Blog: Take A Breath, Then Get Back In The Fight

Hi lovelies!

How are we today? It’s been so long since I posted a blog that wasn’t related to travel that I think I honestly forgot how to do it a little bit. I sat down & stared at the flashing caret with its canvas of white pixels for a good while before I decided to go in on this paragraph & just write. I think the thing that I was really wrestling with today was decided what was weighing on my mind & whether or not I wanted to have those thoughts claim space on this site & whether or not I wanted to give power to them by ‘speaking’ them aloud here. You see, if I’m being honest, I’m angry. Very much so, but in addition to that, I’m just emotionally & intellectually exhausted by everything happening here in The US politically.

That’s not what this blog is about. I promise you. So, don’t close out. I’m not here to rattle off facts or scream into the internet about how crazy all of this makes me feel, instead I want to talk about something I’ve noticed that I’ve been doing as a result of everything that’s happened in the last couple of weeks here in the states.

I think first & foremost it is worth noting that I am someone who likes to stay incredibly informed, much to the detriment of my mental health at times. I just really don’t like being in the dark & I have this crazy, stupid notion that by knowing who is doing what, where, & why, that maybe I can finally get the people close to me to see the light of reality & reason & step away from the autocratic, oligarchical, evangelical, fascist cult that currently occupies the majority of the highest offices here. That belief, of course, is misguided.

The reason I bring that up, is because lately I’ve fallen by the wayside. I have Evan asking me at the end of the day whether or not I saw something else horrific that was done by the people in charge today & most of the time of late I tell him no. Why? Because I can’t do it right now. I can’t continue consuming these depressing breaking news stories, they’re grinding me into a pulp & turning me into a person that I don’t think I like. So, whether I realized it or not until today, I’ve taken a step back from them.

If you’re on what is clearly the right side of history if you’ve ever even glanced into a history book, then I’m sure you too are utterly exhausted. It seems like every day there’s some new, worse thing that gets pushed through & it doesn’t seem like anyone is doing anything to stop it or slow it down. The system of proposed checks & balances has been blown to smithereens & every day we have a new constitutional crisis that ends up just being another evening of news. That’s the point.

The point of the blitzkrieg is to exhaust you, to make you apathetic, to make you complicit. We cannot allow that to happen, but you also can’t allow yourself to fall so deeply into dread, despair, & hatred that it takes you off the board, that it begins to leech into your system & corrupt your empathy, your fortitude, & your tenacity from the inside out. Sometimes you have to take the step back. Sometimes you need to stop the fight & take a breath.

I am not much of one for professional fights. MMA, boxing, etc., they don’t do much for me, but even in these sports, where the point is the fight, to overcome, they take breaks. Bouts are fought, rounds are competed in, but between each the contenders step to the side, catch their breath, recenter, get a drink & a pep talk, shake off the previous round, & get back on their feet to come back in swinging.

I think that’s where I am right now. I’m in the recess toweling off, finding my way back to center, rehydrating, resting so that when my energy is renewed & my legs once again flood with strength, I am ready to come back in & fight the good fight.

I think that’s important. No one has an infinite supply of endurance, no matter how strong they are. Eventually we all take a break or we end up breaking ourselves.

There’s something that I noticed in life, especially weaving in & out of industries where the work that is required is often go, go, go. Either you set aside time to stop & catch your breath or your body (or the powers that be) will do it for you. You’ll get sick, you’ll have a mental breakdown, you’ll crash & burn & it will be because you didn’t stop for the physical, spiritual, mental, intellectual, emotional maintenance along the way. The price must always be paid, the decision remains with you whether you pay it willingly on your own terms, or wait until this proverbial reaper comes wailing in & takes you out.

I didn’t want to write about politics today. I didn’t want to write about them the other day in my songwriting session either, but I feel that’s all that consumes me right now. It’s what drives me emotionally even though I wish so much that it was the last thing on my mind. I didn’t want to engage with that this week because it’s tender. I’m angry, heartbroken, exhausted, hurt, disheartened, & so tired of all of this going unchecked & unfettered, but that is not a place that I can healthily live every hour of every day of every week & neither can you.

Please take care of yourselves. Please take care of those around you. Please take care of those who find themselves on the targeted end of all of this & take care of your heart. Don’t let it be hardened by those who dismiss of your warmth, your kindness, your humanity as weakness. Your strength lies in your compassion & in the fact that all of this hurts so deeply. Outshine the dark my loves, just don’t do so at the cost of your light.

Much love to you all,

-C

Blog: Just Give Me A Sec

I’m going to be real with you all, I do not feel like writing today but I’m going to because it’s important that I push through & it’s important that I maintain this space as a refuge of honesty, vulnerability, & a reflection of myself. I’m not going to make this blog about any of the things I just told you, because I’ve done that in the past & I’d be retreading the same words in a different order. The reason, primarily, that I don’t feel like writing a blog today is because of the topics that I actually want to talk about. I want to talk about the “we told you so’s” of the US political landscape aren’t vindicating & are in fact just further disheartening. I was to talk about how those who are disengaging with everything happening are those who need to be paying attention the most, who vote in these cycles of hate & division. I want to talk about how even though so many of us are so exhausted by what’s happening, that it’s important for us not to look away. To not turn a blind eye to all of it but to also maintain our mental, physical, & spiritual health. I want to talk about how it’s okay to lean on your vices to get you through right now, that there’s no judgement there. But of all of those topics, of which might be reserved for later days, I’m not going to write on any of them today.

Part of that boils down to me taking care of my mental health. I could go on another tangent, another rant & type til my fingers bleed in the off chance that it gets someone to actually care about other people but I already am doing that on the daily. I am posting & reposting constantly in the hopes that someone finally gets it, that someone finally sees through the BS & decides to lean into supporting those we are all called to love, our neighbors, & does something about it. I just can’t today. I can’t because I am tired. Tonight I am tired. & it sucks, it really does, because all in all, at this current moment in time, my circumstance is pretty fine. I just know that is not the case for a lot of folks I claim as family or hold love for. Not that that should matter. Not that the fact that I have names to faces & shared experiences or memory should be the thing that prompts me to speak out in the face of evil & injustice. I have a platform that I have been blessed with. I have people show up here consistently & ingest the words I put virtually to paper & that is a blessing. So to some degree, I know I owe my voice & my platform to those in need in the times when voices are called upon to amplify suffering. I just can’t be that today, or I guess constantly on this site.

I’ve always said this blog is a mixed bag of things, I want that to remain true. I can’t constantly be waving the flag of justice in this format for a couple of reasons. The first is that while social/climate/political justice is definitely a part of who I am, it isn’t all that “Charlie Rogers” is as a brand, which, unfortunately, is what I am. I am an artist & a part of being an artist, especially commercially facing, is being a brand. I said last week that I’m more than willing to sacrifice that, but if that is all this blog becomes or is allowed to be, then I fear I will either end up yelling into an echo chamber once those who disagree with me have left, or my music brand/persona will veer entirely into the realm of political commentary & will send me spiraling off track.

I guess I don’t entirely know what I’m trying to say here. I think in a lot of ways what I’ve written thus far sounds like I don’t want to speak up any more & that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I just need a break this week & I’m sure a lot of you reading this could as well, otherwise we run the risk of driving this into the realm of disaster porn. Where we intake more & more of this horrific content & find ourselves endlessly searching for something else to be upset about. Not that the ever growing list is in any way in short supply of that. It wears you down, & that’s where I think I am right now. Worn down.

I sat here at my desk for an hour & a half staring at the title line of this blog input. I wrote in example titles of each of the topics that I listed in the opening paragraph but every time I did I felt the pang of that “here we go again” exhaustion creep up. The call of the void that leads to me sitting in a place of fury & resentment for the duration of the time that it takes for me to write these entries. Instead I opted for none of them & offered up an explanation that circumnavigates them instead of steering us into the maw of this depression inducing Charybdian cesspool. And maybe in doing so I’ve allowed some of you to be picked off or fall away so that we can continue on, but I guess that’s the price I’m paying here…Are these greek mythology metaphors doing it for you? That’s what the kids are after these days right? Loose allegory that evokes the Odyssey? (If all of that flew over your head you’ve got a bit of reading up to do before Chris Nolan comes swinging through next summer.)

So I guess in a lot of ways, instead of opting to screaming into the digital void, I’ve offered you all a bit of a nothing burger this week. A look into my splintered, ruptured psyche at the moment & all the vapid contradictions that come with it. But I think a lot of us are feeling this way. A lot of us want so desperately to share every single thing that comes across our laps in the hopes that it finally sparks something in the hearts & minds of those who are in favor of all of this chaos, or at the very least are complicit in it. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to set the torch down for a minute, to collect your thoughts, to ease your soul, to unburden your hearts, to shift the focus of your mind, & allow the eyes & ears to fall upon softer happenings at the moment. This will be a marathon, not a sprint & it’s important that we pace ourselves so that we can make it to the finish line with some semblance of sanity.

I think this week will be a shorter posting. I’m not here to check out of the problems the world is facing, nor am I here to deflect my responsibility in upholding the systems & practices that led us here. I just know that this is far from over & while others take to the streets where they are shot, arrested, beaten, disappeared, it is important that those of us paying attention assist where we can & rest when we need so that when the battle shifts to our doorstep we are prepared to confront it.

As always, much love to you all,

-C