Blog: Be You Boo

I feel I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I’m done apologizing, I’m done conforming, I’m done modifying to who people expect me to be verses the person that I know I am. Which is hard. It’s especially hard as an introvert & someone who shies away from conflict, but I guess I’ve just gotten to the point of being fed up. I’m not saying we should all be brash, in-your-face people all the time; I understand that there are certain situations that require some decorum. However, I am so sick of filtering myself around the people I love that claim to love me for me and sick of presenting a version of myself that isn’t entirely true.

I think we all naturally do this to an extent and that’s why we all have our wild streaks in our 20s. We grow up with the imprint of who our parents want us to be, who our friends & mentors want us to be. It’s not until we’re out of the house that a lot of us are free to experiment with the boundaries of our morality. We finally get the time to figure out what we value, what we don’t, what’s worth out time & effort, & what simply is not. For a lot of people these new found beliefs & lifestyles may end up clashing with the preconceived image of you someone you grew up with has. Thus, we filter. We either completely omit or cover up the parts of us the we don’t feel we can show the past out of some semblance of respect or love, when in reality these temporary walls we build end up requiring constant maintenance & energy to uphold & end up doing more harm than good. We end up drained, grouchy, unhappy because we don’t feel we’re allowed to be the people that we are around the people that are supposed to accept us as we are. We fight with this feeling of owing these people the version of you that they know because we think it’ll save them pain or discomfort, when in the end it ends up doing more damage.

This carries over into how we present ourselves in the world at large. We all tend to wear these different masks subconsciously, each specifically designed to augment or only show parts of who we are. We have the mask we wear for our significant others, the one that we grow unhappy in over time that ends in us hating that person because of how we’ve modified ourselves for them. We have the mask we wear to work that leaves you unfulfilled, hating a job you never wanted in the first place. We have the mask we wear for our friends, the strong one that never shows your vulnerabilities because you are the shoulder they turn to to cry on. And so one & so forth. Hell, we even go into new social settings with a list of pre-approved items we’re willing to share with a new acquaintance, friend, or colleague. I say enough. I am so tired of the masks. I'm so tired of trading them interchangeable throughout my day to uphold an idea that may no even be true. The idea that if people knew you, really knew you, they wouldn’t like you.

This specifically has wormed its way into music for me. What is music at the end of the day if not a form of expressing the self. Think of your favorite song. Is it pretty? Are the lyrics overly fantasized or is it gritty? Does it dive deep & attach to a part of you that fills you with melancholy, with nostalgia, with a strange sense of longing or hope? You see the songs that last, the artists that last are brash; they’re honest. They’re not afraid to talk about what they love, what hurts them, what they struggle with and as fans, we reward them by buying their albums, seeing them live, adding their songs to our rainy day playlists. I want to be that. I’m tired of writing into the cliches because I know it’s what will strike radio. I’m tired of filtering myself because the truth of my emotion might hurt someones feelings or make someone feel uncomfortable. I’m tired of trying to be someone I’m not & overriding the person that I am because I’m so incredibly proud of him. I’m proud of the steps he’s made, I’m proud of the man he’s become, I’m proud of the lessons he’s learned from his failures. I’m proud of myself.

I shouldn’t have to bushel my pride because someone else isn’t secure enough in who they are & neither should you. Live your life, YOUR life, because it is yours. It’s not your friend’s, it’s not your parent’s, it’s not your lover’s or your boss’s; it’s yours. Do what makes you happy, be the person that makes you happy, unapologetically. Live boldly but never arrogantly. Know your worth but never be afraid to help those in need. Love out loud, love everyone until they give you a reason not to. Be empathetic & kind & understanding. Listen to each other & walk in someone else’s shoes for a while. Realize your life experiences are not the norm, because there is no such thing. We all have walked different paths & just want to feel like we matter. So believe that you do. You matter, as you are. Have courage in that affirmation! If you don’t know who you are take the time to learn away from the masks. Date yourself, do something that makes you happy, really understand why it makes you happy. You’re magnificent, live as such!

Blog: New Year, Same Constantly Evolving Me

I’m going to outright say it, I think the concept of a new year’s resolution is B.S.. I’m a strong proponent of constantly bettering yourself; you shouldn’t wait for a marked date to start a change you want to make in yourself, you should constantly be evolving & making yourself a better human. I also believe the science that fast life changes never stick, that’s why I think Whole30 is a waste of your time unless you’re on it all the time. We are all creatures of habit, we have a hard time breaking our habits, hence why we must enforce a new habit. I think if you’re going to make a change, really make the change you have to introduce it slowly into your routine & let it grow over time. If you’re wanting to workout more start by doing 30 minutes to an hour three times a week, don’t just jump into a fitness routine that’s going to burn you out quickly. If you want to eat better do so one food group at a time. Start two weeks without soda, then cut out gluten, then two weeks later cut sugar, or whatever your desired goals are!

I think the same goes for reinvigorating your work ethic. If you’re not happy where you are in your career or don’t feel you’re doing enough & need the kick in the pants to get things start taking baby steps to prepare you for the giant ones down the line! Start with something different weekly like self evaluation/course correction, add bits of the grunt work that builds the foundation you need, start a weekly video series, start a weekly blog……

As I mentioned above we are all creatures of habit & this is not only self contained, we feel the same about the world that surrounds us. People want stability; they want reliability & consistency. Your boss wants to see this new found motivation isn’t just something that’s going to fizzle out in a week or two. Your fans want to see that when they show up to your YouTube channel on Tuesday evenings there’ll be a new video up. People crave patterns, the easiest way to move up the ladder is to give people that which they so crave.

All of these are practices we should be doing all the time, not just for the new year. We as a society as a whole need to learn to be more introspect. We chastise people for their shortcomings not realizing they are reflections of our own. We fail to treat people with kindness or empathy because we feel subconsciously that people don’t treat us as such. We don’t take the time to listen, to see someone else’s point of view because we automatically assume people aren’t going to do the same for us. This is a societal change that we must rectify, but it has to be done one person at a time.

I guess all of this is a long winded way for me to say screw your new year’s resolution. You should be introspective & analytical enough to strive for constant evolution. Healthy habits are learned, they aren’t going to magically stick because you took a month to eat broccoli for once in your life or purchased your spouse a Pelaton for Christmas. Small conscious steps are what will make the changes you want, not fad diets, not complaining on the internet about how you’re not where you deserve to be, actual progress. Slow, painful progress. No one scales Everest in a day, don’t expect yourself to either. Be present, be self aware, be kind, & meet people where they’re at. Be patient with yourself, you’ll get there if you put in the effort! Hone your skills, cut out toxic people or the habits that drag you down & take up too much of your life. Happy New Year to you all, remember, baby steps!