The 28 Lessons I Learned From My 28th Year
(In No Particular Order)
-We’re all a whole lot more connected than we think.
I don’t entirely know how I mean this. When I went through & wrote each of these this was the last one I did simply because I don’t know how entirely to put it into words, but let me try. I think from a spiritual standpoint this is true; we’re all brothers & sisters but I also mean from a ecological stand point. The decisions that are often made to cut cost or make a profit end up not only harming the earth or the integrity of a business or relationship but they often also do damage to other human beings whether the effects are immediate or take their sweet time showing up. We are all linked from an energy standpoint too I guess. We’re all made of stardust. We all contain matter from the beginning of the universe & we all contain matter & energy that has been transferred from something else to us. By the food we eat, the air we breathe, etc, we are all sharing the same finite matter.
-It’s okay to let go of hope for an apology you may never receive. (See Blog)
Not going to go that deep into this one simply because I wrote a whole blog post about it. What I will add is if you’re holding out hope for the apology you’re probably not going to receive then you’re keeping energy, both physical & mental, you’re not fully living in the present moment. You’re also carrying around a lot of heavy feelings that burden you for no reason.
-A lot of the world’s problems could be solved with a little less selfishness.
Climate change, poverty, slavery, they’re all linked in the fact that they require someone to give something up to solve them & often times that something doesn’t require a massive change in their life. Take COVID for example. Countries that implemented mask mandates & hard lockdowns didn’t suffer nearly as badly as the US did, has, & continues to do. Some countries are even completely out of the COVID muck & are living maskless, normal lives. But of course it “infringed on people’s civil rights” to mandate masks or to require people to stay home & thus we are still in the midst of it. Not to mention the aspect of mask wearing that literally could save someone else life but you know, screw other people as long as I can not have a little piece of cloth over my face.
-You’ll never have the answers to everything & there’s beauty in that.
We have many religions in this world that tote this same idea. Some better than others, but the general concept is still there. We as humans always want to know why everything around us happens & the more we discover the more questions we have. I think when you take things as they are & leave a little room for the divine it creates space for majesty. After all, only about .00000001% of matter is observable to the naked eye. What happens in the other 99.99999999%?
-Money is a resource, it carries no charge or intent.
I think so many of us are taught growing up that money is the root of all evil, that it’s only good for corrupting & only obtained & sought after by the greedy. I couldn’t disagree more. Do I think money is saintly? No. Money, a lot like water is a resource & an abundant one at that; it is meant to me spent, earned, traded, used, etc. When you lose the emotional value you’ve invested into it suddenly the stress of not having enough of it fades away. There are always ways to make money, always way to alleviate the burdens of desire for it & I think some of the most successful people in the world would agree with that. I’d point you to a friend of mine’s book, “Rich As F*ck” by Amanda Francis, she covers this a lot better than I ever could!
-Held anger, resentment, or disappointment fester & manifests physically.
There’s a true story in a book I’ve been reading (this is the prologue to the book, not the whole thing) about a woman who's husband takes his own life & leaves her to tend their two children & home, along with her career in neuroscience on her own. He didn’t leave a note, didn’t even try to make up an excuse or a lie about where he was going. He just walked out the door. The woman harbored feelings of resentment, anger, frustration, hopelessness, grief, etc. & within six months of her husbands death she was unable to walk. Her problems continued when she developed ulcers in her mouth, her hair started falling out, she stopped being able to produce saliva, & doctors could not figure out what was wrong with her. The woman began therapy, began meditating, began to take back her own life & dismissed the dark, heavy feelings she’d held onto for so long. In addition to all of this she was given a new hope for life, started focusing on the small things around her that brought her joy. Within a year she was walking again, another six months later the ulcers cleared up, another year later her body started producing saliva again. There are countless stories like this where people are forced to carry heavy burdens on their heart or mind & develop illnesses directly correlated to what they’re holding onto.
-You are enough just as you are in this moment.
This one is simple. To quote Amanda Francis “you are worthy because you are.” You are made in the image of God, all of us. If that’s the case then there’s something divine about each of us, a divine spark. You are worthy of love, worthy of your dreams, worthy of happiness not because of something you did but simply because you are. Believe that!
-Paint your nails, wear the dress, be authentically you. (See Blog)
Once again, see blog haha. Life is far too short to live worried about what other people think of you. Be whoever the hell you want to be, if it brings you happiness live in that happiness. You are not responsible for someone else’s, only your own, so live bolding & unapologetically authentic to the ghost that occupies your shell! Adorn your earthly home however you see fit!
-Working out your mind is just as, if not more important, than working out your body.
As we age the neuroplasticity of our brain begins to fade away. We begin to form nerve clusters that help us to navigate day to day life on autopilot. Skills that we had to learn become second nature to us; driving becomes easy, cutting up veggies gets done in seconds instead of minutes, we easily sew or knit or whatever it is in life you do that’s second nature to you. In the same way we form these clusters of neurons for skills we also form them or memory & thus these things occupy our mind & make it harder for us to form new clusters in our brain. But modern research has actually shown us that our neuroplasticity never in fact goes away, unless you have a degeneration of one form or another. In fact, our brain can be reworked & improved upon daily! This comes from reading & learning but it also comes with being present, not dwelling on the memories you have or not allowing the things in your life to become automatic. By being present, realigning your life & your mind, mostly through conscious meditation, we are able to continue the neuroplasticity of our adolescence into our adult life & further on still. Working out your mind keeps you young & spry, it keeps you open to new ideas & experiences, & it doesn’t limit you to routine.
-We don’t give ourselves nearly enough grace.
I’m pretty good at grace when it comes to other people, I feel. I often forgive a little too easily or have more patience than I feel most would especially in a service setting. So, why don’t I extend those same courtesies to myself? Why am I so much harder on myself than I am to other people? Is it because I feel in control of myself? Is it because my opinion is the only opinion of myself that truly matters? In a sense, probably “yes” to all of those. We expect others to extend grace to us & we ourselves extend grace outwards but seldom is it reflected back within ourselves.
-Life is meant to be spent living, not sat at a desk.
I don’t know if I’m the only one but the idea of a 9 to 5, a job spent in a cubicle or sat at a desk sounds like a death sentence. It sounds to me like a one way ticket to depression town for me & that’s something I try to avidly avoid. We as humans crave novelty, it’s what makes us feel alive & y’all, that ain’t it.
-If it takes 60 seconds or less do it immediately.
This is more of a productivity thing than anything, if a task you need to accomplish in your day will take 60 seconds or less, do it immediately! It’ll be done & won’t continues cluttering up your mental to-do list.
-You don’t need a special occasion to treat yourself or those around you.
Why do you need a special occasion to do the things you want to do, to have the things you want to have, to dote upon those you care about? Why does it have to be your birthday for you to get a cake or to indulge in a nice meal? Why does it have to be a holiday for you to celebrate life with your friends & family? I understand if you take about the sparsity of it that it may devalue the meaning or feeling but wouldn’t we all love for it to feel like it’s our birthday a little more often than just once a year?
-Stop calling them cheat meals, it promotes shame.
This relates a little into my rant about the 75 hard challenge but for the love of holy God above, stop calling them cheat meal. Stop shaming yourself for eating the things you want. I understand indulgences aren’t meant to be a daily occurrence but why punish yourself for eating what you crave? Instead of viewing them as a cheat, view them as a reward for all the hard work you’ve put in!
-Never feel bad or guilty for spending money on the things or the people you love.
See above, money is a resource. Just because someone doesn’t understand something you love doesn’t mean you should love it any less. I’m not saying constantly blow your bank roll but just as you are worthy simply because you are, you are worthy of having the things you want out of life simply because you are. Money comes & goes, experiences are sacred.
-Taking the time to clear your mind of the BS on a day to day basis does wonders for your creativity & your mental health.
Whether this takes the shape of meditation or journaling I highly recommend it. We let our brains get so fogged up with the things that really don’t matter or the feelings that we can’t do anything to change in that moment. Taking the time to simply clear the mental air, to note the things occupying your headspace, frees up so much cognitive room.
-If you wouldn't stand up for yourself why would you expect someone else to?
This one I’m still a bit iffy on. What I specifically mean by this has to relate to those times in which something happens & you think “huh, why didn’t then stand up for me?” When the real question should be “why didn’t I stand up for myself?” Now, naturally, this doesn’t apply to those instances in which you stand up for yourself & the situation continues to deteriorate & the people around you do nothing. I’m talking about owning who you are & being confident in that & knowing your worth & what is a respectful & appropriate way in which you should be treated.
-You never know who needs a bit of daily encouragement or kindness; have patience & be compassionate.
I try to practice this one daily, especially to randos I interact with in public. These can be as simple as complimenting a barista’s pin or genuinely asking someone you’re interacting with how their day was, taking a wholehearted momentary interested in the life of a stranger. This doesn’t just apply to strangers of course, I encourage you to randomly text your friends & tell them how beautiful they are or how much you appreciate them. You never know who is having a hard day, who is doubting themself, who is struggling. Be kind & spread love everywhere you go, even at the Target checkout.
-You will never know the degree to which someone has or has not suffered in their life or which engrained systems have suppressed them. Stop telling them they’re wrong for feeling the way they do.
The reason this popped into my head mostly has to do with the racial equality movements of the last year. So often I see people trying to excuse the experience of someone else simply because that isn’t their lived experience. “They should just work harder, they shouldn’t have worn that/they were asking for it, they have the same opportunities as me,” these are all things that diminish someone else’s lived experience & the pain that experience has caused them. Stop being a selfish asshole & think of someone else for a change! This applies politically as well…naturally.
-The eyes are truly the windows to the soul, masks proved that.
For those that actually spent the last year wearing face masks it’s become overly apparent just how much you can tell about a person simply by looking into their eyes. You can often see their joy, their exhaustion, their wonder, their pain simply by observing the little space above their nose & blow their brow. It’s truly extraordinary just how much we humans wear our heart, not on our sleeve, but behind our eyes.
-We live in a system that puts profits over people…but you knew that.
Nikola Tesla was nearing his 50th birthday when he had a breakthrough around energy. He was on the verge of discovering a limitless, clean source of energy. So what happened? Nik pitched this idea to his backers, capitalists, & all of them pulled their funding. Not because the idea wasn’t sound, but because it would infringe upon their profits. The same goes for the modern food/medical systems in the states. So many things are deregulated or legal for human consumption that would otherwise be outlawed. Why? Because we live in a for profit healthcare system. If you keep people sick & needing medical, business will always be booming.
-Conventional retirement sounds like a nightmare, quarantine proves that.
The idea of sitting around, doing nothing sounds horrible to me. The idea of my daily routine becoming so predictably mundane sounds like Hell. I’m not saying retiring is a bad thing, but the slow pace retirement we’re often presented with feels like murder.
-The more you give, the more you receive in all aspects of your life, but be sure to take care of yourself too.
Being a helpful person if very rewarding, especially when it comes with no ties or catches, but if you’re sacrificing your health & wellness to save someone else’s over & over again you’re going to crash & burn. Being a giving person is a beautiful thing but don’t give all of your energy & light away! Don’t forget you’re worthy of it too!
-If you are someone in a position of power; socially, financially, from a cooperate standpoint, etc, it is your responsibly to stand up & speak up for those farther down the ladder than you.
Hi, music industry, looking at you! I have so many friend, colleagues, whatever what all share so many of the same stories. One of the people we know ends up “making it” & all of the sudden they’re a ghost. Of course they fake niceties to you at the supermarket & ask to hear what you’re working on but how many of them actually help the next people in line? This isn’t just the music biz either, there are so many instances I’ve seen of people too selfish or self absorbed in the “me, me, me” of it all they leave other deserving people behind or they vote in favor of themselves instead of the less fortunate or they trample all over people on their way up the ladder. Don’t be like those people, I’ll do my best not to be.
-Your home is meant to be personal, fill it with the things you love & the things that feel like you.
Woof, we spent a lot of time in our homes over the span of 2020 & boy did my home begin to not feel like my own. I was never one to really invest in decor, to put stock in the little kitchity things that fulled the nooks & crannies of my dwelling but the longer I stuck tether to this abode, the more I feel passionately that it should reflect me as a person. The more I personalize my house with quirky things that bring me little sparks of joy the more at home I feel & in turn the more comfortable with myself I become. Having an outward expression of what lies beneath helps to solidify the feeling of self.
-Extend joy & love outwards, always, but for God’s sake extend it back to yourself as well.
Is there a greater emotion than joy? Is there a greater feeling than love? No. I’ll answer for you & the answer is no. People often reflect back when they’re presented so why not look for a little bit of love to be sent your way. I am someone who has a very difficult time with self love, I was raised in a world where pride was the greatest sin one could commit & where self betterment was contrary to God. I struggle desperately to show myself love & that also stems from me feeling like no one could possibly love the person that I am underneath. Fortunately I’m working on that & you should too but the best way to receive love & joy is to give it!
-We give far too much of our energy to the past (grievances, trauma, etc) & the future (worry, anxieties, anticipation) never living in the moment & being present.
I mentioned this a little above, but how can you expect to be present when you’re constantly worried about the future or constantly stuck reliving the past? We get into these patterns of life where we do the same old things over & over always anxious over the future when in reality we’ve already written it. How can you expect your future to change when there’s no differential in your present? Thats the same as the definition of insanity; doing the same thing over & over again & expecting a different result.
-Not enough people read or actively do things to expand their minds anymore.
The number of people I know that actively read has got to be around 10% at max. No joke. No one reads anymore & those that do often don’t read about anything new. The read something in the same genre or topic as they always do. They read strictly non-fiction or fiction. They limit their world view to whatever they’ve deemed legible & don’t try to expand outwards from there. In a similar vein to many people go to the same vacation spots, the same restaurants, do the same things, hang out with the same people, etc. We grow & adapt from changing situations. It also does wonders for your ability to empathize which we are severely lack in.