Blog: What Am I Meant To Say?

I have been known from time to time to talk philosophically. The manner in which I speak & the way that I relay information often dips in & out of analogy & allegory especially where the advice column of my mind is concerned. I’m sure that a lot of people find this annoying, but it is my hope that those I call friend, whom I love, enjoy the manner in which I convey information, particularly when advice is asked or my input is given. For those that do enjoy the machinations of my mind, they often ask me how I go about formulating these imaginings into, hopefully, relatable assertions that leave the other person with a deeper understanding of the point I am trying to make. So I guess here is my answer to that question.

It is first worth noting that I do not view myself as some forward or crazy derivative thinker. There are a multitude of people more readily equipped with IQs that are beyond my deepest fathoming who I think could bury me under a mountain of logic & sheer might of brain if given the chance. I am not a prophet, nor am I a counselor, a teacher, a therapist, or a guru. I am simply a man who has put a lot of effort into educating himself & changing his mind when it so often proves to be wrong. So what is it that I think draws people to pick my brain & solicit my advice?

I am a storyteller. That is, after all, why you’re here no? I use my words both in lyric form & in the form of these assorted blogs to tell stories of my life & flood these virtual pages with the muck that spews from my brain. Commonality is my bread & butter & finding the through-line that many of us posses is an easy task for me. This, no doubt, is also partially to do with my neurodivergent brain which is highly tuned to recognize patterns. We all have this ingrained ability to an extent, but those of us who fall somewhere on the spectrum of neurodiversity often have an easy go at analyzing that data & forming a hypothesis that we either internalize or share with those around us. We as humans are constantly taking in new information, it’s just that some of us are more adept at filtering through it or at keeping multiple plates spinning at the same time.

So how do I know what to say? What is it that helps me convey my point outside of the aforementioned parts of my being? Well, I often tailor my response to the person whom I am speaking to. I know we all do that to a degree, & having written that out on here it just sounds like a “yeah, no duh” bit of advice, but it extends further than that. Remember in the last paragraph when I talked about how neurodivergent people are good at pattern recognition & application? You remember that? Just a few short sentences ago? Well, what if I told you that it goes farther than that. That a lot of times we can actively predict the way a conversation will go simply based on past experience & tend to drive conversations using said knowledge. Not going to lie, it sounds a bit manipulative, but think of it more in line of walking into a really, really nice hotel where they’ve called ahead to ask your preferences on music, temperature, scent, lighting, etc. etc. Truly I’ve never been in a hotel that does that, but I imagine it’s a thing. I tailor the experience to the person to help them see the point I am trying to get across.

The other thing that a lot of people seem to miss in all of this is the point of the interaction being a conversation. What does a conversation require to be more than just a lecture? More than one person speaking AS WELL AS listening to the others involved. You have to listen to what is being said, take in that information, & reconfigure your approach or even entirely reevaluate it. The saying “the customer is always right in matters of taste” applies to these scenarios as well. Just because you feel a certain way doesn’t mean the other person does as well. Each of us has our own lived experiences & our feelings are not invalid simply because they don’t align with someone else’s. You have to be willing to listen, adapt, & offer educated & thoughtful rebuttals based on what your understanding of what the other person is going through. Have a little empathy, imagine yourself in their shoes, & for the love of God, listen.

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend/week/whenever you find yourself reading this.

As always,

Much love to you all,

-C