Blog: Little Abundances

If you’re a follower of mine on my Instagram, today’s blog posting will not be entirely foreign to you. I posted the tiniest anecdote around the roots of this story on my story posts a few days ago & got incredible feedback simply regarding the short paragraph that I had written. So, naturally I though that I should expand upon it in this longer form setting.

Towards the turn of the year I had a TikTok creator, of whom I should give credit for this idea if their name hadn’t been alluding me for the last few weeks, come across my daily doom scroll. She works specifically in a spiritualist setting but has had a lot of clients talk about their manifestations & how they have trouble believing that the things they want are coming their way when they live in a state of lack. She went on to explain that it, to her, an impossibility to manifest from a mindset of lack & offered a quick tip on how to escape that cumbersome feeling. Her method was altogether simple & has, over the last week & some change, become a staple in my day to day thought process.

Her suggestion for escaping scarcity mindsets was incremental. She said that every day, at the end of her day, she writes down three things that happened that were little abundances. This teaches the brain to look out for things to be thankful for & recognize that even when things don’t seem to be going your way, there are always little things to latch onto that will shine even the slightest bit of light on darker situations. So what are little abundances? What does that look like in the mundane day to day?

A little abundance is simply something that went your way in the tiniest of ways, let’s come up with some examples shall we?

Maybe there was a 10% discount on something you needed from the grocer.

Maybe your fragrance of choice or someone else’s hit the olfactory just right & made you smile.

Maybe you woke up without feeling achy or sore.

Maybe you wore an outfit that made you feel alluring or sexy.

Maybe you made it through the day with less anxiety or depression than the day prior.

Maybe you came across a post that made you think of an old friend or helped you to learn something interesting you hadn’t known before.

Maybe you simply enjoyed being in someone’s presence.

Maybe the perfect stone caught your eye as you were walking & you gained a new pocket companion.

Maybe your pet showed you affection & love.

Maybe someone in your family or friend group did.

Maybe that last quarter mile of your run felt a little easier than normal.

Maybe you found time to read a book or watch a show or movie that makes you feel something.

Maybe you had a good hair day.

Maybe you noticed a new grey hair (again is a gift after all).

Maybe you felt a sense of wanderlust walking through nature.

Maybe you got in your car & it was the perfect temperature or the perfect song was playing.

Maybe all of the machines or weights at the gym were open when you needed them.

Maybe you enjoyed a cup of your favorite tea or coffee.

Maybe an animal graced you with its presence outside.

Maybe you found a $20 note in your coat pocket.

Maybe you finally beat that level in that game you’ve been playing.

Maybe you brightened someone else’s day.

Is this starting to make sense to you? There is no limit to how “small” these little abundances can be. The point is to start recognizing them as God, The Universe, Nature, whatever you believe in sets them in your path, accepting them, & being grateful for their enrichment of your life. You cannot expect to embrace & love the unknown that is life if you aren’t willing to, as the saying goes, stop & smell the roses.

Now my method of this looks a little different. I knew that if it came down to be writing out my little abundances list every night I wouldn’t do it, I’d forget to or view it as a chore. So my list is mental & isn’t restricted to the time in which I lay my head to rest at night, nor is it limited to three items.

I count my abundances as the day rolls on, why this works for me, I don’t know. How it ends up not being forgotten, again, don’t know, but thus far, every day throughout my day, I am reminded from something within to find my little abundances that I’ve experienced thus far & look on them with love, gratitude, & admiration. On my list today: I had a package arrive that I wasn’t expecting until next week, I woke up several times in the night to Max, on of our cats, snuggled into me purring loudly, I had enough time to complete all of the tasks I needed to get done today, I had a humorous dream last night, my dogs listened when they got in a tiff while playing & I didn’t have to break up a fight, I had ample leftovers in my fridge & didn’t have to cook in a day where my time was scarce, I was notified of a refill order for one of my scripts that now I don’t have to call my doctor to get filled, I lit & dispelled some Palo Santo, one of my favorite, most comforting scents, I noticed a few of my plants have new leaves despite it being winter & not a time for usual growth, I woke up today but did so feeling energized, well, & taken care of, my Irish Breakfast Tea that I’m sipping while writing this is brewed perfectly, I got a good picture of Harvey, my rapidly aging Golden, of whom I don’t know how many more pictures I’ll have the privilege of taking.

Your life is rich my dear readers, you just have to look for it. That’s not discounting your problems, your ailments, your struggles, but the beauty in life is found in the little things, in the little abundances that show us that somewhere out there something, someone, is on our side & that this beautifully tragic, lonely, simply complex life is worth living day by day.

I’d love if you all would adopt this philosophy as well or at the very least give the abundance lists a try. Do it in your own way, make it your own, however that looks. Talk about it openly & honestly, let people in to celebrate with you your tiny victories.

I hope this post hasn’t been too flowery for some of you, I know we’re all on different levels of our life journey & have different degrees of happiness, privilege, health, & prosperity. Just know this comes from a place of love & gratitude for all of you who take the time to read my thoughts each week. You all make my little abundances list every week!

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: Grace?! She Passed Away Thirty Years Ago.

For someone who doesn't believe in New Year’s Resolutions I sure am writing an awful lot of blogs about them, this being my third I think. When I sat down today to try & figure out what I wanted to write about I kept coming back to the idea of “grace.” I have made my own set of adjustments going into the new year in an attempt to get ‘back on the horse’ & have already, six days in, found myself falling short. Resolutions aside, I think we are often too hard on our short comings & falterings & I believe that a little self inflicted grace would do us all a great bit of good. I know for some of you out there the idea of grace has religious connotation or even triggers a religious trauma response but I hope by the end of this I can help to shed new light on the idea of grace & being gracious.

Let’s start out with a definition shall we? According to Merriam-Webster grace takes many linguistic forms. The one I’ve already addressed is:

“1: a: unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification
b: a virtue coming from God
c: a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine assistance”

— Webster's Dictionary

And I can already feel those of you on the other end of the internet recoiling from the fear of having that definition & need for repentance nailed into your head. Let’s explore further shall we? Let’s look at the next set of definitions from M-WD.

“2: a: approval, favor
b: mercy, pardon
c: a special favor, privilege
d: disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency
e: a temporary exemption: reprieve”

— The Dictionary

It’s interesting to me that the five of these definitions fall within the same subset of definitions. In what way is a favor akin to mercy? How is an act of clemency the same as a privilege?

Much as the various religious texts would indicate grace is not something afforded to all but that exists at the same time in abundance, available to those who seek it out. Whether you seek an act of grace, of mercy, from that which you deem almighty, a ruler, a supervisor, a friend, a family member, or what have you, it is not something guaranteed or afforded without the permission & intent of the party to whom you are at the mercy of. It is a privilege to be reprieved of your guilt, shame, penance, or punishment.

So how does this tie into ourselves? How do we exercise grace when the judge of our falterings is the same person as the one requiring forgiveness? How do we set aside the shame, the guilt, the should’ve, could’ve, would’ves, of it all & release the anguish we feel? How do we afford ourselves grace? Well, I think to answer that question we have to briefly shift our focus to shame. For this I’m going to turn to Brené Brown.

In Atlas Of The Heart Brown defines shame as the following:

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed & therefore unworthy of love, belonging, & connection.”

— Atlas Of The Heart By Brené Brown, Page 137.

According to Brown shame thrives on several things, one of the primary being judgement. What dispels shame? Empathy. Self-Compassion. These allow us to look at our perfectly imperfect selves & see the humanity that lives within us. It blows perfectionism, another type of shaming, out of the way & makes way for grace. It gives us the leeway to learn from our mistakes & grow instead of festering & derailing.

“Grace means that all of your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame.”

— Brené Brown

I’m trying to get back on the wagon after the holiday. After eating poorly, not exercising my mind, body, spirit enough, not flexing my creativity enough, & definitely not drinking enough water, I decided to push myself for twelve weeks of evening out the playing field. Will I fall off as I’ve done already? Of course! Does that mean I should give up now & return to a place of discomfort & unhappiness? Absolutely not. We are human, at the end of the day, at the end of your diet, your abandoned workout equipment or stacks of books that have gone unread, we are human. Perfection is an unattainable goal that striving for will ultimately leave you feeling empty & unfulfilled. Having the grace to recognize your humanity, dust yourself off, & try again will be your saving grace & the thing that makes your spirit soar.

I want to leave you with one last anecdote this evening before I sign off & let you all get back to giving yourself grace in your day to day life.

I was recently told of a practice that many of the Native American tribes of the southwest observe. It specifically revolves around art & the pursuit of the perfect. Anytime a native artist from one of these tribes goes to finish a piece they’ve been working on; be it a knit, an item of jewelry, a painting, etc. they intentionally leave a flaw. Why? Well, two reasons. The first reason is that it allows the trapped bits of the artist’s soul that they’ve poured into their art to have a place to escape from. The second reason is that it allows a reprieve, a grace, from perfectionism & the never ending quest for that which is unreachable for us. It find this sentiment beautiful. It adds levity, humanity, & yes, grace, into a piece of art & allows the artist to free themselves from the shackles of shame.

I hope, thus far, you’re having an awesome new year. I wish you all the greatest one imaginable going forward. I want to challenge you to find little moments of grace in your day to day, not just for yourself, but for others as well. These little moments will eventually snowball into medium moments which then become larger moments & I’d be intrigued to see where that snowball leads you.

As always, much love to you all!

-C

Blog: #Goals! Wait, Scratch That, #VisionBoards!

I’ve never been much for goal setting, though I’ve never been entirely sure why. Whether it has something to do with the fleeting fancies of ADHD or the feeling that somehow, if I don’t complete everything on it, I’m some sort of a failure, I’ve never been able to stick out my goals & make actual steps towards their achievement. That’s not to say I never meet my goals, but for some reason there’s a sterile pressure around the idea & practice of goal setting; it feels oddly corporate or cheesy, like something you do in a quarterly review with a higher up who really doesn’t care whether or not your aspirations are met. I guess a part of me still attributes goal setting to the academic setting, a worksheet to hand in for trivial credit that never actually amounts to much.

If you’ve read my previous blogs that were written around the transition between the old & new year, you’ll see that I also am not an advocate for the new year’s resolution, nor for that matter is science. Simply stated, they don’t work, they fizzle out. To some degree I’d say I feel the same about goal setting. In all honesty, I’m sure, if you’re like me, that you saw the title of this blog about “goal setting” & probably didn’t even click the link. I guess we’ll never know though seeing as the simple window shopping didn't come in to investigate.

This past year both myself & my lovely friend, Kate Cosentino, came across the same TikTok around the same week. It was a woman talking about how she, like me, hated the traditional form of goal setting & why said past goal setting attempts didn't work for her. Her approach, instead, was that of a guest who had previously appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show. If their segment they talked about vision boards & what to do with them/how to place & arrange them in a way that allows you to use them towards the aims you were after. Their method was quarterly, requiring a new vision board every three months, & asked you, not only, to visualize your board on the front, but also to write your visions & goals out on the back. In this way it was similar to the “Mind Movies” that Dr Joe Dispenza uses in his seminars to teach shifting perspective & mental energy in alignment with the things you desire. As aforementioned, the vision board you’ve created is meant to be revisited on a quarterly basis, the only difference from your first board being that you are meant to review & revise.

Let’s say you put on your vision board that you want to rekindle a relationship with your parents. If at the end of Q1 you’ve made attempts & gotten no where near where you want to be you write on the back of your Q2 vision board the same goal emphasizing the things that worked & writing & evaluating a new path forward. I suppose it’s also worth mentioning that you’re meant to write how you plan to go about your visions on the back of the Q1 board.

Another major component of the vision boarding is that you’re meant to do so with a group & share your vision board with said group when you are finished. The day Kate & I came across out vision board TikTok we both planned an evening with Kimi Most & Evan to create together & share. This outward expression of your desires helps to get the word out, it helps to solidify the things you want in the words you say. After all, how can it be known what you want if you won’t ask? In this way it gets you accustomed to speaking on your wants, your shortcomings, & your plans with those who will love & nurture you along the way. It also allows people the chance to help you if something comes up on your board that they feel they have insight on.

So how did my vision boarding go? How did it turn out. Well, much like I mentioned above with goal setting, we all fell off the wagon. We did the one evening of work & then never followed up with the next three quarterly reports. That’s not to say it was a failure though as yet another aspect of this vision board journey is that you place your board somewhere you see it daily & somewhere people who enter your home will see it & can ask you about it. Again, the goal is to talk about the things you want, to keep them at the forefront of your mind so that they become the magnetic north that guides your internal compass. Mine & Evan’s have been in the kitchen, right next to the place where we consume majority of our meals. Both boards are highly visible & both have been talked about openly amongst each other, friend, & the like. I’d say of the twenty-five things I have on my board, around seven of them came true in one form or another. That’s not bad for not following the program to the letter you’re supposed to.

So why do I draw attention to all of this? Why do I talk vision boards, goals, & the steps it takes to actualize them? Well, because I’d like to, if I may, use the last half of this blog as a digital vision board, so to speak. I’m sure in the type format it will come out looking more like a goals list but I promise you, on the other end of this I will be making a vision board to represent all of the things listed below & probably more. I’m doing this here as a form of accountability. We’re meant to share & talk about our dreams & that’s what I’m doing here. I’d also like, if you may, for you to remind me to revisit this quarterly, checking off & adjusting as we go along!

I wish you all the happiest of new years, filled to the brim with love & joy!

As always, much love to you all!

-C

Charlie’s 2023 Digital Vision Board

-Sign A Publishing Deal (Smack, Universal, Warner Chapel)

-Get At Least Five Outside Cuts

-Tour As An Opener For A Larger Act

-Sign With A Talent Agency (WME, CAA, ACA)

-Get Paid To Travel

-Get Paid To Promote The Products I Already Use

-Cross Two More Continents Off The Total Seven (Still Need South America, Australia, Africa, & Antarctica)

-Release A Minimum Of One Song Per Quarter

-Get Verified Across All Social Platforms

-Grow Creatively

-Help More People

-Get Social Numbers Up (Instagram 20K BYE, TIKTOK 10K BYE, ETC)

-Get 1K Spotify Followers

-Get On Editorial Playlists For Spotify & Apple Music

-Visit Japan

-See The Northern Lights (Preferably In Iceland)

-Become A Master Diver

-Have At Least One Song Trend

-Write More Honest Lyrics

-Cut Medicine Written By Harry Styles

-Do More Features

-Add At Least Five More Michelin Stars To My Belt

-Find Daily Moments Of Gratitude

-Get Back Into Eating In A Healthier Manner

-Hit The Gym At Least Four Times A Week

-Walk My Dogs More

-Spend More Time With The People Who Bring Me Joy & Less With Those Who Don’t

-Find A Consistent Form Of Financial Freedom That’s Not Soul Sucking

-Embrace The Unknown

Blog: Just Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Fan!

I started writing this blog the week that Spider-Man: No Way Home came out. At the point of this blog’s inception I had already seen the film two nights before, at this point I have seen it another time! If the title of this blog or that first sentences weren’t dead enough give aways, yes we will be talking about Spider-Man & all things the love of in this blog!

NO, I WILL NOT BE SPOILING SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME FOR YOU EVEN THOUGH IT’S BEEN OUT FOR ALMOST A MONTH & YOU DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT BY NOW!!!!!

Instead of talking directly about NWH, this is intended as a bit of an open letter to whomever regarding a character that I love so dearly & that I identify with so intimately.

I remember vividly going to see the original Spider-Man in theaters. I was newly 10 years old at the time & we were in Eugene, Oregon. I remember it being a rainy day, I remember us eating somewhere across the street from the theater, & I remember the lasting impression the film had on me as an adolescent. I had been a Spider-Man fan prior to the release of the original Sam Raimi film but this is what truly turned it from something that piqued my interest to a bit of an obsession.

Spider-Man is my guy, he’s my dude, just as I’m sure he is for so many of you. He’s not the statuesque boy scout that Cap usually is or the brooding genius of Bruce Wayne (I know, DC, just thinking of people’s favorite superheros), Peter Parker is simply a kid trying to have a normal life while balancing a truly amazing gift that he was miraculously given.

Peter, despite his quips & quirks, often presents as a soft-spoken, mild mannered guy with a genius level intellect, an often socially awkward nature, &, dare I say, an impeccable moral compass thanks to the guidance of people like Aunt May & Uncle Ben. It’s safe to say, all considered, that the story of Peter Parker is seldom a happy one. In spite of the loving, happy go lucky, positive person that he often is, his life is riddled with tragedy after tragedy.

You see much like Captain America, Spider-Man is the type to make the sacrifice play, to lay down his life & livelihood for anyone, truly anyone. However, I feel unlike Cap, that Peter lives further in the realm of obscurity within the Marvel universe at large. Where as Caps actions are often unintentionally grandiose & allow him to receive even the slightest bit of recognition, Peter is often left to make the more subtle sacrifice calls that come at great personal cost to himself. Pete doesn’t often get the happy ending but he willingly sacrifices it time & time again without hesitation.

I think that is the beauty of Spider-Man as a hero, he is truly a super hero. I’m going to pull in an example from Marvel’s Spider-Man on PS4/5 because I think this illustrates my point very well so if you haven’t played this in the two years that it has been out & are planning to, skip this paragraph because there will be spoilers from that. Still here? Okay, let’s go. In the Playstation game, at the very end, New York has been overtaken by a deadly poison unleashed by Mr. Negative. Peter ends up with one vial of the antidote that he can use to replicate. However, before he can replicate it he finds out that his Aunt May is on her death bed from the poison. He is faced with the choice of save the person closest to him or save New York. Of course he chooses the latter & Aunt May dies.

These are the stakes Peter is constantly faced with. The world or himself. He never chooses himself.

For those of you who have seen No Way Home you know exactly what I’m talking about here, specifically where the ending is concerned & with the ramifications of the choice he’s made.

For all intents & purposes, Peter is a fantastic moral role model. He is an incredible symbol for us in society to try to live up to. He is the definition of self-less & the things he constantly has to sacrifice are heart wrenching. The selflessness even extends to the villains he fights & to those who have caused him harm while outside of their own sanity.

You see, to me, Pete is someone to aspire to. I truly feel he, as a character, makes us societally better. He is a pop culture icon that gives people hope & shows us how to be better human beings to those around us. I grew up loving Peter because of that. Despite this immense power he has it never goes to his head or corrupts him. Peter makes me want to be more selfless, more intellectual, more kind, more quirky, he truly shines, by himself, as beacon of light in the darkness around him, something I think we could all use a bit more of.

“I believe there’s a hero in all of us…that keeps us honest…gives us strength…makes us noble…and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most – even our dreams. ”

— Aunt May, Spider-Man II

I think we should all aspire to be more like Peter in our day to day lives. I think Spider-Man is truly Stan Lee’s & Steve Ditko’s greatest achievement in character creation. We all know Pete was the creation that Stan was the most proud of.

There’s a reason we all flock to the cinemas for this character, there’s a reason we all buy up the merch & play the games. To put it simply, Spider-Man gives us hope, hope that we ourselves can be better.

Have a lovely weekend & a fantastic January.

Much love to you all,

-C

Oh & my live action ranking goes:

Andrew

Tom

Tobey

This is not up for debate.

Blog: 2021, A Year In Review

So here we are again at the end of another year. I know 2021 was a tough year for a lot of us but at least we had glimmers of hope within the raging storm of the pandemic. I want to take a moment to highlight some of my personal glimmers of hope over the past year in the hope of welcoming in more light in the coming years, not just for myself but also for you, dear reader.

2021 started for me, as it did for many of us, within the fatigue of the pandemic. It also started with the torrent climate of the US political landscape. That’s not why we’re here though, we’re not here to talk about the dark, the muddled, the divisive. We’re here to talk about the hope, the joy, the novel, & the progress.

The first hope of early 2021 I can remember was the distribution of the vaccine. We’d come out of a long COVID riddled winter & were offered the chance, as a society, to change the course of this disease we’d all grown soooooo fond of. The most vulnerable among us were offered that vaccine first, then the on & on it went to it was available to the masses. I personally got both of my vaccinations in March!

Being a newly minted member of the neurodivergent family, something we’ll get more into later, I tend to develop hyper fixations, little things that I find exciting until the dopamine wears out & I move onto the next thing. In early 2021 my first hyper fixation became my home. I looked around & found my house severely lacked things that I felt made it unique to those that lived here. I felt like anyone could have walked into my house & found it hard to pinpoint the exact kind of person that resides within these walls. I decided to introduce a little of what I called “quirk.” I invested in better decor; new lamps, rugs that had subtle Star Wars prints on them, art that hinted at the things I love, etc. Slowly but surely my house began to feel more me.

My next fixation came in the form of self improvement, not a bad fixation to have. I looked inward & found that despite having spent basically the year prior forced into further introspection & was mostly just covering up the things that had been eating me from the inside for so long. I started meditation, I started reading books on psychology, quantum & energetic sciences, even dipping into self help from time to time. I uncovered parts of myself that I had neglected, feelings I’d held onto that no longer served me, & true peace. I fell in love with the natural world around me & with the ghost that lives in the shell that is me.

In the midst of this time of self actualization I found scuba diving. My parents, knowing my deep love for the ocean & all things aquatic, decided it was time I got scuba certified. I know wonder why it took me til almost 30 to get that certification as I immediately fell in love with it.

Around the time of my 29th birthday, my inner work, & scuba certification I also fell in love with plants in a way I never had before. My mother had always been the green thumb of the family & I always leaned more towards the fauna of the world but I guess with the appreciation for all things nature so arrived the appreciation for all things botanical. I started collecting house plants.

I guess that’s a bit of an understatement seeing how, in my living room along, I have over 50 different house plants now. Yes, 50.

Longing to get my travel legs back & wanting to use my scuba certification Evan & I booked a trip to Maui. I’m sure many of you have read about the Maui trip as those three blogs are still the most viewed on my page to this day, almost seven months later, but to put it lightly, the trip was everything. Maui felt like coming home. I mean that in the energetic sense as I cannot lay any claim to Hawaii being 0% pacific islander myself. Maui charged & invigorated my soul, it made me excited for life in a way that I hadn’t been in a long time. Our trip was jam packed, our own doing, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. If you care to read more on that of course here are the Maui blogs; Part One, Two, & Three.

After Maui we spent the summer in & out of Kansas. We went on a family vacation to Table Rock Lake for a long weekend, I chipped my tooth tubing, & got to spend time with parts of my family I don’t often get to see. Upon returning home from family vacation Evan & I were stricken with COVID, having been fully vaccinated though the effects were minimal. I was achy with a cough for about a week & lost my sense of taste & smell for a total of three days.

About the same time I got COVID I found a crack in the sump of my 125 gallon saltwater fish tank. I had been wanting to upgrade the size of my tank for a long while & seeing how I needed to completely drain the top tank to get the bottom sump tank even out, it seemed like the perfect opportunity. This reinvigorated my love for aquarium keeping, a hobby I’ve had since I was 16. I upgraded to a 185 with a 15-20 gallon sump in the base & my tank continues to flourish & be a great source of joy & relaxation for me.

In August I began to play again, something I’d seen advised for creatives, it helps to feed that inner child we all still have. I began building legos again, a hobby I grew up loving, I tried to be more playful, to have fun in the mundane day to day experiences! I began painting my nails regularly, I got my ears pierced, why? Cuz I felt like it! I highly recommend it to all, but play responsibly & respectfully!

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the two songs I tracked this year, both of which I love dearly! Music has always been a way of connection for me, a form of expression & entertainment that I have made my life’s calling & creating new music is life giving to me, I can’t wait to share what I’ve been working on in 2022!

After August came Puerto Rico, a bit of a spur of the moment trip if I’m being honest. Puerto Rico is as the name suggests a rich port. It’s rich in culture, atmosphere, heritage, & adventure. I got to dive more in Puerto Rico in addition for further flexing my “foodie” tongue. You can read about that adventure in my Puerto Rico blog! Part One. Part Two.

We finally got to go back to Los Angeles in October, I hadn’t been since March of 2020 & normally it eats up about a quarter of my year! We went to Disney, I built a frickin’ lightsaber! I got to see a lot of old friends, went to a few Halloween parties, made some new friends, wrote a lot of new music, etc. Read more here.

We almost lost one of our cats, Max while in LA. Max is a three year old short haired tabby/bengal mix, who ended up getting a urinary obstruction. Our house sitter was lovely enough to sit over night with him at the emergency vet & after a few days in the hospital Max was fine. It’s incredibly difficult to have to face surgery or euthenization from the other side of the country but it really put into perspective how much I am grateful for the day to day interactions I get to have with each of my animals.

Max is the first animal to greet you at the door, the first animal to come running when the alarm goes off in the morning, in addition to being the last thing I see most nights as he kneads & purrs us all to sleep. He is an integral part of our household & I’m so blessed that he’s made a full recovery & gets to hang around this world for a long while longer.

In November I was formally diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. It was something I thought I’d had for a long while but after three months of testing I finally got verification of that. I wrote a whole blog on that process & the impact it had as well. LINK haha.

Thanksgiving was a blur, back & forth across the country seeing family members all over the states in addition to people coming into Nashville. Truly a whirlwind where at one point we’d spent two weeks traveling & only 24 hours at home in the middle of it. Lots & lots of driving.

I was also in the process of trying out different aids for my new found condition which made the Thanksgiving holiday even harder. My mother said “it was like someone had sucked out my joy.”

For once I felt a bit of the holiday spirit but with the crazy fluctuating weather that feeling fizzled out fairly quickly. I, like so many, saw Spider-Man: No Way Home opening night, the only reason for which I bring it up is because I definitely already have a blog written about that experience that may be coming out next week!

Christmas was also a whirlwind & sitting here writing about it just a week later, feels like a century ago.

Now it’s New Year’s Eve. We sit on the precipice of 2022 & I fear much like so many of us felt around the holidays this year it doesn’t exactly feel much like something worth celebrating. We once again have COVID raging across the world, we have labor shortages, & the world seems bleak but I’d advise you to look over your year & find those shining moments, the diamonds in the rough. Look back on them with fondness, with love & realize that’s what will make up the next year for you as well; small moments of human joy that bring out our appreciation for this life we’re given.

I know it’s not always easy & I know it’s hard to be hopeful when things seem such a mess but as I’ve said before, preserve. Find daily moments of gratitude & get to know yourself a little deeper.

I love you all dearly, Happy New Year & thank you ever so much for reading these. It is my true joy to connect with people & make them feel even the slightest bit more seen than they did mere minutes before coming across my words or my songs.

God Bless You All!

I wish you nothing but a prosperous & fulfilling 2022.

-C

Blog: Wear The Dress

Self confidence is a lot like a day at the river. Some people are fearless, swinging gallantly into the current without a care in the world. Others of us are a little more timid, entering the water one step at a time, carefully calculating each submerged rock, cranny, & finding footing before we shift our weight & commit to the step. Then, there are those who spend their whole lives sat on the banks, never knowing the joy they miss, always wondering what might be.

My first thought in making this analogy was to make it about a pool; same concept, different aptitudes. The reason I chose the river over the pool boils down to one thing. The current. You see a pool has minimal current at best while a river has the potential to sweep you off your feet & carry you away. A river has a higher threshold for fear & therefore is something we deem to be more dangerous. You see those who would deter you from entering a pool are few & far between (that is unless you’ve got your phone in your pocket or it simply isn’t the time for swimming.) Where as those who fear the current more readily voice their opinions & hesitations.

So how does this all relate? What does this have to do with my title, “Wear The Dress?” Allow me to explain. You see, a few months ago something entered the collective consciousness of American society that I feel has yet to have fully exit its media cycle; Harry Styles wore a dress on the cover of Vogue magazine. For whatever reason a lot of right-wing pendants were infuriated by this & became all up in arms about “the fall of masculinity” & the “loss of manly men.” Notice how I said American society above, majority of other countries couldn’t have cared less. I, myself, was so blown away by the sheer stupidity of this backlash that I went out & made a post in solidarity with Styles where I myself wore a dress.

See below:

Before you come for me, yes, I know that Harry is not the first man to wear a dress for a photoshoot, that’s part of why the controversy is so outlandish. I also understand that this look is not for everyone & you know what? THAT’S OKAY!!!!! But isn’t it incredible to be able to have the freedom to express oneself outside the confines of the status quo in a manner that does literally no harm to anyone else?

I’m sure if you’ve made it this far into the blog you’re beginning to ask yourself, “what’s the point?” I’m getting there I promise, but pretext is important. You see there’s a really lovely quote that Rick Barker, Taylor Swift’s former manager says when he’s dealing with artist that I think applies perfectly lot life as well. It follows:

“I have artists that come to me every day asking me to make them the next Taylor Swift & I tell them no. Not because I don’t think I couldn’t do it but because there’s already a Taylor Swift who is doing the best “Taylor Swift” that anyone out there is going to do. So you go do the best “you” that you can do, because there’s no one out there who is going to do a better “you” than you can.”

— Rick Barker

We are each unique in our own way, the status quo is just an illusion, it is a prison that restricts us. It keeps us from being who we so desperately know we are & want to be. It is the naysayers sat on the bank telling you you’ll never survive the current because you dare to be different from them, you dare to live freely & express yourself boldly without limitation. The dress is not for everyone but then again neither are blue jeans, neither are painted nails or certain lengths or styles of hair but if that’s what makes you, you & makes you feel the most you then by all means wear them & wear them boldly. I understand that to a lot of us these little things are the great plunge from the rope swing into the river so I would challenge you to find your wading steps. Paint one nail, wear it out, see how you feel. Remember that bravery is not always grandiose & brazen nor will you always feel comfortable in your bolder steps but give yourself the patience to live in them & accept them as a part of yourself if you so feel they are.

Don’t for a second think that this is limited to your outward appearance or your public presentation either; your inner machinations are just as important, if not more so than the statements you provide externally. Love who you love, unapologetically! Stand up for what you believe is right. But at the end of the day be sure to check in on yourself, be honest & vulnerable, don’t judge the things you find based on how the world tells you that you should. You are enough, you have always been. You have everything you need contained inside the vessel you inhabit & that is beautiful, powerful, & inspiring. You never know who needs to see the person you are living bolding & unapologetically, you never know whose life you might change or even save just from being you.

So wear the dress.

-C

P.S.

I wanted to end on that point but I also felt inclined to level with you & tell you that this blog is as much for you, the reader, as it is for me, the writer. I’m having to unlearn a lot of things the society I grew up in taught me, I’m having to come to terms with myself & who I am wholeheartedly. The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it makes up me. And believe me, I have my days of doubt & struggle just as much as you do but I am working on it & I’m giving myself patience & grace in the meantime.

Blog: Happy 2021!

Well we’re back!

I promised myself, as well as you all, that I was going to get back into blogging in the new year. It’s something I’ve sorely missed & based on the amount of you that I know have read them in the past, so have a lot of you! I’m going to do my best to be as consistent as possible going forward, not just in here but also with music releases, shows, videos, etc. because I’ve fallen behind.

I don’t want to spend a lot of time on it, because I am truly done living in 2020, but I think I’d be remiss if I didn’t address the damage that our lost year did on yours truly.

I’ve written a lot in the past, quite openly about my mental health struggles. There’s no doubt 2020 reaped havoc on my mental health plunging me head first back into depression & a brain fog that’s intolerable on its best days. It’s incredibly frustrating. This last year has been especially hard on those of us who perform for a living, who are out here chasing a dream that felt like it had to be put on hold indefinitely. I already felt as though I was slipping through the cracks of the music industry, this all just magnified that feeling.

In addition to my mental health, my physical health has drastically diminished over the last year. I was in fairly decent shape going into march; I was working out consistently, eating really well, but all of that went out the window after march when hardcore workouts became all but impossible.

You see, I’ve dipped into this lull that I’ve spent the latter part of last year trying to claw my way back out of. I try to make a change, to get back to being productive, to being better at self promotion but I slide right back into it. Objects in motion & all that, but I want to change that, nay, I need to change that. I need so desperately to move forward, to make progress, to feel like myself again because I am suffering. My mental health demands it, my physical health demands it, I must make the change & be better.

All of that being said, as I’ve stated before on this platform, I loathe new year’s resolutions, they aren’t practical or helpful, but I do emphasize the point of self growth quite often. If I were to categorize my growth I’ve shriveled quite a bit, I’ve stalled, I’m stagnant. I need to grow again, to flourish again & the only way to do that is with work. Growth takes work.

So here’s what I’m hoping to accomplish. Consistency.

Blogs. Every Friday.

Vlogs. Once A Month.

A return to tubesday?

…

We’ll see on that one haha.

Definitely more singing though!

More self promotion, more fan promotion, more fan interaction.

Finally launching the merch store!

Rediscovering my passion for solo writes.

More singles. More music.

More collabs.

I need you all to hold me to these things. I need you to message me on Friday evening if a blog hasn’t popped up yet to say “hey! get to writing!” I need you to ask about new music, let me know which things you loved & which you hate. I want to hear from you all as fans. I want to know what you’re looking for from me as an artist, what you wish I offered more of, what drew you to me as an artists, etc. I whole heartedly want to include you all more on this journey, because the truth is, without you all I’m just a sad boy with a guitar haha.

At any rate I want to wish you all the happiest of 2021s. I’m pretty sure it’ll be easy to beat last year but I’m really hoping we can knock this one out of the park!

Much love to you all, thank you for the support & happy new year!

-C

Blog: New Year, Same Constantly Evolving Me

I’m going to outright say it, I think the concept of a new year’s resolution is B.S.. I’m a strong proponent of constantly bettering yourself; you shouldn’t wait for a marked date to start a change you want to make in yourself, you should constantly be evolving & making yourself a better human. I also believe the science that fast life changes never stick, that’s why I think Whole30 is a waste of your time unless you’re on it all the time. We are all creatures of habit, we have a hard time breaking our habits, hence why we must enforce a new habit. I think if you’re going to make a change, really make the change you have to introduce it slowly into your routine & let it grow over time. If you’re wanting to workout more start by doing 30 minutes to an hour three times a week, don’t just jump into a fitness routine that’s going to burn you out quickly. If you want to eat better do so one food group at a time. Start two weeks without soda, then cut out gluten, then two weeks later cut sugar, or whatever your desired goals are!

I think the same goes for reinvigorating your work ethic. If you’re not happy where you are in your career or don’t feel you’re doing enough & need the kick in the pants to get things start taking baby steps to prepare you for the giant ones down the line! Start with something different weekly like self evaluation/course correction, add bits of the grunt work that builds the foundation you need, start a weekly video series, start a weekly blog……

As I mentioned above we are all creatures of habit & this is not only self contained, we feel the same about the world that surrounds us. People want stability; they want reliability & consistency. Your boss wants to see this new found motivation isn’t just something that’s going to fizzle out in a week or two. Your fans want to see that when they show up to your YouTube channel on Tuesday evenings there’ll be a new video up. People crave patterns, the easiest way to move up the ladder is to give people that which they so crave.

All of these are practices we should be doing all the time, not just for the new year. We as a society as a whole need to learn to be more introspect. We chastise people for their shortcomings not realizing they are reflections of our own. We fail to treat people with kindness or empathy because we feel subconsciously that people don’t treat us as such. We don’t take the time to listen, to see someone else’s point of view because we automatically assume people aren’t going to do the same for us. This is a societal change that we must rectify, but it has to be done one person at a time.

I guess all of this is a long winded way for me to say screw your new year’s resolution. You should be introspective & analytical enough to strive for constant evolution. Healthy habits are learned, they aren’t going to magically stick because you took a month to eat broccoli for once in your life or purchased your spouse a Pelaton for Christmas. Small conscious steps are what will make the changes you want, not fad diets, not complaining on the internet about how you’re not where you deserve to be, actual progress. Slow, painful progress. No one scales Everest in a day, don’t expect yourself to either. Be present, be self aware, be kind, & meet people where they’re at. Be patient with yourself, you’ll get there if you put in the effort! Hone your skills, cut out toxic people or the habits that drag you down & take up too much of your life. Happy New Year to you all, remember, baby steps!

Blog: Comparison, You Joy Thieving Bitch!

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

— Theodore Roosevelt

I’ll be the first to admit that I fall prey to comparison far too often. I look at other people’s progress, accolades, followings, likes, etc and allow it to diminish my own. I allow comparison to not only steal my joy but also my sense of worth, the scope of my talent, & the progress I have made. This is by far the biggest thing I feel holding myself back, it’s something I’ve struggled with for years & I’m more than well aware of it. I allow it to creep into my brain & fester until I begin to obsess over it & get myself into a mood, as I am today. I’m even someone who preaches this to others when they ask advice but I have an incredibly hard time with practicing it myself. On top of all of this, I put far too much stock into what other people think of me & not even what they actually think, what I perceive that they might think of me. It’s insanity and at time it eats me alive. Now, I wouldn’t outright say I’m jealous of a lot of my fellow artists/musicians/songwriters, in fact I’m incredibly proud of them, but at some point you get tired of sitting on the side lines & just want to play the damn game.

There in lies the double edged sword that comes with being an artist. We shouldn’t care what others think of our art because that stifles our creativity, at the same time a lot of us want to be successful & know whether that’s through clout or finance. Both of these things require an ear for taste & a recognition of what we’re able to monetize. All great art is ground breaking, it’s different, it changes the status quo, but at some point in its success it becomes the new status quo, therefore I think even boundary pushing art, super personal art requires taste. The fastest way to get swept under is to conform to what makes others special.

“You say you want to be the next Taylor Swift but there’s already a Taylor Swift out there. And surprise, surprise she’s going to do the best Taylor Swift that anyone can do, so you should do the best you that you can do.”

— Rick Barker

I recognize that my brand of country doesn’t fit the stigma that is everyone else’s brand of county. I also recognize my brand of pop doesn’t fit the stigma there either. Same goes for my brand of rock. I understand that, in a still genre based music industry, my sound will take a little longer to stick because it’s a little harder to quantify. I’ve been told up & down Nashville “this isn’t country enough” just as I’ve been told up & down LA that “this isn’t pop enough” & for a long while I let that get me down. That is until I realized it makes me unique. It makes me stick out amongst the millions of artists out there trying to be heard. I wear "it isn’t _____ enough” as a badge of honor now because it has evolved into something truly me. I love being able to fuse all the music I love into one sound, it frustrates the hell out of Joshua Gleave at times (my producer), but I’m always incredibly proud of the outcome.

“Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated.”

— Unknown

All of that being said, it is tiresome to watch artists that fit the mold have over night success. It’s tiresome trying to pull from an audience that just wants to be handed the same thing over & over until the next great thing shatters the mold & the process begins again. I truly wish I were someone that didn’t care, that didn’t look at all my analytics & second guess everything I post or put out based on the reception it does or does not receive. I need to work on that I know. I also know social media is a part of branding in the modern music industry. It’s how we get out name, image, songs out there. It’s how we advertise, but man can it be draining. I personally am beyond excited for instagram to remove the like counter. I’m tired of caring how many likes a post does or doesn’t get. I’m tired of caring how many people saw my story or reacted to a tweet. It’s exhausting & it does nothing good for my mental health. I’m tired of chasing dead ends I want so badly to like me. I’m tired of going out of my way to help other up the ladder just to have them turn & leave me in the dust, it’s time I forage my own path & see if someday they come back to me. I need to be the strong, confident, open book I’ve always wanted to be & quite frankly stop giving a shit. I need to stop being afraid of the what ifs & truly embrace being myself inside & out of my artistry.

“The more it scares you, the more you probably need to do it.”

— Stephen Lovegrove

I can promise you now that 2020 is going to look a hell of a lot different for me. I’m so beyond over sitting on the sidelines & am ready to “take life by the reins”….I quoted my own song there… I’m so excited to see what it holds & I’m going to do my best daily to make steps in improving not only my confidence but also my resilience & authenticity. I think the first step to that is going into 2020 with a clear mind, that being said I’m taking about a week break from socials until the new year so I can regroup my thoughts, reassess my self worth, & really hit the ground running.

This will be the last you’re hearing from me in 2019, I want to thank you all for an amazing year. I have learned so much & am so ready to apply it moving forward. I’m grateful for each of you that have streamed my songs, for those of you that share them, add them to your playlists, come to my shows, I’m so thankful!

One final thought, do we like this blog format? Are we liking Fridays for them? Are we enjoying my ranting thoughts? Please leave a comment & let me know!

I wish you all the best possible new year in 2020; take those daily steps towards bettering yourself, treat people with kindness and empathy, always, and be the best you there ever was & ever will be!

Happy New Year to you all!

Love,

Charlie