I’m going to be real with you all, I do not feel like writing today but I’m going to because it’s important that I push through & it’s important that I maintain this space as a refuge of honesty, vulnerability, & a reflection of myself. I’m not going to make this blog about any of the things I just told you, because I’ve done that in the past & I’d be retreading the same words in a different order. The reason, primarily, that I don’t feel like writing a blog today is because of the topics that I actually want to talk about. I want to talk about the “we told you so’s” of the US political landscape aren’t vindicating & are in fact just further disheartening. I was to talk about how those who are disengaging with everything happening are those who need to be paying attention the most, who vote in these cycles of hate & division. I want to talk about how even though so many of us are so exhausted by what’s happening, that it’s important for us not to look away. To not turn a blind eye to all of it but to also maintain our mental, physical, & spiritual health. I want to talk about how it’s okay to lean on your vices to get you through right now, that there’s no judgement there. But of all of those topics, of which might be reserved for later days, I’m not going to write on any of them today.
Part of that boils down to me taking care of my mental health. I could go on another tangent, another rant & type til my fingers bleed in the off chance that it gets someone to actually care about other people but I already am doing that on the daily. I am posting & reposting constantly in the hopes that someone finally gets it, that someone finally sees through the BS & decides to lean into supporting those we are all called to love, our neighbors, & does something about it. I just can’t today. I can’t because I am tired. Tonight I am tired. & it sucks, it really does, because all in all, at this current moment in time, my circumstance is pretty fine. I just know that is not the case for a lot of folks I claim as family or hold love for. Not that that should matter. Not that the fact that I have names to faces & shared experiences or memory should be the thing that prompts me to speak out in the face of evil & injustice. I have a platform that I have been blessed with. I have people show up here consistently & ingest the words I put virtually to paper & that is a blessing. So to some degree, I know I owe my voice & my platform to those in need in the times when voices are called upon to amplify suffering. I just can’t be that today, or I guess constantly on this site.
I’ve always said this blog is a mixed bag of things, I want that to remain true. I can’t constantly be waving the flag of justice in this format for a couple of reasons. The first is that while social/climate/political justice is definitely a part of who I am, it isn’t all that “Charlie Rogers” is as a brand, which, unfortunately, is what I am. I am an artist & a part of being an artist, especially commercially facing, is being a brand. I said last week that I’m more than willing to sacrifice that, but if that is all this blog becomes or is allowed to be, then I fear I will either end up yelling into an echo chamber once those who disagree with me have left, or my music brand/persona will veer entirely into the realm of political commentary & will send me spiraling off track.
I guess I don’t entirely know what I’m trying to say here. I think in a lot of ways what I’ve written thus far sounds like I don’t want to speak up any more & that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I just need a break this week & I’m sure a lot of you reading this could as well, otherwise we run the risk of driving this into the realm of disaster porn. Where we intake more & more of this horrific content & find ourselves endlessly searching for something else to be upset about. Not that the ever growing list is in any way in short supply of that. It wears you down, & that’s where I think I am right now. Worn down.
I sat here at my desk for an hour & a half staring at the title line of this blog input. I wrote in example titles of each of the topics that I listed in the opening paragraph but every time I did I felt the pang of that “here we go again” exhaustion creep up. The call of the void that leads to me sitting in a place of fury & resentment for the duration of the time that it takes for me to write these entries. Instead I opted for none of them & offered up an explanation that circumnavigates them instead of steering us into the maw of this depression inducing Charybdian cesspool. And maybe in doing so I’ve allowed some of you to be picked off or fall away so that we can continue on, but I guess that’s the price I’m paying here…Are these greek mythology metaphors doing it for you? That’s what the kids are after these days right? Loose allegory that evokes the Odyssey? (If all of that flew over your head you’ve got a bit of reading up to do before Chris Nolan comes swinging through next summer.)
So I guess in a lot of ways, instead of opting to screaming into the digital void, I’ve offered you all a bit of a nothing burger this week. A look into my splintered, ruptured psyche at the moment & all the vapid contradictions that come with it. But I think a lot of us are feeling this way. A lot of us want so desperately to share every single thing that comes across our laps in the hopes that it finally sparks something in the hearts & minds of those who are in favor of all of this chaos, or at the very least are complicit in it. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to set the torch down for a minute, to collect your thoughts, to ease your soul, to unburden your hearts, to shift the focus of your mind, & allow the eyes & ears to fall upon softer happenings at the moment. This will be a marathon, not a sprint & it’s important that we pace ourselves so that we can make it to the finish line with some semblance of sanity.
I think this week will be a shorter posting. I’m not here to check out of the problems the world is facing, nor am I here to deflect my responsibility in upholding the systems & practices that led us here. I just know that this is far from over & while others take to the streets where they are shot, arrested, beaten, disappeared, it is important that those of us paying attention assist where we can & rest when we need so that when the battle shifts to our doorstep we are prepared to confront it.
As always, much love to you all,
-C