I, much like many of us were, was pretty heavily quarantined for the majority of COVID. I didn’t leave my house unless it was necessary & when I did I wore a mask everywhere I went, into every place I went, & did my best to maintain social distance along the way. Responsible, or at least what I tried to be. However, recently, we as a society, in the US especially, have started reopening our doors, doing things again, having events again, I know for some of you that never stopped (eye roll at that) but for those of us who were good, considerate humans, the transition has been jarring to say the least.

I went to three separate events over the last week of my life, all of them were music biz, network-y things that I had to be a person at. I had to put on “real” clothes, show up, & act like I belonged there, & not just sit on my couch in PJs. And you know what, it was hard. Truly.

I’m an introvert at heart, I love my people but there comes a point where I desperately need to be alone so that I can recharge my social battery. So after almost a year without use you’d think my social battery would be primed & ready to go, yeah? *Cue Buzzer. WRONG! NO, I wasn’t at all & I’m finding myself drained before I even walk in the door, not a good thing. On top of that, I’ve forgotten several huge aspects of networking in the music industry; how to dress fashionably, how to behave like an artist, & how the hell to talk to people.

I was never the most converse person, but I at the very least could do my best to turn on my Aries charm on & hold conversation with someone. No dice. I feel like I’ve completely forgot how conversations work, I feel like I’m talking like a middle schooler talking to their crush in the halls between third & fourth period. I’m tripping all over myself, failing to remember words, completely talking the conversation into a dead end or being unable to engage all together. It’s sooooooo fun.

On top of all of that I came home every night I went out over the last week completely & utterly drained. I was exhausted. I’m not sure if it was physical/mental or anything of that variety but it was definitely social. Normally I can bounce back pretty easily, spend the rest of my evening collecting my thoughts & do it all again the next day, but this time the next day I felt worse. Sapped. Devoid of any social energy what. so. ever.

So what’s my point? Why devote a whole blog to this? Is it just so I can get on here & bitch about being on the “other side” of COVID or having a social life? No. My point in all of this is that I know a lot of you are feeling the same exact way. A lot of you are finding yourself unable to be social for long periods of time because, let’s face it, a lot of us haven’t had to be for the last year. I was discussing this with a friend last night & he compared it to being in the middle of a game & having it paused just for the game to resume without any warning while you’re sitting on the bench. You have to gather as much as you can as quickly as you can & hope you’re still warmed up enough to perform the same way you were when the game was stopped initially. Or at least that’s what it feels like the expectation is.

I know a lot of us were ready for that, ready to hit the ground running & get back into life, believe me, I was too, but I’m not anywhere near warmed up. There was no transition back into the game, no stretching, no drills, no returning to where the game left off before the madness resumed. So it’s no wonder you feel you’re struggling to catch your footing. The game has resumed while you were hydrating on the bench.

Please have patience with yourself. If we’re friends, acquaintances, whatever, have patience with me. Socializing wears me and so many other introverts down, we weren’t ready to get right back in coach. The ease into it that a lot of us needed has been completely overshadowed & we’re already burning out. Remind yourself that it’s okay to say no to events, to say no to your friends & family because you matter too & your mental health, energetic health, etc. matters too.

I hope you all have a safe Fourth of July weekend! And I’ll see you all back here next week!

-C

Hi!

I know, I know, it’s been a hot minute since I blogged, mostly because I felt I didn’t have much to blog about. I’m sure a lot of you are in this boat with my where life feels pretty stagnant especially during quarantine. We all feel like the Earth has stopped spinning; days become weeks, weeks become months, & before we knew it a half a year has slipped by. Sorry if that scares you by the way, yes we’re already on the verge of being halfway through with the year 2020. I wanted to make this blog last week but it felt to me that it needed a little more breathing time so I let it sit for a bit. I’m glad I did. You see I’ve become a bit of a council point for people, for whatever reason during this bizarre time. I’m flattered, I really am, but I was talking about two things last week with two separate parties, both of whom had gotten a little stir crazy & were feeling the effects mentally as a lot of us are. I tried to be as encouraging as my often pessimistic mind will allow but everything I’d say seemed to fall short, then it clicked with me. I think originally I said “it’s hard to feel beautiful when your jeans don’t fit” but I think I’d like to modify that.

It’s hard to feel skinny when your jeans don’t fit.

I mean that in the most metaphoric way possible. It doesn’t specifically have to apply to weigh or physicality but I think during this time, especially all these months later, it’s hard to have patience with ourselves or to allow ourselves grace. I’m beyond guilt of it, I mean, I’m currently writing this in a pretty terrible mood because I put on a shirt I used to wear all the time & it feels two sizes too small. That hurt. I’ve tried my best to stay healthy during all of this but the availability of exercise & healthy eating has diminished substantially. I’ll tell you I’m someone who hates home workouts, they just don’t do it for me, they allow me too much room for laziness. I also have a hard time going for runs daily or every other day, I have pretty bad shin splints. So to say I haven’t put on weight during this, between the lack of exercise & the amount of carbs & sugar I’ve consumed, would be a lie. So, I get it. It’s hard to feel sexy, skinny, whatever when your jeans don’t fit, or I guess in my case, when your sweater doesn’t fit.

Like I said above, I don’t just mean this about your clothes mysteriously shrinking, I mean this all around. I’ve struggled creatively through all of this, I derive a lot of my song ideas from conversation & social situations. I also had to cancel all of the shows that I put months into booking. It’s hard to be in the entertainment business & feel stagnant but knowing there’s really not much you can do to propel your career onward short of social media. I’m doing my best to be patient & be kind to myself, though there are days I falter.

Let me say this here. You are allowed to be upset, you’re allowed to be annoyed & frustrated, those are all valid responses to being locked in your home for two months. You’re allowed to not be okay. It truly is okay to not be okay, to feel less than. We’ve all been there. It’s okay to have breakdowns, to feel defeated, it is okay. But give yourself grace. Give yourself the patience you tell others to give themselves. Treat yourself like you tell your friends, your loved ones, your cohorts to do, because you deserve it.

I think that’s all I’ve got for you today, just a small moment of vulnerability. Please, please, please take care of yourself, know you are loved, know you are important. We will get through this, be responsible, respectful of other's health & safety, & be kind to yourself.

Much love to you all,

Charlie