Blog: It's Giving...Gifts

Early this week I stumbled upon a post that talked about the anthropology behind gift giving & how we each have our own set of expectations & traditions that go along with them. The post was weighing the merits of whether or not children should all sit around watching the birthday child at a party open the gifts they’ve received from their friends or not. Apparently, a lot of modern parents are stowing the gifts away until the termination of the party, having the child open them up once all of the other kids have left, & then going through later or the next day & thanking people for the specific gift interpersonally instead of publicly. This allows kids & parents to not feel a specific pressure to match the assumed gifts that other children will give, it also allows each gift giver to feel they’ve contributed something without knowing whether or not they’ve been “one upped.” This then opened up a further dialogue about gift giving & the social contracts there in which then led me to want to share my two cents regarding this season we’re now in in which so many of us are buying & exchanging gifts with one another.

Another thing that the poster in question mentioned, of whose name I wish I could remember so that I could credit them for the points being discussed in these few paragraphs, is the idea the it is not actually the thought that counts where gift giving is concerned & I honestly couldn’t agree more. You see, I am someone who gives gifts not just to give them, but because I feel on some level, they represent how invested we are in the lives of those with whom we dote upon. Your gifts, in my mind, should come from a place of understanding who the recipient is, what they like, how they feel about certain things, what their interests are, etc. & should also have love & understanding behind them. A hollow gift is simply that, a hollow gesture with no meaning & no feeling behind it & if I’m the recipient in question, often times, I’d rather you just not get me anything at all.

To some of you that may sound ungrateful, it may sound privileged or cold, but I never said that the gift in question had to be something expensive or that required buckets of time, I simply think that if you give someone a gift it should be from a place of love & understanding that shows “I value you as a human being & a companion & this item or act made me think of you.” In my experience, hollow gifts end up either being returned, thrown away, given away, or hidden away because as Marie Condo would say “they don’t spark joy.”

Now does every gift have to be the most thoughtful, considerate thing on the planet? No, but going the little extra mile to show someone you listen to them & place stock in your relationship by valuing the things that make them unique, does go a long way farther, in most cases, to just buying them the thing they asked for or the thing they need.

Not everyone is the greatest of gift givers, I understand that, & if you yourself struggle with these things that’s why lists are made. If your idea is to gift something cheap (we’re not talking financially cheap), something you think would be a huge risk on whether or not they’d like it, or something non-specific that falls most often into the ‘interests’ category of the person (think just random merchandise from a franchise or random items that are branded to be representative of a part of a person’s individual expression) then I say stick to the list. It’s there for a reason & while you probably won’t end up being the top of the list for things received, they will at least still love & appreciate the gift in question.

Naturally all of this is entirely subjective & you may disagree with me on all fronts, but a someone who frequently gets called one of the greatest gift givers out there *toss toss, I feel I have a handle on the art involved here that will help you all to step things up for your loved ones this holiday season. Nothing needs to be bought, if you feel you can make something heartwarming from the things you have at home that still expresses an understanding towards an individual, by all means, go for it! Think “oh, I know you love bananas foster so I made you bananas foster cookies” or “I know you’ve been looking for some art pieces to have around the house that are expressive of your interests AND of who you are as a person AND your personal sense of style, so I made you this.” Homemade gifts are often the best kind.

I hope this sheds a little light for those of you out there wracking your brains for gifts this year, just think of the person & the things that make them unique, especially if they’re the things that you love about them, & riff off of that! You’ve got this, I believe in you!

As always, much love,

-C

Blog: The Part Of Pet Ownership That No One Takes To Heart

Hiya, Happy Thanksgiving to all of my US based folks or those who celebrate! If you’re going back through the log of my blogs & noticing that last week I was noticeably it’s due to two prominent reasons. The first is that my immediate family celebrated the holiday last Friday & thus I was busy cooking, socializing, & entertaining. The second reason is the topic of this week’s blog & while I don’t intend for it to be a downer, I’d be lying if I said the subject matter is a walk through the park. Nevertheless, it is something I feel drawn to speak on in this season of life as well as this season of the year since many people will soon be giving or receiving the gift of a furry, feathered, &/or scaled friend & should understand what exactly it is you or your loved one is signing up for.

Some of you may be aware of the ‘zoo’ that I have at my house; two golden retrievers (Harvey (12) & Peter (3)), two domestic shorthair cats (Jade (13) & Max (5)), & a 185 gallon saltwater fish tank. In addition to a jungle of over 150 house plants. Today we’re going to be focused on my eldest golden, Harvey, for the purpose of our narrative.

I grew up with animals, we always had big dogs when I was young, Newfoundlands to be exact. Over the years we also had cats, fish, frogs, & two terriers, but I always wanted a Golden Retriever. I remember a friend of mine’s parents from elementary school used to breed them & the movie Homeward Bound featured an old golden named Shadow, so I’m sure that’s where the obsession started. Despite the want, we never got goldens so after I moved out I rescued Harvey from an abusive mill at the age of six months old. He was incredibly hard to potty train as he’d spent his entire life up to that point on concrete & was afraid of grass. It didn’t help that my apartment at the time had concrete floors. Harvey, despite my early frustrations with him, is & has always been the perfect dog. He is loyal & loving to a fault. He is gentle & has the most kind heart of any being I have yet to come across. He was instantly my guy, the gold (pun intended) standard to which I shall now hold every dog for the rest of my life, but Harvey’s biggest fault & the one to which all great dogs falter, is that he grew old.

It’s hard, you know. It’s so damned hard to watch your best friend, your buddy, your companion, your most goodest of boys grey around the muzzle, then struggle to find their footing, then have a hard time getting up & lose interest in their toys or their favorite snacks. It’s so unrelentingly hard when those beautiful, loving brown eyes begin to cloud over & their breath begins to get labored & you start to have to think about the beginnings of the end of your time with this purest of hearts that you wish endlessly would beat on forever. & unfortunately this is the part of pet ownership that far too many find to be just way too difficult.

The shelters are full of animals whose previous owners truly didn’t understand. They didn’t know the commitment, emotionally, physically, spiritually, that it takes to raise & care for an animal & I feel sorry for them. Not just for the abandoned animals, of which the majority are over half their lifespan in age, but also for the people who will never know what it is to spend the course of their life being unconditionally loved by an animal.

About a week & a half ago Harvey fell. We were out on a walk & he just kind of crumpled. From there he spent the next couple of days incapable of getting up, when he’d try to stand or walk he’d fall or his legs would drag, he wasn’t eating, wasn’t taking treats & I truly began to think that this was it, this was going to be the last week that I had with this golden angel who poops in my yard & gets taken on daily walks around the block. Ev & I canceled our flights to Kansas City & loaded up both of the dogs in the the car to drive the 16 hours round trip not only so we could tend to Harvey, but also so my parents, who have so much love for my dear boy, could say goodbye to him. Over the next week he didn’t get that much better, though he did eat & regained a bit of his footing, & for the first time since I’d been bringing him back to Kansas he didn’t ascend the stairs with me to sleep at the foot of my bed.

Evan & I did our best to prepare for what we thought was surely the end; we told our friends who had special connections with Harvey to come say their goodbyes, we set Harvey’s paw print in a mold to have a token or remembrance & I don’t think there was a day in which I didn’t have to go off on my own for a while to break down & weep. It’s a truly impossible thing but you do it because you wouldn’t give back a single minute that you shared with that animal.

I’m sure I’m not too many blogs off from writing about my dearly departed dog but we’re not there yet. Harvey went from the shell of a dog he was last week back to somewhat of his older self. The vet explained to me that small scale strokes are common in large dogs of his age & there’s a potential that’s what happened, but I most fortunately get more time with my guy, time where he is still the happy, smiling dog I love with every cell of my heart & for that I am so infinitely grateful. But I know there will come a day, sooner rather than later, where I will have to say goodbye to my red, shaggy rock & I will face that with a broken heart & tear stained cheeks but I will be there, with him, til the end because how could I not be?

This past week & a half has been a rollercoaster & in all honesty, if I were to put into words how I’ve been feeling, the answer would be fragile. I wrote this blog with tears streaming my face, but I bare them with all of the pride in the world, because over the last twelve years I have had the utmost privilege of being loved, unconditionally, even on the days where I definitely didn’t deserve it, by the best dog I could have ever dreamed of & I have loved him back. But I know, at the end of it, when all is said & done & I am left to come home with nothing but a collar, I’ll know that for all of the love I gave him, he will always have loved me more & I would do it all again in a heartbeat knowing how it feels when it’s time to let a great dog go.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: I'll Have A "Blue Christmas," Thank You Very Much!

If you’re like me you like the sadder things in life. I’m not talking about wallowing in grief, I simply enjoy the sadder songs, sadder movies, sadder books because they evoke a prominent feeling within me. I’m not ashamed, as a man, to admit that I rather enjoy things that make me cry, there’s something therapeutic in the release of pent up emotion throw the windows of the soul. I have always been drawn to break-up songs, to films about hardship that don’t necessarily have the happiest of endings. I find the most poignant moments of human connection & expression through art tend to be heightened in these moments.

Another side of the coin that is me is not a fan of the holidays, I’ve always found them stressful & lonely even when surrounded by those you love. The expectation is always just way too high. There’s always so much pressure around the holidays for everything to be perfect; the food, the gifts, the music, etc., all of it has to sparkle & shine with the luster of the lights we surround ourselves with in this time. It’s not for me. I think to some extent the holidays seem too manicured for my taste, we put layers of wrapping over our problems & grievances & tie our emotions all up in a bow topped with a smile. Don’t worry, I’ll get back to the point at hand that I established in the first paragraph.

If you don’t fall in line with holiday cheer you’re labeled as a Scrooge or a Grinch when in reality I think the holidays put a massive lens on the places in which we feel pain, especially where friends, family, & other relationships are concerned. It shows us that we’re not making enough money, or haven’t been successful enough in the previous months to truly dote upon those we love in the fashion that we wish we could. In short the holidays are very painful for so many of us, but we become the outcast for not falling into a jolly line.

I’ve always had a hard time with masking emotion when it comes to the holidays, I grew up in a family where things often got swept under the rug if they were considered counter to the mood or feelings of the rest of the family. Not trying to devalue my family or upbringing, it’s just a very midwestern/southern thing to do that I’m sure many of you also grew up with.

All of that being said, the music of the holidays that I tend to gravitate towards are those that many would deem “depressing.” I love the lonesome, longing, heartbroken songs that truly exemplify the emptiness of the holiday season & I found that quite a few people feel the same way.

Is this a blog designed to promote the “Holiday Blues” playlist I made? Not entirely, but partially I guess. I felt that after assembling the playlists & getting a lot of response on them that I should explain a little about why I connect with this type of music on such a deep level.

The holiday season has always appeared to me as a glaze over of our interpersonal problems as well as those facing the world. We cover the slush of winter with packages & bows & cheer ignoring the hurt, so I appreciate music that speaks to that longing for understanding & connection.

If you’re interested in my Holiday Blues playlists I’ll link them below!

Happy Holidays to you all!

I hope it’s as stress free & warm as it can be but understand there’s absolutely no pressure to feel “in the holiday spirit.”

Have a great weekend!

-C