Blog: Feeling Caught In The In-Between

I’m sitting here in my living room on a rainy mid-summer Friday afternoon in Nashville, TN, contemplating whether or not to go to an album release show that I was invited to this evening. Under normal circumstances the show would be a no brainer but when considering the rain (it’s outside) & the massive wave of COVID-19 Tennessee is currently facing I’m more than hesitant & that’s where I’ve been caught the last little while, in “the in-between.”

I’m going to once again apologize for my blog absence the last couple of weeks, I was spending time with family & was under the weather, which seems to be my new normal these days. It seems every time I leave Nashville I’m faced with the same questions; How is music going? When are you touring next? When does your next project come out? And these are questions I’d truly love to have answers to. It’s not from a lack of trying or a lack of interest or desire that my life feels held back from these things but it is more a feeling of responsibility.

As I’ve said in previous blogs, I took the pandemic very seriously, having a lot of family members in the medical fields & a lot of people I care for with auto-immune diseases, in addition to my own respiratory issues, I quarantined & masked up. As an artist, someone who is trying to make it in this business, that was hard. It was hard not only from the standpoint of having to halt any forward momentum I was having but also hard because I saw so many of my peers acting as if nothing had changed & going about business as usual, which I guess brings us to now.

I am vaccinated, I’ll happily proclaim that. I got injected as soon as I possibly could. I am also someone who has grown tired of this “anti-vax/anti-mask” movement & am 100% in favor of mask or vaccine mandates for businesses. I’m tired of sitting on the sidelines trying to be the good person who does what they can to help other people around me instead of whining about my freedoms but alas, those of us who are responsible & actually give a damn must sacrifice our own freedoms so that the selfish can continue to play & spread the disease & make things worse. I say all of this not so much to try to change the mind of anyone reading this who falls under that umbrella, because let’s face it, if the mountains of evidence won’t change your mind, how could I? I am more so saying all of this so you understand where those of us who are most vulnerable are coming from.

As I said, yes, I am vaccinated so I am protected, hopefully, from being hospitalized with COVID. That being said, I’d love to play shows, I’d love to go to events & be a person again, but I have this underlying fear or guilt that I’m then contributing to the problem. That I’m contributing to the filled ERs & the deaths, which in part, is true. I have so many friends, so many colleagues that are moving on, playing shows & what have you & I’m so jealous of them. I wish I could do that freely & not feel immediately guilty for doing so.

I’m caught in this purgatory of do I or don’t I where I know I’m vaccinated & know I can enforce that if I wanted at a show but I’m also the low guy on the totem pole, I don’t have the luxury of putting on a show & having it sell out in two minutes. So I feel stuck in inaction biding my time until the numbers start to dive again & I can psych myself up to booking shows again without the fear that they’ll just be cancelled again two weeks later.

It’s exhausting & it’s debilitating & makes you feel like crap but I feel a sense of responsibility that I wish half of the other people in this country felt as well. I’m tired of this pandemic, just as we all are, but the more days drag on, the more I’m tired of the excuses. We could be out of this, living a somewhat normal life if people would actually start giving a shit about their neighbors instead of just themselves. But I guess that’s the case with most things in this world.

Blog: Resuming The Game

I, much like many of us were, was pretty heavily quarantined for the majority of COVID. I didn’t leave my house unless it was necessary & when I did I wore a mask everywhere I went, into every place I went, & did my best to maintain social distance along the way. Responsible, or at least what I tried to be. However, recently, we as a society, in the US especially, have started reopening our doors, doing things again, having events again, I know for some of you that never stopped (eye roll at that) but for those of us who were good, considerate humans, the transition has been jarring to say the least.

I went to three separate events over the last week of my life, all of them were music biz, network-y things that I had to be a person at. I had to put on “real” clothes, show up, & act like I belonged there, & not just sit on my couch in PJs. And you know what, it was hard. Truly.

I’m an introvert at heart, I love my people but there comes a point where I desperately need to be alone so that I can recharge my social battery. So after almost a year without use you’d think my social battery would be primed & ready to go, yeah? *Cue Buzzer. WRONG! NO, I wasn’t at all & I’m finding myself drained before I even walk in the door, not a good thing. On top of that, I’ve forgotten several huge aspects of networking in the music industry; how to dress fashionably, how to behave like an artist, & how the hell to talk to people.

I was never the most converse person, but I at the very least could do my best to turn on my Aries charm on & hold conversation with someone. No dice. I feel like I’ve completely forgot how conversations work, I feel like I’m talking like a middle schooler talking to their crush in the halls between third & fourth period. I’m tripping all over myself, failing to remember words, completely talking the conversation into a dead end or being unable to engage all together. It’s sooooooo fun.

On top of all of that I came home every night I went out over the last week completely & utterly drained. I was exhausted. I’m not sure if it was physical/mental or anything of that variety but it was definitely social. Normally I can bounce back pretty easily, spend the rest of my evening collecting my thoughts & do it all again the next day, but this time the next day I felt worse. Sapped. Devoid of any social energy what. so. ever.

So what’s my point? Why devote a whole blog to this? Is it just so I can get on here & bitch about being on the “other side” of COVID or having a social life? No. My point in all of this is that I know a lot of you are feeling the same exact way. A lot of you are finding yourself unable to be social for long periods of time because, let’s face it, a lot of us haven’t had to be for the last year. I was discussing this with a friend last night & he compared it to being in the middle of a game & having it paused just for the game to resume without any warning while you’re sitting on the bench. You have to gather as much as you can as quickly as you can & hope you’re still warmed up enough to perform the same way you were when the game was stopped initially. Or at least that’s what it feels like the expectation is.

I know a lot of us were ready for that, ready to hit the ground running & get back into life, believe me, I was too, but I’m not anywhere near warmed up. There was no transition back into the game, no stretching, no drills, no returning to where the game left off before the madness resumed. So it’s no wonder you feel you’re struggling to catch your footing. The game has resumed while you were hydrating on the bench.

Please have patience with yourself. If we’re friends, acquaintances, whatever, have patience with me. Socializing wears me and so many other introverts down, we weren’t ready to get right back in coach. The ease into it that a lot of us needed has been completely overshadowed & we’re already burning out. Remind yourself that it’s okay to say no to events, to say no to your friends & family because you matter too & your mental health, energetic health, etc. matters too.

I hope you all have a safe Fourth of July weekend! And I’ll see you all back here next week!

-C

Blog: Thankful!

Happy belated thanksgiving to all my American folks! I guess also a happy super belated thanksgiving to my Canadian folks as well! I hope it was a safe, civil, calorically dense holiday for you all!

I think it’s time I got back to blogging, the US election is over, a lot of us can breathe easy now & for that I am thankful. In fact, in the spirit of the holiday, I thought I’d make a list of things this year that I’m thankful for. I know we’ve had a hell of a year & for a lot of us, myself included, gratefulness seems like a taboo subject at this point. This year has been beyond exhausting for a lot of us, especially living in Tennessee, especially those of us in the entertainment industry who feel like our job is impossible right now. I wanted to take the time & reflect on the aspects of this year that are bright points in my life!

I’m thankful for time, thankful that I’ve had the privilege of reflection, thankful I’ve been able to slow down & find answers within myself as well as externally.

I’m thankful for answers, I’m thankful that my health issues are finally being resolved & that the cause has been discovered & the remedy is being administered.

I’m thankful for strength, I’ve battled some severe moments of depression this year, those disheartening moments when you find out the people you love aren’t who you thought they were & look out more for themselves than those in need.

I’m thankful for love. I’m thankful for those who care for me through my valleys, through my bolder moments, though my pain & my shortcomings.

I’m thankful for introspection, for all that I’ve learned about myself. I’m thankful for the courage I’ve unearthed in myself. I’m thankful for the self acceptance I’ve developed.

I’m thankful for support. I’ve thankful for those who have stood by me over the years, for those who have gone out of their way to help me achieve my dreams. I’m thankful for those who listen to my songs, who read this blog, who watch my videos.

I’m thankful for contentment. I’m thankful for finding peace in the hurricane, for learning to live in the uncertainty, I’m thankful for patience.

I’m thankful for progress, not only internally but also in my career, despite the COVID conditions. I have my first ever label release coming up, I’m thankful for that!

I’m trying to live a more grateful life & not get caught up on the little things. I’m trying to be a happier person, to not be so angry at the world all the time, something I’ve really struggled with especially over the last year & its political season. I’m still learning everyday, still trying to grow & be more “me” day by day.

All love to you all, I’m thankful for you & wish you well during the holiday season to come.

Blog: Being Productive In The Midst of A Global Pandemic

Hi Friends!

How are we today?

On a scale of one to ten, ten being the most, how productive would you say you were today? Is that a number you’re happy with? Is that a number that feels like it has been pretty constant over the course of the last couple months? I’ve been doing a bit of outreach all week; to friends, to colleagues, etc. to see kind of how people have been handling self improvement during the COVID-19 pandemic & what I’ve if an overabundance of proof that most of us are struggling. I get it, I really do. There’s no where to go, nothing to do, no way to travel, or in my line of work, play shows. It’s hard to be a frowardly mobile person when the world feels like it has stopped dead in its tracks, at least in the states…

So what’s to be done? How do we break the monotony? By adding more.

Hear me out. Productivity is a habit, Newton’s first law of motion explains:

“An object at rest stays at rest & an object in motions stays in motion...”

— Sir Isaac Newton

This is you. You are the object in this scenario. If you’ve developed a habit of stagnation, you must replace it with one of mobility. How do you have mobility when you can’t go anywhere? Establish routines. Now is the perfect time to be establishing a routine, a diet, a workout regimen, etc, because you have the time & mental space to do so. Here’s what I recommend, even if you can’t be productive in your chosen career field, that doesn’t mean you can’t still establish habits that can be applied post-COVID.

Here’s where we start; your alarm clock. First off, if you’re not setting an alarm, it’s time to start. I’m aware a lot of us, 22.4% of us, are out of work right now, but your routines are still important. Set your alarm for 30 minutes earlier than normal, then here’s how I want you to break down that 30.

Minutes 1-4: Drink a large glass of water, take your allergy meds, drink your coffee.

Minutes 5-10: Stretch, specifically doing cat/cows (look it up.) Cat/cows open up your spinal column & get your spinal fluid moving.

Minutes 11-14: Do 25 reps of an exercise. Could be push-ups, sit-ups, squats, lunges, pull-ups, etc vary this daily but get the blood moving.

Minutes 15-24: Meditate. Doesn’t have to be some spiritualist experience, just center your thoughts, center your mind & body & breathe for 10 minutes.

Minutes 25-30 Journal: Write out how you’re feeling, write out what you need to do that day, write out how something resolved, get out all the mental clutter & lay it out before you so you can start your day with a clear mind. 1 whole page of journaling, write til it’s full. No cheating, no short hand.

And there you are, that’s your new morning routine. Do it daily, you’ll be amazed how driven & clear the day ahead feels after this. Best of all, it puts your body in motion, gets you moving right off the bat so you can carry that energy throughout your day.

From here you branch out; add a strict diet regimen, add working out in, add daily tasks you can do that will advance your career. You’ll be amazed how clearly new ideas present themselves to you once you put the body in motion. It can’t just be your physical body you’re putting in motion, it has to be all aspects. Digestion, cardio vascular, muscular, mental, spiritual, all of it must be prepared for the day ahead for you to be successful.

I truly hope this helps you, it’s been helping me a lot! You have to stick to it though & be disciplined, it takes 42 days to form a habit so make yours about forward momentum.