Blog: If Jesus Is The Reason For The Season, Then Why Does It Feel So Cold?

Back in June I was inspired to write a blog call “No Hate Like Christian Love.” At the time I was hesitant to put out the blog simply because I have people near & dear to me that I thought would disapprove of scoff at the blog simply because of what I chose to title it. I was wrong. In fact, to this day, exactly seven months later, it still remains the most popular blog of mine that I have ever written averaging anywhere from 100-200 individual monthly readers. It’s the blog I’ve received the most feedback on as well, all of which has been set to the tune of agreement. These, for the most part, are people who have been burned or ostracized by the church & it breaks my heart to see the commonality that so many of them share.

When I sat down to write today my brain just kept drifting back to that blog & it got me thinking, have things improved since June, when I wrote & posted it, or are things the same or worse then they were then from the standpoint of Christians using their beliefs as a “moral’ superiority? Sadly, I think the answer is the latter.

Over Thanksgiving I had this discussion with several people in my life who I would consider to be or have at one point or another been right smack dab in the middle of the church Christian lifestyle. This group included my parents; life long church goers & believers who lead the worship team at their small American Baptist Church, my dear friend David; a “missions” worker around the world & lover of Jesus (I put missions in quotes simply because what he does, to me, doesn’t constitute classification under the same blanket as the traditional colonist mentality & practice of missions work), & Evan; a former worship leader & attendee of bible college. Naturally I was also a part of this group, not just the silent observer.

Our discussion began around the subject of Christmas & my often outright disdain for the holiday. I think for a lot of us, especially in my generation & younger, Christmas is not the shining beacon of hope & joy that it is for those living in the older generations. In addition, we, generationally, have more access to the global network of information & have seen behind the curtain where Christmas & its outright stolen traditions are concerned. We don’t buy into the commercialism of the holiday, partially because a lot of us can’t afford to, & thus it becomes one of the most stressful times of the year for us all. However, my mother offered the argument that at the end of the day, what we are celebrating, as christians, is the birth of Christ. The “reason for the season” & all that.

I’m not sure how we circled back to the whole “no hate like christian love thing” but I believe it stemmed from one of my parents asking why I no longer attend church if I, as I say, consider myself a believer. From there entered David, a literal missionary who refuses to find a church to call his “home.” We talked about how the church is driving people away in droves & trying desperately to blame it on the media, or the LGBTQIA+ population, or schools, or drag story time, but is refusing outright to look inward & see itself as the root cause.

We came back to how “young people just don’t want to believe” & I offered the argument of what is being missed. You see, much like I mentioned in NHLCL (No Hate Like Christian Love), we read the book, we were taught about Jesus. We attended the Sunday schools & the church services & the vacation bible school, but when we got to an age where critical thinking came into play, where identity started to form, we looked around at the “brood of vipers” (Matt 12:34) & saw not a scrape of the unconditional love of Christ. We saw people who claimed to love us as we are outwardly belittle & damn the very people that we are or the people that we love & said “enough of this, this is not what love looks like” & we left. As I said in NHLCL, as well as that evening, the problem isn’t that we weren’t taught about Jesus, the problem is that we were & we don’t see that reflected in the people or the values of the church.

I hope what I’ve said thus far hasn’t turned too many of you off. I’m sure there are many people who will read this & not even make it to this paragraph, but if we, as christians, are to overcome the stigmas wrapped around us & the church, then we have to listen & we have to apply critical thinking & we have to know our biblical history & understand when & where & why the bible was modified to fit certain political ideology & personal agendas because this is another huge thing turning people away from churches.

Did you know that christians are far more likely to believe conspiracy theories than any other religious affiliation? Did you know that the brains of those identifying as atheist have been proven to think far more analytically than those identifying as believers? Why do you think that is? As I mentioned in the previous blog, I am not here to lecture or demean, nor am I here to minimize your beliefs. I just want to pose questions that get people thinking. I want to bridge the gap between the, dare I say, secluded world of the church & the outside world. Christians, the stigma against you is that you are self absorbed, incapable of critical thought, & often downright heartless, which for a religion based supposedly all in love, doesn’t seem to align does it?

Something that I had to cope with & make peace with is the following statement:

If you need the threat of eternal damnation to evoke good behavior & kindness then it’s time to revaluate your moral standing & personal shortcomings.

We are called to love, unconditionally, to embrace humanity with open arms & without judgment WITHOUT the expectation of reward, but simply out of the kindness of your heart. That reward includes salvation.

I write all of this because I want you to see. If Jesus is truly, to you, the reason for the season, then celebrate that & celebrate that as Christ would. Christ wouldn’t yell at the cashier for saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” because they don’t know which of the six holidays that happen in December you celebrate. Christ would celebrate with an outpour of love, compassion, kindness, & empathy. Not commercialism, elitism, being exclusionary, & ‘holier than thou.’

There is a reason that NHLCL remains my top viewed post. It’s because it speaks to a universal ache felt by those on the receiving end of christianity. It speaks to the religious trauma, to the family issues, to the isolation that so many feel because of those operating out of the “love of Christ.”

If Jesus is the reason for the season, then why does it feel so cold to so many people when it should be filled with warmth, joy, community, & happiness?

Happy Holidays & Much Love To You All,

-C

Blog: No Hate Like Christian Love

Hold up, hold up, hold up. I know a few of you have read that title & immediately gone into defensive mode & have a paragraph long comment ready, but how about we hear what I’m trying to say first? I think it’s also worth noting for the assumed bias of this blog that I myself identify as Christian, though I am far beyond the point of disillusionment with the church at this point & if we’re being honest so are a lot of people these days.

America has seen a drastic drop in new christians or individuals attending churches in the last few decades but for the life of a lot of the religious leaders they can’t seem to figure out why. They blame it on the media, they blame it on culture, on politicians, on x, y, z, but never seem to want to look internally. You see, so many of us who no longer find ourselves as congregational regulars grew up in churches; we grew up going to Sunday school & vacation bible school & lived through all of the “keep the Christ in Christmas” ish & those who remain in the hallowed halls don’t seem to understand why we don’t want to go back or actively attend those churches any longer. The answer is a simple one, we learned about Jesus, his way, his light, & we didn’t see his teachings being implemented, practiced, or reflected by those within the church, so we left. Truly I say unto you the most Christ-like individuals I’ve even known have a strong distain for the church.

To put this all in perspective the statement in the title above has become one that I’ve seen expressed more & more frequently over the last few years, “no hate like christian love.” If you as someone who identifies as such don’t see that & immediately see the problem I hate to break it to you, but I think you’ve missed the point of your religion. Christianity has become so synonymous with hate, bigotry, white nationalism, fascism, misogyny, homophobia/transphobia, xenophobia, islamophobia, racism, etc. that the statement “no hate like christian love” rings true to very large groups of individuals. So much of our culture’s pain & modern reliance unfortunately owes itself to years & years of religious trauma & continued attempts at oppression.

In recent years the US political climate has become more & more divisive swinging aggressively more & more towards a fascist right. Those leading that charge are claiming to do so in the name of God, they say God is disappearing from a country that was never a theocracy & founded itself on the principles of religious freedom, meaning freedom from others forcing their religion views onto you, & want to bring America back into its “former greatness.” A “former greatness” that holds a lot of pain, suffering, & lack of rights for those who find themselves in minority groups. Tell me, where are the teachings of Jesus in that? The campaigns of these Christian Nationalists go entirely against the teachings of Christ. They actively shun & vilify the “foreigner,” the needy, the immigrant, the refugee, the less fortunate, the different, the other. They propose laws to limit rights of these individuals, they strip back protections in place that give these individuals a chance at having an equal life to them, & they do so all in the name of “christian love.”

Often there is a bubble created around a church community, a church home if you will. This is a place, in theory, meant to allow you to feel love unconditionally from your fellow christians, to have support systems in place that allow you to express your pains & burdens freely & get support while remaining unjudged. I have never felt more judged or more completely ostracized than by members of the church who often use their born again status as a means to justify their hatefulness when things don’t fit their preconceived mold. Now people are looking around & seeing a congregation that reflects one way of being, one style of life, often limited diversity from a nationality, race, sexuality, gender identity, & social class & finding it lacking. They see themselves & the world more represented in the faces of their peers & diversified friend groups than they do in the pews on any given Sunday.

The bubble also often acts as a safe haven for abusers. We all know, very effectively the crimes of the Catholic church, thanks to the journalists at Spotlight out of Boston, but this guard isn’t limited to the catholic church. I’ve heard innumerable stories regarding the handing of abuse within the church. Higher ups will make excuses for abusers & protect them at all costs instead of hearing out the side of the abused. They refuse to acknowledge the often ugly side of humanity & outwardly condemn these actions that overall harm the community at large & weaken the bonds of a church.

The complete & utter lack of critical thinking is also a major deterrent for those looking to join the church. So much of the counter culture that christians justify with the bible has either been altered completely for political agendas (see the RSV translation of 1946) or completely lacks historical context. There also happens to be a lot of picking & choosing which verses to follow & which to omit completely from the modern dichotomy because “things were different back then.” It’s blatant hypocrisy & when faced with facts alternative to the fiction they’ve painted in their heads or carried their whole lives they refuse to even consider the possibility of them no matter who it harms or what damage it does to their brothers & sisters in Christ or the world at large.

If we as Christians were truly following the ways of Christ we’d embrace those around us with open arms, celebrating what makes them different & unique. We’d help refugees & immigrants unconditionally. We wouldn’t hoard wealth & covet riches when so many are doing everything in their power just to have a scrap of food to eat. We’d lovingly take preventative measures to insure that our neighbors & those at higher risks can remain safe & disease free. We’d recognize the disconnect & disadvantages certain communities & minorities have systematically & do everything in our power to overturn them. We’d be voting for people who want to help the less fortunate, not ostracize them. We’d be embracing our children for who they are whole heartedly not kicking them out of our homes or shaming them. I personally believe that Christ would be disgusted by the modern church & those in attendance & clearly a growing majority feels the same way. I think we need to take "no hate like christian love” as a major red flag & find ways to correct course immediately, taking proactive measures to correct the damage done to those who are bearing the brunt of the “love.”

I hope this blog wasn’t too much of a rant or a finger wag, I also hope most of you made it through this. This world deserves better, the people in our communities deserve better. I know at the end of the day we’re all human but if the saying goes “they’ll know we are christians by our love” then it should be love people know christians by, not the over abundance of hate radiating from the steeples.

I hope you all have a great weekend,

As always, much love to you all!

-C