Bloglet: It's Okay...

It’s been a very heavy news week. There’s been a lot of news & feelings circulating & I know a lot of people are also under a lot of pressure to say certain things or to take certain sides & I want to encourage you that it is a genuinely okay response to bow your head out of any argument simply because you feel that you are improperly informed, overly conflicted, or because you seek to avoid perpetuating hate, hurt, & conflict. I firmly believe that there is nothing in this wide world that requires every single person’s input, especially if an educated input requires diving deep into unbiased news, history, politics, & other people’s lives.

That is not to say that you shouldn’t decry hate in all of its forms, but where global & political events are concerned, I’m sure the vast majority of us would rather not filter through naive, misinformed, or simply uninformed posts just for the sake of claiming a side or giving in to the pressure of feeling that you need to & I am also certain that the vast majority of those takes you are filtering through are minimally informed, previously cemented opinions that have little, to no desire, to intake new information & seek truth outside of what they were taught or think they already know.

It is okay to say “I don’t understand enough about the issue at hand but will do my best to continue properly educating myself on the topic” & allow those who do have a contextual understanding of an unfolding to share what they know & help those who don’t understand.

I definitely think that is one of the major pitfalls of social media at large, we all feel we need to weigh in on everything that happens & people like to virtue signal to those who don’t feel comfortable doing so & convince them that they are bad people for not aligning with their own understanding of a situation, be it an actually educated unbiased take, or not.

I’m sure I’m going to get kickback on this post simply for telling you that it’s okay to not be unabashed & brazen in your opinions on the internet but it’s something that I think needs to be said more often. You can still stand for humanity & what is right from a base level & still not flood the feed with the first information you come across without fact checking it or looking into its origin. It is okay to say “I see the issue, I stand with the innocent parties involved, & I pray for a peaceful, swift, & just resolution.”

It is okay to say “ I don’t know enough on the topic” & leave it at that.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: Censoring Myself As An Artist

I think I’ve reached a point as a songwriter where I’m actively censoring myself. It’s not something I intended to do or wanted to happen but alas, that is where I find myself. I don’t think that I was always this way nor do I think a lot of the songs of my past are vague on the details of my personal life but I’ve had events happen in my life where people I’m close to have hurt me deeply & I find myself incapable of putting pen to paper or note to track out of a fear of hurting their feelings.

This is a problem I developed a couple of years ago that I am waking up to. You see, there are times where those in your life who support & cheer you on do the most undeniable damage they can to you & all you feel like you can do is march on & hope that time heals the wound & it doesn’t happen again. A lot of times these people don’t even know that the'y’ve caused you pain or that the things they’ve said or left unsaid made it to your eyes or ears & dug a sharp gash in your heart. I had one of these & while I wrote several songs around the events in question I began to self limit because I felt they were songs I could never share or release because they would upset the people they are about. Here in lies the paradox for me.

The thing that sucks is that I know these are songs that need to see the light of day because the struggles that I went through are not unique to my person & in releasing them to a broader audience they stand a chance of helping someone else out there who is struggling. I also understand that I am doing myself a disservice by locking these songs behind the screen of my iPhone or the hard drive of my computer & that the greatest art often comes from the greatest pain. In all honesty I’m looking at myself going “wtf am I doing,” as I write all of this into a blog even though I’m not specifying anything.

But here’s the problem. Art is expression. It’s meant to evoke an emotion from the listener, viewer, taster, etc. & by cutting myself off from the art that hurts, the art within me that is real, I am censoring myself as an artist & producing blunted content that helps no one & limits my growth both as a human being & as an artist. In shying away into what is safe like a chastised dog I have placed a wall between myself & the true art that lies in wait within me & I’m not sure I know how to tear it down.

The easy answer to that, naturally, is share & release the songs, but they are songs that require difficult conversations & may cause further damage to a wound that has found some form of healing, even if It’s not how I would like. But what must be done to the bone that has been set improperly & healed crooked? It must be unmade to heal properly. It is a redemption that my heart yearns for but that I fear is nothing more than a fantasy, so I sit stuck in indecision & with a great filter hindering my art.

This is true for those of you reading this who may not be artists as well. I think that we often times allow our ache to be swept under the rug so that we can continue to have certain relationships where we feel the connection outweighs our suffering. It’s a hard road to tread & a hard decision to make, especially if the wound is old. But I feel that we limit ourselves entirely by doing so, not just in the artistic sense but in our development as human beings. It’s often said that you can tell when someone experienced unresolved trauma because they often stagnate in their personal growth. People harmed at 25 remain the same mentally emotionally as they move into their 30s because they would rather cover the wound than face it.

I know I am not alone in this &, if this resonates with you, I hope you know that you are not alone. Your reservations are just as valid as your pain but can you imagine just how joyous it will feel the day that pain is set free, the day the conflict that has been eating you up inside is resolved? Maybe it is worth it, maybe it’s not, but in the end, that’s up to you to decide, just as it is for me. I want so badly to lean into the freedom but I’d be lying if I said fear wasn’t holding me back. As my friend Stephen Lovegrove says, “the path that scares you the most is usually the correct one.” Maybe it’s time to take the scary path & step out of the pain that has become comfortable. Maybe it’s time to step on a few toes.

As always, much love to you all,

-C