Blog: Now You're Family

I swear this is my last blog about Fiji…unless you’d like it not to be, I’m sure I can squeeze another two or three stories & life lessons out of that amazing trip! For now I’ll leave you all with this blog in hopes that it leaves you as inspired & hopeful as the experience did me!

One thing I thing that ended up being very different from my expectation of Fiji was the reality of it. I think we’re often times, especially in the US, thought to view Fiji as the perpetual postcard; a place where no matter where you look you’ll find picturesque white sand beaches, palm trees, & crystal clear waters & while that does exist it is definitely an exception, not the rule.

Majority of the residents of Fiji live below, what we in the western world would deem, the poverty line. The housing of those who dwell on the islands often consist of tin roofed, one room homes with an outdoor kitchen & while I’m sure a lot of us would find this difficult, the Fijians don’t seem to let it dampen their spirits.

It’s true of a lot of tourism driven countries where the lives of those who were born & raised in said country live drastically different lives than what those visiting are presented with, it creates an odd disconnect. There’s a very odd feeling when you’ve spent x amount of dollars to fly halfway across the world, hop on a privately escorted shuttle service, & are being taken to a resort whose rooms are bigger than majority of the homes of those who reside there. It’s an odd disconnect when you’re met with something clearly meant to welcome visitors that often has an “off limits” feel to those whose country it is.

This is not the point of my blog, but I feel its worth mentioning in order to set the scene for what I want to talk about.

While riding in one of the aforementioned private escort shuttles to go river tubing I overheard a conversation between one of my fellow divers, Elaine, & our driver that day. Elaine had sat up front with the driver & the two had been talking for quite a while before he mentioned the following. He said to Elaine that even though the Fijians may not have the room or the food outright, there is always room at the table & room in the home for one more. That no matter how hard life appears they are always willing to sacrifice a little room or a little food for someone else. I soon found out this was a common feeling amongst the Fijian people.

I wish for the life of me I could remember our driver’s name that day, shame on me for forgetting the openness & outward kindness of a stranger, but he also mentioned that to Fijians, once you’ve been on to the islands once, you’re a part of them. He said that to his people each of us was now family & that at any given time their doors were open to us for as long as we wanted or needed.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if the rest of the world worked that way? Wouldn’t it be amazing if we all thought as such & acted as such? That no matter how hard things were for us, we always have the time & energy to embrace those who come knocking on our door & say “how can I help?”

You see it occurs to me that the people that have the most, the countries that have the most, are often the ones who are most cut off to helping their “family.” We were welcomed, graciously, into a home in a village with around twenty people. Asked to take a seat, to make ourselves comfortable, & were then offered a portion of the owner’s lunch. A lunch that he had to farm for six months to get to produce crop. He not only offered us up the portion, but the entirety of what he had to eat for that afternoon with a beaming smile & radiant joy! Why aren’t we all like that?

We, in the US, have so, so much. A lot of us do anyway. Yet we shut our hearts, homes, & borders off to those who desperately need to be welcomed, to be shown through the door, welcomed, & offered a plate & a seat at the table & if they are offered entry it’s usually with stipulations. You have to give your life to MY God, have to work towards MY system, have to do something for MY cause or life. Acts of kindness & support rarely come simply from the goodness of ones heart. We need to cut the divides, to cut the ego & the “I’m better than” attitudes, & proudly exclaim to those who come willingly to our door “now you’re family.”

I hope you have a fantastic weekend & find a little moment or two over the next week to make a stranger feel loved, even in the smallest capacity.

Much love to you all,

-C

Blog: Understanding You Value

Hi Friends,

Happy Friday!…if that’s when you’re reading this, if not, Happy Whatever Day It Is For You!

I’m currently a part of a twelve week accelerator that brought up something very interesting I felt would fit immaculately as this week’s blog entry. This prompt was given to us in the form of a question. That question we were asked was to identify the three world that describe you, or as my friend Leena put it, the three reasons that you’re the person people pick up the phone to call when they’re needing X,Y, & Z in their life. What draws people to you?

I’m sure many of you saw that I posted the question on my socials to get feedback from those of you that follow me or know me because, after all, you/they know exactly what it is you/they get from me. I got a lot of really interesting responses & so many of you said so many things that warmed my heart to the core but at the end of it all, I had to narrow the list down to three.

I started by bunching any “like minded” words together to see if I could find a commonality between them or a culminating theme. Here’s what I came up with.

My three words are:

Serene, Considerate, & Curious

The beauty of these three words is that they’re tentative, constantly subject to change because, as we change & evolve, so too must our three words.

The point of this exercise allows you to begin to understand your value, to understand the things that you bring to the table as a human being that make others seek you out or that enrich someone else’s life.

I chose serene because many people say I have a calming presence about me, that I make them feel safe &/or secure. I am often seen as gentle or down to earth. The energy I give off is grounding & comfortable, it allows people to let their guard down & be 100% who they are, unapologetically.

I chose considerate because the word that popped up the most for me, from you all, was kind. I was also gifted words like sensitive, caring, loyal, thoughtful, & present. All of which I felt were summed up well in “considerate,” because at the end of the day what is kindness if not consideration for the feelings, emotions, needs, etc. of someone else on a human level?

My final word, to be honest, is still a bit of a work in progress. In all actuality my original work was “communicative” because I got words like strong, brave, leader, communicator; so I felt that enveloped those things, but the more I sat with it the less it felt right. I recently changed to “curious” because I am a lover of culture, a lover of art, I crave new & exciting foods, drinks, etc., I love travel & discovery, I love reading & learning new things. I love to have my mind blown. I like to try to be ahead of the curve & pushing the limits. New science excites me & new cultures invigorate me. I love sharing these experiences as well as I’m sure many of my friends & the many blogs I’ve written will tell you! Truly curiosity often gets the best of me in the best possible way.

Enough about me though, yeah? Let’s go further down this value rabbit hole.

What Is Your Value?

Each of us has many things that make us valuable, but what is specific to you? No one is valueless, so I’m going to go ahead & shut that down for a lot of you reading this right now, no one. Your value is what gives you an edge in life, it’s the aspects of yourself that make you interesting, that call the world to you, that make you feel alive, & make you feel important.

I’m genuinely curious, there’s that word again, to see what some of you think your specific value is so if it’s not too much & you’d like to drop what you think your three words are in the comments of this post or on whichever social you found this in I’d be delighted to know!

So often we are taught to diminish ourselves, to not be boisterous or to shrink away from the spotlight but I think that taught behavior can be harmful, especially where self esteem & confidence are concerned. I’m sure that a lot of you were raised, as I was, to embrace humility & to always be humble & I’m not at all saying those are bad traits, but we are often pushed too far into those traits to the point where it becomes damaging to our self image. In all honesty, I think a lot of the shrinking of self neuters us. We begin to feel worthless, like our little victories aren’t worth celebrating or even that the big victories aren’t worth celebrating because to do so would be seen as too bold & brazen. Our over abundance of humility is minimizing us & creating unhealthy beliefs around who we are, what we can accomplish, & what we are worth.

I, myself, was always taught “pride cometh before the fall” & I don’t entirely disagree; foolhardy & an overabundance of pride can absolutely be blinding & very much a turn off to the majority of people, but a little pride is totally healthy. We always crave the pride of others but never allow it for ourselves. We love to hear those close to us tell us how proud they are of us, but don’t reserve any of that emotion for ourselves. Be proud of who you are, be proud of the road that brought you here today because the person who climbed the mountain is worth being proud of. You’ve overcome your struggles, you’ve overcome your pain, & even if you’ve faltered be proud of your defeats & learn from them so that next time you can be proud of your victories.

We are luminous beings, all of us. So please, let the light of what makes you so incredibly special shine unabashedly bright!

As always, much love to you all,

Please let me know what your three words are!

-C

Blog: Be Kind, Remind(er).

Tis the season once again, the holiday season & with it comes all the ingrained stress. Lines get longer, the gifts we wanted to give or the ingredients we needed to make that one special dish get more & more scarce. Tensions rise & often with it, so do tempers. We often get lost in the capitalistic frenzy of “I need, we need” that we forget about the people we interact with on the day to day basis. Having spent some time myself working in customer service space; from being a barista to driving ride share, I can personally tell you when the weather turns cold, so do the people, at least where November/December are concerned.

This blog actually came at the request of a dear friend of mine who basically wanted me to use this platform as a PSA. She works as a barista & for whatever reason people think it’s okay to treat those hand preparing a beverage for you like garbage. I know the feeling, I’ve been there. People can often make you feel dirt low simply for the dumbest of reasons. I don’t know what brings people to the point of being completely & utterly devoid of empathy but I guess that’s a question we try to answer each & every election cycle as well.

I guess the point of this PSA style blog is simply to remind you to be kind. I know for many of you that isn’t necessarily a problem, but I feel the point needs reiterating. You have to understand that the people preparing your coffee, ringing you up at the gas station, running around returning the mountains of clothes that have been tried on, restocking shelves, waiting your table, driving you home, etc. are exactly that, people. They are, as you are, flesh & bone. They have their own lives, their own desires, their own struggles, their own disappointments, & their own thoughts that are equally as valid as your own. You do not out rank them in humanity simply by being a customer.

I truly think one of the most harmful practices we as humans have engrained into the customer service space is that “the customer is always right.” The customer is most definitely not always right. Let me say that again. You, as the customer, are not always right. If you make the customer the one & only priority as an employer you completely negate & dehumanize the needs of your employees. In addition to being better people to one another in the customer exchange, I think the current state of The US in general is also emphasizing the need for employers to do better.

You don’t need to be an asshole to get your point across, if anything I’ve found that usually ends up getting you farther from your goal. If you treat people with the respect & dignity they deserve you are 1000% more likely to get what you want or need. And maybe that’s the key to my super power, maybe that’s the key to getting a reservation anywhere you go, not being an asshole about it & genuinely taking an interest in the wellbeing of the people you interact with.

This is all a long form way of saying, be kind. Tis the season of giving; thanks, gifts, love, so give kindness a shot. You may find it makes you feel better as well. To quote a dearly departed mentor of mine, Billy Block, “if you see someone without a smile, give them yours.”

Much love to you all,

-C

Blog: Wear The Dress

Self confidence is a lot like a day at the river. Some people are fearless, swinging gallantly into the current without a care in the world. Others of us are a little more timid, entering the water one step at a time, carefully calculating each submerged rock, cranny, & finding footing before we shift our weight & commit to the step. Then, there are those who spend their whole lives sat on the banks, never knowing the joy they miss, always wondering what might be.

My first thought in making this analogy was to make it about a pool; same concept, different aptitudes. The reason I chose the river over the pool boils down to one thing. The current. You see a pool has minimal current at best while a river has the potential to sweep you off your feet & carry you away. A river has a higher threshold for fear & therefore is something we deem to be more dangerous. You see those who would deter you from entering a pool are few & far between (that is unless you’ve got your phone in your pocket or it simply isn’t the time for swimming.) Where as those who fear the current more readily voice their opinions & hesitations.

So how does this all relate? What does this have to do with my title, “Wear The Dress?” Allow me to explain. You see, a few months ago something entered the collective consciousness of American society that I feel has yet to have fully exit its media cycle; Harry Styles wore a dress on the cover of Vogue magazine. For whatever reason a lot of right-wing pendants were infuriated by this & became all up in arms about “the fall of masculinity” & the “loss of manly men.” Notice how I said American society above, majority of other countries couldn’t have cared less. I, myself, was so blown away by the sheer stupidity of this backlash that I went out & made a post in solidarity with Styles where I myself wore a dress.

See below:

Before you come for me, yes, I know that Harry is not the first man to wear a dress for a photoshoot, that’s part of why the controversy is so outlandish. I also understand that this look is not for everyone & you know what? THAT’S OKAY!!!!! But isn’t it incredible to be able to have the freedom to express oneself outside the confines of the status quo in a manner that does literally no harm to anyone else?

I’m sure if you’ve made it this far into the blog you’re beginning to ask yourself, “what’s the point?” I’m getting there I promise, but pretext is important. You see there’s a really lovely quote that Rick Barker, Taylor Swift’s former manager says when he’s dealing with artist that I think applies perfectly lot life as well. It follows:

“I have artists that come to me every day asking me to make them the next Taylor Swift & I tell them no. Not because I don’t think I couldn’t do it but because there’s already a Taylor Swift who is doing the best “Taylor Swift” that anyone out there is going to do. So you go do the best “you” that you can do, because there’s no one out there who is going to do a better “you” than you can.”

— Rick Barker

We are each unique in our own way, the status quo is just an illusion, it is a prison that restricts us. It keeps us from being who we so desperately know we are & want to be. It is the naysayers sat on the bank telling you you’ll never survive the current because you dare to be different from them, you dare to live freely & express yourself boldly without limitation. The dress is not for everyone but then again neither are blue jeans, neither are painted nails or certain lengths or styles of hair but if that’s what makes you, you & makes you feel the most you then by all means wear them & wear them boldly. I understand that to a lot of us these little things are the great plunge from the rope swing into the river so I would challenge you to find your wading steps. Paint one nail, wear it out, see how you feel. Remember that bravery is not always grandiose & brazen nor will you always feel comfortable in your bolder steps but give yourself the patience to live in them & accept them as a part of yourself if you so feel they are.

Don’t for a second think that this is limited to your outward appearance or your public presentation either; your inner machinations are just as important, if not more so than the statements you provide externally. Love who you love, unapologetically! Stand up for what you believe is right. But at the end of the day be sure to check in on yourself, be honest & vulnerable, don’t judge the things you find based on how the world tells you that you should. You are enough, you have always been. You have everything you need contained inside the vessel you inhabit & that is beautiful, powerful, & inspiring. You never know who needs to see the person you are living bolding & unapologetically, you never know whose life you might change or even save just from being you.

So wear the dress.

-C

P.S.

I wanted to end on that point but I also felt inclined to level with you & tell you that this blog is as much for you, the reader, as it is for me, the writer. I’m having to unlearn a lot of things the society I grew up in taught me, I’m having to come to terms with myself & who I am wholeheartedly. The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it makes up me. And believe me, I have my days of doubt & struggle just as much as you do but I am working on it & I’m giving myself patience & grace in the meantime.

Blog: No One Feels Skinny When Their Jeans Don't Fit

Hi!

I know, I know, it’s been a hot minute since I blogged, mostly because I felt I didn’t have much to blog about. I’m sure a lot of you are in this boat with my where life feels pretty stagnant especially during quarantine. We all feel like the Earth has stopped spinning; days become weeks, weeks become months, & before we knew it a half a year has slipped by. Sorry if that scares you by the way, yes we’re already on the verge of being halfway through with the year 2020. I wanted to make this blog last week but it felt to me that it needed a little more breathing time so I let it sit for a bit. I’m glad I did. You see I’ve become a bit of a council point for people, for whatever reason during this bizarre time. I’m flattered, I really am, but I was talking about two things last week with two separate parties, both of whom had gotten a little stir crazy & were feeling the effects mentally as a lot of us are. I tried to be as encouraging as my often pessimistic mind will allow but everything I’d say seemed to fall short, then it clicked with me. I think originally I said “it’s hard to feel beautiful when your jeans don’t fit” but I think I’d like to modify that.

It’s hard to feel skinny when your jeans don’t fit.

I mean that in the most metaphoric way possible. It doesn’t specifically have to apply to weigh or physicality but I think during this time, especially all these months later, it’s hard to have patience with ourselves or to allow ourselves grace. I’m beyond guilt of it, I mean, I’m currently writing this in a pretty terrible mood because I put on a shirt I used to wear all the time & it feels two sizes too small. That hurt. I’ve tried my best to stay healthy during all of this but the availability of exercise & healthy eating has diminished substantially. I’ll tell you I’m someone who hates home workouts, they just don’t do it for me, they allow me too much room for laziness. I also have a hard time going for runs daily or every other day, I have pretty bad shin splints. So to say I haven’t put on weight during this, between the lack of exercise & the amount of carbs & sugar I’ve consumed, would be a lie. So, I get it. It’s hard to feel sexy, skinny, whatever when your jeans don’t fit, or I guess in my case, when your sweater doesn’t fit.

Like I said above, I don’t just mean this about your clothes mysteriously shrinking, I mean this all around. I’ve struggled creatively through all of this, I derive a lot of my song ideas from conversation & social situations. I also had to cancel all of the shows that I put months into booking. It’s hard to be in the entertainment business & feel stagnant but knowing there’s really not much you can do to propel your career onward short of social media. I’m doing my best to be patient & be kind to myself, though there are days I falter.

Let me say this here. You are allowed to be upset, you’re allowed to be annoyed & frustrated, those are all valid responses to being locked in your home for two months. You’re allowed to not be okay. It truly is okay to not be okay, to feel less than. We’ve all been there. It’s okay to have breakdowns, to feel defeated, it is okay. But give yourself grace. Give yourself the patience you tell others to give themselves. Treat yourself like you tell your friends, your loved ones, your cohorts to do, because you deserve it.

I think that’s all I’ve got for you today, just a small moment of vulnerability. Please, please, please take care of yourself, know you are loved, know you are important. We will get through this, be responsible, respectful of other's health & safety, & be kind to yourself.

Much love to you all,

Charlie