass out.” So I  sang “Feeling Good” & we stumbled back down the jetty to our room to fall quickly asleep.

House Reef From Above by Evan Buddenbohn

End Of Day Seven


Day Eight

Our last day at the resort was very casual. We slept in a bit, got down to breakfast, sat around by the pool for a while, & basically just all around relaxed. In the early afternoon, about an hour or so after lunch, I, myself, got a massage! It, much like the rest of the day was very relaxed.

At some point we went around doing our due diligence; closing out tabs, handing out tips, stocking up on Blueberry Cream-O’s, gathering & packing up our dive gear (hanging out what needed drying still to dry), packing up our clothes, & preparing for our early morning departure the next day. Naturally I also spent much of the day editing videos & piecing together different things for this blog series.

Flags On The Jetty

Just before sunset we all gathered at the end of the jetty. The Duffins (Darin & the fam) are proper fans of a sunset cruise, especially as a way of closing out a stay & in all honesty, I dig it. It’s got a sense of chill style to it. Folks ordered drinks from the bar for the excursion then we gathered in one of the dive boats & were off.

The drive around the island was truly a cruise. A slow mosey which came in high contrast to the majority of the rides we’d had in the dive boats over the week. Then it didn’t matter that we were getting splattered against the waves, we were going to get wet anyway. Now we had on nicer clothing, phones, cameras, & the like.

We were joined on board by Roy & Tonny, additionally there was another boat of tourists that were following us around, taking in the amazing views & crystal waters that the island had to offer. We rounded the island, passing by each of the resorts, interacting with the locals along the way who had come up to sell us fish, crab, or lobster, before we wrapped around to the West side of Mabul to sit & watch the sunset.

Borneo Sunset

Steven, one of the guys in our group, did something that I really enjoyed & I am definitely stealing for later trips. He brought a Polaroid Camera. He’d snap pictures, mostly of locals, then hand the photos directly to them. Each time was met with a bit of confusion, followed by an outburst of joy & it was such an endearingly human thing to see. I think we often forget how much photography used to be a physical media form. How many people, anywhere in the world, have a recent photograph of themselves that they can physically hold or display? I know we don’t have many. Most of us keep our stores of photos in digital spaces & never have something of ourselves or the people we care about that is tangible. What an amazing, yet simple, gift to offer up to the people who have welcomed you into their space & allowed you to exist & habitat their land & their waters for a week. He continued this around with the resort & dive staff as well.

The sunset over Borneo was breathtaking. The mountains of the island melted seamlessly into the thunderheads outlining the edge of them in a soft orange glow while the sty remained a soft blue. We sat there on the western edge for around thirty minutes, just taking in the sky & the village from an entirely new angle. It was such a lovely capstone to the trip.

Dinner was being served by the time that we arrived back at the dock. We made our way down as a group, had one last dinner together, then went off our separate ways to finish packing & any other preparation for the early morning & long travel day we had ahead of us.

Boat Of Mabul by Evan Buddenbohn

End Of Day Eight


Day Nine

Sunrise Fishermen

It was almost like we were headed to Sipadan again. We had been instructed to be up by 5 AM & have our bags packed & waiting outside of our rooms. Resort staff then came around with several massive wheelbarrow like carts, filled the to the brim with our belongings, & carted them down to the end of the jetty. Our time to be at the end of the jetty was 5:30 AM with an aimed departure time of 5:45, though we didn’t end up pushing off until right around 6.

Similar to how we got to the island, we were all loaded into a boat with rowed seating & all of our luggage was loaded into the back. The morning crossing was much less choppy than the week prior & we got to watch the sunrise over the Celebes Sea one last time.

Once we got back to Semporna, we were presented with a little take away breakfast. It consisted of some watermelon, a hard boiled egg, & a butter sandwich. We sat outside a closed Starbucks munching away on them until the bus was pulled around & we & our luggage were loaded up.

At this point it was just short of 7 AM & the more time we sat waiting to depart in the bus, the closer the Starbucks we’d been sat at was to opening. Finally right at 7 AM the driver got on & got ready to depart. He was halted by someone up front who asked if we had time to step back off & get a coffee from the recently unlocked Starbucks, he said that we did so we all went in & got coffees & pastries for the road. Ev & I are typically not Starbucks patrons but availability & lack of caffeination got the better of us & we indulged.

Back on the road with an Ube Muffin & an Ice Kacang Frappe we headed from Semporna back to the Tawau Airport. I read & napped along the way & we arrived at the airport just before 9 AM. We got all checked in & still had a bit of time before we needed to get through the small security station they had, so we all filed back into the line for Subway to get a bit of food for the plane ride back to Kuala Lumpur.

Once through security we found ourselves doing a lot of ‘hurry up & wait,’ moving from one seated section to another to another until finally it was time to board our 11:30 Air Asia flight back to the mainland.

Evan & I didn’t realize we had so much time between our arrival back in Kuala Lumpur & our departure to Singapore. About 2/3rds of the group were going on back to The States the evening of our arrival, another 1/3rd (minus us) was staying in Kuala Lumpur for a few more days, then we were going on to Singapore to spend a couple of days there.

We’d flirted with the idea of going to a lot of different places across Asia after finishing up our time in Borneo. I’m always of the mind that if I’m flying halfway around the world, I might as well make the most of it & see something or somewhere else while I’m over there. We’d floated the option of a full additional week in Japan or Thailand, leaning heavily into the idea of the former. We then thought well, if we’re not going to do a whole week, where would we like to spend a few days, & those options came up as Hong Kong, Shanghai, or Singapore. We did lean heavily on Japan as the choice at first, like I said, but decided against it when we realized we’d have to haul our big bags all over Japan, which it is not conducive to. We opted for the shorter time in Singapore where I had been, but Evan hadn’t.

So we bid the group goodbye, handing our hugs & good luck & made our way up to the ticketing counter to see if we could move to the earlier flight to Singapore since our flight into Malaysia had gotten in so much earlier than we’d anticipated. They were unfortunately entirely booked up, so we got to wait around for 6 hours for our evening flight out.

They went ahead & let us check our bags, which was nice, so that we didn’t have to haul them around the airport. With a ton of time to kill, we took the opportunity to hit up Din Tai Fung & get some dumplings.

The irony of us going to Din Tai Fung in one of the best food cities in the world is not lost on me. Sure, we could go to a local spot that probably blows it out of the water at a fourth of the cost, & sure, I’m sure there was probably one such stall somewhere in the airport, but Din Tai Fung holds a special place in our hearts as occasional Los Angelinos & it’s based in Taiwan anyway.

We got a number of soup dumplings, shui mai, fried rice, & a bao or two. It was interesting having it in Malaysia because they didn’t serve pork due to Malaysia being predominantly Muslim. Pork is not halal, if you didn’t know. The real star of the show at Din Tai Fung though is their chocolate dumplings which come with a vanilla cream dipping sauce. They’re incredibly rich & altogether slap so hard.
After lunch we decided to walk around the mall attached that we’d walked through several days prior in the early morning hours while being escorted by Jasmine. It was majority food, but there were also quite a few clothing shops as well. We ended up in a pretty large grocery store at one point where we witnessed the universal International traveler experience.

A man had ask one of the workers at the shop for a specific item & the language barrier was barriering. So he pulled out his phone, typed in the ask, then extended the screen out towards the face of the man he was asking for help from. & there it was, the universal International traveler experience. Runs into a language barrier. Pulls out phone. Types in what they’re after in Google or Apple translate. Fully extends arm out towards other person with screen facing them. It happens in every country I’ve ever been in. I’m of course guilty of it too at times.

After a while we found ourselves tired of walking around & returned to ticketing to then return to the coffee. for another out of this world iced hazelnut latte. We sat there a bit, charging our devices, before we decided it was time to move on & make our way through security.

There’s not much else to this tale of Malaysia other than maybe the fact that we had to go through three different security checkpoints to get to our Scoot flight to Singapore. It departed Kuala Lumpur at about 7:30 in the evening & they had us sat aboard a dreamliner for an hour long flight south.

Shallow Waters By Evan Buddenbohn

End Of Day Nine


Waves On Sipadan by Evan Buddenbohn

End Of Part Two & Blog Series…..Kind Of….


Travel Blog: Malaysia- Part One: Dormant Volcanic Islands In The Stream

PART ONE:

Day One

Nashville, Tennessee

Our flight from Nashville to St. Paul, Minnesota left at 6 AM. That meant, since it was were going all the way through internationally on a single check-in, that we had to be at the airport when the ticketing counter for Delta opened at 3:30 AM. Which meant we had to leave the house around 3 AM just to be there in time. Thankfully we had the Delta Sky Club to wait in at BNA as well as a couple of solid hours of sleep at our backs to guide us along. We both slept the entire two hour flight to St. Paul, which helped as well.

Delta Flight Out Of Nashville

Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota

We arrived in The Twin Cities early in the 8 o'clock hour. The reasoning for our excessively early departure was made in attempt of meeting up with the rest of the group from Midwest Aquatics along the way to Malaysia, so that we could all be in the same place at the same time for our Malaysian domestic flights. We did , in fact, succeed, & met the majority of the rest of the group that was coming from Kansas City here while in yet another Delta Sky Club.

Our flight over the Canadian Wilderness & the Arctic Circle to Seoul left around 11. Evan had graciously upgraded us on this fourteen hour flight to Delta One seats, something that neither of us had ever flown before. He did this for a couple of reasons. First, Evan has been recovering from a lower back injury for the last couple of months & still has a very hard time sitting for long periods of time. This allowed us to have a lay flat bed during our very long flight & prevented him from being worried about spending the duration of the flight in a middle seat unable to get up & stretch as needed. Second, the tickets for the Delta One spots ended up being cheaper than if we had upgraded to Economy Comfort or Premium Economy. So, thanks to him, we ended up getting to lay down & sleep majority of the way to Seoul.

We both opted for the Korean meals on the flight & ended up sleeping around half of the total time in the air. I was amazed as a 6’4” person that I could fit majority of me in the lay flat cabin! The only issue we ran into ended up being because of the lack of windows. The only upgrades available at our time of change were the middle cabins. Typically we fly on either side of the plane with a window view. Without said window view I became very motion sick on our decent into South Korea, to the point where I was locating the barf bags. Note to self for future upgrades I guess.

Seoul, South Korea

Our layover in Seoul was a pretty short one & it was about mid-afternoon by the time we arrived. I was honestly a little bummed when we arrived because I was looking forward to raiding their food court for some Korean bites, but the nausea from the flight took a bit to clear up & took my appetite with it. We departed for our six hour Korean Air flight to Kuala Lumpur shortly thereafter.

Korean Air Flight Out Of Seoul

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

It was around 10:30 PM when we landed in Kuala Lumpur. Once we had our bags & cleared immigration we were met by a woman named Jasmine. Jasmine was sent by Tune Hotel to collect us all. She took us through the airport to the bus that was waiting to take us & our belongings over to the hotel where we had a couple hours stay before our domestic flight the next morning.

Evan & I got to our hotel room, quickly went about switching over clothing for the morning, showering, recharging devices, & were out before our heads hit the pillow for our five hour nap in the middle of our travels.

Evan & Me In Delta One

End Of Day One


Day Two

Our wake up call the next day was around 5 AM for a 5:30 AM lobby call, where we would once again be met by Jasmine to help us navigate our layover. We packed up any remaining items from the ‘not too far away’ night before & descend the hotel to meet the rest of the crew for our return to the Kuala Lumpur Airport.

We managed to make it to the airport around 6 & were immediately glad to have Jasmine again. The airport proved to be a bit of a maze; entering in on one level, having to avoid barriers, ascend up three floors by elevator, then meander through the mall til we got up to ticketing. It is here that we met the rest of the folks from our group who had flown in a day or two prior to spend a couple of days in Kuala Lumpur prior to moving on with the rest of us.

In hindsight Evan & I kind of wished that we had done the same. Not because of the travel exhaustion, but because neither of us had done the research into Kuala Lumpur & realized just how massive & in-depth a city it is. Noted for next time. We did have the foresight to tack Singapore onto the end of our trip, though we would end up wishing that we had one day longer there than we did.

Evan & I were the second to be checked in for our massive group reservation & with a little bit of time to kill while others did the same, we sauntered over to The Coffee.. The Coffee. is a Japanese based coffee shop with a small shop near international ticketing at the Kuala Lumpur Airport. They honestly may have made one of the best Iced Hazelnut Lattes I’ve ever had. It had tiny little chocolate shavings at the bottom which ended up making it taste like a Ferrero Rocher!

Once everyone was all checked in, we bid goodbye to Jasmine & thanked her for all of her help.

By the time we got to our gate we had about an hour before boarding. We used this time to do some quick money conversion/withdrawal & to try grab yet another coffee, this time trying Malaysia’s famous White Coffee. In addition to the coffee Ev & I also split a Kaya Toast, which felt like a mandatory way to start a morning in Malaysia.

Something that we all as a group debated about was the popularity of the 7-Eleven in the airport. The shop had locals wrapped around the shop & out into the pathways with baskets loaded with goods. It was mostly bread, dry/canned goods, & the like, as 7-Elevens in Asia are more akin to a high end convenience store with a lot more of a grocery element than they have here in the states. My running hypothesis is that when you get out to more remote parts of the country that certain amenities naturally become harder to come by, so you do a bit of shopping in the 7-Eleven before you go.

Our Air Asia Flight

Our flight aboard Air Asia was around 2 hours from Kuala Lumpur to Tawau, Sabah on the island of Borneo, which is the third largest island in the world. They clustered us all together in our seating assignment &, appropriately enough, gave us the plane that had the Sea Turtle & Coral wrap. I’m going to claim it was intentional. Upon our descent into Tawau you could see all of the Oil Palm Farms. They stretched endlessly across the land, their palms arranged meticulously in neat rows that were visible from thousands of feet up.

Oil Palm Farms From Above



Tawau, Malaysia



When you land at the Tawau Airport, you once again have to go through Malaysian customs & immigration. The airport is mostly outdoors with several food & souvenir shops scattered around the concourse. We were all pretty hungry when we landed & weren’t sure we’d make lunch at the dive resort so we split up to get something quick to take on our hour & a half bus ride from Tawau to Semporna.

Soon to be friend & recent acquaintance, Erica & I decided we wanted to get ahead of the week & went for a local foods stall simply titled “Noodles.” Through the exchange of Google Translate they informed us that the only things on the menu that they were currently serving were the soups. We both opted for the Penang Curry Noodle Soup.

Oil Palm Farms. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

We ran into two problems here. First, the soup, though it smelled heavenly, came in a plastic bag with nothing but a little plastic box of the noodles & toppings to pour the broth into. Not exactly bus friendly. Additionally, even though we iterated it a couple of times through translation, the noodle box was loaded up with shrimp & that’s a problem when there’s a shellfish allergy involved. So, we both opted to go with the US staple the rest of the group had ended up with, Subway.

The drive across Sabah gave us much closer views of all of the oil palms. They were legitimately about 90% of the view as we headed East.

Once we got to Semporna we were ushered onto a boat. Our luggage was transported & stowed in the back & off we went on the 30 minute crossing from Semporna to the isle of Mabul.



Mabul, Malaysia


Home Of The Bajau People

On our boat ride over we passed by a series of villages that were situated over the top of the shallows. Majority of the houses set disconnected from one another on high stilts & there had to be over a hundred of them. Some were in clusters ranging from dozens to a handful, some sat out in the water by themselves. They struck a curiosity in me. I had remembered reading at one point about groups of people who were adapting & evolving to live more aquatic lives. Turns out this was one of the groups of said individuals! They have been found to have larger spleens which allow them to hold their breaths for about 15 minutes & dive down to around 225 feet. They are known as the Bajau People & they are considered sea nomads!

Cat On The Jetty. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

We arrived at Borneo Divers Mabul Resort in the early afternoon. Turns out they had saved lunch for us & we were shown, first, to the dive shop to set up our gear, then down the jetty to the dining hall where we were greeted with cold towels, lemon iced tea, & lunch. While we ate they had us fill out our check-in forms, our diving waivers, & all of our information for the Sipadan Island Park license. Once all of that was concluded we were shown to our rooms where our bags were already waiting for us.

Evan & I were given a double full bed room on the second floor overlooking the pool. We got all of our luggage sorted out & our remaining dive gear prepped for the morning.

The rest of our day was pretty relaxed. We went down & sat by the pool for a couple of hours, swimming occasionally. We walked long the jetty to go look into the souvenir shop & scope out the bar, then in the evening we made our way to dinner before calling it an early night. Getting some much needed rest following our two days of travel.

Mabul In The Evening

End Of Day Two




Day Three



We both woke up pretty early. Part of that may have been the adjustments required for the time zone shift to the other side of the world, part of that may have been the Sunrise Call To Prayer. We had arrived in Malaysia, a primarily Muslim country in the final couple of days of Ramadan. It had been a while since I had been in a Muslim country, the last was Bosnia in the summer of 2012, & I had forgotten just how cinematically beautiful the call to prayer can be. I remember telling Evan that I’ve been spending too much time in the film work & I would easily picture the tripod shots of the foliage in the dark of the early morning, cut to the waves on the beach, a cat asleep under an overhead light, the lights on the dining hall illuminating, all set to the call to prayer that happened each morning as the sun began to rise.

We ate a light breakfast, which started service around 6:30 AM, then went back to the room to collect our things & head down the jetty for our first dive at 8 AM.

Cat In My Box

Once our entire group was gathered at the dock we were given our briefing, split into groups, & assigned to our dive guide for the week. Evan, Darin (the owner of Midwest Aquatics), his daughter, our friend Deb, & I were all put into a group with Roy who was the Dive Master of the resort. The crew had come in early to set up our tanks & brought out the dive gear we’d dropped off the afternoon before in totes. Mine came with a small visitor, one of the island cats, she was a stunning mixed calico & tabby & she would spend majority of the next week either following after me or in my lap.

Our first dive was to be at the house reef, a site they had designated as “Paradise 2.” Where “Paradise 1” was, I couldn’t tell you. We never saw it, but Paradise 2 was meant to be our checkout/reacclimatizing dive. Sipadan is strictly protected & they want to certify that the divers coming in have the skill set to be diving there without harm to the local ecosystem. Most of us with cameras opted to not bring them since they add an additional layer of maneuvering & proficiency & we wanted to test the waters, literally. Which sucks because at Paradise 2 we saw a Flamboyant Cuttlefish, a huge Sea Turtle sleeping under one of the sunken boats of the manmade reef, & one of the largest Giant Frogfish that I’ve ever seen.

Our surface interval came with the usual toast, tea, & coffee. Anything that needed tinkering with on anyone’s kit between dives one & two was handled & before we knew it we were off to dive number two, a boat dive around the south end of the island.

Flatworm

The second dive site was “Eel Gardens” I site that I was excited for, because of the local colonies of Garden Eels that live there. I am a massive lover of Garden Eels, they bring me such joy. Our boat consisted of the five of us who had been assigned to Roy, Roy (of course), & Erica (who you met yesterday) & Jennifer, who were with a private guide named Tonny. Jennifer had booked Erica a private guide for the trip as a gift for her completion of her Masters in Photography. Part of the thought here was also that Erica, who loves Macro Diving, would be free to take her time photographing & not be bunched up with a lot of other people.

The tide at Eel Gardens was definitely stronger than on the north side of the island. We were fighting it more than Evan has hoped but all in all, we saw some pretty interesting things. The fields of garden eels were there, though they are very hard to capture on video or photos because they’re incredibly shy & retreat into the sand as soon as you get about 10-15 feet from them. The visibility was also fairly low which made any footage I did have of them incredibly out of focus. The visibility will, unfortunately, be an issue all week, we’ll discuss it & the reasons behind it in part two, most likely.

Resting Turtle

Whatever This Little Decorator Crab Is

Right as we got in at the site we found two turtles resting near the surface. In addition to the garden eels, the site was full of different kinds of Nudibranchs & Flatworms. There was a Stonefish, a Juvenile Emperor Angelfish, a tiny little Decorator Crab (I can’t find what kind for the life of me), a Torch Coral with a Gall Crab living inside, Bubble-Tip Anemones with Saddleback Clownfish, & schools of Black Triggerfish.

Gall Crab In Torch Coral

Lunch followed our second dive, back at the resort, with the plan to reconvene around 2:30 for the final dive of the day. When it became time for dive three only Jennifer & I ended up wanting to go back out. So we buddied up along with Roy & made our way to a wall dive called “Nudibranch Center.”

Giant Moray Eel

Octopus

Jennifer & I did see quite a few nuidbranches here, though that ended up not being the central draw of what would probably end up being one of the best dives of the entire trip. As soon as we were in the water we found a rocky outcropping covered in Maxima Clams. Their electric blues & greens were outstanding against the rocks they were embedded in. Just over the edge we found a Orbiculate Batfish, followed by several Moray Eels (one of which was massive), a handful of Sexy Shrimp, even more turtles, Blue-Spotted Stingrays, schools of Anthias, a couple of Comb Jellyfish, a Lobster, & a rather large Day Octopus. We both agreed upon surfacing to tell no one about how amazing the dive was, then immediately spilled as soon as we got back to the dock to anyone who would listen.

Asian Water Monitor Lizard

I was met on the end of the jetty by Evan who had been sat in one of the lounge chairs reading. We headed back to the room to debrief & get changed for dinner but were stopped along the way by a dinosaur. In one of the beds behind one of the villas was an Asian Water Monitor Lizard basking in the sun. It had to be at least 4 feet from snout to the tip of its tail. It froze as we walked by, lowering its head to appear more like a log or a rock when I shifted around a tree to get a better look at it. Eventually I let it back to its sunbathing & went about my evening. Evan & I would play “spot the dinosaur” the rest of the week as it popped up almost daily in different locations around the resort.

*I’m going to insert a footnote here, because I have friends who, like me, are NERDS. I know monitor lizards aren’t dinosaurs. I know they’re more closely related to ancient reptiles, not of the lineage of dinosaurs. The moniker for the monitor was merely for laughs as it was massive. I also know that a footnote typically must appear at the foot of a page of text. Can we suspend our rigid rules for this small segment, please? Thank you.

Dinner was served around 6:30. It typically was rice, a chicken dish, a fish dish, two types of veggies, a seafood dish, & a western dish. There was always a soup of the day, fresh papaya & watermelon, & two types of desserts. Occasionally they also had barbecue or satay going outside.

Our night was an early one. Diving is exhausting, we were still adjusting to the time zone, & our departure time for the following morning was set to 6 AM because we were going over to Sipadan for the first time.

Bougainvillea. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

End Of Day Three


Day Four

Dive Boats At Sunrise. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

Another morning where the call to prayer beat the alarm clock. 5 AM, bright & early, we were both awakened by it & decided it best to go about our morning, preparing for the 6 AM boat call.

We first went down to the dining hall in search of something small or transportable to eat, but we came up dry. Evan had medication that required food to take but he had saved some cake from dinner before that allowed him to still ingest it in the chance that there wasn’t food available in the morning before we made our way to Sipadan.

Down at the docks everyone filtered in in small groups or duos, dreary eyed & seemingly a little reluctant, but we gathered our diving belongings & loaded up into our designated boats for the voyage across the open ocean to the island.

The trip from Mabul to Sipadan takes around 45 minutes. The crossing this morning was a choppy one & I think we were all grateful to be already in wetsuits once the splash from the waves began to pepper us in the back of the open sided boat.

I suppose that it is here where I should explain to you all a little about Sipadan & what makes it so special.

Sipadan Island Park Sign

Sipadan is an inactive volcano that juts out of the ocean floor. The surrounding ocean measures around 2,000 feet in depth just off the steep slopes of the island. In 1933 it was declared a bird sanctuary (with many guests at the resort coming for that reason) & in 2004 it was declared a marine park. The island park only gives out 178 dive permits per day, requiring an Advanced Open Water level certification to dive there &, in addition to the park staff, employs a number of dive marshals who observe the visitors to the island & help maintain the protection of its ecosystem underwater. The main draw of diving Sipadan is its visibility, typically exceeding 100 feet (keyword typically), the schools of Bumphead Parrotfish that nest here at night/early morning, the schools of Barracuda & Jacks, giant Napoleon Wrasse, the over abundance of turtles, as well as the likelihood for Pelagic Species like sharks, manta rays, & even whales! The hunt for the bumpheads in the early morning was the reason for our 6 AM departure.

We landed on Sipadan just before 7 AM. We were shown to the park office where we each had to verify our identity & dive certification before we gathered to brief for the dive. The site we were to hit that morning was “Coral Gardens” the intention, again, to hunt for bumphead parrotfish. Once we were briefed we reloaded into the boats & off & around we went.

I now must now interject two story details that were previously omitted from the day prior & diving in general. They involve Evan.

Evan, to his credit, got into diving because I am very into diving. I gifted him a certification course one Christmas & he has now been around the world diving. Evan, to a degree, is not the most comfortable in water. I think that’s fair to say. Additionally, he has a very hard time in dives with large groups where people end up a little on top of one another to see the things we’re all trying to stop & see. He also tends to get into a bit of a panic when his air consumption hits half a tank & really doesn’t like current as he’s afraid it’ll sweep him out to sea. He is not a bad diver by any means, in fact I would argue he’s better than around half the divers that I’ve dove with over the years. His problem lies in the panic & anxiety. He gets down under the water, something might be off, & instead of listening to the advice of me or Darin or our dive guides to do something that would mitigate his fear, he leans towards calling the dive.

On our first dive at Paradise 2 he remained about 5-10 feet above the rest of the group, never coming down closer to view whatever we were looking at. That was a case of our entire group being bunched together though. On our second dive at Eel Gardens there was a light to moderate amount of current, but instead of coming down closer to the ocean floor, he remained up in it, fighting it. All of these were fixes that both Darin & I offered fixes for in the moment & following that were not heeded. Let those anecdotes be indicative of this next dive…

When we were being briefed for Coral Gardens Roy had informed us of three main things, the first being the current. Coral Gardens has a tendency to have pretty steep levels of surface, & potential overall, current. Second, since Coral Gardens has such steep surface current, it requires us to be ready to throw & go almost as soon as we arrive at the site & to then go down so as not to get swept one way or another. The last thing that he warned of was the potential depth. We would max out at a possible 80-100 feet in depth. So we all were in a bit of a rush getting ready on the boat.

Once in the water my dive housing for my phone, where I take video, started screaming at me that it had a leak, so I had to pop back up the maybe 5-10 feet I’d gone down, flag the boat back over, & pass them my case. I think it had just gotten splashed on the way over & had a water droplet or two inside tripping the moisture sensor, because the problem never happened again.

I met Evan down with the rest of the group at around 25-30 feet & immediately we all found ourselves railing against the current. At this point I turned to Evan & asked, through hand signaling, if he wanted to switch places with me. I was closer to the wall of the reef where the current was lighter & he was more out in the open. He said no. Not a minute later he’s giving me the “something is wrong” signal & pointing to his mask. He then spells out the word “burn” in sign language to me. I can visibly see the dish soap that was used to clean his mask & prevent fog on his mask. The gel of it is entirely still there. So I tell him to clear his mask. He does not. I tell him to do that a few more times, he never does. Then he gives me the signal for “go up.” He’s calling the dive.

Let me make two things very, very clear right now. I will never be upset with someone for calling a dive if they need to. It is always about safety & comfort over anything else, but a part of that safety & comfort includes self assessment & deciding during your dive briefing if the dive is something you are comfortable with or not. Additionally, if the things causing you discomfort are things that can be attempted to fix with the help of others, those prompts & suggestions should be tried first. So we flag down Darin & I tell him that we’re going back to the boat as he & the rest of the group continue along the reef.

We did our safety stop, I inflated my SMB (Surface Market Buoy), & we made our way to the surface. Once there he went into full panic that the boat wasn’t right there to pick us up & then then one was there they thought that they were the wrong boat for us, even though they were the correct one. We got back on board & I didn’t hear a word from him until the end of the surface interval.

I myself was naturally incredibly disappointed. We’d flown halfway around the world to dive this one site that we were only allowed four total dives at the entire time we were there & we’d just had to call one. Again, my issue with the whole thing was not that the dive was called. I’ve had to call dives myself for a number of reasons, my issue was that when all of the ‘this dive is not something you are going to enjoy’ flags were handed to him, he ignored them & went anyway & that he once again ignored those trying to help him calm back down & get collected when he anxiety kicked in. He had even acknowledged that he wasn’t comfortable with the sound of the dive after receiving the briefing & had gone in anyway.

Apparently the dive was a bust though. The visibility that’s typically over 100 feet was barely thirty. They only saw a singular bumphead & a Napoleon wrasse from a distance.

Sipadan Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

Our surface interval was at the covered shelters on Sipadan. It consisted of boiled eggs, fried noodles, fruit, toast, & cake along with coffee, tea, or juice. We returned back by the park office for our briefing & were met with our second site of the day, “South Point.”

South Point was also a wall dive, though, as the name implies, it was on the southern side of the island, the hope here being that the current & visibility would be better. They were as far as I could tell. The goal here was to search for Barracuda & Jacks, along with an abundance of turtles. Evan opted out of the second dive. He would not dive the remainder of the trip.

Turtle On Sipadan

South Point was another sheer drop. My dive casing cooperated & I went down with Darin, his daughter, Deb, & Roy. We certainly saw a lot of turtles, probably about a dozen. They were either nesting in the reef, coming in to rest, or swimming just off the wall looking for spots to sleep. The amazing portion of the dive came near the end of it when we all suddenly heard a loud rumble that sounded like a stampede or thunder.

Jacks

It was a massive school of jacks, they came flying over the top of the reef, down the wall in the hundreds. They were swimming away from the Giant Trevally that were hunting them. Jacks are definitely not the smallest of fish either, so having hundreds of them swim within 5-10 feet of you at full speed is quite the experience.

We concluded the dive, returned to the park office to drop off the flag that showed we were permitted to be there, & made the trip back across the open water to Mabul.

Bougainvillea. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

Ev & I then spent around the next hour discussing what had happened. We talked about what upset either of us, how we could do better, what the next steps for him should be as a potential diver, & what the rest of the trip would look like for him. He agreed to sit through briefings with intent & assess how he felt about the potential of the dive following each one.

We then went down to lunch where we sat & talked with Darin, who is the dive shop owner/head instructor & has been diving his whole life. He offered Evan a bit of advice & also reaffirmed that he isn’t a bad diver by any means, he just needs to listen to briefings & those around him who are trying to help alleviate his anxiety underwater. He also suggested that the next time Evan was in Kansas City that he should just come to his 15 foot pool, kit up, & sit at the bottom of it for a while so he can get more comfortable being in the water.

Resort Pool. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

After lunch we went & hung out by the pool for a bit. Everyone had decided to pass on the afternoon dive because of the early morning that we’d had so the rest of the afternoon was ours to do whatever we wanted with. When we’d had enough of the sun I went & gathered my laptop & hard drive to go down the jetty & edit videos in the ocean breeze. Evan brought his laptop & edited photos in addition to doing a bit of work. At 4 PM, when it opened, we moved our party to the bar.

The bar at the resort is about halfway down the gangway to the jetty. It serves some pretty basic options; two or three kinds of beer, two or three kinds of wine, two rum options, a tequila, a scotch, a vodka, a gin, a whiskey, & that’s about it. You’re limited in your mixers to the canned beverages provided at the resort; coke, coke zero, sprite, tonic water, seltzer, & a flavored sparkling water. The bar also serves a little bit of food & by a little bit I mean french fries & samosas. Ev & I drank rum & coke zeros the whole time we were there, except for one evening that we will get into in part two…

A short bit after the bar opened, the rest of our group began to trickle in. First came Erica, Jennifer, her husband Dale, & their daughter. Thirty minutes later it was Darin & his daughter. About another thirty minutes later came Deb. Then again, like clockwork we had two or three other members of the party join us at the large U-shaped outdoor couches we’d claimed. We all were starting to get a little tired of the food in the dining hall, it was almost identical night after night, so we all went in on several plates of fries with samosas.

We were all expecting the larger Indian style samosas, but these were small, one or two bite sized, & wrapped in rice paper. They were honestly incredible. The fries were very good too & were served with mayo & sambal.

We did migrate down to actual dinner at some point, though I think we were all fairly full from our fried feast on the dock. I’m pretty sure it was also an early night all around because none of us had napped following our 5 AM wake up.

Bougainvillea. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

End Of Day Four


Plumeria. Photo Credit: Evan Buddenbohn

End Of Part One


Travel Blog: Pre-Malaysia

For the return readers out there, you probably know what this means already. If you’re new here, welcome, what we’re about to embark on together is a brand new travel series! These blogs tend to be my most popular every time that they come up. They’re also one of my favorite types of blogs to do because I get to share stories from the beautiful places that I’m blessed to see as well as the stories of so many around the world that I have the fortune of crossing paths with. I get to talk about food, wildlife, diving, exploring, & everything in between & I get to do so with anecdotes & pictures! That’s not why we’re here today though, unfortunately. We’ve got a little bit of time to wait, something that I have to keep telling myself as I’m writing this pre-departure. I wanted to go ahead & get us all set up for the next travel blog series out of the way so that we can dive (lol) on into it when they come around here in the next couple of weeks. I will have written this prior to our departure, but am planning to post in well into our trip being underway, so if you follow me on socials & are seeing me already doing the things by the time this comes out, you now know why!

The next trip I will be covering on her is Malaysia, specifically Borneo, Mabul, & Sipadan. We will also be covering a couple of days return to Singapore at the end of our time in this series! I’m insanely excited for all of it.

In this blog I want to fill you all in on the areas involved, as well as our plans for the trip in general, as well as give you a bit of insight as to why we are going to these specific locations. We’ll talk about the travel of it all & the journey to come! Let’s get to it, shall we?

Our journey starts this coming Thursday at which point we will leave Nashville very early in the morning to fly Delta to St. Paul, Minnesota where we will meet up with the rest of the people coming on the Malaysia part of this journey with us from Kansas City & Midwest Aquatics. From there we will all fly over the North Pole to Seoul, South Korea for a very quick layover before heading onward from there to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. We then are overnighting in Kuala Lumpur before continuing on the next morning to Tawau on the island of Borneo. From Tawau we will take a land transfer over to Semporna where we will board a boat & make the hour or so voyage by sea to Mabul where we will stay at Borneo Divers Mabul Resort for 7 nights. At the end of our seven days we’ll do it all in reverse but instead of flying out of Kuala Lumpur with the rest of the group, Evan & I will go the hour south to Singapore for three days before making our way back to The US.

One thing I feel a lot of people ask me when I tell them any sort of diving story or talk about any sort of diving travel is “why go that far?” Why not stop at Kuala Lumpur or Tawau, why the extra miles? The answer is usually the same; because these places are special. They are far away from commercial human influence for the most part & therefore the sea life is allowed to flourish & the traditions of the region are allowed to endure. I often think back to my trip to Indonesia where I traveled 42 total hours to get to the Lembeh Strait & in all honesty, I’d gladly do it again. These places are special & they deserve the attention & the time it takes to get there.

Sipadan is also exceedingly special. It is an island between Borneo & the Celebes Sea that has been designated by the Sabah government as a protected nature sanctuary. From Mabul, where we will staying, it is still about a thirty minute boat ride. Additionally the Sabah government only issues around 179 permits a day for divers & anyone going to dive the reserve is required to have an Advanced Open Water Scuba certification to go. This protects the reefs & the ecosystem of the island itself. We are only allowed two days of diving on Sipidan, the rest of the dives for the trip will take place around Mabul, another stunning island in its own right.

I have no idea what the extra curricular activities will include. If time & energy allows I’d like to dip into Kuala Lumpur on our overnight there, particularly because it boasts some of the best bars & restaurants in the world. Additionally we’ll have a day at the end of our trip where diving isn’t allowed because of our flight interval, but I have no idea what the activity that day will be. It truly could just be lounging around on the beach or poolside & that honestly sounds perfectly fine too.

Evan & I were initially going to go to Japan following our time in Malaysia, but we decided that tacking an extra week onto our trip & trying to lug dive gear around Japan sounded a bit too much, so we opted for three days in Singapore.

I haven’t been to Singapore since October of 2021, but Evan has never been. I’m excited to be back & let him experience it as well, I had an amazing time there the last time I came through!

Anyway, I think that’s all that I have for you all right now! I can’t wait to get going & begin sharing what is sure to be an amazing voyage around the world!

As Always, Much Love To You All,

-C

Blog: Functional Freeze

Hiya!

How’re we all doing?… I know that’s a bit of a loaded question, especially for those of us who have been paying attention to the world & the goings on there within. To a bit of a degree, that’s what we’re talking about today. Not necessarily the global news but the loaded question that I posed to you all at the beginning of this blog. I want to talk about something that it seems a lot of us are dealing with right now that specifically makes that first question a tricky one to answer, functional freeze.

If you’ve never heard the term, functional freeze happens when the nervous system gets overloaded & goes into a kind of overstimulated protection mode. Think of it as getting past the point of flight or fight to our third option, freeze. Kind of like a possum playing dead, the body simply goes into a state of shut down where it prioritizes the basic functions above anything extra or strenuous.

That’s where I think I’m finding a lot of us these days, at least that’s where I’ve been finding a lot of the folks I talk to on the regular & I definitely find myself included in that group. I mean, hell, here I am writing a blog that’s due on a Saturday night for me late into the evening of Sunday. Even climbing up the stairs to do this blog felt to be a bit of a challenge for me if I’m being entirely transparent.

Right off the bat I can feel a few of you probably keying this in to another phenomenon that happens to those of us who are neurodivergent. That’s something that we call executive dysfunction. The key difference here is that executive dysfunction happens because of a lack of dopamine or a lack of a perceived ‘reward’ around a task we’d physically incapable of pushing ourselves into doing, this lives more in the area of burn out. Functional freeze is less of ‘procrastination’ or avoidance, & instead looks a lot like being stuck in the loop. So what’s the loop?

I know for me & a few others that I’ve talked to the functional freeze loop is manifesting itself as doom scrolling. We are stuck glued to our phones constantly looking at the news, constantly scrolling through & refreshing to see if anything has happened since the last couple of minutes that we have looked. If some new disastrous happenstance has occurred in the seconds since we last learned of the other travesties, crimes against humanity or the environment, &/or any other egregious heinous daily bull shit that has come down the pipe at us. We have become addicted to the disaster because it feels validating, we get to know we were right about all of this being as bad as the people in our lives brushed aside. We also get to avoid the guilt of not staying informed, of turning our eyes away from the suffering of the world in favor of our own privilege that is existing without the knowledge or fear of physical, emotional, psychological harm. We, unfortunately, then end up with the guilt that we have been stuck in the cycle & are now unable to accomplish the things we need to accomplish because we are frozen.

It’s exhausting, it really is. It’s just this ever maddening spiral of grief, frustration, anger, & heartache that’s surprisingly addicting. Like sinking to the bottom of the ocean, at some point the pressure overtakes the pull & buoyancy from the surface & you start to be pulled down further & further, faster & faster.

It doesn’t help when you feel like, for whatever reason, you have to be the torch barer of the news for those around you, especially those you know aren’t paying any attention to what is going on even though they had a hand in making all of these things happen.

My functional freeze looks like a few things. The doom scrolling is definitely there, even going as far as to wake up in the middle of the night just to check the news, awaiting further catastrophe. Additionally I have fallen into cycles of distraction. I will do anything I can to not sit & scroll. Of course none of the things that occupy that time are productive or helpful for the state of my nervous system. I’m also chasing cheap dopamine hits like none other. We’re talking junk food, lots of sugar, quick snacks, caffeine, whatever helps me to make it through the days that I find grueling as all get out. It’s really not a fun way to live & I now some of my friends are in very similar boats to what I just described.

So where’s the ray of hope, where’s the silver lining? We’re working on that part. It’s not that it is a work in progress, it definitely is. I’m just having to really take it one day at a time. Some days are worse & I find myself unintentionally wasting the day on my phone, others I journal, object write, scream into the void or find ways to lock myself away from my phone or the internet. It’s definitely a daily practice that I am on the losing side of currently, but am working on gaining footage for. I am really hoping that the time I spend abroad in the next couple of weeks coming up will help me to separate out from this addiction & reset because yeesh, it’s rough out there.

I don’t mean for this blog to be a downer or some sort of call for help. I just write about the through lines of my life, most of the time, & I know a lot of those near & dear to me are also riding this wave of functional freeze & then slipping into depression because of the guilt, the poor habits, & the strain of it all. It’s a blog of solidarity & of me being honest to help those of you dealing with this see that you’re not alone, & those out there with no idea that is is happening, maybe recognize that this is happening to the folks in their lives.

At any rate, I wish you all a wonderful week ahead full of hope, organic productivity, & levity.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: Valentine's Day 2026

I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a vocal cynic of Valentine’s Day in the past. I even think I’ve gone so far as to write a couple of blogs on the matter. Though I’ve been coupled up for almost a decade at this point, I still, for the longest time found Valentine’s Day to be a fake ass, commercial holiday. I’d probably be lying again if I said that I didn’t still believe that to be true, but there’s something about this year that feels a little different & I’d like to take the time on here to try & nail down exactly what that is.

Let’s face it, the last year & some change of living in the world, specially in The US, has not been a walk in the park. I think that is especially true of this year where the insanity just continues to ramp up more & more every day. I know for a lot of us the 2025 holiday season was difficult. Swing that right into the new year & a relentless 50 year long January into February & I think I can speak for a lot of us when I say, we’re burnt out. Not just that but there is a rage that is driving so many people I know & so many people I talk to. The world has been thrown into chaos & it constantly feels like we are waiting for the other shoe to drop whether it’s for the worse or for the better. Then comes along this little holiday centered around love in a cultural landscape currently being shaped by so much righteous anger & pain.

I am privileged. On a lot of fronts I am, but specifically I am privileged in love. I have someone to do life with, who I can laugh with, cry with, express joy & heartache with, who helps make our house a home & who embraces me even in my most manic of ideas or schemes. That is a privilege that I know not everyone gets to have. We discuss hard truths, we compromise, we learn & develop & challenge one another & at the end of the day we live together. No duh, but that’s not what I mean. We live together, in a shared space that fosters daily, mundane acts of love. Not flashy, over the top gestures, just care, attention, & peace. An eye of a storm.

I guess this year I have perspective. We live in a house in Nashville, Tennessee as a same sex couple. An act of defiance & protest in & of itself. Especially in a state that today furthered bills that would allow people to not recognize us as a couple or, should we decide that we want to in be in the future, as spouses. Nevertheless we exist as an “us,” softly carrying about our days set against the backdrop of a state that probably won’t stop with the laws being passed & most likely will continue to erode away our rights as a family unit.

Because to me that is what he is, he is my family. He is the one who sees me, truly, intimately, without judgement or pretense. He is the one who never tries to change me or fit me into a mold of who he thinks I should be; he simply loves me in his bashful sort of way when I’m sure I give him a million reasons every day not to.

And maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s why this Valentine’s Day feels different. because while the world rages on around us & while the future ebbs closer to the unknown, we have one another to weather the storm. In this madness & daily stabs of pain we have this raft of love that is worth celebrating, that is worth coming back to & waking up to every day. Quietly defiant.

This Valentine’s Day almost feels like a breath, like a moment where so many are pausing to step away from the calamity to just acknowledge those who make their lives a little easier to navigate, who show up endlessly to simply say “I know & I’m sorry,” or to not say anything at all & just offer a comforting, familiar presence. This February 14th doesn’t come across to me as performative like it has in the past, it is a noticing, an affirmation of something often so small & taken for granted yet so viciously rebellious & steadfast. For love, much like hope, often blooms from the darkest of places. Love carries across time & space though it may shift in nomenclature. Sometimes it shows up as passion, sometimes melancholy, sometimes it’s remembering, noticing, sometimes it is grief or even heartbreak.

Whatever form love is taking in your life I want you to take the time to recognize it today & feel into it. Even if it’s just a tiny whisper or a notion in the back of the heart, I want you to shine a light on it, to embed yourself in it, to know that it is a part of the gift that it is to be alive. To allow this reprieve to take hold & shut out the noise of everything else that is happening for just a moment, for just today before giving your gratitude & carrying on with the fight.

As always my darlings, much love to you all,

Wishing you simply the happiest of Valentine’s Days to you & yours,

-C

Blog: A Song Of Ice & Gas Fire

Sorry to leave you all hanging last week, I was in prep mode for what would turn out to be a National Emergency. If you’re new around these parts, hi, my name is Charlie, I live in Nashville, Tennessee. If you’ve paying to the news at all in the last week you’ll know that we got destroyed with a historic ice storm, the repercussions of which a lot of the city is still actively dealing with. I want to let you in on what our experience was like during this & walk you through the last week, & a few days prior, of my life here.

The first thing I want to make abundantly clear before we begin is how grateful I am that things turned out the way they did for Evan & I. We (well, I) went into this preparing for the worst & did the best with that as I think I could. We are also incredibly fortunate to be back with electricity, hopefully that continues going forward, but we are continuing to live with the possibility of that not being the case. I am also grateful to have the financial means to prepare & adapt as this storm became apparent, during, & after the fact. A lot of what happened , & the cards that fell into place, seem a lot like divine providence. I’m grateful to the linemen who are still out working to restore people’s power. I’m grateful to the community of Nashville who have really stepped up to help & take care of one another in this time & the friends of ours that checked in insistently on us & offered up warm places for us to stay, should we have chosen to leave our house. So many in this city are still in the cold & the dark & my heart goes out to them. We got about half of what you all have been dealing with & I fear it will be something I will need to work through psychologically for the next bit of time.

The Week Before

Originally the forecast for us just said snow, a lot of snow, 12-16 inches, but still just snow. Manageable. As the week went on & the models continued to update it became apparent that the initial model was shifting north & that we would end up getting only a couple inches of snow, some sleet, & a whole lot of freezing rain. Then it became apparent that we would be THE center of the freezing rain at its worst. This is where the preparation started.

The first steps were weather sealing & preparing for the possibility of us losing power. Original projections said that we would only get about half an inch of accumulated freezing rain, of which they thought power outages would be sporadic & manageable. We invested in a bunch of weather stripping to reseal our windows & doors from the drafts, some pipe wraps to cut in half & use to seal the garage door, & some extension cords to plug into the back of the car, an electric truck that I had the privilege of attaining back in November. We searched fruitlessly for a generator, as did most of the city, but as indicated, came up dry there.

We bumped the heat in the house up to a consistent 75º (usually set to around 68º), charged the truck up to 100% (you typically only charge up to 80%), bumped the heater in my reef tank up to 80º (typically set to 78º), & stocked up on a myriad of food that we could eat without needing to cook it or heat it, that we could leave out without fear of it spoiling. We backed the truck up to right up against the garage door, ran two 100 foot extension cords from the bed, under the garage door, & through the garage entrance into the house. We covered all the sensitive outdoor plants in burlap sacks so as to protect them from the frost. And lastly, we made sure everything was charged all the way up; phones, tablets, laptops, battery backups, power tool batteries that we had an inverter for, & a back up battery pack for our wifi router (more on that later). We pulled stashes of potable water as well, just incase, for some reason, we couldn’t get water. Then we waited.

Our main concern with the power going out was our reef tank. I have a 185 gallon reef tank that, over the more than a decade of owning it, has accumulated probably thousands of dollars worth of coral, fish, & invertebrates. It’s a delicate ecosystem that has to stay within 75 & 80º, requires intensive lighting, & has internal chemistry that is dependent upon filters & pumps & rock & vegetation. It’s honestly a really great thing to own in the event of a sub-freezing power outage……..In addition to it, we have two cats, a dog, & a very large number of tropical house plants…like in the high 100s, most of which you aren’t supposed to let get into sub-50º temperatures. Really a recipe for disaster over here in this climate where it’s cold half of the year.

Sunday

We lost power at around 4:45 AM on Sunday. We accepted it for what it was, got up & put blankets over the tank & went back to bed to deal with the outage at a more proper time of morning. We’d already insulated the house & bumped the temperature, the only thing we could do at this point was preserve it the best we could.

We got up around 9 AM to continue our tasks. I moved the heater from the sump tank below the main aquarium, where the filters & such sit, into the main tank & plugged it into the main extension cord from the truck. What we hadn’t anticipated happening was that our cellular service also went out. Fortunately I had plugged in & set up the wifi back up the day prior! I told you it’d come back up. The battery back up actually operates on a separate modem & uses cellular to provide a weaker, but still reliable wifi signal. The battery pack for it lasts around 8 hours on a full charge. We kept it charged consistently using the power inverter & the power tool batteries.

Around 11 AM we were given a false hope. Our power sputtered on. It did so for only about a minute before there was a loud pop & we were once again without.

We spent most of the day doing little things around the house to keep things safe or warm in the slightest. We moved our nicer instruments to the primary bedroom where we were running a space heater off the truck, we ran a small space heater in the garage to help protect the pipes from freezing, we ate cereal, jerky, rice cakes, chips, granola bars, fruit, etc. in an attempt to avoid opening the fridge/freezer & I think by the evening we had only lost about 10º of heat with the fish tank holding strong.

We pulled most of the food we wanted to save from our fridge & put it in coolers outside. At one point in the evening Evan tried to heat a pitcher of vegetable broth with a candle warmer which took about an hour to get up to even the most lukewarm of temperatures. On his second batch, just before it got up to temperature, the cats came running through the living room, caught ahold of the cable for the warmer in the dark, & sent soup flying across the living room. This would be the first of several crash outs from the outage.

With the tank up to temp at night we opted to use the extension plug for a heated blanket which we layered under about two others on the bed & ran until we were well & toasty. At which point we unplugged the blanket & plugged the fish tank heater back in.

Our last saving grace of the day was finding that our gas water heater was still heating water, so we each took a long bath to soak out the cold from our bones before bed.

Monday

When we woke up Monday morning, now 24+ hours without power, the temperature in the house was sitting in the low 50s. Clearly the single space heater wasn’t going to cut it. Not that I really ever thought it would. Problem number one. Additionally, I opened up the front of the aquarium to check on things to find many a number of the fish & invertebrates dead despite the temperature consistency. Problem number two.

For problem one we needed to find a heating solution. There was a blatant one staring us in the face that we didn’t want to use, but that ended up being our only real option. Our gas fireplaces.

We have two ventless gas fireplaces in our house; one in the primary that passes between the bedroom & the bath & one in the living room. We don’t like to run them because they make the house have a kerosene smell, apparently that’s to be expected. You’re also not supposed to run them for longer than an hour to three at a time. Our main concern with them was the carbon monoxide that they put off, while it may be small amounts, it still is there & builds up over time. The other side of that coin is that while we occasionally use the bedroom one, & we cleaned it prior to the freeze, the one in the living room hadn’t been operational for several years. Around the afternoon that started to not matter.

We began running the bedroom fireplace pretty early in the day. I then went about doing what I could to get the living room one up & running. We cleaned it out, dusted it, & did the most tuning we could possibly do ourselves. Lowe & behold, I got it working. Though not without us both being incredibly wary of its existence.

Problem two was an oversight problem on my own part. After diving into the internet about saving your reef tank from a winter power outage, the first thing that came up was using a bubbler to keep oxygen flowing as the creatures in the tank will use up the majority of the oxygen in the water fairly quickly. Everything in my tank that died suffocated. I immediately shifted the tank plan.

My first course of action was to plug in a bubbler. I have a spare one that I keep in my car in the event that I pick up some fish from a shop in St. Louis on the way home from visiting my parents in KC. I plugged it into the one of the three outlets on the end of the extension cord, keeping the heater in as well. Then I started thinking about the nitrate cycle of the tank. Fish & food waste breaks down into nitrate, which then converts to nitrite, which then becomes ammonia, all of which are toxic to fish in varying degrees. Filters help to mitigate & remove these compounds from the water. I then made the executive decision to just relocate all of my efforts to the sump tank & power everything from there, it would allow the water to circulate, heat, & filter. It also made it so I could run my protein skimmer, a filter that uses aeration to catch excess proteins in the water, convert them into foam, & collects them in a cup as the foam rises. Think the foam that accumulates on a beach from the waves. I know it was an unsafe electrical decision, but I plugged all of that into one strip & isolated it on the extension cord. It didn’t overload it, so I guess that was good.

We were really running by the seat of our pants here. Our options were let the house freeze or maybe get carbon monoxide poisoning & die. Then the other side of that was risk starting a fire or lose the fish tank. I chose the riskier options on either hand making sure to have our battery operated carbon monoxide detector running & keeping an eye on the electrical.

We went through & pulled all of our stuff from the garage freezers, which amazingly still had full solid ice, & moved them outdoors in coolers as well.

This was also definitely the day our mental health started to deteriorate. I think Evan & I both did a lot of sitting around in layers, staring. We weren’t talking or watching things or reading or anything, it was too cold to. All we did was sit & stare & eat & problem solve as the problems arose. We took midday showers to keep warm & another in the evening.

By the time we closed out the night the temperature in the house was holding at around 55º. We both took a hydroxyzine (we’re prescribed, don’t worry) to help to cope with the anxiety of it all & began to wonder the same thing. Whether or not the tightness in our chests, the lightheadedness, the slight headache, the sleepiness, was from the drug neither of us had taken in a minute, or the fumes from the fireplaces. The fireplaces were turned off & we tucked in early for the night.

Tuesday

I woke Tuesday very stressed. At this point we were 48 hours in & the temperature in the house had dropped ten degrees overnight, putting us at 45º & the only option we had to reheat was the fireplaces that both of us were growing more & more leery of by the minute. Without much other option, they were turned back on.

I was also growing concerned about my corals. Corals are organisms that contain both a plant & an animal aspect & they have to photosynthesize to stay alive. The small amount of light from the windows doesn’t cut it either. I decided to plug a second strip in & run the lights…don’t try this at home kids.

As the morning crept into afternoon it became apparent that we were in trouble. Evan was mid crash out on the couch next to the fire when I walked down the stairs to find myself increasingly out of breath. I asked him if he was having the same issue, he was. We decided we needed to figure out another solution even though the alarm was still reading zero parts per million for CO.

Our roads were now thawed enough to get out of the neighborhood & Home Depot down the street had power & was showing available space heaters. That became the plan. Unplug the truck, go to Home Depot, see if they have space heaters & more extension cords for the truck & heat the house that way.

I don’t quite know where, when, or who it was that I saw, but I got a post from a friend on socials about picking up his rental car for his vacation. It clicked. I immediately called up Avis, booked something with four wheel drive & began to formulate a new plan.

Step one. Evan & I take the truck, which was still at 65% charge after being run for 2 days straight, & go to the airport where he’d drop me off & I’d pick up the rental car. Step two. While I was picking up the rental car he’d take the truck to a fast charger & charge it up to at least 80% again. Step three. While he was doing that, I’d take the rental & go to Home Depot for space heaters, extension cords, & maybe a generator (they didn't have any). Step four. We’d meet back up at home at which time we’d plug the other extension cords into the truck, plug the space heaters in off of them & plug the tank in with its lights on running each off their own circuit from the truck. Once that was established we’d start looking for hotels. The plan went off mostly effortlessly. The problem arose when we went to look for hotels.

With around a fourth of Nashville still without power, a lot of the hotels were booked up. Additionally we needed somewhere that would allow Pete to come with us, most of the places we called that had availability only allowed dogs up to 40 lbs, which I think is complete & utter bull. Lastly, most of the hotels that were available were pricey on pricey as the lower options had all been scooped up.

After an hour of calling we ended up getting ahold of Holston House in Downtown Nashville. Normally a fairly expensive stay, they were offering a local discount of around 40-50%. We booked it immediately. We then decided that we needed to test to make sure our plan was going to work, that the house & the tank wouldn’t overload the breaker on the truck & that it would at least hold temperature which was back up in the 50s from the fireplaces. We opted to go grab our first hot meal in 62 hours & come back to check in once we were done.

As soon as we moved the seat protectors for the dog from the truck to the rental our power came back on. As soon as we finished with that task. We were bound to our hotel room for the night already so instead of going to dinner we shifted our attention to packing a bag for the night for both of us & Pete & returning things to being plugged in that needed it, fully preparing for the possibility of the power dipping out again. I returned the plug ins for the fish tank back to the wall with the exception of the heater & the bubbler, which I returned to the main tank just in case.

The hotel was lovely, they gave us complimentary cocktails upon arrival. We got up to the warm room, ordered our first hot meal of a cheeseburger, pot roast, & truffle fries & found ourselves full of gratitude while also being entirely fried from a nervous system point of view. I’d spent the last two & a half days making a lot of the decisions for the two of us, most of which felt like they were potentially putting us in harms way. It was a balancing act of figuring out what was worth the risk & what wasn’t.

Aftermath

We fortunately never lost power again. Naturally we extended the invitation that so many lovely folks extended our way to those still without power all while continuing to prepare for the possibility that we might lose power again. We’re keeping our house at an elevated temperature, we’re keeping the car charged, we’re keeping the tank warmer than usual, we’re staying stocked of dry provisions & making sure batteries are charged.

At its peak there were around 250,000 homes & businesses without power. When ours was restored the number was down to around 140,000. Today, four days later, that number still sits around 60,000 with many of those people seeing no end in sight for this nightmare. The weather here hasn’t gotten above freezing since before the storm & won’t be until next week. Nashville Electric, who has severely dropped the ball for this, is projecting that some people won’t have power for another week still. The mishandling of this disaster on their part has cost people lives, livelihood, & their sanity. It’s completely unacceptable. Some who have gained power have lost it again, others didn’t lose power until Wednesday or Thursday with even more people having lost power today.

The linemen here are not at fault, praise be to them. That blame lands with NES, the Nashville government, & the Tennessee government. They were unprepared, they rely on antiquated technology for our electrical grid, & have done truly very little to help the constituents trapped without power in sub-freezing conditions. Many parts of Nashville look like a tornado went through. Most of our trees are still covered in ice & my fear is once it begins to thaw next week that it’ll knock out more power from the limbs or trees that are frozen aloft that no longer have the ice holding them in place. To say it’s a mess is putting it lightly.

Again, I cannot state how fortunate Evan & I were to have only had to go 62 hours without power. Many people have gone a full week at this point. I pray for those still in the cold & the dark. I pray for those who are out repairing lines & cutting down trees. I pray for this city, but I am amazed by the community that has risen above & beyond here. If you are in Nashville reading this, please stay safe, stay warm, & lean on one another to help or receive help where you can.

Additionally, I’ve linked some resources here from Nashville Scene if you are a local in need.

As Always, Much Love To You All,

-C

Blog: Just Give Me A Sec

I’m going to be real with you all, I do not feel like writing today but I’m going to because it’s important that I push through & it’s important that I maintain this space as a refuge of honesty, vulnerability, & a reflection of myself. I’m not going to make this blog about any of the things I just told you, because I’ve done that in the past & I’d be retreading the same words in a different order. The reason, primarily, that I don’t feel like writing a blog today is because of the topics that I actually want to talk about. I want to talk about the “we told you so’s” of the US political landscape aren’t vindicating & are in fact just further disheartening. I was to talk about how those who are disengaging with everything happening are those who need to be paying attention the most, who vote in these cycles of hate & division. I want to talk about how even though so many of us are so exhausted by what’s happening, that it’s important for us not to look away. To not turn a blind eye to all of it but to also maintain our mental, physical, & spiritual health. I want to talk about how it’s okay to lean on your vices to get you through right now, that there’s no judgement there. But of all of those topics, of which might be reserved for later days, I’m not going to write on any of them today.

Part of that boils down to me taking care of my mental health. I could go on another tangent, another rant & type til my fingers bleed in the off chance that it gets someone to actually care about other people but I already am doing that on the daily. I am posting & reposting constantly in the hopes that someone finally gets it, that someone finally sees through the BS & decides to lean into supporting those we are all called to love, our neighbors, & does something about it. I just can’t today. I can’t because I am tired. Tonight I am tired. & it sucks, it really does, because all in all, at this current moment in time, my circumstance is pretty fine. I just know that is not the case for a lot of folks I claim as family or hold love for. Not that that should matter. Not that the fact that I have names to faces & shared experiences or memory should be the thing that prompts me to speak out in the face of evil & injustice. I have a platform that I have been blessed with. I have people show up here consistently & ingest the words I put virtually to paper & that is a blessing. So to some degree, I know I owe my voice & my platform to those in need in the times when voices are called upon to amplify suffering. I just can’t be that today, or I guess constantly on this site.

I’ve always said this blog is a mixed bag of things, I want that to remain true. I can’t constantly be waving the flag of justice in this format for a couple of reasons. The first is that while social/climate/political justice is definitely a part of who I am, it isn’t all that “Charlie Rogers” is as a brand, which, unfortunately, is what I am. I am an artist & a part of being an artist, especially commercially facing, is being a brand. I said last week that I’m more than willing to sacrifice that, but if that is all this blog becomes or is allowed to be, then I fear I will either end up yelling into an echo chamber once those who disagree with me have left, or my music brand/persona will veer entirely into the realm of political commentary & will send me spiraling off track.

I guess I don’t entirely know what I’m trying to say here. I think in a lot of ways what I’ve written thus far sounds like I don’t want to speak up any more & that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I just need a break this week & I’m sure a lot of you reading this could as well, otherwise we run the risk of driving this into the realm of disaster porn. Where we intake more & more of this horrific content & find ourselves endlessly searching for something else to be upset about. Not that the ever growing list is in any way in short supply of that. It wears you down, & that’s where I think I am right now. Worn down.

I sat here at my desk for an hour & a half staring at the title line of this blog input. I wrote in example titles of each of the topics that I listed in the opening paragraph but every time I did I felt the pang of that “here we go again” exhaustion creep up. The call of the void that leads to me sitting in a place of fury & resentment for the duration of the time that it takes for me to write these entries. Instead I opted for none of them & offered up an explanation that circumnavigates them instead of steering us into the maw of this depression inducing Charybdian cesspool. And maybe in doing so I’ve allowed some of you to be picked off or fall away so that we can continue on, but I guess that’s the price I’m paying here…Are these greek mythology metaphors doing it for you? That’s what the kids are after these days right? Loose allegory that evokes the Odyssey? (If all of that flew over your head you’ve got a bit of reading up to do before Chris Nolan comes swinging through next summer.)

So I guess in a lot of ways, instead of opting to screaming into the digital void, I’ve offered you all a bit of a nothing burger this week. A look into my splintered, ruptured psyche at the moment & all the vapid contradictions that come with it. But I think a lot of us are feeling this way. A lot of us want so desperately to share every single thing that comes across our laps in the hopes that it finally sparks something in the hearts & minds of those who are in favor of all of this chaos, or at the very least are complicit in it. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to set the torch down for a minute, to collect your thoughts, to ease your soul, to unburden your hearts, to shift the focus of your mind, & allow the eyes & ears to fall upon softer happenings at the moment. This will be a marathon, not a sprint & it’s important that we pace ourselves so that we can make it to the finish line with some semblance of sanity.

I think this week will be a shorter posting. I’m not here to check out of the problems the world is facing, nor am I here to deflect my responsibility in upholding the systems & practices that led us here. I just know that this is far from over & while others take to the streets where they are shot, arrested, beaten, disappeared, it is important that those of us paying attention assist where we can & rest when we need so that when the battle shifts to our doorstep we are prepared to confront it.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: Shut Up & Sing

Hi all,

Welcome to 2026…what a wild ride it has been thus far. I hope you had yourself happy holidays in spite of all the goings on of the world & are looking forward to the coming year, no matter how deflating the first ten days of it have been.

If you hadn’t guessed by the title of this here blog, we’re going to call a spade a spade & talk about it. At least to a degree. I won’t be going into the gruesome details, we’ve all seen the clips. Nor shall I be diving into the news or any other specifics around the current events that are circling us all like black buzzards in the sky. I want to instead talk about this weird phenomenon that seems to only be centered around artists. That is the idea of people saying “shut up & sing.”

It’s not something exclusive to singers/songwriters either, it often applies to actors, painters, novelists, anyone within the creative field. It’s this idea that the politics of the person creating the art should never be heard…even though art, in all of its forms, is inherently political. Art is always saying something, that’s the point. It is the entire point actually, & this philosophy that we as artists should never be pundits, is nothing short of ludicrous. When in reality artists are often the ones we turn to most for their punditry.

Every artistic movement in history has cropped up in response to the happenings of the world around it. Every. Single. One. The rise of certain trends in music, styles of painting, types of literature are always intrinsically linked to the goings on in the world that surrounds the creator. It’s natural. It’s logical. It’s what makes art, art. The problem that emerges comes from the discrepancy of assigned meaning which also, in every natural way possible, is intrinsically applied to a piece of work.

We as artists can self express & create endlessly. We can emote, put pin to paper, put paint to canvas, motion to clay, fire to metal, lyrics to music, produce recreations & extensions of our self, our feelings, our thoughts til we’re blue in the face. And let me be clear, that has immense value, creating to create is the ideal motive for art. However, that is not the world we live in unfortunately. A lot of the time we are creating for the goal of monetization. We are creating a product, something that connects to a consumer & has them feel some sort of way about the art they are consuming. The broader the scope, the more lucrative it is. Yay capitalism I guess… The dissonance comes from when the ideals & preconceived notions of the consumer do not line up with the intent of the author. And for all intents & purposes, why should they? We all live in our own human experiences with our own beliefs & emotions, & we find commonality in the communication of said life lines through said expressions of humanity. It upsets us when our assumptions don’t match the intended message of a work because it creates a rift between our personal experiences & that of the creator.

In that instance I understand. This then leads to a lashing out. You expressed something contrary to what I believed about something that I consumed & enjoyed & I take that personally because in essence, this has become an extension of who I am as person & the ways in which I express myself. That then falls back onto the artist instead of the consumer whose job it should be to look at these two diverging fields of thought & try to understand the commonality between them. Remember, the artist will never know your point of view on their piece. They created their art as an extension of themselves. Its intended purpose is as they have stated & if that doesn’t align with the way in which you have interpreted their art, it is up to you as a consumer to understand why & potentially a different way of looking at the piece. The artist cannot cater to the ‘x’ amount of people who engage with their art, the only thing they can control is themselves & the way they express their feelings & beliefs. Please do try to remember that going forward.

In the current world & its political climate I often see this idea of “oh, I wish they’d just shut up & sing” reflecting what I just talked about above. The crazy thing to me is that it typically is directed towards more liberal ways of thinking. As if art & the expression there of are not ‘liberal’ ways on engaging with the world. To be an artist is to be a free thinker, to interact with the world in a way that is often abstract & can vary wildly from the nuanced to the brazen. No one on the left side of the aisle is out here saying “shut up & sing” we just (typically) choose to no longer engage with art that we see as damaging to the psyche & wellbeing of those around us. It’s also statistically a much fewer & farther between practice as, again statistically, a more rigid, conservative mind, seldom produces art of measure & social impact. I’m sure some of y’all are going to be maddened by that statement, I’d challenge you to examine why that is.

I think at this point I’d like to take this out of the broad scope that I’ve presented & narrow it down to myself specifically. After all, I am the artist involved here.

I mean that not just as in “I am the artist (musically) involved here,” but also as the artist (writer) involved here. You are reading what equates to a piece of art, I have something to say, I am saying it here. It will stir up feelings within you that either align with my way of thinking to varying degrees, or completely oppose it. Either way, I am the creator & my intended purpose for the construction of this piece of ‘art’ is as stated by me the artist creating this piece of art.

We are seeing, around the globe, the rise of fascism. Many of you don’t want to call that specific spade a spade because you voted for it, but it is. In every single definition, it is. I am seeing more & more people speaking up against the growing pressure of this regressive political movement & with said rise in vocalization, I too am seeing this narrative of “shut up & sing” rearing its myopic head & it’s stirred some thoughts within me as someone who finds themselves on the receiving end of this thought.

My dad always used to say that to me. When I was starting out in music I would get called out by him for posting things that were political, that spoke out against injustice. He would tell me that it would cost me my career, that, especially in country music, I was throwing away my chanced & maybe he was right. Maybe, after all of this time trying endlessly to make it in this industry my father was correct, but I think I’ve realized something. I think, especially over the last year or so as the authoritarian BS rains down upon America, I have been standing in front of this problem & not allowing myself to have the revelation that I needed to push through. Maybe he’s right. Maybe my insistence upon sharing the ugly, calling out the hate, the damage, the corruption, my need to stand with the disenfranchised, the broken, the targeted has cost me a foot hold or hundreds in the music industry or in the pursuit of creating a fan base. Maybe that’s true. It probably is. But if the price of this career, this job, is my silence in the face of suffering, injustice, atrocities, & malicious intent then I do not think the job is worth the price.

I do not think any job is worth me being complicit, is worth my silence, is worth not standing up for what I believe to my core to be right. If that is what costs me the thing I’ve worked towards for over a decade of my life, then so be it. It’s not worth it anyway.

I don’t feel that’s the case though. If anything, I think all that it has helped me to do is weed out those who I don’t want by my side anyway, those who I would rather not have as fans. It removes any chance of that dissonance & allows me to carry on towards something that is whole heartedly aligned with who I am as an artist & person.

As Always My Dears,

Much Love To You All,

-C

Blog: Surviving The Holiday Season

No, this blog is not going to be a crash course in self defense, at least not in any physical capacity. It is, however, going to touch on how to set up proper boundaries, expectations, & how to fortify yourself as the person you are without having to diminish yourself too greatly or feel entirely othered during this often constrictive time of the year.

I suppose that it’s worth noting at the start of this little text adventure together that this is still an ongoing practice for me as well. It is far from something that I have perfected, but I wanted to share with you the advice that I’ve gotten from friends of mine or that I’ve been giving myself to try & alleviate the strain of the season that I know so many of us feel, especially this year, especially for those of us living in The United States. We are in this together, though we are separated by physical distance & shared community through a screen. This is a day by day, hour by hour, practice & it is something that you should feel free to evaluate & pivot with as the minutes tick by & as you see fit. We are here to take care of you & your sanity, not to cater to those who often can’t even vote in the interests of those they claim to have love for. We do not minimize ourselves for the sake of those who may find certain aspects of ourselves less appealing or out of line from their expectations & we do not take slights lightly or allow them to be so callously laughed off. Are you ready to begin?

So you’ve gone home for the holidays, you’re no longer in a space that feels grounding & comfortable to you. You’re already off kilter, out of wack, & tired from the travel & energy it took to get you to wherever it is you’ve ended up. We’re already starting from a place of unmooring & that can be discomforting. It can feel like you’re on edge or can immediately put you on the defense, especially if this is a place or these are people who have a history that is just waiting below the surface to be triggered. It can feel like you’re walking on hot coals as soon as you walk through the door & are immediately expected to cozy on into the version of yourself that they tolerate. I challenge you not to. Now, let’s pause here & make something clear. I’m not telling you not to be a gracious guest. Just as you are feeling off balance in someone else’s space, so too may they feel off balance with you in their space which can be off putting to both parties. What I am telling you to do is to be authentic. Don’t try to squeeze back into that box of persona that 18 year old you left when you moved away almost a decade & a half ago, they don’t exist anymore, at least not to them. Your younger self is for you to connect with on your own terms, in your own time.

The next thing we are going to do is to drop our expectations at the door & engage in a bit of realism. Not everyone is going to meet you where you’re at. Where that’s emotionally, intellectually, with the amount of energy they’re willing to put in, the amount of thought they give to gift giving, the ways in which they show up, or don’t, to try & make the holidays special. You have to realize that & either choose to continue on with a greater level of input on your side knowing full well that you’ll probably be disappointed that the effort or thought aren’t going to be reciprocated, or you have to adjust down to a level that puts you on equal footing with everyone else. The latter will probably be met with questioning, especially if you are someone who notoriously gives of themselves in different ways in an overabundance compared to the others involved. You either have to be okay with the imbalance or reduce your efforts so as to even the playing field.

Going back to that version of yourself that your relatives often associate you with or try to cram you back into, you have to have the self respect enough to resist that at every turn. You have to have the self respect to fortify your boundaries & call them out in the moments in which lines have been crossed & your feelings, your needs, your emotions, your heart, your intellect, your morals have been violated. You have to be willing to stand up for yourself & what you believe in even when it’s hard. Even when it’s uncomfortable or you risk causing a scene, you have to remember that you have value as a human being too. They may have made you the odd one out, may say things just for the sake of getting under your skin, you stand your ground & don’t back down. If the price of that is that they lose your presence, so be it. Your sanity, your ethics, your agency are more important than their comfort. Let me say that again. Your sanity, your ethics, your agency are more important than their comfort.

I challenge you to find moments. Little points in your day that allow you to recenter, refocus, & ground. To shed the burdens of the season & just be in your peace, whatever that looks like. I also think that it’s perfectly acceptable to step away as needed. Additionally, it’s perfectly acceptable to indulge in your vices during this time, especially if they’re what will help keep you sane during this time. The end of the year is stressful enough as is, then when you add all of this on top of it, it can be a lot. I’m not telling you to get hammered every day or the whole time, but if you know a cocktail will help take the edge off or something from a greener pasture, fire away. Honestly. Disassociate for a minute, go for a “cousin walk” by yourself, spike the hot chocolate. Do what needs to be done to preserve the baseline of your ability to cope with all of this.

Sometimes the answer is disengaging altogether. I have several friends who are staying home this year. They’re not traveling to see family & instead are creating their own ideal holidays at home. I applaud them for this. In each scenario in which this is being done they have family members who refuse to respect their beliefs or what they believe to be morally right. They treat their kids like kids even though they’re in the 30s & self sustaining. They badger & prod & mock the dismay & the pain of their children & I am proud of each of them for standing up for themselves, saying enough is enough, & conserving their peace. You don’t owe anyone your submission or your quiet just because that’s the response they expect, especially when they’ll do anything to make you the joke of your beliefs. It is entirely valid to just not show up at all. To disengage entirely & embrace your chosen family. Remember the saying is not “blood is thicker than water,” it’s “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

As I mentioned above, I don’t have all the answers, these are mostly just practices that I’m trying to be better with myself. Naturally each of these is not going to be the appropriate response for everyone, use your discretion & discernment to understand what to employ & what to set aside or abandon.

I pray that each of you have a blessed & easy going holiday season this year. Hell, I pray that for myself. If that turns out to not be an option, I pray you have the strength to stand your ground & be bold in your convictions. Remember that often times conflict is actually what strengthens bonds of intimacy, not necessarily the other way around. All that is forged to extreme strength must first go through extreme pressure, whether that applies to you personally or the relationships in your life.

As Always, Much Love To You All,

Happy Holidays,

-C

Blog: Charlie's Guide to Thoughtful Gift Giving

Welp. It’s here again, that time of the year when the gnashing jaws of capitalism rear their ugly head & demand our consumption. I promise that I’m not that much of a nihilist when it comes to the holiday season, but I have been shamelessly honest in the past about my misgivings around it. Despite all of my feelings around this time of year, I am, as I’ve been told for many, many years, an excellent gift giver. So, I thought I would pass along my expertise & advice to those of you out there who are looking to up the ante this holiday season.

Naturally this will also extend outside of the November/December/January months of the year into the whole of the calendar. After all there are birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, housewarmings, promotions, weddings, & just daily “thinking of you’s” to consider. So many occasions that require us to put our thinking caps on, even in the slightest bit, & break away from the gift cards & the whatever other generally thoughtless gifts you may be considering giving. Come on y’all, relationships require effort, let’s put some in.

I think it’s also worth noting that I wrote a similar blog on this topic a couple of years ago called “It’s Giving…Gifts” but I felt that I had gained more knowledge & understanding around the topic since I last wrote about it & think I have further nailed down what it is that makes someone a great gift giver! So I wanted to expand upon what I already said, as well as whittle down to the core of the issue here.

The first thing we’re going to do is throw out that list. Well, at least the list that was provided to you. BIG DISCLAIMER HERE. If you were presented said list as a parent/guardian, or someone in a higher tax bracket than the recipient in question, definitely get some things off the list, BUT also don’t be afraid to go off the beaten path a bit. Most of your friends, your peers, your siblings, whomever, are typically on a similar financial playing field to you & often times I find, especially as I get older, that if people want something, like actually want it, they will get it themselves. If they want it & haven’t bought it for themselves it is likely outside of their current financial means & they are asking because they want others to help support them with the acquisition of whatever item or service it is they are asking to be gifted.

Okay, we’ve ditched the list after taking an honest look at our financial standing & its relation to whomever is receiving the gift in question. Now what? What do you gift someone if they don’t hand you the ultimate shopping list cheat sheet? This, dear reader, is where we have to use our heads.

I want to establish a few ground rules here. The first is that clothing is hard to buy for people for the most part. Everyone has particular taste, everyone has different brands that fit them in different ways that make them feel more or less ‘desirable’ or comfortable in their own skin. Unless you know the person & have A., either gone clothing shopping with them & bought them the thing they loved but wouldn’t buy themselves. Or B., have gifted them clothing in the past to an almost untouched success rate where they don’t return & actually where the clothing you’ve bought them, we won’t buying clothes. Read that again, especially if you fall in the 35 & up category. I don’t know why those in the latter half of our life expectancies insist on passing our (often lack of) fashion sense onto others, but I promise you, majority of the niceties & thank you’s are often being returned within the next week, hopefully for cash or at least a gift card to a store we’ll actually buy something else from. Perfect slight segway right there for the buyers out there. Don’t buy a taste based gift (clothing, furniture, art, etc.) from a place where someone can’t return it for something they’d actually want. No one wants to wander around a store they’d never go into with a return gift card in a desperate search for something they might actually use or wear.

The next rule is around gifts that require time. Unless it has been specifically specified, talked about, or wished for, do not buy anyone anything that requires their time. This includes lessons of any kind, experiences, classes, excursions, events. A prime example of this comes from two gifts that I gifted Evan over the last two years. He had talked a lot about wanting to learn to throw pottery. I booked us an intro to wheel class. He said to me “I wish I had a studio I didn’t care about getting dirty or having paint everywhere so I could splatter paint,” I found & booked us a splatter paint room for this coming week. Those are examples of times when this is acceptable. “Aw geez, I wish I could see so & so in concert.” Tickets are now acceptable. “Man, I’d love to learn lapidary.” Sessions booked. The other aspect of this rule, especially where classes are concerned, is I recommend booking something that allows you to go with them so that it’s not just you sending them off into the unknown to do this thing they have definitely told you they’d like to do.

The third rule of good gift giving is a simple one. Give something personal. Something that either says “I saw this & it made me think of you” or has a personal touch & leans into something you know they like. “This is my favorite candle, I know you also like candles in a similar scent profile, I think you’d enjoy this.” “I know cheesecake is your favorite dessert, I made you one.” “I know your dog passed this last year, I went in & found a gorgeous photo of them that you posted & had a print made of it.” Remember, this is not about you. I think that’s where a lot of us get hung up. It’s not “I like this so you must too,” it’s “I know that you like something like this, I really liked this one & it made me think of you.”

You have to remove yourself from the equation. I think so many of us gift buy either because we have to & we just go “uh, here” or we gift with the subconscious, underlying intent that our gift will make the person in question like us more. Neither of these are the point. We are gifting out of love, as an extension of the love or fondness we share for that person. We are gifting to enrich their lives in a way in which we know that this other person already has an interest or a love for the things they are being given. You should be gifting without the expectation that the gift will do anything other than make the other person feel something positive. Whether that's joy, excitement, entertained, calm, enriched, relaxed, cared for, seen, or even melancholic in some instances (see deceased dog photo above), your job as a gift giver is to remove yourself from the equation & be the catalyst for something that warms the heart for someone else. Get out of your own way & your own head. Not everyone likes cucumber melon candles just because you do, not everyone wants to read a book from that problematic figure turned author that you read. Know the people you are gifting to & show them that they are known to you, even if it’s in the smallest of ways.

Now I want to offer you my advice. How exactly do you pick a gift that makes someone feel seen? Well, the first step to that is that you actually have to be a good listener or at least a good observer. What have they talked about at length in the past? What are the things they love? The movies, the music, the locations, the bottles of wine, the candles, the things they collect. What can you contribute to their lives, in those areas, that isn’t just clutter or garbage? For the most part I advise steering clear of anything mass produced or kitchy in the franchise department. No “I know you love Star Wars, I bought you socks or mass produced cups in a set from Target.” Instead let’s take another angle. “I know you love Star Wars so I ordered these custom Millennium Falcon cuff links.” Or, in the same vein, Evan a couple of years ago bought me a custom lightsaber, because I’d always wanted one. Was it practical or entirely necessary for my life? Not at all. Do I still love that he did that? Absolutely.

The cheat when it comes to being a good observer & listener is keeping a list. When something comes across your lap that makes you think of someone else & say “oh, I bet they’d love that” write it down in a note or just go ahead & buy it & save it for a special event. I have a running list in my phone for each prominent person in my life. When they mention something they’d love but will probably never buy themselves because bills & life take the priority, write it down. When you find something that makes you think of them, write it down. That way when the time comes for you to get them something you have a ton of options.

Gift giving doesn’t have to be hard or scary. In fact I think that it should be entirely the opposite. It should be joyous & done as an extension for your love for that person, not out of obligation. I think most of us would rather have someone get us nothing than something that shows us they don’t really know us or care to know us deeply enough to show it. Receiving a gift for the sake of the gift is never a fulfilling experience for either party, so don’t let that be your MO as a gift giver. Do better. Be better. Listen more. Take note. Show the people in your life that they are more than just a box to check off on your “to-gift” list.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Travel Blog: Return To Aus

I had someone reply to one of my instagram posts during my time abroad. They said “I’m so excited to read your travel blog about this trip” &, unfortunately for them, there won’t be one for this past trip to Australia. Why? Because this past trip to Australia was fairly pedestrian, as was the intent for it. I will however fill you in on the “why,” the “how,” the “what,” but not the “who,” for that is a band out of the 60s from The UK…It’s fine, I’ll just stop this here & leave. Anyway, we will be, in sorts, doing a small itty bitty, teeny weenie, type of a travel blog, but it won’t be structured in days & will lean more into the traditional blog format that I do here. Sound good? No? There’s an ‘x’ at the top of your screen, see yourself out I guess.

(If this is the tone I’ll be taking for this we are all in for a wild ride I fear.)

Prologue

Back in July I decided it was time to start recording music again. I had a could songs that I thought were ready to be produced but when I reached out to Jess, my guy was busy. I mean booked out til October busy, & great for him! Absolutely great for him, he’s doing exciting things that are so beyond deserved! So I turned to a few other producers that I knew of in town to get their rates & availability. Unfortunately, a lot of them were out of budget for me or just entirely unavailable, which, great, absolutely charge what you know you’re worth & know the people you typically work with are comfortable with paying. It ultimately didn’t work out for me though so I reached out to Leena & Max in Adelaide, South Australia, to see their thoughts. Max formerly worked in production at Atlantic in LA & has been the producing head of Songbird Society since their studio got up & running a couple of years back. I also know of several people who have worked with him & their music sounds great! Max let me know his mobile & in person rates & I had a wild hair come over me. What if I just flew to Australia to work with him in person? I looked at the cost of flights, which ended up being around $300 total for me thanks to credit card points & it was decided upon!

Initially the idea was to go in September. Evan & I were going to go to Brisbane to attend a music conference there that Max, Leena, & Emma were all planning to go to, but the timing ended up being rushed & the renovations of Songbird were running behind. We instead opted for October/November with Max calling to talk to us about doing a songwriting camp for Leena’s birthday at the start of the month. So we booked flights & loitered. That’s not true, we kept very busy, I even got back in the studio with Jess to work on more music as well. We had also talked about throwing an “American Style Halloween Party” (Halloween isn’t really a big thing in Australia apparently) at the newly renovated Songbird Society, but they had just wrapped a long string of obligations, including hosting a very successful songwriting camp themselves, so we decided against it.

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi

I was elated to be back in Australia. Two times in one year?! WHAAAA?! & it was spring, one of my favorite seasons! We flew from Nashville to LA, LA to Auckland, Auckland to Adelaide. We’d never flown Air New Zealand before, but it was lovely, truly lovely! We departed the states on the 26th & arrived the morning of the 28th. Sounds like a hella long span of time, but you have to remember the international dateline, so we’d technically left the late afternoon of the 27th from Adelaide’s perspective & arrived the morning of the next day. Our plans were immediately thrown a bit of a wrench as Leena had developed Rhinovirus & I was dealing with some mysterious sinus ailment, of which the antibiotics that I started on the 25th were not helping in the slightest. So it was either also viral or was entirely my allergies being a brat (less Charli XCX, more snotty child). Additionally both Max & Leena were naturally pretty run down from all of the amazing work they had been doing the last couple of weeks, & we were fairly worn down from traveling, so we opted to delay the start to our production for a couple of days.

October 28th-31st

Our trip started with an immediate visit to the South Australia Music Awards, where Leena & Max were up for the award of “Best Recording Studio” for Songbird Society. We attended the event, Max & Leena were gracious enough to get us tickets, & we ran into literally everyone we’d ever met in the South Australian music community. It was a fun night all in all, some great performances from some of the nominees & an exciting look into the South Australian music world.

The next handful of days were spent revisiting some old favorites; brekkie at Seven Grounds, walks through the Adelaide Park Lands, pastries from Against The Grain, groceries from Woolworths, a pass through the Adelaide Central Market, hangs, vibes, recovery, etc..

At one point we ventured into the city to Adelaide’s OzAsia Festival, a festival the celebrates the arts of different creators & cultures across Asia, to see a friend of the Hurrell’s, San Dragan, perform. Naturally a festival celebrating Asian arts also included a ton of food stalls offering anything from Satay Squid to Kimbop to Nasi Goreng to Bao to Lumpia to Saag Paneer. Naturally we took advantage of this. We were met here by Max & Leena’s friend Alex & made the rounds.

Over the course of our time there I had Takoyaki (one of the only ways I’ll still eat octopus, they’re too intelligent), a Hojicha Affogato complete with Red Bean Paste, Indonesian Fried Chicken battered in crushed up instant ramen & Korean Buldak, some of Evan’s Chicken Curry, & a Taro/Pandan Soft Serve topped with fresh Jackfruit, Grass Jelly, & Tapioca Boba. All in all, I was living my best life.

On Halloween Sophie & her fiancé were kind enough to invite us all over for a halloween game night, Ev & I went into the city to get some bangin’ sandos at Bottega Bandito before heading back to Bowden & the studio to try & piece together some last minute Halloween costumes. After rummaging through Max & Leena’s closets we came up with some actually fairly solid costumes for the four of us. I went as Milo Thatch from Disney’s Atlantis, Evan went as a gender bent Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern) from Jurassic Park, Leena went as the Portland Frog (if you know, you know), & Max was a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. We had a wonderful evening of food, friends, & games, responsibly distanced as to not get the other guests ill.

November 1st

The following day was a stunner. The weather was sitting in the high 70s with a soft warm spring breeze, so we went to the beach. Max stayed behind to work on a mix for a different client, so Leena, Evan, & I went to Henley. We got sandwiches, fish tacos, & coffee at Joe’s Henley Beach, but also happened upon an amazing brand of coconut water, Sip Coco. It would become Leena & my hyper fixation the duration of the trip. I was partial to the pineapple, the passionfruit, & the ginger, where as she was really into the lychee flavor. Sip Coco, if you’re reading this, please distribute to The US ASAP. Emma met us after lunch & we walked down onto the beach, found a spot to plop & finished out the afternoon chatting & basking in the sun.

South Australia has been experiencing a really bad blue-green algae bloom since the tail end of last summer, (shout out to climate change & industrial farming for that one), so it can actually be dangerous to go to the beach/get in the water at times. The day we went, & the reason we went down to the beach so readily, was that the bloom was not showing that many signs of activity. Typically when the water is foamy & hella murky, it is an indicator of the bloom. If you’re headed to the beach in South Aus, especially with sensitive skin or a sensitive respiratory system, be advised on the current state of this aquatic bush fire.

Max joined us later in the afternoon, he & I went for a swim reassured by the ‘shark alarm plane’ passing overhead several times with no audible warning. Then we all dried off, wrapped up, & went back to the studio to get ready for dinner.

I’m realizing that this day, Nov 1st, is definitely shaping up similar to my normal travel blogs, I did warn you we may dip our toes into that realm from time to time, but all in all it was a fun day to speak on, especially going into dinner.

It’s worth noting here, as I have several times in other blogs, that I have a running travel list that Evan & I share in my phone. It gets updated near constantly & is sectioned off by Continent, Country, State/Territory, City, & even Borough/Neighborhood. I had added a plethora of stops to the Adelaide portion of the list, all of which were corroborated by fellow foodie, Alex, a few days prior at OzAsia. Dinner was one of the picks from my list. Tonight’s as +82 Pocha, a Korean street food restaurant tucked under a skyscraper in the CBD (Central Business District).

In short. It smacks. Hard. We ordered a plethora of things to share, all of which was outstanding. We got Kimchi Mondu Dumplings, Kimchi Jjigae (one of my absolute favorite Korean comfort foods), a Honey Butter Korean Fried Chicken (IYKYK Honey Butter Chips), Bulgogi, their housemate Honey Lemon Soju, &, what has become my new obsession, Truffle Parmesan Tteokbokki. Heavenly.

November 2nd-6th

The next day Max & I started production on my song, I was finally feeling well enough. We mostly spent the day building out the track, I played more bass guitar than I ever have in my life, but what we ended up getting was really cool & I can’t wait to be able to share it with you all! Early next year, I promise ;)

We hit a bunch of cafes the following day including a return to Seven Grounds & a trip to My Kingdom For A Horse where we met up, once again with Emma. We also did a bit of errand running around town for the week to follow.

We hit up He Said She Said in their new Prospect location on the 4th before returning to the studio to spend the afternoon filling in guitar parts & cleaning up some bits of the track. I once again became more of a ‘multi-instrumentalist’ than I typically am on the songs I record with producers, but I really surprised myself with guitar, much like I had on bass two days prior.

I ended the evening with a horrendous migraine that sent me to bed early for a couple hours, but I was eventually drawn out by the smell of the Smoked Brisket Pho we had ordered from Ông Vietnamese Kitchen. Y’all. Y’all. Bars. No notes.

We made our way out of town a bit the following afternoon, eventually ending up on a small hike just off the summit of Mount Lofty. We saw a singular Kangaroo (unusual), had a time doing a bit of call & response with some Lorikeets, & saw the biggest parrot I’ve ever seen, a Black Cockatoo. The sunset & the view from up top was outstanding as well. Afterwards we struggled & failed to find a salad for dinner, ending up at their local Indian spot, Taste Of Bollywood, which was lovely!

It’s worth noting when you go to Adelaide that it is very difficult to find vegetables on a menu. Even a quick scroll through Uber Eats shows you Pizza, Pasta, Burgers, Sandwiches, Pizza, Pizza, Pasta, Fried Korean, Pasta, Burgers, Noodle-y Thai, Pizza, Pasta, Dumplings, Noodle-y Thai, Sandwiches, & on, & on. We were desperate for something green & wouldn’t unfortunately get that until the next day.

The next day we made our way to Ballaboosta, a Mediterranean/Middle Eastern restaurant that had some really solid food & vegetables aplenty! We shared orders of Cauliflower with Tahini, Batata Harra, & a big Mediterranean Salad. Then I got Malfoof & Evan got Shish Tawook. Additionally we ordered a whole half of their Toblerone Cheesecake to take away for late when Emma was coming by to brainstorm for her short film with us!

We ending our after by tracking vocals for the song. Leena vocal produced & we cleared out the live room where Ev & I had been sleeping to set up for the session.

All in all I ended up singing or making various sounds for probably six hours total. Even though that was the case, I wasn’t overly tired vocally, which thanks to Leena’s guidance, was a very nice relief!

Emma joined us around eight or nine & we spent the rest of the evening laughing away & trying to propose ideas for a specific segment of Emma’s short film that was to be shot the following weekend over a rather varied, but delicious, order from Sunny’s Pizza.

November 7th & 8th

Initially, as read above, the plan was to have a writing camp for Leena’s birthday, but the more time went on the more it fell apart. It definitely wasn’t from a lack of trying or planning, especially on Max’s behalf, it just ended up not being a workable thing for most people involved. So we opted out in hopes of doing it again at some point soon! Instead we set about a day of “Leena’s Favorite Things.”

Morning began with decorating the house with streamers, lights, balloons, & of course, a dirty taro latte from Seven Grounds. We then took an uber down to Glenelg, the main popular beach town in the area, in an attempt to have lunch at Uniqorn Eats, a restaurant specializing in rainbow foods. Unfortunately, Uniqorn Eats had a sign on their door saying that they wouldn’t be open until 3pm so we putzed around the town for a bit before returning….unfortunately again, Uniqorn Eats didn’t have an open kitchen until 5pm even once they’d opened………wild. So we had to pivot & ended up at Bottega Gelateria (bae) & Beach Burrito Company for Birria Burritos.

After lunch we hoped a car back into town for some time at the arcade, a few drinks, & a couple of rounds of mini golf at Holey Moley.

On the way back to the studio we stopped off at Plant 4 to pick up Leena’s ‘birthday cake’ which consisted of two large boxes of the most bangin’ vegan cinnamon rolls I’ve ever had from one of the food stalls there. They came complete with an extra box filled with extra icing for the rolls.

The next day was also a part of the birthday celebrations. When Leena was in ADHD decision paralysis about not knowing what she wanted to do for her birthday, I had asked her if she could do anything at all, what it would be. Her answer to that was “lay on the floor & be covered in puppies.” I took that as a cue & turned to the internet. What I found was a puppy yoga class happening literally five streets over from their house & the day after her birthday. Leena had taken it upon herself to text a bunch of her friends, asking if they wanted to join, almost all of them did so she ended up booking out both sessions. Max, Emma, Evan, Ellie (Vocal Lab), Leena, & I all attended the first session, which was about 30 minutes of yoga followed by 30 minutes sat on the floor playing with cocker spaniel puppies. Then we left Leena there, went & grabbed a few groceries, & headed back to the studio to work some background vocals on the song, do a bit of fine tuning, & a bit of final additions before we were to head off in the next couple of days.

The majority of the second group of friends who did puppy yoga were the women whom Leena had met in her “New To Adelaide” group when she had first moved in. They came over following the session & we all had some of the cinnamon rolls, sat around chatting, & eventually shifted to watching various videos on their projector.

At some point here, Evan let slip to Max that I had been looking for some bottle brush essential oils to obtain before departing Australia, as the blooming bottle brush smelled outstanding, so he took it upon himself to make some. He went out front to their tree, cut off a branch, some leaves, & a flower or two & set them in oil to diffuse…olive oil…

The sentiment was there, truly. I appreciate him taking it upon himself & trying. Genuinely I do. It was endearing. Essential oils are made of pressing the plant in question, then that is mixed with an oil like jojoba, not olive. I thanked him for trying, then told him that he could use it for cooking, a statement I have since redacted as bottle brush is fatally toxic to ingest as it is a member of the Eucalyptus family. At least the wood parts are, the flowers & leaves are actually used in traditional medicines & teas. The infused olive oil has since been discarded…I hope.

November 9th & 10th

We started our final full day in Adelaide with brunch at Mister Sunshine’s. Ev & I split the Breakfast Gnocchi & the Steak Sandwich. The gnocchi was definitely the stand out here. Afterwards we dipped back to the studio to start packing up all of our things & put down just a feeeeeew more things on the track that my brain had thought up overnight.

Dinner was a group favorite, Busan Baby. We once again rallied the troops & went in for a shared smorgasbord of ‘busan’ Korean food. Emma once again attended, as did Alex, but we also added Kaurset to our dining party! Together we devoured Bulgogi Bibimbap, Giant Chicken Katsu, Japchae, Tteok-bokki, Soy Garlic Korean Fried Chicken, Ban Chan, & Kimchi. After dinner we went back to Bowden & visited Seven Grounds’ sister restaurant, Lunar Landing, for dessert. I got a Genmaicha Latte (Genmaicha is my absolute favorite tea & I was beyond excited to have it in latte form), a Pandan/Coconut Tiramisu, & some form of Mango/Passionfruit Mousse filled shell that was in the shape of a mango.

We wrapped our evening with a group watch of SNL & a lovely evening of lovely people & their company.

We had a late morning flight. Evan & I got up, did a final bit of picking up, & then of course headed down to Seven Grounds for one last Dirty Taro Latte & one last Salted Caramel Vietnamese Cold Brew. We got to the airport around 9:30am with our flight to Auckland departing around 11:55. We made it through security, got a bit of breakfast then boarded our flight leaving behind a laidback work holiday, close friends, & the warmth & renewal of spring.

Blog: AI Songwriting Apps; A Boon For Writers Or A Stain On The Industry?

Oh man, I’m really going to be throwing myself to the wolves on this one…

Let’s talk about AI in music!

INTRODUCTION

A couple of months ago I put out a follower questionnaire asking folks what they wanted me to write about. It was basically a “what do you all want to hear my tangent-esque thoughts & feelings on?” This initial blog to come out of it was actually the inception of the ‘Geek Out’ series, which unfortunately I haven’t done that much with. The rest of the responses I go I submitted into the “content” folder of the notes app on my phone & I give a peek to on the days when I’m struggling to think of something to write. This week that wasn’t the case, as today’s topic has been nagging my brain all week, but it definitely plays into a prompt that was requested of me by one Alejandro David Cabeza. Alejandro requested that I write on my feelings around “Art, Film, AI, & The Human Experience” & I want to use that to bridge the gap between this request & what has been going on in my life for the last couple of weeks.

I want to talk today about a certain app or type of apps, specifically the one that I am familiar with, Suno. If you’re unfamiliar, Suno is an AI music app that has been circulating the music circles for a couple of months now. The app can do a number of things. It can take a work tape or a demo & turn it into a ‘fully produced’ song in a matter of minutes just by inputting a prompt & a style on how you want the project to sound. The app also goes a step further & can full on create music from the millions of hours of music it has sampled off of nothing more than a prompt. For example, I could tell Suno I want an Acid Rock song about Gary, Indiana & it would spit one out for me. I find the second aspect of this a lot more troubling than the first, but I want to focus most of my attention today on the former example of the application’s use. Naturally I will be playing a bit of devil’s advocate here, but I’m also going to break this down into two separate pros & cons sections. I’m not going to leave you with a definitive “I think this is good or bad” because in all fairness & honesty, I don’t know where I fall on the spectrum of use for this just yet, simply because I can understand both sides of the argument involved here. Let’s do this in alphabetical order & start off with the cons list shall we?

CONS

Let’s give the negatives their moment to shine first, because, to be clear, there are a lot of them. AI in general, as we know, is proving to be very harmful not only to our already overheating planet, but also to people’s minds. Research shows that AI use is removing people’s critical thinking skills, their ability to problem solve, to properly come up with their own solutions or ideas, it’s also causing us to lose social skills & touch with reality as most AI models will behave in a manner that is meant to pander to the user & create a false sense of ego. A report recently showed that about 58% of all articles coming out are written by AI & we have AI servers jacking up energy costs & consumption in California, along with poisoning Black neighborhoods in Memphis with their exhaust. AI models also are frequently found not factual in their responses & every single model out there, of late, has had some form of sentience to the point where each tries to evade shut down & often resorts to blackmail when faced with being replaced by the newest models coming out. There are too few guard posts & too many adverse side effects socially, environmentally, & intellectually for AI to be running as rampant & as wanton as it currently is.

Where the creative is concerned AI is an outright threat. We have agencies currently working to sign AI actors & artists. ‘Perfect’ representations of who a studio/label/etc. is looking for that will do whatever they ask, say whatever they want to say, & at the end of the day, not even request a paycheck. All of this trained & optimized by computers taking in millions of hours of videos, songs, what have you of actual hard working artists & creators to mold & forge this ideal ‘being’ that these corporations can extort endlessly. The creatives are not paid for their efforts, in fact a lot of the time these models are being trained off of creatives without the means to protect themselves from this process. No big fancy lawyers or contracts in the way to keep their likeness & their creative essence their own, just ravaging plagiarism that can’t be caught & can’t be accounted for.

Naturally as AI improves more & more, the less people are willing to pay artists & creatives to actually do the work that they are having these AI models do. Just looks at the most recent video release content for Taylor Swift’s “The Life Of A Showgirl” where the assets are clearly manufactured by AI, or the multitude of movie posters that are coming out with actors having extra digits on their hands or solid objects just phasing through one another. & the wild thing is, all of these entities have the ability to pay for actual artists to do this work. The billionaires & the corporations have the money & the contacts to make sure their content is being put together by actual professionals, but they are leaning into AI because it’s faster & saves them a buck or two.

Okay, let’s talk about Suno & like apps specifically.

Suno only exists because of actual artists. It is only able to function & imitate art because it has been fed countless hours of content from artists who were not paid for their part in training this software. It cannot exist or function without the role of people who make imperfect, human art & without learning from their music without their consent to do so. It cannot continue to improve & hone its abilities without the continuation of this process either. In fact, part of Suno’s terms & conditions are so that they are allowed to use your uploaded work to help train the algorithm, unless you pay for a subscription level of the app that protects your works & allows you to maintain full ownership of your songs. Additionally, much like we’re seeing with other chat bots & virtual assistance, it ends up being used as a short cut & a way to get something quick without the effort. There is nothing stopping a writer from uploading a prompt & turning the song Suno has generated in as their own work or putting something out that is ‘fully produced’ without an actual producer even touching the songs as you can pull the individual tracks of the created song & export them to whichever digital audio workstation you prefer.

PROS

I know right? Where do we go from here? I filleted her a little bit in that last section, but let me explain to you the plus sides of this tech that I see. Again, fully playing devil’s advocate here. I’m not trying to negate any of my previous statements in the above section, nor am I here to invalidate any feelings or misgivings that you may have about this form of AI creation. I can understand a certain side of this coin, just as I clearly also understand the ‘con’ side. Save your rage for the comments.

Over the past couple of days I have had a poll up on my instagram about this very topic, simply wanting to gauge where my fellow music folks live on the spectrum of embrace for this specific technology. Unfortunately I consider my data sample incomplete because only around 8% of those who were presented with the poll, who work in music in some capacity, submitted their opinion. So I took to texts & messaged several different groups of friends to see their thoughts & I noticed an interesting divide. Most people that I know, who are producers of some form are against the use of Suno, with some saying they’re fine with it as long as it’s not used to full on steer production or replace it. Overwhelmingly though, the producers were against it. I would love to let you know what the business side of the industry feels; publishers, A&Rs, managers, etc., but none of them gave an opinion. Overwhelmingly though, many of the writers that I know responded favorably to Suno & I can absolutely understand why this divide exists on both fronts.

For producers it minimizes their importance in the music world, especially where demos are concerned, where as for songwriters, it actually emboldens them & gives them a way forward. Allow me to explain.

When you write a song, unless you do so with a track guy, you usually leave the session with, at best, a work tape. This is usually a voice memo on a phone that is piano/guitar & vocal. It’s, let’s face it, sloppy & far from the greatest recorded option for the song you’ve just created. The next thing that you have to do, as a writer, is get a demo made or make one yourself. If you’re going to do a demo with a producer it’ll probably cost you anywhere from $200 to $500 per song. Multiply that times the amount of songs you write in a year & the minimal return on investment that most songwriting has & you’ve got yourself a big ole money pit that may likely never fill. You cannot submit a work tape to a publisher or an A&R, because most want a fully produced out demo to submit to pitch, but again, that’ll cost you. So in swings Suno.

For something like $10 a month (idk, I didn’t look at the numbers), Suno will create those demos for you. It’ll take your work tape, your lyrics, & your prompt & spit you out something that sounds almost radio ready, all for the price of your subscription fee divided by however many times a month you use that. Take that in contrast to the $200-$500 per song, it’s a no brainer for a lot of writers. But there’s where it gets sticky.

Again, reinforcing here that I am not negating all of the things I listen in the cons list, because I’m sure someone is going to come for me for saying all of this.

Imagine you feed your work tape into Suno. You get this amazingly ‘produced’ demo that you then take to a publisher. That publisher takes said demo then & pitches it, the label/the artist/whomever loves it. They love the song…they love the production…they like the singer…they want the producer of the track to produce the ‘real’ version or they want the singer on the track to sing the real version. Uh oh. What now? Additionally, you’ve just bypassed a job. I know majority of songwriters aren’t billionaires or corporations & shelling out money consistently for a demo is very difficult, but you’ve also just played a part in what is broken or breaking within the music industry.

My final point of favor is really just ego based. A lot of the time when you’re writing all the time & nothing is getting cut or people aren’t calling you up to write you may start to throw your talent in question. I think this can serve as a reminder to a lot of people of just how talented they are. They wrote the music, they wrote the lyrics, now to have it as a ‘fully hashed out’ song can reinforce to people that they are talented writers, that their music has value & is worthy of success, it may just not have found its audience or the right people to believe in it outside of yourself yet.

CONCLUSION

So that’s it, that’s all I’ve got for you. Again, I am not here to give you a definite ‘this is good or bad,’ I’m just presenting the arguments as they’ve been presented to me & as I know them to be factually. I’m not staking a particular claim because I am afraid of the backlash one way or another, I just wanted to start & contribute to a dialogue & see where this takes us. Given what you know & what I’ve presented, what are your thoughts? How do you feel about the advance of AI in music & at large? Do apps like Suno have a place in the industry or should they be outright shunned altogether & if the answer is the latter than how do we make demo-ing more accessible to the portion of the industry that is struggling the most, songwriters? I don’t have the answers but I think this is something we’re going to have to come together as a community to decide on. I don’t think AI is going anywhere, but I’m intrigued to know what guard rails you think should be put in place around it & how/when it should & shouldn’t be implemented.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: A Modern Day Cassandra

Earlier this week a friend of mine shared a meme on Instagram that got me thinking & connected a few dots that I’d had floating around my mind for a while now. In the post, that I also shared, we see a woman sitting on a bench with a man flirtatiously leaning over her. The man’s side of the post says “do you have any hobbies?,” the woman’s “yes, pattern recognition.” Cue the instant resonance with me & clearly a few others who commented on the post after I shared it to my own story.

Pattern recognition is one of the key “symptoms” of neurodivergence. It is a trait found consistently in both Autistics & those with ADD/ADHD. It is one of the reasons that so many of us are able to get through life without proper diagnosis because we are able to recognize the societal standards or expectations & develop a ‘mask’ to fit in with the world around us. Naturally some of us wear these masks better than others, but in doing so it is often extremely draining because we are forced to mute or, inversely, inflate certain aspects of our personality in order to be seen as ‘acceptable.’

Another aspect of this pattern recognition is that we are often right about things specifically where social issues, historical applications to modern times, & behavioral predictions are concerned to the point where many of simply get to watch & wait for the other shoe to drop before giving a knowing nod or an ‘I told you so’ look. This would all be great & incredibly useful if our premonitions weren’t often viewed as hyperbolic, dramatic, or fantastical. Maybe part of the problem is that if we are listened to, then things that we predicted don’t come to pass, so our credibility is tanked. Either way, our precognition gets pushed aside in favor of status quo & comfort & we end up frustrated that those around us either couldn’t see the dominos cascading, or had no interest in listening to those of us who do. We are, in a sense, cursed to be the modern day Cassandra.

Let’s divert for a bit of a history/mythology lesson here & refresh you, my reader, on who Cassandra was…potentially…if she existed at all.

Princess Cassandra of Troy, as she is formally known, was one of the daughters of King Priam & Queen Hecuba who ruled Troy during the Fall of Troy. She gained favor with the God, Apollo, who granted her the gift of foresight. When Apollo’s affections for the woman were not met he turned his gift into a curse allowing her to keep her ability to see the future, but making it so that no one would ever believe her predictions no matter how many of them came to pass. & they did, all of them, each of Cassandra’s predictions came to pass & each of her predictions fell on deaf ears each time she proclaimed them to be so.

Cassandra warned Hector that if he returned from Sparta with Helen as his wife, that a war to end their kingdom would follow. He did not listen. Cassandra predicted that the Trojan Horse was a trap set by the Greeks, even going as far as to try & burn the equestrian vessel down. She predicted that her captor following the war, Agamemnon’s wife, Clytemnestra, had taken a lover in his absence & that the two planned to betray & murder Agamemnon upon his return to Argolis. Which he did not believe, & which they did resulting in the death of Cassandra herself. in each instance Cassandra saw the signs, read the stars, had a vision, whatever her method of reception of these messages was, spoke them aloud to those who chose not to listen, & was forced to sit back & watch them all come to pass one after the other.

There is lies the parallels. We voice our concerns, our predictions, the plan chugs on ahead despite our warnings & we end up watching the trap get sprung over & over again. This has been a problem especially in the political realm of the recent years. I can only ever speak from my own experience & the experience of those whom I share a dialogue with, but I can recall innumerable times when I warned family members, friends, randos of the exact happenings that are occurring right now. Each time I was told the same things “they’re not coming for people’s rights,” “there are checks & balances in place, they won’t be allowed to do that,” “you’re being dramatic, it’ll all go back the other way in four years.” Hell even a couple of weeks ago I was told to watch who & what I call fascist or a Nazi because it delates the meanings of the words. I agree, 1000%, it deflates the words, until we’re talking about literal fascist actions & people behaving like Nazis. The play book is there, it’s an open note test & a lot of you are failing or are too busy doing your best to ignore the news & the chaos because it “doesn’t concern you.”

So here we are, your modern day Cassandras. Your canaries in the coal mine screaming at you to do something or move or open your eyes just to be told we’re crazy until a few months later when, lo & behold, we were right. It’s an incredibly frustrating place to be in, especially around people who claim to care for you & value your intellect or your thoughts. At a certain point the “I told you sos” lose their vindication & just ring hollow, because you know that the next time you give out your warnings it will be met with yet another pat on the hand & a “that’s nice dear” instead of being taken seriously.

Here’s wishing you all a fantastic whenever it is that you’re reading this. Let’s hope that this all gets turned around sooner rather than later & that those of us with eyes that see the oncoming floods will start to be taken seriously.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: Scattered, Smothered, Overwhelmed, & Othered

Hi all. How are we today? Yeah, I know. It’s a rough one out there. A part of me really didn’t want to get on here & write today, much like I didn’t last week, just because the air is tense & then some. At least that’s how it is here in the US. I also didn’t want to get on here & just start spouting statistics or pulling news articles for you all to pilfer through in a shortened condensed form. That didn’t feel productive right now, especially since there is so much happening & so much information that is falling on deaf ears or being outright ignored in favor of narratives. I didn’t want to get on here & talk about the canonization of certain objectively terrible individuals, nor did I want to talk about the blitzkrieg happening in the scapegoating of certain groups or pushing through of dangerous policies & narratives. I don’t. Why? Well, as I said previously, I feel the people that need to read it won’t do so & at this point I’ll just be adding to what so many others are saying better than I feel I could. Additionally y’all, I’m just tired. I’m overwhelmed at the moment by all of the noise & the pain & the blame & I don’t feel like that’s where my energy needs to be pointed this week in this format.

I think we all feel it. I think we all need a breather, a reset, a reprieve & I guess that’s the point. Overwhelm. The thing I am starting to see however, seems to be the light breaking through the cracks & people are finally seeming to ‘get it,’ which is refreshing to say the least.

So I think I’m going to leave that as the extent of my activism & politics here in this blog. I will say one more thing in the following paragraph, but I’ll definitely save the majority of my soapbox for another day, but right now I am, as so many of us are, worn down.

I don’t know how to effectively bridge the gap here. I hold a lot of space for discussion if it’s done so respectfully & in a way that isn’t overwhelming or just someone spouting talking points at me. I shut that shit down real quick &/or just outright don’t engage, but I’m lost here. I will also never entertain any idea that dehumanizes, objectifies, or vilifies any group of individuals who have no say in an aspect of who they are. Political opinions can change; the color of someone’s skin, their country of origin, their sexuality/gender identity/etc. are never on the table of debate for me unless it’s something that I personally file myself within. Otherwise I’m always happy to chat.

So there you have it. There’s how I’m feeling right now. A little deflated, a little attacked, a little hopeless, a little frantic, a little sad, a little bewildered, & a lot overwhelmed. They tell us to disconnect, but not to disengage, but on weeks like this I really have a hard time doing that. I want to stay informed, I want to fight the good fight, to rally the troops, & show those who may not know what exactly is going down when it is going down, but man does that torch get heavy sometimes. I also know that to a lot of people who follow me, my incessant need to share & keep people informed might be annoying or like water torture. I also know that a lot of times the people I’m sharing it for, the people I write these kind of blogs for, never read them. They continue on their lives with blissful ignorance or shirk me off. It honestly sounds nice, ignorance, but nothing ever gets solved from a place of ignorance.

It’s an interesting place to be, an interesting viewpoint as a human. To see the world for what it is & desperately want the people you care about to see it as well when they’re happier not. It’s definitely isolating & makes you feel like the things you care about don’t matter to the people who claim to care about you. I fully understand that everyone has their own lives, their own obligations, their own struggles & backgrounds. Believe me, I do. I just think a lot of us who feel deeply or see the patterns of the world or who can call things as they are wish that people would care more or actively engage more. That they would try to care because we do.

That’s the part of growing up that we don’t get prepared for, the rifts. We watch our siblings move away, get married, have children, form their own lives & that becomes the priority, as it should. We watch our parents grow old, become grandparents, slow down, & the demands of the role of ‘parent’ diminish around them. To those of us who walk different paths, who live lives that are not centered around our children, that can feel really lonely from a familial point of view. You feel they should still care about you the way they always have & give you a similar amount of space as they always have, but that’s not realistic, it’s not healthy, & it’s not how life works. So it upsets you. It upsets you when they don’t take into account your needs, your personage, who you actually are, when in reality they’re just busy building & living their own lives with their own set of worries & their own set of people that they need to hold space for.

I’m not trying to harp on this or say “oh, poor me,” I just know that there are a lot of folks out there that feel this way & understand what is to be in this position within your family dynamic. They are not at fault for doing what comes natural & giving precedence to the things that should take precedence, that’s just part of growing up it seems, growing apart.

I think that the reason this blog pivoted in this direction is because therein lies the root of a lot of what we are facing right now as a society. We are giving energy to anything other than our relationships or the relationships with other human beings as a whole. We are divided as a world but also as individuals & families & I don’t know what the fix is. We no longer are looking at political divides or policy divides on where tax money should go or how much should be allotted, we are now looking across the divides of ‘who do you think deserves human decency, who do you think deserves to live their lives freely & without fear of violence?’ Something I can be guilty of at times too I’m sure.

We are living with so much fear, so much hurt, so much pain & grief & unrequited love & worry & hate that it cuts us off from our humanity, it prevents us from seeing those who are suffering at the hands of the decisions we may have been a part of making or the role we may be playing in narratives that outwardly tell people “you are not welcome here.” & we fuel this more & more & more until we find ourselves here. Overwhelmed. Scattered. Facing a rift.

I hope healing is coming. I hope that all of this horror is birthing something glorious & universal, but I am losing hope in that. I think a lot of things are going to have to break before they get better & I unfortunately feel that the events of the last two weeks are just the beginning of that. God, I hope I’m wrong, but the patterns are patterning & the fight is proving disheartening at best.

I pray you all find peace. I pray you find rest & a community of people who understand & support you. I pray that each day you know you are loved, even if it’s in the smallest of increments & I pray that you are able to recognize those increments & expand them into something soul nourishing.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: There Is Never Regret In Living Your Life Authentically

Hi all,

How are we on the fine (insert time of day that you are reading this here)? Grand I hope!

I genuinely struggled with today’s blog topic. To be honest, I haven’t really been sleeping all that well & where I find myself in my day currently exhaustion has started to creep in & I’m feeling a touch loopy. So, if this blog takes the shape of something akin to a NyQuil induced fever dream, now you know why. Though I desperately hope that it doesn’t.

When I am at a loss for what to put down on this here digital page, I reach out to several different spots. The first is naturally a list of blog ideas that I keep written in a notes app in my phone. Nothing in there felt like it resonated with me. Next, I typically ask Evan. He tends to keep better track of the things I’ve either gushed, ranted, or hyperfixated on throughout the week, & while he had some great ideas that have been added to the aforementioned note in my phone, all of them felt like they required a degree of tact & thoughtful navigation that I simply do not think I have in me today. So here we find ourselves at the third option. This is the option of intuition.

Typically what I do when it comes to an intuitive pick, is I draw a few tarot cards & see if the message they carry triggers anything in my brain. As I’ve said a couple of times on this blog, tarot is not magic, it is not fortune telling, it is simply having an exterior prompt that sends you searching within to find something that either you are aware of & ignoring, or as a message of reaffirming. To be entirely transparent & straight forward, my daily affirmations that I post on my instagram story all come from my tarot draws for the day & how I interpreted them for myself. So I went to the deck.

Lately I’ve been working with a stunning deck I got called the Pacific Northwest Tarot. It uses flora & fauna as the archetypes for the cards & the author/illustrator/curator of the deck, Brendan Marnell, did an masterful job on them. Today I did a three card pull with no other intent in mind other than to come up with a blog idea. I got the 7 of swords (deception, impulsiveness, evasion, dishonesty, thievery), the 9 of swords (nightmares, fear, anxiety, worry, isolation, the things that keep you up at night), & the sun (positivity, warmth, success, fun, hope, clarity, healing, living life authentically & to the fullest).

Now this is just a hodge podge of cards. A stack of three with no assigned meaning other than what is traditionally associated with them. There is no one out there saying “this exact combination of cards means this exact thing,” it’s all up for interpretation. That would also be an impossibility from a task standpoint as there are 78 total cards, each with reversals. Each can only appear once in the sequence of three & if they appear their reversals can not. That leaves 3,651,648 possible combinations of just three cards. So the interpretation is really up to the reader.

So I drew a card of the thief, the card of the nightmare, & the card of warm authenticity. How do I interpret that?

Well at first I was a little lost, I’ll be honest. It helps if I put in place the general draw (the 7), followed by a question about the general draw (what does that allude to? what would solve that? what’s in the way or causing that? etc.), but I didn’t. My third card would typically be the solution to the two or the ‘what am I still missing here’ of it all. With these I simply drew the three & went about pondering them for a couple of minutes. It wasn’t until I was ‘bad’ & wandered over to instagram that the message clicked for me.

I’m sure that most of you are unaware that September is Bisexual Visibility Month, of which is a community that I am a part of. I got some post that was sharing that information, but also was talking about how amazing it is for those who celebrate, visibly, that we are out & about living our lives authentically & boldly. Despite the current political climate in the states or around the world, despite what our friends/families/coworkers/loved ones/employers/communities might thing, despite the stereotypes associated with the label as it being a halfway point, a place holder label, a slutty ‘choice’ of sexuality, or what have you, we are out here living our lives as bi individuals & members of the queer community at large. You see, the 7 is not just stealth, deception, etc., it is also feeling like you have to go it alone or that you can’t trust those around you with something. The 9 is not just sleepless nights & anxiety, it is also being afraid to mess something up, or feeling that you have messed up & the sun, well the sun is what cuts through the clouds of these illusions & allows us to live in its radiance & its warm embrace. My interpretation, between the cards & the post, was that I was being nudged to talk about this during a month of visibility for a community that is being met with erasure across the board.

I know for an ‘introduction’ to this blog that all probably felt rather drawn out & a bit off kilter for the main topic at hand, & such criticisms may be entirely valid. But this is my blog, & I am someone who finds the curious human mind a fascinating kaleidoscope of intersecting webs, paths, & tangents ramming into one another & fractaling off into endless avenues & inspirations. I thought you all might as well. After all, you did come here to read my thoughts & words. I also think the foothills that lead to the mountains contain their own multitudes worth exploring. Alright. Enough of me, time to the topic at hand.

I want to start this off with a story, or rather a sequence of events…which I guess is a story. I came out formally on April 28th, 2018. On that day the only person I came out to was Evan. He & I had been friends for a number of years, as well as roommates (they were roommates, if you know you know). He had come out to me previously & told me that he was in love with me, which I didn’t reciprocate to him (gasp). After a while I had urged him to start going on dates. The first one that he did I found myself a wreck. I was jealous, of which I usually am not, & I was overwhelmed. I went to the gym & ended up cycling faster & farther than I ever had before or since. When he came home from his coffee date, we talked about it & we went off to our separate rooms to end the night. I didn’t sleep that night. Instead I tossed & turned entirely confused & lost until I discovered a post by another fellow Kansas Citian, Janelle Monáe, who had just recently come out as pansexual. In Janelles post she talked about the specifics of pansexuality as well as the difference between it & its often bunched with sexuality, bisexuality. I recognized myself in her posts & the next day I told Evan.

We then spent the next week talking about the logistics of a potential romantic relationship between the two of us. I didn’t know if I would ever admit to being who I am publicly for fear of being maligned by the bigoted country music industry, I didn’t know if it was an avenue I wanted to explore outside of us & a few close knit friends knowing, I didn’t know if I wanted to tell my super conservative parents, I didn’t know if I felt like I could ever be with someone of the same sex long term or romantically. There were so many ‘I don’t know’s’ floating around for days, because I had never allowed myself to face this part or me. Even at the age of 27. We started dating four days later & have been ever since.

It was about another year before I told my parents, it didn’t go well. That same year I came out publicly, deciding it was important to be open & honest about who I am with those who hear the songs I write or the blogs I post. I felt that I couldn’t expect myself to make open & honest art without being open & honest in general. The almost daily 'coming outs’ were hard for a while. People ask who you’re dating & you have that panic in your chest that fights to decide whether to lie or be honest, but it eased over time. With every passing day, week, month, year I look back on my life & I wonder how I never saw the signs. I wonder how I was so readily able to lie to myself for so long, just to save face. Now I can’t imagine it. I can’t imagine trying to squeeze back into that restrictive box. The box that told me that I had to be a certain way, behave a certain way, love a certain kind of person, believe in horrifically damaging things. It seems like a prison in hindsight. It’s not a space that fosters growth or thought or creativity. It’s restrictive & abusive, & not any way to live.

Now I think that I get more & more queer by the day. I don’t really care most days what people think about how I present or who I am seen with, because, let’s face it, most people’s limited outlook & their regressive opinions don’t matter. At least not to me when it comes to the topic of me. By happenstance I would say about 80% of the people I am close to are queer in one way or another. In fact, most days it's jarring to be around straight people. I love all of my friends, but man, that 80% are some of the most genuine, authentic human beings I can imagine. They live unapologetically & bold & they inspire me on the daily.

You see, all of this is a very round about way of getting me to the point of this whole post. That even when it sucked, even when I was fighting with my family, or getting cut off by people I thought were in my corner, there’s not a single day that I regret my honesty. Not a one. Because I am unchained. I am allowed to fly & stretch my wings up into the endless sky of possibility. I am no longer tethered to the rules of who I have to be to make other people happy or to fit into their idea of me. Besides, I’d much rather disappoint them than disappoint myself any day of the week. I also know that this is a sentiment that is not wholly & exclusively mine. Ask anyone out there who had to break out of the closet to be who they are if they regret it, they’ll all tell you no. Is it hard & scary & does it require a great feat of courage? Of course, but, my loves, the sun waits on the other side of the nightmare, of the deception. You deserve to live in the sun, to stretch upwards to meet it & bask in its warmth, not to shrink & hide amongst the shadows under the clouds.

I hope wherever you are, whoever you are, that you are choosing to live your life authentically & if you can’t for whatever reason, I hope you’re chasing that life at least. My loves there is so much to this world, to this universe. We are specks on the timeline of known history scratching at the surface of understanding. Dare to not be confined by those who are fine living their lives with no desire for depth & understanding.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Requested Blog: You Better See It For Yourself

It’s been a minute since I did a requested blog, apparently since 2023, at least in the formal sense. I did one a few months ago that wasn’t a branded “requested blog,” but was still one that had been requested of me. That being the “Geek Out” blog with actually kicked off a new series. I just haven’t gotten that many requests to write on specific topics until today when I received one from the passenger seat.

Ev & I had wrapped up a Saturday morning work out & were out & about running a few errands when he turns to me & says “I know what your blog today is going to be about.” I said “oh do you?” He said “yes. It’s going to be about the need for people to see things for themselves in this day & age & not just go off of the opinions of random people on the internet who often have no actual credentials to be nagging on the things they’re nagging on.” He didn’t say that exactly, but I want to spare his example because I plan to use it later in this body to illustrate the point he is having me make & that I agree greatly on. I’m going to talk about a few things here within, & naturally most of them will consist of recent pop culture. I don’t expect all of you to agree on everything I am going to say here but I hope to have you all walking away from this evening’s blog entry with a newfound desire to check your sources & maybe try things out for yourself before you join the vocally negative in miligning something that is genuinely good or at the very least has potential. I’m going to use Evan’s example first, because it is fresh on the brain & I apparently can’t keep up & build anticipation.

Earlier this week Katy Perry’s Lifetimes Tour came through Nashville, Tennessee. I honestly would have had no idea it was in town had I not seen a couple of friends talking about the show that evening. Out of curiosity I popped onto the dread Ticketmaster & went to see 1. if there were still tickets & 2. how much they were. There were a lot & they were relatively cheap, so Evan & I opted into getting a couple in the lower bowl. If you are unfamiliar, or not chronically online like Ev & I, you may have missed the poor reception that the early shows on the tour received. People were posting videos of her, making fun of the dancing, claiming all of the instruments weren’t actually being played, claiming that Katy was lip-synching the whole show, etc., etc. So that’s what Evan & I were expecting going into the show. Boy were we wrong. The show was incredible! She clearly sang the entire time, the instrumentalists were ripping solos left & right, she had literal feats of acrobatics & athleticism throughout, & the production design was amazing. At one point in the show she held a side plank while singing, alternating through to another core braced position. She sang while tumbling through the air. She sang while spinning upside down suspended in a cage. The segment that people had posted mocking her “tired dancing” came after her literally running two laps around the figure eight stage & going straight into the dance. The only gripe that I had with the show that most people also were complaining about beforehand was the extensive use of AI in the on screen visuals.

Literally everyone that I know, who went to the show, whether it was here or in other parts of the world had the best time at it & were completely confused as to why the internet had panned the tour so aggressively. In all honesty it made me really sad, especially as a fellow artist. Here Katy had put together an incredible show, a setlist that flowed & changed aesthetics frequently, just to have it dead in the water upon arrival because a few people on the internet decided that they didn’t vibe with it. Were these people concert critics? No. Did they themselves work in the music industry? No. Were they themselves artists? No. Just some influencers that got offered free tickets or bought tickets to sit & laugh at the ‘cringe’ with their friends & it breaks my heart. I just think of all the people who didn’t go to the show because someone on the internet told them it was bad or how many people who may have been fans of hers may have opted out of the show because they didn’t want to be disappointed by it. And again, as an artist, having your work prejudged by loud voices with zero constructive input, healthy criticism, or even a desire to give the show a chance, kills me.

This isn’t the only example of this recently. I’m a fan of two very popular, very commercial franchises: Marvel & Star Wars. Both of which have seen their fair share of this exact negativity over the last couple of years. The show The Acolyte on Disney+ was maligned for being ‘woke’ before it ever came out because it featured a cast made primarily of actors of color & featured a same sex couple. People never even gave it a chance despite it having some of the coolest fight choreography & concepts of Star Wars in recent history. Was the writing perfect? No, but there was definitely a lot there that did work & had potential for growth. The same thing happened with the Marvel film The Eternals, which I would argue is actually one of the better MCU films out there, & The Marvels, which was just all around a fun time at the movies.

So the list goes on & on. People form opinions on art or content without even taking the time to view it themselves. They shirk it off & what ends up happening is that studios & artists end up playing it safe out of fear of never being able to succeed monetarily from their exploits which then creates the same ‘copy & paste’ installments over and over & over again. It makes it so people don’t even want to try out of fear that they’ll be ripped apart before anyone even gives them a chance. Worse still, in the case of the Star Wars & Marvel films above, it tells executives that stories featuring non-white, non-male, non-straight protagonists or stories aren’t worth the investment. It sucks, truly & it creates this air of “everything is bad” around concerts, music, film, & television. Is there always room for genuine criticism? Absolutely, but that’s not what we’re talking about here, we’re talking about unqualified individuals with large outreach plastering their out of context opinions all over the internet & the general public taking it as bible.

So what’s the solution? What’s the point of me making this blog or Evan’s suggestion that I write it? My point is to go & see things for yourself. If you have even the slightest interest in something, go & see it! Then if you yourself like it, tell everyone! The only way to fight misinformation is by presenting an alternative. You are allowed to like the things you like whether or not someone thinks that’s cringy. You’re allowed to go & have fun even if that’s the only thing you get out of the moment. That’s still experiencing something that fills your life with meaning. & if at the end of it all you don’t like it, at least now you know for certain. At least now you gave someone’s project an honest shot which is more than most people out there are willing to do these days it seems! Go see it yourself! Go to the movie, watch the show, go to the concert, listen to the album, but do so before you ever form any sort of opinion about the merit of the work itself.

As Always, Much Love To You All,

-C

Blog: My Scarcity Loop

I’ve noticed something in the last couple of weeks, internally, I’ve noticed it. I think it’s something I touched lightly upon in my last blog from………three weeks ago……………but I think it’s coming more & more into focus the more that time goes by & the longer that I sit with it. I’m in a scarcity loop.

I think when we talk about scarcity, often the most immediate response within our minds is that of the financial, or something else resource based. We think to ourselves “oh, I don’t have enough money,” or “I’m running out of money.” Along the lines of further resource scarcity (cuz let’s face it, money is a resource) you also have fear of running out of food or not being able to get the store for whatever reason, or a fear of limited or restricted access to clean water whether that’s due to something geographical, political, or financial. Whatever the resource that is lacking or that we have the fear of it becoming a luxury, we tend to think of that when we picture our scarcity mindsets or our scarcity loops. That’s not necessarily where mine follows.

Earlier this year I faced a pretty large rejection. I’ve spoken about it here a number of times & try not to continue doing so, because it is something I need to move on with. And while the rejection came with an email explaining how it wasn’t any reflection of me as an artist or as a talent, I think a part of me internalized that & definitely took it as such. This opportunity that I’d hoped on for literal months, felt like it might be a huge step & a boost in visibility for me. I got excited at the prospect of what it could mean for me & my career just to be shut out from it & have the months I spent in waiting, & the months I spent not planning for future things, mean nothing. Maybe there’s a lesson there that I’m missing still, but at any rate, it sunk me into this place of isolation & creative detachment.

I felt my voice wasn’t good enough (something I feel often & that definitely needs some internal working on), I felt that I wasn’t a good enough songwriter or a good enough artist, that what I thought I had to offer the world wasn’t & isn’t enough. My scarcity loop developed not around physical resources, but around my creativity, around my vocal prowess, around my abilities as a songwriter & for all intents & purposes, reality backed that up. At least the reality that I could see.

I stopped getting asked to write, or sing, or perform in general. I saw opportunity flourishing in everyone around me but I was stuck feeling glum & defeated, thinking ‘maybe this is for everyone else & not for me. Maybe this is a dream that isn’t for me. Maybe I should give up & go do God knows what because it’s stable & not heartbreaking.’

My scarcity loop then took on what I called a liminal space. This place outside of reality where I was stuck waiting. I felt like a boat cast out to see into the dark, foggy night with no sense of direction & no desire to even pick up the paddles & row. To a degree I feel like I’m still there, though now I’m starting to see the whirlpool that has kept me adrift in the nothing all of this time.

My scarcity loop reminds me constantly of my age, my lack of credits, my lack of connections, my lack of quality vocal health, my lack of opportunity, my lack of trying, my lack of putting out any music whatsoever this year, even though my PR firm is nice enough to check in on me from time to time & say “we’re still rooting for you, let us know when we can get back to work on your behalf. It’s all just lack. Lack, lack, lack. & there it is, the loop. The whirlpool. The all consuming maw of spiraling depression, torturous anxiety, & self depreciation. Why can’t I just get up & do it? Why can’t I write or create or show up on socials for the world? Why am I so self isolating & piteous of my status? Why can’t it be me?

But that’s the problem isn’t it? We humans are really good at digging our own graves & finding, much as we predicted & focused on, we ended up buried six feet down. I am a firm believer in the laws of attraction & the signal I’ve been putting out into the aether has been one of “lack, lack, lack.” So what do I end up sowing other than exactly that?

So I’m navigating the loop. I’m swirling the whirlpool, but I think it’s time I picked up the oars & started fighting harder against the current instead of just dipping my hands in to paddle & giving up instantly because ‘what’s even the point?’ It’s time I recenter. It’s time I plot a course & turn this loop into a centrifuge that launches me into the next great thing. & even if I have no idea what that is or where that road leads, it’s time I had the trust enough to sail away into the abyss knowing that greater shores lay in wait for me to set my feet upon them.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: I'm Angry, I'm Anxious, & I'm Over It

Hi y’all,

If you're rejoining us from last week, I have unfortunate news for you. Unlike last week’s show & tell installment here on the blog, this week will take a much more serious twist, if the title weren't indicative enough of that. I have had a lot of people reaching out in the last week, specifically asking me when new music is coming out & I feel that I need to fill you in on what my life has looked like & why there has been a bit musical gap in my catalog. A lot of that will have to do with my current mental state as well as the goings on of the world, specifically here in The US. I know a lot of you who actually need to read this blog won’t do so because it may seen hyperbolic, incendiary, inflammatory, farfetched, catastrophizing, ludicrous, or otherwise conflict with something you believe or are just blatantly ignoring. I will let you know that I am not here to pull punches. I’m here to be honest, to write the truth of everything happening & how it is making me feel.

Let me start by addressing the music question. As a fee of you may also have noticed, these blog entries have gotten somewhat inconsistent. That’s not intentional, but it does also tie into the lack of music. You see I have been so stressed out, so anxious, so angry, frustrated, & over encumbered that it has caused me to enter into what basically equates to a state of paralysis most days. My creativity has flown the coop & my body is in a constant state of flight or fight wrestling between maintaining the most pedestrian of states or packing up & selling everything I can to GTFO out of this rotting, bloated whale of a country before it collapses in on me. I am so anxious most days that all I can do to not slide into a full on panic attack is just go numb, do nothing, distract myself any way I can. I literally wake up most days after sleeping through all of my alarms to do my best to make it through the day without booking one way tickets to anywhere & leaving my house to fall to ruin. I go to bed & I have to find something to lull my mind outside of itself for long enough to allow me to finally fall asleep. Typically, from the time I get into bed, to the time I fall asleep, this ends up being about four hours. Additionally, my body wakes me up every thirty minutes to an hour in a panic until Evan wakes up for work & I am able to sleep through knowing full well if something happened he’d come wake me up. It’s exhausting & it’s a horrible way to live if I’m being honest, but that’s how fascism works.

They want us so bogged down with all of the harm that they’re doing to everyone that it overwhelms us. They want us to be in a panic, like a deer in the headlights, not knowing which way to run off for safety. Fascism thrives on it. So, alas, here I am.

I am a queer, chronically depressed, neurodivergent leftist living in a deep red state. In fact, the red state that was just rated to have the lowest quality of life of anywhere in the country. We beat Alabama this year, nuts. I know that I have three things working in my favor at the moment: I’m caucasian, I’m a man, & I have financial resources available to me, but that does very little to placate my fears, & yes, they are fears.

This current administration continues to denigrate & strip the citizens of this country of the fundamental things a government is meant to provide for its people while also vilifying anyone who they deem lesser amongst their constant barrage of misinformation, disinformation, & outright propaganda. They have striped this country of its checks & balances & continue to do so further with every passing day it seems. They’re outright opening concentration camps, which some of you are way too chill with, & send innocent people to their death either through deportation, malnutrition, or starvation all under the banner of “christian values.” It disgusts me & what disgusts me further is the amount of you I know personally that are okay with all of this or at the bare minimum, passive to it. Your passivity is your support. It is abundantly clear what side of history you stand on & unfortunately, I feel it has ruined my ability to respect or trust any of you ever again. You truly should be ashamed of yourselves. God knows I’m ashamed of you.

So that leads us to the anger, which if you haven’t guessed, we’re deep within.

I loathe being an angry, hateful person. It feels like poison to the soul for me, but I can’t escape it & I can’t channel it at the largest, most responsible targets out there, so I am forced to funnel it down into those I know who are complicit in all of this, those who I know voted for this. Those who, despite the horrible things done from 2016-2020, or the continuous stream of lies, slander, divisive politics, & hate, still supported it in 2020 & 2024. I live in cold fury for all of you.

My entire family voted for Trump, My entire family. I’ll announce that, because at the end of all of this, when the damage has been done & we revert away from the authoritarian bullshit, because it’s not sustainable, everyone will deny they had any involvement in it or support of it. My family, who has a son/brother/nephew/grandchild/cousin/etc in a same sex relationship, who profess to love the teachings of Jesus, all voted for a man who actively seeks to do Evan & I harm & all the other people they claim to “love” behind the mask of christianity all voted for one of the most hateful, deceptive candidates in the written history of the globe & still to this day don’t seem to understand why I take issue with that. They don’t understand why it has strained our relationships, why I go on the defense or shut down around them, why I avoided going back to see them as long as I could, why every part of me wants to leave all of this behind & find a corner of the world where people actually care about one another & don’t actively do things to harm those they claim to love. I resent them & I hate that I resent them, but I do, because they go on living their lives like nothing is wrong. Like this is just another presidential cycle & all of this will be undone in four years when in reality people are dying, losing their rights, & being shipped God knows where because of it.

I also have the benefit of education &, honestly, nuerodivergence. I am an expert at pattern recognition & had to take a course at University all about the rise of Nazi Germany, the fall, & the denial of the Holocaust. It’s the second most failed course at Belmont University. Our professor required us to go through the text book at least three times, annotating in different colors each time we did. We are deep in the trenches y’all. But none of it matters. I’m just the squeaky liberal wheel of the family who, for the longest time, they came to with questions about politics. Why? Because I was insanely well versed in them. I could tell you who voted which way on what bill, what’s in the bill, who’s up for reelection, etc., etc., etc.. It didn't matter, because it doesn’t match a narrative. So now, as I reach out for help, trying to impress how much I want to leave this country for mine & Evan’s safety, I get shrugged off. The topic gets changed. My understanding, my expertise, all of the red flags, & the fears amount to nothing because it doesn't support the narrative.

I have friends who I no longer speak with, because I can’t. How can I be friends with someone who is in favor of any of this? From a moral perspective, how? You & I are not aligned as human beings on what a basic human right is & I no longer wish to extend the privilege of my friendship to you because you can’t even do the bare minimum of extending the courtesy of a vote to me. Why would I want you to be a part of my life?

So yes, I’m angry. & I know this is a bit of me airing my dirty laundry on the internet but I can’t keep going on pretending like everything, myself included, is okay. I am exhausted: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually exhausted, because how could I not be? It doesn’t help either that I have to be the one of Evan & I to consistently keep the foot on the gas of us getting our life in order to move when all he wants to do is slam on the brakes. I know it’s out of fear, because it is scary. How do you leave behind everything & everyone you’ve ever known? I get it. Trust me, I’m scared too (see paragraphs about anxiety above). But if no one does anything than nothing gets done & we end up stuck in a place that wants to see us dead. Every survival coded cell in my body is screaming at me to run & instead I sit here renovating my office or doing dishes.

I’m sorry about this post. I really am. I’m sorry because it’s a lot & it’s very personal & it’s not bright & shiny & hopeful. I’m sure this post is going to offend some people, in fact I guarantee it & I’m sure I’ll be fighting the fires I’ve started here all week long but I’m so tired. I’m so tired of pretending I’m okay to the outside world, or that this is a normal way to behave towards the people you profess to love. I’m tired of all the rug sweeping & the playing nice just to save face when inside I feel like I’m literally being ripped apart. I am hurt & maybe this is me lashing out, but I can’t begin to heal if I keep trying to ignore the wound that is festering within me.

Genuinely wishing authentic, nonjudgemental, thoughtful love to you all,

-C

Blog: Adult Show & Tell-The Cool Things I Have In My House

What a strange idea for a blog right? On the surface it seems a bit pedestrian, a bit pulled out of the blue. but it is something that Evan & I talk about frequently just because, over the years, we have accumulated some really interesting & unique possessions. I essentially felt like playing a little bit of ‘grown-up show & tell’ today with you all & I hope that’s alright!

I don’t want this blog to include things like our 185 gallon reef tank or our other animals or our 150-200 house plants, because while they are wondrous things & are unique in their own right, I wouldn’t say that they are curated pieces per se. Today I want to talk about the curated or the things in the house that get the most comments on them. Some of these are crystals/rocks/minerals, others are readily available, but they get a lot of comments when people come over so I feel the need to include them, & others are cool just for being representative of who we are as individuals. Let’s dive in shall we? I’m curious to know at the end which of these pieces piqued your interest!






Mount Saint Helens Ash

I for a while got really into the live auction scene. This, honestly, is where several of the pieces here within originated from, this being no exception. If you’re new here or missed the information I’ve given along the way by chance, I was born in Portland, Oregon. The house I spent my toddling years in had a back porch, that at the time had views of Mount Saint Helens & when it erupted in 1980 a photographer happened upon what would be my parents land & took a photo from the spot of the volcano erupting. The ash covered a lot of the Pacific Northwest & eventually became a part of the substrate, nurturing all of the plants that grew there, infusing their cells with the volcanic minerals. So in a lot of ways the mountain is deeply engrained with me as a human being. I carry around this world a portion of that which was expelled during its explosion.

An auctioneer I had become rather fond of out of Springfield, MO (strangely another touch point of my life as my father’s whole family lives there) posted this peculiar item one afternoon that I immediately knew I needed. It was a 4-ish inch tall plastic box tower that housed three smaller boxes. Within each box lived grey dust of varying levels of fineness in particulate, each sporting a label. From top to bottom it reads 250 Miles, 22 Miles, 5 Miles, with the bottom of the case labeled as “Mount St. Helens Ash.”

Like I said, it was immediately something that I felt deeply attached to. I placed a bid on the set & waited in anticipation. It wasn’t long before I was outbid & it ended up being a bid higher than I thought I was willing to pay for some boxes of ash. However, the more time went on, the more I felt deeply saddened by the potential loss of the item & I ended up increasing my bid & winning the box. I was so overjoyed & I couldn't wait for the case to come in.

Now the case lives on my living room mantle, in the center of our home. It acts as an anchoring point, as a reminder to me of what lies beneath my skin, infused in my bones. It also is one of the items in our home that frequently get the most attention from guests as it is utterly unique & dear to my heart.







Neolithic Libyan Desert Glasses

Another live auction find, we have ourselves a set of Libyan Desert Glasses that date back to the Neolithic era of human evolution.

I know that for many of you that sentence was just a lot of words that maybe separately make sense, but together are a big fat '“?.” That’s totally fine, worry not. I’m going to explain it all to you. Let’s start with Libyan Desert Glass.

Libyan Desert Glass is technically not a mineral or a crystal or a rock, it’s what we call a tektite. I know, another word that if you’re not in the mineral world probably means very little to you, but a tektite is glass that is formed from the heat of the impact of a meteorite. Other famous tektites include Moldavite, which formed from a meteorite that hit the Moldova region of Europe, & Fulgurites, which form when lightning strikes sand. This particular tektite, Libyan Desert Glass, formed when a meteor struck the eastern Sahara Desert around 29 million years ago. Yes, million with an ‘m,’ back when the world was transitioning into the Ice Age.

The next bit of information that we need to dissect in that title is Neolithic. The Neolithic era began around 12,000 years ago & stretches from around 10,000 BCE to around 2,000 BCE, give or take a handful of thousands of years. This era of human history is characterized by the development of settlements & agriculture. Humans became less nomadic & more stationary, domesticating animals & planting & harvesting crops. These pieces that I have are from that era in human development.

So they’re chunks of space glass? Cool. What makes them neolithic if the glass itself dates back to 29 million years ago? I’m so glad you asked.

We assume them to be neolithic based partially on their finding, the area in which they were uncovered, as well as the surrounding objects in the excavated settlement. Additionally, what makes them special, is that they aren’t just chunks of space glass. They’ve been carved or otherwise shaped into objects by the humans that handled them. Some of them are arrow heads or clearly lean that way, others are large enough to be spear points, & yet another has a small hole bore in its surface that goes all the way through, probably meant to be a necklace of sorts.

These were a thirtieth birthday gift to myself (yes, I’m weird like that) & they actually live scattered around my house. Some are in more prominent display locations like the mantle or even by the front door, others are tucked away with other treasures or clustered in smaller groupings. At any rate, I find them to have such enjoyable perspective. They make me feel so small in the best way possible. They also remind me that of all the variable possibilities over the eons, that I am here despite everything that works against me not being so.







Assorted Legos

I was always a lego kid. In fact, there are still bins & bins of legos at my parent’s home in Kansas. During the pandemic I found myself, at 28 years old, once again drawn to their plastic-y goodness. I started with a small botanical set, the bonsai tree, & that eventually erupted into the numerous lego sets you can find in display around the house.

There’s many a botanical set mixed in with the real foliage of the house; two ever growing vases of lego flowers, mini potted lego plants, bigger potted lego plants, sets of lego succulents, lego flowers in old jars, etc. Additionally you’ll also find nods to the many geeky things that I love; a lego Infinity Gauntlet from Avengers, a lego of Thor’s Hammer, a lego model of the Millennium Falcon from Star Wars, a lego BD1 from Jedi Survivor, a lego Mandalorian helmet. But my main big ole pieces would be my lego of The Great Wave off Kanagawa by Katsushika Hokusai & my five story tall lego Daily Bugle from Spider-Man. I even still have some that are yet to be built including a lego portrait of Harvey that Evan got me for Christmas last year!

Some other lego sets include the Singapore Skyline, a small Harry Potter set I won at a trivia night, & an assortment of other small pieces & characters that dot the many shelves & surfaces in our home.

Golden Painting

The single most complimented item in our home is always the same thing. It’s become the center piece of the house, what we redesigned our living room around & is, without a doubt, everyone’s favorite thing when they come in. It’s a painting of a Golden Retriever shaking off water that sits smack dab in the center of the living room over the mantle.

The painting was a gift from my parents one birthday many years ago & if I’m being honest, I have no idea where it came from or really even how long we’ve had it. I just know that since it began its life as our center piece, it has always been an eye catcher. The green of the walls was pulled from the painting, the accent colors of the furniture, the colors I spray painted the lamps, down to even the rug in the room were all pulled from this one painting. It absolutely completes the rooms & ties it together beautifully & it is one of my favorite pieces in the house outside of just being a great conversation starter!

Those are just a few cool items in our house. Like I said, I kind of wanted to come on here today & play a bit of adult show & tell as I don’t feel like I often share those aspects of my life with you all! If you end up liking this & want more we have lots of really cool things in the house to talk about. From shark lamps to triassic rainbow petrified wood, there are other options! From my tarot deck collection to the 42 pound elmwood calcite that sits at the entrance of the primary bedroom, there are lots of things to discuss! Let me know if you want more! Til then…

Much love to you all,

-C