Blog: Just Give Me A Sec

I’m going to be real with you all, I do not feel like writing today but I’m going to because it’s important that I push through & it’s important that I maintain this space as a refuge of honesty, vulnerability, & a reflection of myself. I’m not going to make this blog about any of the things I just told you, because I’ve done that in the past & I’d be retreading the same words in a different order. The reason, primarily, that I don’t feel like writing a blog today is because of the topics that I actually want to talk about. I want to talk about the “we told you so’s” of the US political landscape aren’t vindicating & are in fact just further disheartening. I was to talk about how those who are disengaging with everything happening are those who need to be paying attention the most, who vote in these cycles of hate & division. I want to talk about how even though so many of us are so exhausted by what’s happening, that it’s important for us not to look away. To not turn a blind eye to all of it but to also maintain our mental, physical, & spiritual health. I want to talk about how it’s okay to lean on your vices to get you through right now, that there’s no judgement there. But of all of those topics, of which might be reserved for later days, I’m not going to write on any of them today.

Part of that boils down to me taking care of my mental health. I could go on another tangent, another rant & type til my fingers bleed in the off chance that it gets someone to actually care about other people but I already am doing that on the daily. I am posting & reposting constantly in the hopes that someone finally gets it, that someone finally sees through the BS & decides to lean into supporting those we are all called to love, our neighbors, & does something about it. I just can’t today. I can’t because I am tired. Tonight I am tired. & it sucks, it really does, because all in all, at this current moment in time, my circumstance is pretty fine. I just know that is not the case for a lot of folks I claim as family or hold love for. Not that that should matter. Not that the fact that I have names to faces & shared experiences or memory should be the thing that prompts me to speak out in the face of evil & injustice. I have a platform that I have been blessed with. I have people show up here consistently & ingest the words I put virtually to paper & that is a blessing. So to some degree, I know I owe my voice & my platform to those in need in the times when voices are called upon to amplify suffering. I just can’t be that today, or I guess constantly on this site.

I’ve always said this blog is a mixed bag of things, I want that to remain true. I can’t constantly be waving the flag of justice in this format for a couple of reasons. The first is that while social/climate/political justice is definitely a part of who I am, it isn’t all that “Charlie Rogers” is as a brand, which, unfortunately, is what I am. I am an artist & a part of being an artist, especially commercially facing, is being a brand. I said last week that I’m more than willing to sacrifice that, but if that is all this blog becomes or is allowed to be, then I fear I will either end up yelling into an echo chamber once those who disagree with me have left, or my music brand/persona will veer entirely into the realm of political commentary & will send me spiraling off track.

I guess I don’t entirely know what I’m trying to say here. I think in a lot of ways what I’ve written thus far sounds like I don’t want to speak up any more & that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I just need a break this week & I’m sure a lot of you reading this could as well, otherwise we run the risk of driving this into the realm of disaster porn. Where we intake more & more of this horrific content & find ourselves endlessly searching for something else to be upset about. Not that the ever growing list is in any way in short supply of that. It wears you down, & that’s where I think I am right now. Worn down.

I sat here at my desk for an hour & a half staring at the title line of this blog input. I wrote in example titles of each of the topics that I listed in the opening paragraph but every time I did I felt the pang of that “here we go again” exhaustion creep up. The call of the void that leads to me sitting in a place of fury & resentment for the duration of the time that it takes for me to write these entries. Instead I opted for none of them & offered up an explanation that circumnavigates them instead of steering us into the maw of this depression inducing Charybdian cesspool. And maybe in doing so I’ve allowed some of you to be picked off or fall away so that we can continue on, but I guess that’s the price I’m paying here…Are these greek mythology metaphors doing it for you? That’s what the kids are after these days right? Loose allegory that evokes the Odyssey? (If all of that flew over your head you’ve got a bit of reading up to do before Chris Nolan comes swinging through next summer.)

So I guess in a lot of ways, instead of opting to screaming into the digital void, I’ve offered you all a bit of a nothing burger this week. A look into my splintered, ruptured psyche at the moment & all the vapid contradictions that come with it. But I think a lot of us are feeling this way. A lot of us want so desperately to share every single thing that comes across our laps in the hopes that it finally sparks something in the hearts & minds of those who are in favor of all of this chaos, or at the very least are complicit in it. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to set the torch down for a minute, to collect your thoughts, to ease your soul, to unburden your hearts, to shift the focus of your mind, & allow the eyes & ears to fall upon softer happenings at the moment. This will be a marathon, not a sprint & it’s important that we pace ourselves so that we can make it to the finish line with some semblance of sanity.

I think this week will be a shorter posting. I’m not here to check out of the problems the world is facing, nor am I here to deflect my responsibility in upholding the systems & practices that led us here. I just know that this is far from over & while others take to the streets where they are shot, arrested, beaten, disappeared, it is important that those of us paying attention assist where we can & rest when we need so that when the battle shifts to our doorstep we are prepared to confront it.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: Surviving The Holiday Season

No, this blog is not going to be a crash course in self defense, at least not in any physical capacity. It is, however, going to touch on how to set up proper boundaries, expectations, & how to fortify yourself as the person you are without having to diminish yourself too greatly or feel entirely othered during this often constrictive time of the year.

I suppose that it’s worth noting at the start of this little text adventure together that this is still an ongoing practice for me as well. It is far from something that I have perfected, but I wanted to share with you the advice that I’ve gotten from friends of mine or that I’ve been giving myself to try & alleviate the strain of the season that I know so many of us feel, especially this year, especially for those of us living in The United States. We are in this together, though we are separated by physical distance & shared community through a screen. This is a day by day, hour by hour, practice & it is something that you should feel free to evaluate & pivot with as the minutes tick by & as you see fit. We are here to take care of you & your sanity, not to cater to those who often can’t even vote in the interests of those they claim to have love for. We do not minimize ourselves for the sake of those who may find certain aspects of ourselves less appealing or out of line from their expectations & we do not take slights lightly or allow them to be so callously laughed off. Are you ready to begin?

So you’ve gone home for the holidays, you’re no longer in a space that feels grounding & comfortable to you. You’re already off kilter, out of wack, & tired from the travel & energy it took to get you to wherever it is you’ve ended up. We’re already starting from a place of unmooring & that can be discomforting. It can feel like you’re on edge or can immediately put you on the defense, especially if this is a place or these are people who have a history that is just waiting below the surface to be triggered. It can feel like you’re walking on hot coals as soon as you walk through the door & are immediately expected to cozy on into the version of yourself that they tolerate. I challenge you not to. Now, let’s pause here & make something clear. I’m not telling you not to be a gracious guest. Just as you are feeling off balance in someone else’s space, so too may they feel off balance with you in their space which can be off putting to both parties. What I am telling you to do is to be authentic. Don’t try to squeeze back into that box of persona that 18 year old you left when you moved away almost a decade & a half ago, they don’t exist anymore, at least not to them. Your younger self is for you to connect with on your own terms, in your own time.

The next thing we are going to do is to drop our expectations at the door & engage in a bit of realism. Not everyone is going to meet you where you’re at. Where that’s emotionally, intellectually, with the amount of energy they’re willing to put in, the amount of thought they give to gift giving, the ways in which they show up, or don’t, to try & make the holidays special. You have to realize that & either choose to continue on with a greater level of input on your side knowing full well that you’ll probably be disappointed that the effort or thought aren’t going to be reciprocated, or you have to adjust down to a level that puts you on equal footing with everyone else. The latter will probably be met with questioning, especially if you are someone who notoriously gives of themselves in different ways in an overabundance compared to the others involved. You either have to be okay with the imbalance or reduce your efforts so as to even the playing field.

Going back to that version of yourself that your relatives often associate you with or try to cram you back into, you have to have the self respect enough to resist that at every turn. You have to have the self respect to fortify your boundaries & call them out in the moments in which lines have been crossed & your feelings, your needs, your emotions, your heart, your intellect, your morals have been violated. You have to be willing to stand up for yourself & what you believe in even when it’s hard. Even when it’s uncomfortable or you risk causing a scene, you have to remember that you have value as a human being too. They may have made you the odd one out, may say things just for the sake of getting under your skin, you stand your ground & don’t back down. If the price of that is that they lose your presence, so be it. Your sanity, your ethics, your agency are more important than their comfort. Let me say that again. Your sanity, your ethics, your agency are more important than their comfort.

I challenge you to find moments. Little points in your day that allow you to recenter, refocus, & ground. To shed the burdens of the season & just be in your peace, whatever that looks like. I also think that it’s perfectly acceptable to step away as needed. Additionally, it’s perfectly acceptable to indulge in your vices during this time, especially if they’re what will help keep you sane during this time. The end of the year is stressful enough as is, then when you add all of this on top of it, it can be a lot. I’m not telling you to get hammered every day or the whole time, but if you know a cocktail will help take the edge off or something from a greener pasture, fire away. Honestly. Disassociate for a minute, go for a “cousin walk” by yourself, spike the hot chocolate. Do what needs to be done to preserve the baseline of your ability to cope with all of this.

Sometimes the answer is disengaging altogether. I have several friends who are staying home this year. They’re not traveling to see family & instead are creating their own ideal holidays at home. I applaud them for this. In each scenario in which this is being done they have family members who refuse to respect their beliefs or what they believe to be morally right. They treat their kids like kids even though they’re in the 30s & self sustaining. They badger & prod & mock the dismay & the pain of their children & I am proud of each of them for standing up for themselves, saying enough is enough, & conserving their peace. You don’t owe anyone your submission or your quiet just because that’s the response they expect, especially when they’ll do anything to make you the joke of your beliefs. It is entirely valid to just not show up at all. To disengage entirely & embrace your chosen family. Remember the saying is not “blood is thicker than water,” it’s “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

As I mentioned above, I don’t have all the answers, these are mostly just practices that I’m trying to be better with myself. Naturally each of these is not going to be the appropriate response for everyone, use your discretion & discernment to understand what to employ & what to set aside or abandon.

I pray that each of you have a blessed & easy going holiday season this year. Hell, I pray that for myself. If that turns out to not be an option, I pray you have the strength to stand your ground & be bold in your convictions. Remember that often times conflict is actually what strengthens bonds of intimacy, not necessarily the other way around. All that is forged to extreme strength must first go through extreme pressure, whether that applies to you personally or the relationships in your life.

As Always, Much Love To You All,

Happy Holidays,

-C