Hi all,
How are we doing?! I hope you’re doing well, I hope you haven’t missed me too much but I wanted to take the opportunity in this Friday blog to fill in some of the gaps of my absence the last couple of months. I’m going to do my best to jump right into this & not keep it too long winded but I also I know I can get carried away when it comes to blogging from time to time. Let’s get into it.
As a lot of you who follow me may have noticed I’ve been pretty scarce, vocally, over the last few months. While everyone else has been doing Instagram/Facebook Live sessions I have been fairly quiet. There is a reason for that. First, let me rewind a bit before I give away my prognosis…if we’re not counting the way I have in the title.
Back in the Fall of 2019 I began to have shortness of breath, mostly brought on by exercise & I assumed I was developing asthma. From there the shortness of breath began to develop into constant phlegm sitting on my vocal cord which I have to quite loudly adjust to get to go away. These symptoms developed further til about early April when my shortness of breath was getting so bad I could barely breathe sitting on the couch. Naturally, giving the climate of the world, I assumed it was COVID-19, thankfully it wasn’t.
I sought the assistance of a doctor who, while unable to see me in person to properly diagnose me, added me to some asthma medication to give them a try. I was on these for about a month before I was finally able to go & see a pulmonologist. We did a series of breathing tests before she came to the conclusion that I don’t have asthma at all, in fact what I’ve been suffering from is a combination of several things; Vocal Cord Dysfunction, Silent Reflux, & Severe Allergies.
What is vocal cord dysfunction you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. Vocal cord dysfunction (VCD) is when you inspire (breathe in) & your vocal folds clinch up restricting the flow of air into your lungs instead of remaining neutral & wide open to let the air in properly. What causes it? In short, fear. Not like physical fear of the dark or whatever but fear of damage. You see your vocal folds, in addition to phonation, are in place to prevent debris from entering the lungs. In my case I have “debris” coming from two places: my stomach (silent reflux) & my nasal passage (severe allergies.) My vocal cords have grown so accustomed to being a secondary epiglottis for me that I now find myself in a position of completely having to retrain my vocal cords.
Did you catch what I said there? I have to retrain my vocal cords. Completely. I first must retrain them that it’s okay to stay open when inspiring, which I’m in physical therapy for. I also have to find the root of the assailants in my body & treat that. So I’ve been taking medical grade antacids, I’ve gone & done an allergy panel to pin point exactly what’s causing them (the answer being mold & dust mostly) & I’ll soon need to start therapy to lighten my allergies.
In addition to having to relearn how to breathe naturally, I’m having to retrain my vocal cords to sing, hence my absence. If I’m being honest I’ve been fairly self conscious of my current voice, it’s not anywhere near where I feel I should be. It’s also very frustrating because I feel all of this is halting or even back peddling my music career. I haven’t gone live or posted singing videos because, in my current state, I do not feel comfortable doing so. I’m embarrassed of the voice I have right now.
I know that is in part psychological, I’m doing the work there as well, but it’s a road block I’m still doing my best daily to find my way around. I’ll get there, I swear. At any rate I hope you found this informative & not too medical or scientific, I tried to keep it relatable & easy to digest. I just wanted to fill you all in & let you know the path I’ve been down the last few months. I’m so thankful for your continued support & hope to be back singing for you all very soon!
Much Love,
Charlie