Hi lovelies!
How are we today? It’s been so long since I posted a blog that wasn’t related to travel that I think I honestly forgot how to do it a little bit. I sat down & stared at the flashing caret with its canvas of white pixels for a good while before I decided to go in on this paragraph & just write. I think the thing that I was really wrestling with today was decided what was weighing on my mind & whether or not I wanted to have those thoughts claim space on this site & whether or not I wanted to give power to them by ‘speaking’ them aloud here. You see, if I’m being honest, I’m angry. Very much so, but in addition to that, I’m just emotionally & intellectually exhausted by everything happening here in The US politically.
That’s not what this blog is about. I promise you. So, don’t close out. I’m not here to rattle off facts or scream into the internet about how crazy all of this makes me feel, instead I want to talk about something I’ve noticed that I’ve been doing as a result of everything that’s happened in the last couple of weeks here in the states.
I think first & foremost it is worth noting that I am someone who likes to stay incredibly informed, much to the detriment of my mental health at times. I just really don’t like being in the dark & I have this crazy, stupid notion that by knowing who is doing what, where, & why, that maybe I can finally get the people close to me to see the light of reality & reason & step away from the autocratic, oligarchical, evangelical, fascist cult that currently occupies the majority of the highest offices here. That belief, of course, is misguided.
The reason I bring that up, is because lately I’ve fallen by the wayside. I have Evan asking me at the end of the day whether or not I saw something else horrific that was done by the people in charge today & most of the time of late I tell him no. Why? Because I can’t do it right now. I can’t continue consuming these depressing breaking news stories, they’re grinding me into a pulp & turning me into a person that I don’t think I like. So, whether I realized it or not until today, I’ve taken a step back from them.
If you’re on what is clearly the right side of history if you’ve ever even glanced into a history book, then I’m sure you too are utterly exhausted. It seems like every day there’s some new, worse thing that gets pushed through & it doesn’t seem like anyone is doing anything to stop it or slow it down. The system of proposed checks & balances has been blown to smithereens & every day we have a new constitutional crisis that ends up just being another evening of news. That’s the point.
The point of the blitzkrieg is to exhaust you, to make you apathetic, to make you complicit. We cannot allow that to happen, but you also can’t allow yourself to fall so deeply into dread, despair, & hatred that it takes you off the board, that it begins to leech into your system & corrupt your empathy, your fortitude, & your tenacity from the inside out. Sometimes you have to take the step back. Sometimes you need to stop the fight & take a breath.
I am not much of one for professional fights. MMA, boxing, etc., they don’t do much for me, but even in these sports, where the point is the fight, to overcome, they take breaks. Bouts are fought, rounds are competed in, but between each the contenders step to the side, catch their breath, recenter, get a drink & a pep talk, shake off the previous round, & get back on their feet to come back in swinging.
I think that’s where I am right now. I’m in the recess toweling off, finding my way back to center, rehydrating, resting so that when my energy is renewed & my legs once again flood with strength, I am ready to come back in & fight the good fight.
I think that’s important. No one has an infinite supply of endurance, no matter how strong they are. Eventually we all take a break or we end up breaking ourselves.
There’s something that I noticed in life, especially weaving in & out of industries where the work that is required is often go, go, go. Either you set aside time to stop & catch your breath or your body (or the powers that be) will do it for you. You’ll get sick, you’ll have a mental breakdown, you’ll crash & burn & it will be because you didn’t stop for the physical, spiritual, mental, intellectual, emotional maintenance along the way. The price must always be paid, the decision remains with you whether you pay it willingly on your own terms, or wait until this proverbial reaper comes wailing in & takes you out.
I didn’t want to write about politics today. I didn’t want to write about them the other day in my songwriting session either, but I feel that’s all that consumes me right now. It’s what drives me emotionally even though I wish so much that it was the last thing on my mind. I didn’t want to engage with that this week because it’s tender. I’m angry, heartbroken, exhausted, hurt, disheartened, & so tired of all of this going unchecked & unfettered, but that is not a place that I can healthily live every hour of every day of every week & neither can you.
Please take care of yourselves. Please take care of those around you. Please take care of those who find themselves on the targeted end of all of this & take care of your heart. Don’t let it be hardened by those who dismiss of your warmth, your kindness, your humanity as weakness. Your strength lies in your compassion & in the fact that all of this hurts so deeply. Outshine the dark my loves, just don’t do so at the cost of your light.
Much love to you all,
-C