Hi!
I know, I know, it’s been a hot minute since I blogged, mostly because I felt I didn’t have much to blog about. I’m sure a lot of you are in this boat with my where life feels pretty stagnant especially during quarantine. We all feel like the Earth has stopped spinning; days become weeks, weeks become months, & before we knew it a half a year has slipped by. Sorry if that scares you by the way, yes we’re already on the verge of being halfway through with the year 2020. I wanted to make this blog last week but it felt to me that it needed a little more breathing time so I let it sit for a bit. I’m glad I did. You see I’ve become a bit of a council point for people, for whatever reason during this bizarre time. I’m flattered, I really am, but I was talking about two things last week with two separate parties, both of whom had gotten a little stir crazy & were feeling the effects mentally as a lot of us are. I tried to be as encouraging as my often pessimistic mind will allow but everything I’d say seemed to fall short, then it clicked with me. I think originally I said “it’s hard to feel beautiful when your jeans don’t fit” but I think I’d like to modify that.
It’s hard to feel skinny when your jeans don’t fit.
I mean that in the most metaphoric way possible. It doesn’t specifically have to apply to weigh or physicality but I think during this time, especially all these months later, it’s hard to have patience with ourselves or to allow ourselves grace. I’m beyond guilt of it, I mean, I’m currently writing this in a pretty terrible mood because I put on a shirt I used to wear all the time & it feels two sizes too small. That hurt. I’ve tried my best to stay healthy during all of this but the availability of exercise & healthy eating has diminished substantially. I’ll tell you I’m someone who hates home workouts, they just don’t do it for me, they allow me too much room for laziness. I also have a hard time going for runs daily or every other day, I have pretty bad shin splints. So to say I haven’t put on weight during this, between the lack of exercise & the amount of carbs & sugar I’ve consumed, would be a lie. So, I get it. It’s hard to feel sexy, skinny, whatever when your jeans don’t fit, or I guess in my case, when your sweater doesn’t fit.
Like I said above, I don’t just mean this about your clothes mysteriously shrinking, I mean this all around. I’ve struggled creatively through all of this, I derive a lot of my song ideas from conversation & social situations. I also had to cancel all of the shows that I put months into booking. It’s hard to be in the entertainment business & feel stagnant but knowing there’s really not much you can do to propel your career onward short of social media. I’m doing my best to be patient & be kind to myself, though there are days I falter.
Let me say this here. You are allowed to be upset, you’re allowed to be annoyed & frustrated, those are all valid responses to being locked in your home for two months. You’re allowed to not be okay. It truly is okay to not be okay, to feel less than. We’ve all been there. It’s okay to have breakdowns, to feel defeated, it is okay. But give yourself grace. Give yourself the patience you tell others to give themselves. Treat yourself like you tell your friends, your loved ones, your cohorts to do, because you deserve it.
I think that’s all I’ve got for you today, just a small moment of vulnerability. Please, please, please take care of yourself, know you are loved, know you are important. We will get through this, be responsible, respectful of other's health & safety, & be kind to yourself.
Much love to you all,
Charlie