“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
I’ll be the first to admit that I fall prey to comparison far too often. I look at other people’s progress, accolades, followings, likes, etc and allow it to diminish my own. I allow comparison to not only steal my joy but also my sense of worth, the scope of my talent, & the progress I have made. This is by far the biggest thing I feel holding myself back, it’s something I’ve struggled with for years & I’m more than well aware of it. I allow it to creep into my brain & fester until I begin to obsess over it & get myself into a mood, as I am today. I’m even someone who preaches this to others when they ask advice but I have an incredibly hard time with practicing it myself. On top of all of this, I put far too much stock into what other people think of me & not even what they actually think, what I perceive that they might think of me. It’s insanity and at time it eats me alive. Now, I wouldn’t outright say I’m jealous of a lot of my fellow artists/musicians/songwriters, in fact I’m incredibly proud of them, but at some point you get tired of sitting on the side lines & just want to play the damn game.
There in lies the double edged sword that comes with being an artist. We shouldn’t care what others think of our art because that stifles our creativity, at the same time a lot of us want to be successful & know whether that’s through clout or finance. Both of these things require an ear for taste & a recognition of what we’re able to monetize. All great art is ground breaking, it’s different, it changes the status quo, but at some point in its success it becomes the new status quo, therefore I think even boundary pushing art, super personal art requires taste. The fastest way to get swept under is to conform to what makes others special.
“You say you want to be the next Taylor Swift but there’s already a Taylor Swift out there. And surprise, surprise she’s going to do the best Taylor Swift that anyone can do, so you should do the best you that you can do.”
I recognize that my brand of country doesn’t fit the stigma that is everyone else’s brand of county. I also recognize my brand of pop doesn’t fit the stigma there either. Same goes for my brand of rock. I understand that, in a still genre based music industry, my sound will take a little longer to stick because it’s a little harder to quantify. I’ve been told up & down Nashville “this isn’t country enough” just as I’ve been told up & down LA that “this isn’t pop enough” & for a long while I let that get me down. That is until I realized it makes me unique. It makes me stick out amongst the millions of artists out there trying to be heard. I wear "it isn’t _____ enough” as a badge of honor now because it has evolved into something truly me. I love being able to fuse all the music I love into one sound, it frustrates the hell out of Joshua Gleave at times (my producer), but I’m always incredibly proud of the outcome.
“Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated.”
All of that being said, it is tiresome to watch artists that fit the mold have over night success. It’s tiresome trying to pull from an audience that just wants to be handed the same thing over & over until the next great thing shatters the mold & the process begins again. I truly wish I were someone that didn’t care, that didn’t look at all my analytics & second guess everything I post or put out based on the reception it does or does not receive. I need to work on that I know. I also know social media is a part of branding in the modern music industry. It’s how we get out name, image, songs out there. It’s how we advertise, but man can it be draining. I personally am beyond excited for instagram to remove the like counter. I’m tired of caring how many likes a post does or doesn’t get. I’m tired of caring how many people saw my story or reacted to a tweet. It’s exhausting & it does nothing good for my mental health. I’m tired of chasing dead ends I want so badly to like me. I’m tired of going out of my way to help other up the ladder just to have them turn & leave me in the dust, it’s time I forage my own path & see if someday they come back to me. I need to be the strong, confident, open book I’ve always wanted to be & quite frankly stop giving a shit. I need to stop being afraid of the what ifs & truly embrace being myself inside & out of my artistry.
“The more it scares you, the more you probably need to do it.”
I can promise you now that 2020 is going to look a hell of a lot different for me. I’m so beyond over sitting on the sidelines & am ready to “take life by the reins”….I quoted my own song there… I’m so excited to see what it holds & I’m going to do my best daily to make steps in improving not only my confidence but also my resilience & authenticity. I think the first step to that is going into 2020 with a clear mind, that being said I’m taking about a week break from socials until the new year so I can regroup my thoughts, reassess my self worth, & really hit the ground running.
This will be the last you’re hearing from me in 2019, I want to thank you all for an amazing year. I have learned so much & am so ready to apply it moving forward. I’m grateful for each of you that have streamed my songs, for those of you that share them, add them to your playlists, come to my shows, I’m so thankful!
One final thought, do we like this blog format? Are we liking Fridays for them? Are we enjoying my ranting thoughts? Please leave a comment & let me know!
I wish you all the best possible new year in 2020; take those daily steps towards bettering yourself, treat people with kindness and empathy, always, and be the best you there ever was & ever will be!
Happy New Year to you all!
Love,
Charlie