Travel Blog: Bonaire: Part One-Stress & Rescue

BONAIRE

PART ONE:

Prologue

My mother has been trying to get my father & I to go on a dive trip for a long while now. We both got out initially pool & school work done together when we got certified, & while I tried to get him to go with me to Hawaii to wrap his certification & Fiji just to dive, he couldn’t make it work. Back in December I started the process of beginning my stress & rescue course for SSI since it was the one thing standing between me & my master diver certification, & while my dad’s dive count resided in the single digits at the time, I asked if he wanted to join as, eventually, if he too wanted to qualify for the rank of master diver, he would need it. We breezed through the school & pool bits one weekend while I was back in Kansas for Christmas with the original plan being to wrap the rest of it in Hawaii during the month of march. Naturally, that didn't happen & as our six month deadline on the course approached we needed to find a place to go finish the open water portions of our certification before the time to do so expired. Enter Bonaire.

I had never been to Bonaire, hell, I had never been to any of the ABC islands belonging to the Caribbean Netherlands, but I had always heard divers talk about it. The group that I dive with frequently out of Kansas goes there annually, as does the local shop here in Nashville. Having only six days to work with of time available to travel we set out to make the decision on where we ended up to wrap the certification. Naturally, as you’re reading a post about Bonaire, we ended up there.

The choice came down to Maui or Bonaire, both ended up being similar amounts of travel & cost so I called Elaine, who was my dive buddy in Fiji, & she called around to get opinions on where all of her fellow diver friends would recommend that we go. They all came back with Bonaire, so Bonaire is where we decided to go!

Day One

The trip started out a complete & utter mess. I’m not going to pull punches or spare any details here, because you all know I keep it real with you. There are three flights a week to Bonaire through American Airlines; Monday, Wednesday, & Saturday, that’s it! I arrived at BNA an hour prior to my flight & immediately went to check in. I’ve grown accustomed to shorter arrival times since I now have TSA Pre-Check & Global Entry, but as soon as I got to the check-in machine it sounded an alarm at me. The lady helping the kiosks told me I needed to go stand in a line to the left where there were already about ten people waiting & only one person working. I immediately started to panic.

Thankfully the line grew & two more attendants came to help. I had just been dropped off by Evan whom I called first to tell to hang around the area in case I missed my flight. I also called my dad who had just boarded his Miami bound Kansas City flight after arriving to MCI forty-five minutes prior to departure with no issues, & he began asking whether or not he needed to get off of the plane. When I got up to the desk the attendant was no help. She exclaimed that since I was under an hour for an international flight (even though I was going to Miami first with a rather long layover) that I had to reschedule & couldn't check my bag. I asked her if I could split the flights up so that I could retrieve my bag in Miami & recheck it but she was completely unwilling to even try. So I simply asked “am I still able to make the flight with a carry-on?” To which she gave me an eye roll riddled “yes.”

With it now being about thirty-five minutes before my flight I called Evan back up & told him to meet me at the curb where he’d dropped me off so that I could give him my checked bag to take back home. I immediately went out to the curb & started emptying out my bags, throwing anything from my carry on that I didn’t deem crucial into my would have been checked back & throwing anything I could grab from my checked bag into my carry on. Evan swooped in & grabbed my bag & off I went through security not even really knowing what I had with me or didn’t have with me.

When I got onto the mostly empty flight to Miami I took inventory. All that I’d managed to grab was a jammer, two regular swim suits, two pairs of over shorts, two pairs of lined shorts, & three tank tops, for a six day trip, granted a lot of that time would be spent in or under the water, but I was still going to be scrapping by.

I got to Miami before my father but met him at his gate. Once I’d gathered him we went & got a little breakfast from a small kiosk; a cortadito & a guava & cheese empanada. After finding our Bonaire gate I left to go & find a few toiletries from the duty free shopping options. I managed to get deodorant, a toothbrush, & saline with a contact case. No where had reef safe sunscreen (which yes, you should be buying) or any of the other items I would have liked to have. Again, shout out to American Airlines…

Our flight to Bonaire was pretty full. We ended up sat next to a man who was headed to Curacao to build houses or some other mission work. Though I tried desperately to sleep, it alluded me, so the flight was filled with reading & music.

We arrived in Bonaire in the afternoon, the airport is a single strip of tarmac with a path leading to the main building on the grounds that serves as the terminal. You line up outside to complete the immigration process then head into the open building to the single baggage claim to collect your luggage, of which I had none thanks to American Airlines. My father collected his bag & we went across the lot to the rental car service we’d been linked up with by Tropical Divers. Once we had our pick-up we went around the bay to where we would be staying for the weekend.

Tropical Divers is an SSI affiliate dive resort just a few minutes from the airport. It sits along the road leading to Calabas Reef & features a number of suites & apartments along with two separate pools, the occasional bar, & a full service dive shop & school. Here we met Prisca, one of the shop owners whom I had been in contact for the weeks leading up to the trip. Prisca gave us a warm welcome before giving us the run down of the resort, how the shop at the resort worked, & when/where we’d be working on our rescue dive certification. She invited us to assemble our gear & showed us how their tank rental system worked, it was here that we ran into Lewis.

Lewis was a Welsh college professor who had been leading a group out of North Carolina over the previous week in a coral restoration effort at Calabas Reef. Though most of his students had already departed on the plane that we came in on, one remained along with himself just to do some fun diving around the island. He invited us to go along on a dive with the two of them.

It’s at this point that I’m going to thrown my father under the bus a little bit, you see, up until this point in time my dad had only ever been diving in lakes & swimming pools, never the ocean. He was also using rental gear that he’d never worn before so when it came time for us to pick weights to counteract our natural human buoyancy he was under the firm belief & impression that he would only need two pounds of extra weight. I use eight to ten. Twiggy, spindly me, uses eight to ten. I tried to tell him that two was not going to be nearly enough but it fell on deaf ears so he got to spend the whole dive fighting the surface.

The dive at Calabas was a nice easing back into the flow of things. Lewis & his student took us around to show us the many coral trees they’d planted of Staghorn Coral & we meandered our way around until it was time to return to shore. During this dive I tested out a SeaLife Underwater Smartphone Case but found that the app it required greatly diminished the quality of my phone’s camera.

Back at the resort we stowed our tanks, washed our gear, & hung it out to dry. Bonaire is currently fighting a stony coral disease that has been affecting the Caribbean at large. Bonaire was the last hold out that didn’t have the disease, but mid-last year it started cropping up around the port of Kralendijk. This has resulted in the dive sites around the national park being closed as well as the island of Klein Bonaire being closed for divers. Additionally Bonaire has adopted a traffic light system. On a map of the island you’ll find all of the dive sites, any sites in green can be hopped between freely, but once you go down the light you can’t go back up so if you dive a yellow reef which means there’s been sightings of the disease, you can’t dive a green again until you go completely sanitize & dry your gear. Red is the indicator for a reef with a lot of the disease present, which Calabas Reef is. The nice thing is that if you dive a red in the morning you can still dive any of the other reds throughout the day.

After we’d gotten dried off & changed we offered to take Lewis to dinner as a return of his hospitality to us. He recommended that we walk into town & see what our options were, so that’s exactly what we did!

The walk from the resort to downtown Kralendijk was only about fifteen minutes, but we hit it right about sunset which ended up being a beautiful capstone to a rather stressful day. For dinner we chose a place called La Cantina Ceveceria, which was giving very much Los Angeles vibes. The front half of the restaurant is a brewery with the back being an open concert dining space. Here my dad & I both got the Fish Chowder, which was incredible, the we each got an order of the Fish & Chips of the Day! Additionally I got a rather well balance hefeweizen.

After dinner we walked back to the resort, the rest of our night was short lived, however, on our way back we happened to pass by The Fat Dog, a brisket spot that the woman at the rental car site had recommended. We poked in to see if we could just pay for a sample of brisket but the owner said he was out for the evening & to come back tomorrow. We said goodnight to Lewis, showered off the day & were out around 9 or 10.

End Of Day One

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Day Two

We had a morning meet-up with Jack planned, I believe we were to meet him at 9 AM. Jack was to be our instructor in the course. We met him in the conference room of the dive shop where we went over the plan for our course, reviewed the material, & broke down what the two days of our open water training would look like. Our first day was meant to cover more of the stress aspect of the stress & rescue course, with the second focusing more on the rescue. After briefing we loaded up tanks & gear & drove around the corner to Calabas Reef.

Calabas basically serves as the house reef for Tropical Divers, it’s where they do the vast majority of their open water training. Our focus on stress & identifying stress in ourselves & our fellow divers so after our on shore briefing Jack started randomly implementing different “stressed out” diver situations into our dive. He would prompt my dad or me to enact a stressed diver situation & then he would also occasionally do one at random. If was the responsibility of the other person to recognize the stressed situation & react accordingly. These ranged from out of air to ears not equalizing to water in the mask to afraid of wildlife & anything in between & outside of these parameters.

I will note here that during our dive training I did not have my camera so you shall see no images of wildlife &/or humans pantomiming stress throughout the next two days of blog.

After our morning sessions we were given a thirty to forty-five minute lunch break. I had on my agenda to go & find sunscreen during this break but time didn’t allow it. For lunch we returned to The Fat Dog for Brisket Tacos which were awesome! They were a mix of flavors that bordered traditional barbecue & tex mex. Like I said, ran out of time for the sun screen, forgot we were on island time so the food took longer than expected. I’ll live to regret that later. Returning from lunch we met back up with Jack where we once again loaded up gear & tanks to head to Calabas.

At Calabas we sat by the entry & briefed on what the following dive would look like. Here is where I think the sun got me the worst. Our dive was meant to be similar in fashion to our morning dives only this time we would cap it with the beginning stages of rescue. We would get to an area in which Jack had hidden part of his dive set on the bottom & we would each lead a sweep to find & retrieve the lost items. At the point of retrieval the person who was not the leader would become the unconscious diver & we would break down the steps of retrieval. We started with the activities that occur under the water, up to bringing the diver to the surface, then next we’d do the surface to shore portion, & finally we ended with bringing the diver up onto the shore.
To be quite frank we left the day feeling a little under accomplished & a little uncertain, not from a training stand point, Jack was doing a great job, it just felt a little like the skills weren’t entirely sticking which I feel that Jack felt as well.

We stripped down our gear, cleaned it, & made off for dinner fairly beat from the day & hella sunburnt.

Dinner was a Jamaican place that Prisca recommended called Irie. Located off the side of a park & sandwiched between two other stall style restaurants, Irie offers an extensive menu of traditional Jamaican food. I got a plate of Ribs & Chicken with Rice, Plantains, & Salad, along with a fresh Ginger Beer & a shared plate of Jerk Chicken Wings. All of it was tender & outstanding & the barbecue sauce had a lovely touch of allspice to it.

Our evening was once again short lived as we were exhausted from our training. It mostly comprised of hanging gear to dry, showering, & reviewing for the next day, of which Jack had promised would be even more physically taxing.

End Of Day Two

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Day Three

Jack wasn’t lying, the second day of training was rough. I got up a little before our 10 AM call to go out in search of some long overdue sunscreen. I went down the street to Carib Inn, a PADI dive resort, their dive shop had an assortment of reef safe sunscreens. Our morning dive lasted from our call time right up to lunch. During that time we did the entirety of retrieval, hauling to shore, & onto shore swapping between who was the unconscious diver & who was the rescuer. It was a workout & a half. Once you’re up on the surface you have to swim the diver to shore all while holding onto their head in place to keep their airway open, giving rescue breaths, & removing gear all while under strict timing & order.

Lunch was a recommendation from Jack called Rumba Cafe. At Rumba I got a Mango/Peach Smoothie & an Uruguayan dish called Cheviot Al Guillermo which is essentially a bunless hamburger made with Hanger Steak, a Fried Egg, & Green Olives. After lunch we ran through a few more refreshers on the stress side of the course before briefing what the last portion of the course would look like.

The last bit was meant to simulate the entire thing; getting the call for a lost diver from the dive sight, grabbing the O2 kit, getting gear together as fast as possible, arriving at the scene to interrogate the person reporting the lost diver while suiting up, finding the lost diver, bringing them to the surface, bringing them to shore, pulling them onto shore, administering CPR & oxygen, & getting things squared away with emergency services when they arrive. My dad went first taking command of the situation, assigning roles, leading the search proceeders, & doing the diver retrieval.

After we went through what went right & wrong on my dad’s turn, Jack went back out to hide the “lost diver” & immediately started my turn as he was coming back up out of the water. We both passed, though my dad had to go back through & practice a few skills before getting fully signed off on.

My one regret in not being able to have my camera during the training dives was that we came upon a Spotted Eagle Ray feasting on something in the sand. In all of my fifty plus dives I have never had the privilege of seeing an Eagle Ray in the wild, much less on so close & with such little regard to us as divers. It was on our way out to finish my final certification dive & we literally stopped the mock rescue to take in the ray for a good minute before it swam off.

As a thank you to Jack we took him out to dinner. He suggested Rum Runners because you can sit cliffside & watch the Tarpon hunt in the lights that the resort broadcasts into the water below.

While we were waiting for our table I got a King Rincon, which is a drink on their menu that apparently won best rum drink back in 2018. It features Rincon Rum, Mango, White Chocolate, a Secret Syrup, & is topped with Merengues. It smacked, kinda giving a mango white cake vibe.

The restaurant sat us right on the edge where we could watch the fish. I got the Ceviche of the Day & a Pizza Rum Runner which caught my attention because it featured Passionfruit amongst the many other ingredients on the pie. After dinner we dropped Jack at a gig he was going to with some mates & went to get Gelato.

If you couldn't have guess by the details of the day we once again had a short lived night. We slid off to bed ready to greet the next two days of diving for fun, both of us newly certified Stress & Rescue divers & myself a newly minted Master Diver!

End Of Day Three

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End Of Part One

Blog: World Oceans Day 2023

Hiya!

Just incase you missed it, or the title of this post, Thursday of this week was World Oceans Day, a global celebration of that which covers 71% of our planet’s surface. For many the ocean is a bit of an illusive thing that we only come face to face with on vacations or when we’re driving along the coast, for others it’s a part of their daily lives. Whatever amount of time that you perceive the oceans play in your daily life, the impact that our oceans have on our daily lives is as immense & deep reaching as the bodies of water themselves. If you were unaware, the ocean produces between 50-80% of the total planetary oxygen, most of with comes from algae & phytoplankton. Additionally, the temperates & currents of the oceans have a massive impact on the weather we receive on land. The sad part is that we are killing our oceans, at a rapidly accelerating, & it will most definitely end with the extinction of us as a species along with the countless unique & beautiful species that dwell in the depths.

But the soapbox was not why I chose to write today’s blog about World Oceans Day, instead I really wanted to take the time to share a few stories from my experience in the big blue since 2022’s World Oceans Day. I know a few of these stories will be repeats of those already detailed in my travel blogs, but I know not all who find their way here have read those & those of you who have may have forgotten the stories there in, so please indulge me as I regale you with them now!

I suppose it is worth noting that I have always been a great lover of the ocean; it is a place that has both fascinated me, grounded me, & calmed me. The ocean is the place that I feel the most at home. I got my dive certification in May of 2021 & it has been my often pricy addiction ever since. These stories use this place of great love for me as their home place. Enjoy.

Fiji, July 2022, Sharks

The story I often get asked to tell the most happened in Fiji, where I went shark diving. I’ve never understood the infatuation with my shark story though I am also someone who has never found themselves afraid of them but this is the story my father requests I tell any time that I’m amongst friends, family, or newly forged acquaintances.

One of the main draws of diving the Beqa Lagoon in Fiji is the shark dive. For decades fishermen from Siwa would cross the lagoon going West to fish in the open waters that lie just beyond. On their way back across the lagoon they would clean the catch & return that which was undesirable to them to the sea. This chumming of the water naturally attracted sharks. At a certain point the Fijian government caught wind of the practice & decided to monetize this phenomenon while at the same time doing their bit for shark conservation. The Fijian government started to purchase the chum from the fishermen which they collected in bins & hauled back out to the site which they have now designated as a marine reserve. The authorities allow two boats of divers three or four times a week to come & watch them feed the sharks.

Within the pass where the sharks reside there was been built an arena. Literally called “The Arena,” it sits at one of the widest points of the passage where there has been constructed a three foot tall wall made of reef rubble. Divers line up around the edge of The Arena, behind the wall, & kneel in waiting. The way they feed the sharks is actually borderline hilarious. A member of the national park dangles a yellow rubbish bin about ten feet above the sharks & takes it over to a mooring spot where it is secured to the center of The Arena about fifteen feet above the bottom. When I was there they only had enough chum for one feeding on a two tank dive so the first dive they just marionette-d the bin around, taunting the sharks with the food they were still about an hour & a half away from getting.

Remember how I mentioned not being afraid of sharks? Well, that doesn’t mean that I don’t respect & understand that they are not beautiful, misunderstood creatures who are still capable of taking my arm off & then some. I knew that the longer I stayed on the boat at the dive site the more anxious I would become about getting into these shark inhabited depths, so I designated myself first one off the boat. Once I was in the lagoon & on the line I looked down & immediately caught a glimpse of a six foot bull shark circling the reef about thirty feet down. Once the whole group was in the water we descended where we were met by the same bull shark, only this time at a distance of around four or five feet away, swimming along beside us.

As I mentioned above, they didn’t empty out the chum bucket until our second dive at which time the sharks naturally frenzy. At one point one of the sharks decided the bin wasn’t dispensing fast enough & took it upon themself to enter the bin in an attempt to grab as much food as sharkly possible. The shark got a little stuck & after a lot of wriggling finally freed itself with several fish heads jutting out of its jaws. The shark then took off from the frenzy but was unable to make it out before another shark noticed its collection. The second shark chases the first right in the direction of my face. From where I was situated, pinned between the end of the wall of The Arena & the reef wall my options were limited on how to get out of their way. Fortunately one of the guides was positioned not too far from me & was able to nudge the sharks away with a large ring attached to a pole.

Before we left the dive site Elaine & I were ushered over to a small crack by the guide who had been sneaking food to a moray. The eel came out, wrapped around him, then returned to its hole where it stuck about half of its body out. We each offered it a scratch before it gently returned home.

Fiji, July 2022, Drifting

One afternoon we set out on a drift dive. The plan for the dive was to enter down current, drift along, & get picket up pretty far down the reef wall. About fifteen minutes into our dive the ocean had other plans & we ran smack into a wall of current.

Normally a little current is fine, but this was the level of current where you find yourself kicking with everything you’ve got to go little to no where. So our guide gave us the signal to double back & hope that the captain of the boat would catch on to our dilemma.

When we surfaced we all pulled out our SMBs (an inflatable, six foot tall beacon that sticks out of the water) & began to make as much noise as possible. We did this for about thirty minute, all the way slowly drifting farther & farther from the reef. Luckily the captain took notice to the lack of divers where he ended up & circled back to find us.

In the midst of all of this happening Jodie, the dive guide, began to tell us a story about this elderly couple she was guiding a few years back who she was stuck out at sea with for about forty-five minutes to an hour before the captain found them. She said that she was in full panic mode while the couple was having the time of their lives, taking picture, laughing, etc.

The crazy part about this whole endeavor was that none of us felt panicked by it. We were all chatting, making jokes, planning our very long swim back to shore. None of us, at least outwardly, seemed worried & the sentiment continued even when we were headed back & on shore!

Had we have stayed where the current hit us we most likely would have been swept out to sea even farther than we ended up. Now I dive with a mile radius whistle & a satellite phone enabled watch.

Indonesia, October 2022, Butterflyfish

At a site called Angel’s Window in the Lembeh Strait there exists a 100 foot rock tower that sits smack dab between the mouth of the strait & the open ocean. This rock has many caves & swim throughs as well as a flourishing reef. During the second half of our dive we rounded the edge of the rock & were met by a large school of butterflyfish who immediately came & schooled around us.

I suppose it’s worth noting to those of you who don’t dive that damselfish are a rather aggressive lot of fish, they come careening off of the reef & attack you, which feels like little more than just a stern poke wherever they hit. These damsels often attack the largest member of a group first, which in this case, & every other case, is usually me. Back to the butterflyfish.

So we’re surrounded by this school of butterflyfish. I was immediately both utterly confused & over the moon with excitement. As we got closer to the reef I was once again the victim of a feral damselfish attack only this time I had a posse. My posse dipped immediately. As soon as the damselfish came off the reef the butterflies went in. You see the butterflyfish, my new found homies, were just using us as a diversion to get the damselfish off to the reef so that they could swoop in & eat the eggs the damselfish was protecting. I was fascinated by what was happening & watched it as long as I could.

Puri, our guide, indicated that it was time to move on & seeing the ‘but, but’ in my eyes over leaving the spectacle that was happening he wrote “they will follow us” on his board & showed it to me. Trusting in Puri I left the butterflies only to turn around & find the exact occurrence Puri had predicted happening! The entire school of butterflyfish were following us, when a damsel would spring off the wall, they would slide in to eat the eggs. This continued for the duration of the dive until we got to a point where the current became too strong for them.

Blog: I, Charlie Rogers, Am...

If you’re a frequent reader of this blog you’ll know that every year I make a Pride post within the first week or so of June. Usually that post consists of the current reasons that Pride is relevant & necessary, not only as a celebration, but also as a way to draw attention to the issues still affecting the LGBTQIA+ community. This year I wanted to do something a little different. You see for years & years I feel I’ve skirted around the reasons that my passions run so deep for this particular community, though in hindsight it seems something only the most thinly veiled. I am so invested in the ongoings of the world where LGBTQIA+ rights are concerned because it is a community that I am not only happily entrenched in, but its also a community that I am a part of.

I, Charlie Rogers, am a member of the LGBTQIA+ community.

I, Charlie Rogers, am a bisexual man.

This is not a new development, it’s something that a lot of people have known for a very long time. It’s also not something that I’ve been overly coy about in recent years, especially around June. A lot of my friends & family have known & celebrated the person that I am for almost over half a decade now but for some reason I felt it was finally time to just be blatant & call out the rainbow elephant in the room.

I never wanted my sexual identity to be a big deal, I never wanted it to be the thing that defined me. I don’t want to be the bi-artist or the bi-influencer or traveller, because I think that I am so much more than that. Is it a part of who I am? No doubt, but is it the only part of who I am? Absolutely not.

I was so afraid of being pigeon holed for so long that I simple kept who I am & who I love locked away. I was told being open & honest would ruin my career. That I’d never make it in Nashville being open & honest about the person I am because history says that’s true, but history also gets changed all the time. Just because something is, doesn’t mean it should & though I know that’s an uphill, losing fight, it’s one that I would be disappointed in myself for at least not trying because at the end of the day, at least I can say I was authentic.

So yes, I’m bisexual. I’ve been so as long as I can remember & in a world that likes to present itself as black & white that can be hard. For the longest time I thought I had to choose, I thought that I could only be straight or gay. Even as a kid I remember only ever voicing my attractions to the females in the media, because I grew up in a time & a place where to do the opposite was taboo, ungodly, sinful, perverse. I thought I had to choose & silence a part of myself that was aching to be heard so naturally I took the easiest path & was exclusively '“straight,” but as the saying goes “we make plans & God laughs.”

I had always had flirtationships with members of the same sex, but never outright relationships. That changed when I met Evan. There was something about him that made me want to be honest, there was something about him that was calming to me, & the more time I spent in his presence & around his being, the more I found love to be the most easy, natural thing. I found myself not caring about the pretense, not caring about what others thought, not caring about the difficult path I knew I was facing by owning up to the way I felt & instead I leaned into that which ultimately terrified me.

I came out to my sister first & she met me with nothing but grace, love, & acceptance. I am so unfathomably grateful for her & the heart of overflowing kindness & beauty that beats beneath her chest. A few months later I wrote letters to my parents, to be frank & transparent, it didn’t go so great but they’re my parents & I’ve had the fortune of seeing their heartfelt transformations, something not everyone in my shoes gets the privilege of. It took a lot of time & uncomfortable conversations but I’m proud of the progress they’re making.

If I’m being honest this blog terrified me to write. As of this paragraph I’m on my third rendition of it because I kept diverting course to what was comfortable & writing the blog I typically write in June, about the current state of Pride, even though I said I wasn’t going to do that right off the bat. I’m actually typing above basically a fully finished blog about the 2023 GLAAD Accelerating Acceptance Report as the link to the report sits staring me down from my tabs. That wasn’t my purpose today, that wasn’t why I sat down to write. I didn’t come to play it say or continue the status quo because I’m tired of that. I’m tired of hiding parts of who I am out of fear or because I think it somehow protects me. I think all that it does is diminish me. It does a disservice to you as a reader of these postings, as a listener to my music, as an observer of my life, & for that I am sorry.

I know we all must do things in our own time but this is something that has been screaming from me at the inside for far too long & I finally decided that it was time to put on my big boy pants & be an artist, not just a pretender.

I say to you all, once again, with my whole chest; I, Charlie Rogers, am a bisexual man!

I want to wish you all the happiest & safest of Pride Months wherever you are on your journey. If you have any questions for me please feel free to leave them below or reach out directly! Remember, your timing is your own just as your feelings & your life are. I’m proud of you & as always, much love to you all!

-C

Blog: Target Misses The Mark

Well it’s almost June & you know what that means, it’s time for the grungy shine of rainbow capitalism to once again rear its head & pretend to give two licks about members of the LGBTQIA+ community. As per the annual occurrence, Target has launched their often wildly hit or miss pride collection to its usual mixed reviews, only this time there’s an awful lot more ‘booing’ than usual coming from the ignorant side of the shopping aisle.

If you’ve been to a Target ever in your life you’ll know that they always feature the monthly collections at the entrance to the store, whether it’s black history month, asian pacific islanders heritage month, woman’s history month, etc, there is always a display that caters to those wishing to express their pride in their often marginalized, persecuted, & subjugated communities. (Read that again please CIS/Het white folks, marginalized, persecuted, & subjugated communities, you needs not apply.) Pride month is no different & with the massive wave of anti-LGBTQ legislature & sentiment on the rise, this year, more than others, that seems to be causing quite the controversy.

Those who view themselves on the hearsay moral authority of the right have decided that this blatant display of pride in what makes someone’s life more difficult statistically in past & modern American life is an attempt at, one of their new favorite terms, grooming. That the displays in the front of the store are promoting (dare I say) acceptance & tolerance & teaching kids (god forbid) that it’s okay to not be on the ‘straight’ & narrow & that their thoughts & feelings might just be normal. They took major issue with Target’s offering of clothing items for kids & infants that might simply exist just as a way for children to show support for their LGBTQ+ parents, relatives, etc. Naturally, if you are new here, you can see where I fall on this side of the argument. These people have called for a boycott of Target store & unfortunately, it seems to have worked.

Target stores, over the course of the week long boycott, experienced around a nine billion dollar loss in market value. Not a number to bat an eye at. Surprisingly, however, the momentary monetary loss was not the issue. The issue was that these hateful, loathsome humans took it upon themselves to start rattling off death threats to target employees, who are simply there trying to earn a minimum wage. These threats were so forceful & so numerous that not only has Target unfortunately complied, moving the collection to the back of a lot of stores, but these acts are literally beginning to be labeled as forms of domestic terrorism because at the end of the day what is terrorism if not an attempt to scare someone into doing what you want?

This sets a precedent, it signals to those who disagree with anything even remotely outside of their limited world view that they can throw a fit, threaten people, & their voice & demands will be heard. What Target has caved to here will allow this type of action to be taken against other businesses, corporations, etc without the fear of any repercussions. Target has not only racked up a major loss for the visibility of those in marginalized groups but also for anyone else who has the balls to stand up against these closed minded individuals & declare “no, this is what’s right” in the face of hate.

I hope you all have a lovely week or weekend, whenever you may be reading this!

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: Stumbling Through Life

This past week when I arrived back home from Arizona I received an email from a site called Feedspot. In the email they congratulated me on being placed as one of their 70 Best Nashville Music Blogs & Websites in 2023 to which they assigned me the 35th place. Now, I never applied for this site, nor had I honestly heard of it until I received the email, additionally I know absolutely zilch about the site or company itself but at the end of the day I’m honored that I was even considered to be on the list at all. After all, this blog is often just a journal of my ramblings & misadventures, a collection of my thoughts & feelings. The crazy thing is that, for whatever reason, it connects with people & that is what I am most grateful for.

So be honest, I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing each Friday or Saturday when I post a new entry in this crazy chronicle. What started out as a way to share my travel expertise & taste has shifted into a bit of an enigma that I’m still not entirely sure I have a grasp on. I’ve mentioned it before in previous blogs just how random & unexpected this is at times but in all honesty it often feels like I’m just stumbling through life, randomly landing on the occasional accomplishment.

I think this is true of most things I do; I put out music & it often sticks in the most random of places but seldom the ones that I intend. Same goes for this space. The blogs I write out of pain, frustration, or exhaustion are often the ones that are still read to this day. So too are the ones that I write from random spur of the moment travels, not the ones I spend weeks crafting trying to give my best possible recommendations for the many places in the world that I have frequented. To say I feel a tad unmoored or aimless in my day to day would be an understatement.

Maybe that’s all a part of the human experience, maybe I’m preaching to the choir here, but it feels like most days I wake up with a big, fat question mark floating above my head. I spend most of my mornings trying desperately to figure out the course of my day. Do I still have lists of tasks & work that I do each day? Of course, but it feels a little like I’m going through the motions a bit with no real end in sight. I don’t mean to say I’m depressed, quite the opposite, of the most part I find myself content, which is something that I believe we should all strive for, but I wish I had a better sense of direction or overt purpose than what I feel on my average day.

Again, maybe I’m preaching to the choir here, or maybe this is entirely taboo to you as a reader but there are so many days that I wish someone would just grab me by the shoulders, look me dead in the eyes, & say ‘this is what you’re meant to be doing & this is how you get there.’ I wish there was an overt light or guide holding my hand through the blackness & pulling me towards my destination instead of feeling like a mast-less ship adrift in the middle of the Pacific surviving of a steady supply of rainwater, fresh fish, & a library of assorted books, musical instruments, & games. Did that analogy land or did it sink?…I’ll leave.

At the end of the day I am grateful. I am grateful that I get to spend my life creating in different fashions. I am grateful that I get to see & experience the world & all of the incredible beauties it holds. I am grateful that I have the space & lack of pressure to do something that is soul sucking & I am grateful to each of you out there who read or listen to the inner machinations of my mind & find them interesting enough to keep coming back. I am just longing for clear direction as so many of us do but in the mean time I intend to stay in my contentment & learn as I try to grow towards whatever end awaits me.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: Rediscovering The Joy In Your Passions

This past week I had the utter privilege of spending some time with a few fellow artists & friends in Arizona at a songwriter’s retreat put on by the Songbird Society out of Adelaide, Australia. This camp was centered entirely around two concepts; tension & release.

The first point of interest, tension, was meant to help us as songwriters find the points of tension within our creativity that keep us from creating to our fullest. We each were given a series of prompts at the beginning of the day, after a morning yoga session, & asked to think about them throughout the day & bring them with us into the sessions we were given. The rules were simple regarding the songs themselves. Whoever’s idea the song started as had right of first use. The sessions were also meant to be open, honest, & vulnerable & established a safe space for expression & transparency. The songs that each of the two groups of writers produced were organic & an amazingly natural flowing process of creation. When snags were reached, they were easily talked & worked through without allowing the session to get bogged down & turned into a grueling task. The art that was created in these sessions was free, personal, & inspiring.

Following our sessions on the first day we sat down to engage in symposium. Each of us took turns discussing the areas of our lives that we felt carried tension, be it personal or creative. From there we were prompted to see ways forward through our lives & creative process that would allow the alleviation of said points of tension.

The second day focused on release. We started the day with a five AM double black diamond hike up the side of a mountain & then spent the remainder of the morning in ease while contemplating the prompts we were given post hike regarding the release of our points of tension. Sessions took place in the early afternoon after we’d regained our energy & footing & were once again an inspiring free fall into the depths of what it is to be a songwriter & to create amazing, personal yet still widely appealing, art. Both sets of sessions ran into often outright painful points of tension for the focal songwriter but both groups worked through them in a loving & understanding manner. The evening concluded with us showcasing our songs & once again engaging in symposium.

On the third day we shifted course a little. We ended up setting two rooms in which the producers/engineers on the track were given a prompt that would put them out of their comfort zone, allowing them to experiment through trial & error in an affirming & encouraging space. The writers for each of these rooms were not set but instead kind of ended up happening by happenstance & once more, beautiful, innovative art was created!

My point in bringing up my week & telling the base story around it is not to showcase or showoff how great & amazing a creative experience I was privy to, but instead to encourage. You see we all left this week (there were more days that just the three where we did other engaging & creative pursuits) with a new found sense of purpose, with a newly established spark of creativity. Songbird took a group of individuals, a lot of whom knew each other very well, & fostered an experience that expanded & fine tuned not only our interpersonal relationships but also our creative spirits. We all left the camp with hope & optimism & a joy for the art of songwriting that I personally had lost.

We’re all led to do the things we do out of passion. We’ve all heard the saying “do what you love & you’ll never work a day” but so many of us end up resenting the thing we started doing out of love & enjoyment because it becomes work & loses all sense of fun. I know I can speak to this personally by saying that a lot of the writing rooms I’ve left in the past few years have left me almost with an icky feeling stirring around my gut, because that love of what was being done & what was being created was absent. Now, that’s not to say all writes were like this but there was truly something different about the writing that was being done & the spirit in which it was being created that made me feel reborn.

So often we go into our work with the purest intentions & somewhere along the way lose sight of the reason behind why we started it in the first place. I mean, to be honest, I was really starting to question whether or not this was something I even wanted anymore because of how grueling it had become. I knew, deep inside that the answers was ‘of course’ but I could for the life of me find that ember that was still holding on to the hope of what I love doing.

How does this apply to you? Well I ask you, when was the last time you felt inspired & in love with the work that you do? When did you lose that & why? These are not things that are irreversible, you got into the rut somehow & there’s always a way out whether that lies in the past or in moving forward towards the future. In all honesty, I spoke to my father about the week & he said something rather jarring to me. I said that for once writing doesn’t feel like work, it feels free & creative & fun. To which he replied that work should feel like work, that’s what it is. Which then led me to this blog because I know so many people who are miserable doing the things they set out to do with the purest intention because they’ve lost the spark that brought them to where they are now.

Your work shouldn’t be draining, especially if it’s something you love doing. It should be life giving & inspiring & if you find that isn’t the case I would challenge you to take the time to figure out why. To find your points of tension & release them so that you can spend the time living in a place that brings you happiness & satisfaction, not just potential profit & gain.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: Writing The Hit

I can’t tell you the amount of times that I’ve walked into a session & had another artist or a writer say “are we going to write a hit today?” to which the proper response is always “of course” or “I sure hope so,” because let’s face it, nobody wants the negative energy of a “statistically, probably not.” Lately I’ve been convening with a lot of different writers, most of the time over drinks or a meal, & this topic of “I just need to write a hit” has come up time & time again. If you’re someone reading this who isn’t in the music world, I don’t want you to tune out, because in actuality, the broadness of the topic at hand may surprise you!

When the notion of ‘writing the hit’ is presented to me it automatically stirs up feelings of commercialism, of pandering, of conformity, & that’s not to say that there aren’t things you should strive for in your art or expression, to an extent. I think that if any of these feelings detract from your art or minimize your personal experience they are a hindrance, not a leg up, & should be avoided at all costs. If, on the other hand, these sentiments match who you are & what you bring to the table, fire away, the goal here should be, after all, authenticity.

There naturally has to be some for of commercial viability for something to be successful, but I often think that the idea of what is successful based on what has been successful pigeon holes us into a narrowed scope of thinking. Instead of allowing the imagination & the self expression to run wild, we end up worrying more about whether or not what we’ve created or plan to create will fit into the already etched out niche of what has been successful in the past. I would argue that playing into the hand of the road well trodden may lead to limited success but it also stumbles readily into the realm of the forgotten.

People who are trail blazers, in any industry, are seldom, if ever, those who followed the status quo. They are those who followed their gut & pushed the boundaries of what was deemed commercially viable. Let’s use an example from a few years ago. When Billie Eilish exploded onto the scene & immediately became popular, every label & their mother scrambled to find the next her, instead of continuing the search for something just as unique. They all sought to capitalize on that which was already raking in the capital. This happens not only in the music industry but in literally every other industry I can think of where something is successful & everyone else hops on board to try to ride the wave that sensation has created.

A lot of those who I was talking about this concept of ‘writing the hit’ with this week are also artists & are looking for that one song that will break them, something I’ve heard for years & years & years in this industry but I find in doing so, in chasing the monetary or status based success, we diminish what makes us unique & interesting as artists & individuals in favor of a brief minute on the well worn path instead of carving our own niche & finding those out there in the world who relate to us as we are, not how we think they should.

People are pretty good at sniffing out a phony, call it the uncanny valley of expression, & their ride in the limelight is often short lived because usually the person who blazed the trail they dipped into is already making the trek better than anyone else could. Why? Because it’s authentically who they are. If you are an artist, an inventor, a painter, a poet, a writer, a speaker, a ceo, a whatever, you have a unique outlook on the world & life that literally no one else shares because no one else looks through your eyes & has the lived experience that you do. No one else has the same genetic make up, the same voice (literal & figurative), the same neurological mapping, the same beats of their heart, the same chemical values, the same stacks of cells that you do, so stop trying to fit into the mold of someone who will never be you & someone you will never be. It’s a lot more interesting to create something novel & authentic than it is to be just another wanna be copy cat.

I hope you all have a great week or weekend whenever this blog happens to find you!

As always, much love to you all!

-C

Blog: Cold Fury

Here lies another blog that I really didn’t want to write but that emotionally I feel myself drawn to. My initial plan was to start this blog last night in the heat of the moment, but I decided to wait until today when I felt I might be a little more level headed. If you haven’t guessed by now this blog is about the rising tide of blatant fascism coming off the heels of the Tennessee GOP supermajority driven House’s ruling to expel two Democrat representatives from the chamber after three members of the house joined protestors in demanding an end to the gun violence that plagues US schools. A decision that left me, many other Tennesseans, Americans, & people around the world in a cold fury.

To put this into personal perspective, the rulings from the TN House started rolling out yesterday around the time that I entered the gym. The more happened, the more news that came out, the more I found myself infuriated. I found myself with my AirPods in, noise canceling activated, listening to absolutely nothing, & this was my modus operandi for the entire hour long duration of my work out. A friend of mine texted asking if I wanted to go out to trivia to which I declined, telling him in all honesty that I was not someone he wanted to be around yesterday evening.

To say I saw pissed is putting it lightly. I was texting friends of mine in blue states & other countries asking if they knew of any job openings. I was googling possible legal action that can be taken against those involved that would allow the reinstating of the representatives. I was even going so far as to try & think of possible ways in which Tennessee could redo its terribly gerrymandered election to overthrow this BS supermajority. Naturally I went through the five stages of grief.

I want to be forthright about something. This blog is not about outlining the events of history that unfolding last night & in the days leading up to it, there are plenty of those out there if you want an accurate account of what transpired. What I’m here to do today is to show you a glimpse of how people like me feel. How it feels to live in a bright blue city in a deep red state because it’s exhausting.

So many of us here in the south are fighting tooth & nail to have our voices heard, to feel like our opinions & lives matter, but it is becoming more & more apparent with every passing day & every passing bill that our GOP overlords would rather scapegoat & sit idly while they collect their lobbying checks. Over 10,000 students gathered at the Tennessee Capitol building last weekend & their answer to the outrage of these people was to expel the two black men who represent the vast majority of their districts for standing with them. Essentially last night’s decision has left two of the largest populous centers in the state, mostly inhabited by people of color, temporarily without a voice in the house that is meant to represent them all because the Tennessee GOP didn’t like two black men & a woman protesting their inaction.

Now, Nashville Metro has already set a date Monday to convene & vote on a new temporary representative but this still sets a precedent. It puts out the call for all of the other supermajority held houses in neighboring states that they can simply oust those who disagree with them simply for voicing those disagreements & siding with the people that they were elected to represent. People who, by the way, make up the majority of the population of the state.

This isn’t the only direct attack from intrenched Republicans around the country. In Kentucky last week thousands of protestors showed up to protest Kentucky’s ban on Gender Reaffirming care in an attempt to block the vetoed bill from being forcibly pushed through my the state congress. The masses voices went unrecognized. In Florida GOP Governor Ron DeSantos has begun arresting leaders of Democrat organizations & whistleblowers simply for going against him in protest. The state of these United States are frightening to say the least, especially for those who fall in the scapegoated target demographics such as Trans individuals, other members of the LGBTQ community, women, & any other non-white, non-christian minorities. The number of antisemitic, transphobic, homophobic, anti-muslim attacks are on the rise & the voices of the masses are being drowned out in favor of divisive, oppressive, flagrant policies.

I wrote a blog a few weeks ago about how it’s becoming very difficult to stay a Tennessean, it’s becoming very difficult to not pack everything up & move, not just out of this state, but out of this country. The checks & balances that are meant to be in place to keep the citizens of this country safe & prosperous are failing left, right, & center, & I fear that, without the rising up of the generations to my younger, that this will continue to worsen & worsen. I’ve written many pleas in the past to conservative voters begging them to understand the kind of people they put in office & the kind of long lasting damage it is doing to this country & the people who live here. I understand that the money goes to both sides of the aisle, but there is one group actively seeking to destroy the lives of our most vulnerable & those who, at least for appearances sake, are fighting them each step of the way.

If this nation is to succeed then we must remove money from our politics & we must create an America that holds space for all people, not just those in power or those who are white & christian. I ask you all the following questions that were rattling around my brain all night simply because I do not know & I am trying to find a way forward out of this cold, numb fury that I have been encapsulated in.

What do you do when a government want to be for the people is only for themselves?

What do you do when the system stops working (or works exactly how it was designed to), where politicians would rather scapegoat than actually make meaningful, positive change?

What do you do when the system takes far too long to accomplish anything?

What do you do when the voices of the ignorant, the hateful, the uneducated, outweigh the voices of the knowledgable, the empathetic, & the intellectual?

I ask all of these things to you all simply because I lack the answer & want so badly not to lose faith that this too shall pass & that good will win on the other side.

I hope whenever this blog finds you that you are well & you are blessed & that you week/weekend/whatever has & will be an exceptional one.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: Time Is Once Again Ticking For Tik Tok

If you’re not a frequent user of the clock app, also known as Tik Tok, you may have missed the news that the federal government is once again attempting to ban Tik Tok in The US. If you were already aware of this news then you’ve probably also heard that the reason behind the potential ban apparently relates to “national security” but that reasoning is demonstrably false & we’re going to go over why.

I’m not sure at what point I became a political pundit blog but it seems to be the field of writing I’ve found myself most frequently in of late. Maybe it’s because I, myself am often invested in the world of politics & am a very active advocate against a lot of the BS laws that have been coming out over the last few months. I feel like I’m in the middle of the Trump years again, sharing all the horrible things that I don’t feel are receiving enough attention from the general public, but that’s not why we’re here today. We’re here to talk about the threat that has once again presented against Tik Tok.

As I mentioned above, Tik Tok is on the line in a new bipartisan bill that would force the Chinese based company to sell the United States portion of the app to a US company or face shut down. Sound familiar? Well, it should, because the same thing happened back in 2019. As also aforementioned, the federal government’s reasoning falls under the mustachioed guise of “data mining.” The humorous part about that being that Tik Tok doesn’t collect any more or different data than groups like Meta or Twitter have done for years. We’ll get back to Meta in a minute. The real problem that the feds have with Tik Tok falls into two categories, neither of which should be reasons for the outright ban of the app.

The first of these problems arises from Meta, Mark Zuckerberg’s monstrous baby, rigging public opinion one Russian funded post at a time. Zuckerberg is upset that Tik Tok is out performing his two platforms; Instagram & Facebook, the latter of which has seen a fairly consistent decline in users, especially amongst those who embrace Tik Tok, Get Z & Millennials. In an attempt to compete Meta added “Reels” to their platforms which are essentially just Tik Tok rip offs, most times, quite literally. Zuckerberg, in the spirit of free market capitalism, hired GOP targeted PR firm, Targeted Victory, to run a smear campaign against the clock app amongst primarily conservative voters, a base to which has struggled to find a foothold on unfiltered, unregulated Tik Tok. Zuckerberg’s tactics clearly worked as here we are again, looking down the barrel of the same legal gun that we did when Trump found he couldn’t regulate the content of the Tok.

The second part of this is what brings in the bipartisan support for the ban. You see Tik Tok has around one hundred million users. These users, on average, spend about 90 minutes a day using the app. The networks don’t like this. In their minds 90 minutes spent on Tik Tok is 90 minutes you spent not watching CNN, HBO, Fox News, MSNBC, you name a network, I’ll give you a corresponding corporate donor. Additionally these networks are no longer in control of the message being delivered directly to the people, they no longer get to filter or modify their stories to fit the narrative that they want to push. Two recent prime examples of this are the TN’s anti-LGBTQ policies, whose law makers were exposed using Tik Tok for their hypocritical ways (Gov Bill Lee dressed in drag & LT Gov Randy McNally commenting on suggestive photos of twinks) & the train derailment that happened in East Palestine, OH which was barely, if at all covered, by new sites & networks. Tik Tok has repeatedly drawn attention to problems being swept under the rug or misdealing of politicians & the people in charge have grown tired of the wool being removed from the general publics’ eyes.

I know some of you just read those two paragraphs & are immediately discounting what I’ve just told you as conspiracy but I’m reporting exactly what has been said & what is being done. Don’t believe me? Here’s an article about the meta things & here’s a clip of the quiet parts being said out loud at a press briefing regarding the bill (skip to 5:55).

This should be frightening. It should be frightening to all of us because the logic isn’t logicing. The reasons we’re being given for the ban don’t add up. The truth of the matter is that the powers that be don’t like that we can speak to each other unfiltered, they don’t like that we can see each other’s lives, have dialogues, share news that isn’t being covered openly without passing it through the muzzle of the already foreign owned media. I don’t see people, especially younger people, standing by & taking this. I know to a lot of you Tik Tok is just an app but in reality Tik Tok has become the new ultimate exchange of ideas & information. It is digging up parts of the narrative that others would rather have silenced & they don’t like that & the fact that they’re moving so quickly to silence this platform should be alarming to all of you.

As always I hope you all have a great weekend, much love to you all!

-C

Blog: Censoring Myself As An Artist

I think I’ve reached a point as a songwriter where I’m actively censoring myself. It’s not something I intended to do or wanted to happen but alas, that is where I find myself. I don’t think that I was always this way nor do I think a lot of the songs of my past are vague on the details of my personal life but I’ve had events happen in my life where people I’m close to have hurt me deeply & I find myself incapable of putting pen to paper or note to track out of a fear of hurting their feelings.

This is a problem I developed a couple of years ago that I am waking up to. You see, there are times where those in your life who support & cheer you on do the most undeniable damage they can to you & all you feel like you can do is march on & hope that time heals the wound & it doesn’t happen again. A lot of times these people don’t even know that the'y’ve caused you pain or that the things they’ve said or left unsaid made it to your eyes or ears & dug a sharp gash in your heart. I had one of these & while I wrote several songs around the events in question I began to self limit because I felt they were songs I could never share or release because they would upset the people they are about. Here in lies the paradox for me.

The thing that sucks is that I know these are songs that need to see the light of day because the struggles that I went through are not unique to my person & in releasing them to a broader audience they stand a chance of helping someone else out there who is struggling. I also understand that I am doing myself a disservice by locking these songs behind the screen of my iPhone or the hard drive of my computer & that the greatest art often comes from the greatest pain. In all honesty I’m looking at myself going “wtf am I doing,” as I write all of this into a blog even though I’m not specifying anything.

But here’s the problem. Art is expression. It’s meant to evoke an emotion from the listener, viewer, taster, etc. & by cutting myself off from the art that hurts, the art within me that is real, I am censoring myself as an artist & producing blunted content that helps no one & limits my growth both as a human being & as an artist. In shying away into what is safe like a chastised dog I have placed a wall between myself & the true art that lies in wait within me & I’m not sure I know how to tear it down.

The easy answer to that, naturally, is share & release the songs, but they are songs that require difficult conversations & may cause further damage to a wound that has found some form of healing, even if It’s not how I would like. But what must be done to the bone that has been set improperly & healed crooked? It must be unmade to heal properly. It is a redemption that my heart yearns for but that I fear is nothing more than a fantasy, so I sit stuck in indecision & with a great filter hindering my art.

This is true for those of you reading this who may not be artists as well. I think that we often times allow our ache to be swept under the rug so that we can continue to have certain relationships where we feel the connection outweighs our suffering. It’s a hard road to tread & a hard decision to make, especially if the wound is old. But I feel that we limit ourselves entirely by doing so, not just in the artistic sense but in our development as human beings. It’s often said that you can tell when someone experienced unresolved trauma because they often stagnate in their personal growth. People harmed at 25 remain the same mentally emotionally as they move into their 30s because they would rather cover the wound than face it.

I know I am not alone in this &, if this resonates with you, I hope you know that you are not alone. Your reservations are just as valid as your pain but can you imagine just how joyous it will feel the day that pain is set free, the day the conflict that has been eating you up inside is resolved? Maybe it is worth it, maybe it’s not, but in the end, that’s up to you to decide, just as it is for me. I want so badly to lean into the freedom but I’d be lying if I said fear wasn’t holding me back. As my friend Stephen Lovegrove says, “the path that scares you the most is usually the correct one.” Maybe it’s time to take the scary path & step out of the pain that has become comfortable. Maybe it’s time to step on a few toes.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: How Long Before You Say “Tennessee Ya" To Tennessee?

Cheeky title aside this post does require a bit of a trigger warning. It’s also probably worth noting that all points & facts here within are valid & true especially regarding laws & events, that’s not to say they won’t include my own feelings about them.

Thanks.

Trigger Warning: Homophobic/Transphobic Language, Suicide, Fascism, & Racism

If you’re not a Tennessee resident you may have missed just how awful the last month & specifically the last 24 hours have been for marginalized groups here, especially where the LGBTQ & Black communities are concerned. Within the last 24 hours Tennessee’s drag ban has been signed, the bill that bans parents from supporting gender affirming care for their trans children was signed, a Republican house member advocated for the legalization of lynching, & a banner appeared off the highway over Chestnut Street in Nashville praising Bill Lee, our horrid governor, for “tirelessly working to fight trannies & fags” saying “we must secure the existence of our people & future for white children” with a massive picture of Tennessee brandishing a swastika. To say that yesterday was defeating for a lot of us would be an understatement.

A lot of this has been an ongoing fight for the last month or so, we all waited with bated breath to see if these bills would pass the Tennessee house & then the senate, & of course, they did despite the innumerable logical arguments put in place to oppose their existence. It also feels like the first in what will undoubtably be a long string of human rights violations aimed at those who fall within the LGBTQ community coming out of Tennessee. I want to break each of these down a little so that they’re understood & can be recognized for what they are; hateful, targeted, bigoted laws.

The TN Drag Ban, which goes into effect on July 1st, 2023, will make it a felony for anyone to be dressed for performance in the “clothing opposite their biological gender” within a public space. This includes, but is not limited to, drag, any performance containing gender swapped characters (Hairspray, Ms Doubtfire, Tootsie), trans performers, & cosplay. The law makes it so that any performance containing said features must be labeled as 18+ content & anyone caught performing outside of this regulation will receive a federal sex offender charge. The law also reclassifies the art of drag as burlesque & requires establishments that support it to reapply for their license under, essentially the same business blanket as a strip club. This will cause any bar, brunch, or other location who continues hosting drag brunches & the like to relinquish their liquor license in favor of creating inclusive spaces for all people. This bill also throws into question what is to be done for performances such as Shakespeare or, as aforementioned, Ms Doubtfire & Hairspray, both of which have tour stops at TPAC in 2024. Additionally it bars drag performers from pride events going forward & throws in questions regarding the safety & legality of those within the trans community. Additionally the wording in the bill itself is incredibly vague, which is no doubt intentional.

Let’s bounce one sentence back & let’s move into the gender affirming care ban.

The second law that was signed on the desk of the repugnant Bill Lee yesterday was that which prevents parents & medical providers from providing their children with gender affirming care. This means that if a child, teen, what have you comes to their parents & says ‘I believe in my heart of hearts that I was born the wrong gender,’ that their parents are now legally bound to do nothing. They can’t provide their child with counseling that would help them to understand & move forward in their desired identity, they can’t advocate for their child in a medical sense regarding anything around their desired gender, they are limited, essentially, in what they can now legally do as parents to support their child who is already going through probably one of the most difficult times in their life under the threat of felony charges. Medical personal can no longer take steps towards assisting trans youth in any regard that affirms their new identity. What this will result in is even more of what the south is facing post abortion bans where finding doctors & nurses is becoming fairly impossible. Additionally it will cause the suicide rates of those effected, trans youth, to sky rocket. Though I would assume that’s no skin off of these legislator’s backs.

I’m going to circle back to the capital punishment discussion within the TN house yesterday since I think the first two points & the last, the banner, are all within the same line of thought & the banner was in direct response to Bill signing the two bills into law.

This banner, which I explained the contents of above, is not the first neo-nazi sentiment we’ve had come out of this state in the last 24 hours, nor is it the only one pointed at the LGBTQ community. Additionally it was discovered that a neo-nazi group & local resident, Tonya Holley, who is also a member of the Daughters of the Confederacy, have put together a “hit list” of members of the LGBTQ living within Pulaski, TN. Pulaski also happens to be the founding place of the KKK. These individuals & the associated list have already been reported to Homeland Security but that hasn’t stopped members of the local government from requesting “legitiment names” of LGBTQ city members so that they can run them through the registered sex offender list, in spite of several members of the city counsel being well established members of the offender list in question.

Another item on the docket of the current Tennessee Congress has been capital punishment & reimplementing it specifically using firing squads & hangings. One member of the house, Paul Sherrell, argued that lynching should also be amended into the bill & should be legalized within the state despite having recently been outlawed nationwide. This legislator is the same who openly submitted a bill to change the name of Representative John Lewis Way to Donald Trump Way & apparently has never been shy or coy about his feelings towards the black members of the state of Tennessee.

All of this happened in a day. One singular day. And while the laws may have been coming down the pipeline for a while, the implementation & aggressive response to their implementation has all happened within the span of 24 hours. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve had people texting me asking if I need to move, to leave my home, which I am an owner of, & move to somewhere more progressive, While I don’t exactly think I’m there yet, I’m beginning to wonder what will be the straw that breaks the camels back for me? What will it take to dip out of this backwards ass state & its hateful legislators who have far more to be concerned about than stripping people of their rights. Maybe let’s focus on the 1/4th of all people living below the poverty line? Maybe let’s focus on how we’re in the 80th percentile for child & maternity mortality rates, or how we have one of the worst healthcare & education systems in the entire country. Maybe, just maybe, we should focus on the things that improve people’s lives instead of those that hinder them. Maybe we should figure out a way to get the 60+% of registered voters within the state who didn’t show up to vote for the midterms, the governor race, the state congressional race, to vote.

I don’t know what will be the last straw for me, truly I don’t, but I am so beyond sick & tired of hearing this “it’s just as bad on both sides” of the aisle argument when there is one clear group stripping rights, targeting marginalized groups, endangering Americans, destroying our futures & our planet, ostracizing people, flagrantly cheating to get ahead at the polls, damaging people’s lives, & encouraging hate groups while the other side of the aisle seeks to protect this nation & all of its people. These two things are not the same & never will be. For the 380+ bills introduced just these past three months that strip LGBTQ rights I would challenge anyone to find a single one that limits the rights of those on the opposite side of the fence. They don’t exist. This culture war is costing real human beings their lives over a completely fabricated enemy. We are not groomers. I am not a groomer, none of my LGBTQ friends are groomers nor have they ever been. What we are is uncles, aunts, siblings, sons, daughters, neighbors, coworkers, tax payers, employers, etc, etc, etc just trying to live our lives in peace. No one is taking the rights or the right away but they’re damn sure taking away the rights of those they’ve decided are “the enemy.”

I hope you have a great week or weekend, whenever you end up giving this a read.

And as always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: You'll Worry Yourself Sick

I think it’s no secret at this point in our society that our emotions & the things that we give “energy” to end up coming to fruition. Call it laws of attraction, quantum physics, etc, we now have fairly solid volumes of evidence to indicate that where we place our minds, especially where our health & wellness are concerned, ends up becoming our reality. I’m a very strong believer in this & so too are many people around the globe, whether they realize it or not.

I’m going to be using the term “energy” quite often in this blog. I don’t necessarily mean a physical voltage or anything of that nature, although that is also part of it to a degree. Instead I tend to mean more about your physical, mental, social, productive, & spiritual energy. The finite amount of internal processing power we have to give in the day to day or the moment to moment.

I want to circle back to something that I said in at the end of the first paragraph before we go any farther. I mentioned that a lot of people, globally, practice & believe in this philosophy, whether or not they realize it. I mean that simply in the context of prayer. Millions, or even billions, of people around the world pray daily, some more than daily. They put thought & energy towards a desired outcome, an aspiration, &/or a need. A lot of the time these come from a place of lack; Lord, keep me safe, heal my father, help me accomplish my goals, etc, etc, etc. & I think the laws of attraction would tell us this behavior only repels our desired outcome. Our prayers are not but energy put towards what we have each decided to call our own creator. I think there’s no denying that this all functions well outside of the religious or spiritual worlds as well.

So why make this the topic of today’s conversation? Why put energy towards it?

Well, it seems over the last week I’ve been running into synchronicities. This topic seems to be popping up left & right. It’s appeared in conversations I’ve had with at least three separate individuals, it’s appeared as one of the primary topics in one of the books that I’m reading, it’s been on the Tik Toks & Instagrams I’ve been receiving. Really the frequency of its occurrence has been startling!

I think it’s also worth mentioning that I’m not here advocating for toxic positivity, which is very much a real thing. I’ve just noticed that when you live believing the worst it tends to come to fruition.

So what is worry? Why do we as a species have it? The simple answer is that is was designed to keep us alive. Worry is what propelled us forwards as a social civilization, worry towards where our next meal is going to come from, whether our kids are safe, whether there’s a predator lurking in the brush that we can’t see, but I personally don’t think it serves us as much in our present society & way of living as it use to. Worry is how we kept ourselves safe & sustained but it can also very easily be debilitating.

Much like almost anything else, too much worry can be incredibly harmful. It locks us down, prevents us from taking risks, I’d even go as far to say that it prevents us from living altogether. But the worst part of worry is that it can literally cause you to worry yourself sick or even dead.

Worry is brought on by adrenaline, it’s a form of anxiety that saps your adrenals & can cause anything from chronic fatigue to anemia. When we force our body into constant survival states of fight or flight, a state we’re only supposed to be in in short bursts to keep us alive, it wears down the body pretty quickly. This, in addition to being bad for the heart, is bad for the immune system at large. There have even been studies of people who have worried themselves into organ failure, tumors, chronic sicknesses, autoimmune diseases, etc.

Again, not harping on exclusive positivity here, I think a little worry is good for you, but as the saying goes “worry is away present energy towards & unknown tomorrow.

What am I advising? How do I recommend you behave? How do you limit your worry?

I, for one, compartmentalize my worry into rational or irrational. Is what I’m afraid of a rational thought or likely to happen? If no, then I do my best to brush it off. If it continues to nag me I sit with it & try to find the reason behind its existence in my brain. Why am I worried about this? What caused me to worry about this? How can I show my body that this is not something worth worrying about?

In the context of prayer or manifestations how do we reframe our wants & navigate away from this place of lack? Always go from a place of gratitude & joy. Instead of “heal my father” think of how joyous the miraculous reparation would feel or how incredibly it would be to reach your goals! Instead of asking for safety be grateful that you have been kept safe thus far! The key to all of this is of course belief & not letting fear, doubt, worry, & suffering embed their hooks into you & literally drag you down into sickness.

I know all of this is easier said than done. I know, especially for those of you with anxiety it’s like you telling me to just be happy as someone with depression or to pay attention as someone with ADHD, but I promise, as someone who literally had shot adrenals, that there is a path forwards that leads to an easier, more worry-free future.

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: Charlie Rogers, Renaissance Man.

I don’t remember in which grade we discussed the renaissance in history class. I’m not even entirely sure whether or not I was in middle or high school. While I’m pretty sure it was the latter, I remember immediately becoming obsessed with the idea of being “a renaissance man.”

This is a term that I heard pop up recently, though I can’t for the life of me recall where. I remember someone saying they always strove towards being a renaissance man themselves & it immediately struck a chord of commonality in me. So what exactly is a renaissance man?

According to the Oxford dictionary a renaissance man is:

“a person of many talents or areas of knowledge.”

— Oxford Dictionary, Renaissance Man

Some famous examples of which include the likes of Leonardo DiVinci, Niccolo Machiavelli, Galileo Galilei, & Nicolaus Copernicus, all who excelled in multiple fields of study. The moniker of “renaissance man” is not limited to men though, nor is it limited to the time of the renaissance, with there being quite a few “renaissance women” throughout history as well as “renaissance people,” if we are being all inclusive. Nor was the idea specific to the time, though I feel it is the most prominent within culture at large. Before the renaissance individual there was the Greek concept of a polymath, having learned many things. This list includes individuals throughout early history such as Archimedes, Hypatia, Ptolemy, Imhotep, Pythagoras, Aristotle, Zhang Heng, Al-Kindi, Shen Kuo, & Averroës. Farther into history we get Ben Franklin, Marie Curie, Nikola Tesla, Thomas Jefferson, Issac Newton, etc. etc. etc. Catching on to the concept yet?

So why did this become a small obsession of mine? What was it about the renaissance polymaths that made me say “ooo, that!” Well, I’ve always wanted to be a jack-of-all trade, eliminating the “master of none” part of the saying. I never wanted to be someone who was exclusively known for one thing & that’s why finding a Capital C “Career” has been difficult for me. I never JUST wanted to be known as a singer or a songwriter, I wanted to be known as the multidimensional human that I am. That’s part of why I started writing these blogs, because I felt I had more to offer the world than just the songs I sang & the performances I gave. Can we chalk it up to ADHD & chasing the dopamine a little bit? Of course. But I highly doubt any of you out there ever lived your life wanting to be one note.

So where does that place me? Well, for starters it makes it very hard for me to play the long game in the Capital C Career world. All I’ve ever wanted is to have as many plates spinning in the air as possible & to make those plates as relatively self sufficient as possible so that I can return to them with my fancy. My brain stretches me in so many different directions that the clear path forward for any given career seems impossible to me. Let’s talk about just right now shall we? Where am I at right this minute.

Well, Charlie Rogers right now is a blogger, as I sit at this computer I am a blogger. Not just am I a blogger, I am a travel blogger, a food critic, an advice columnist, a humanitarian, a recipe creator, a motivational speaker, an encourager, & a pundit. That’s just within the digital walls of this section of my website. Swipe one page up & I am an artist, a musician, a songwriter. Click on my socials & I am an influencer, a bumbling comedian, an adventurer. Search me on YouTube & I am an actor, a singer. Meet me in person & I am a scholar, wildly spiritual, peacefully grounded, a zoologist, a marine biologist, a botanist, a foodie, a connoisseur, a collector, a chef, a mixologist, an explorer, a lover, a brother, a son, & a friend. Look inside my mind & you’ll find a stoic, a wanderer, an inventor, a well of ideas, a catalyst, an empath (even though I hate that word & it’s connotations), a free spirit. How do you sum all of that up at all times? How do you “market” all of that at once?

I think in a lot of ways we all fit the renaissance man mold, it’s just that some of us, like myself, wish to act upon it. I wish to be known for all of my aspects, not just the one or two that I can focus on at a time. I want to be the touring singer-songwriter, I want to be the inventor, I want to be the philanthropist, I want to be the actor, to be the influencer, to be the traveler, the humanitarian, to be the food critic, the revolutionary, & the jack-of-all trades, but I often find myself lost in the constant tug of war these concepts give biding for my time & my mental space.

For now I’ll just claim the moniker. Here I am, Charlie Rogers, Renaissance Man, what I shall be in the future has yet to be written, but I can’t wait to see where I end up!

Here’s wishing you all a fantastic week or weekend, whenever this blog has found you.

As always, much love to you all!

-C

Blog: A Lesson In Stoicism

This was a blog requested & suggested by Evan, so if you take issue with it, take it up with him. Ha ha. Not that there’s anything controversial or spicy about it, I just mean in terms of enjoyment. If this is not a blog that you enjoy this week, take it up with Evan.

I make this sound like it’s going to be a dull topic, which in reality I think is entirely false. I noticed, at the beginning of the year, that many of my friends, specifically those in music, were all starting a book called The Daily Stoic. Naturally I became curious & ordered a copy of the book for myself. While not a novel or journal, Ryan Holiday & Stephen Hanselman have put together what I can only describe as a daily devotional that revolves around stoicism.

Stoicism gets a bad name, something the authors point out themselves within the introduction of the book. Often when we, culturally, think of someone who is stoic, we think of them as being walled up, impenetrable, shut off, emotionless, or cold, when in reality that is a misnomer. The impression of the stoic that I was under boils down simply to contemplative, which is almost near exactly what it is. Someone who is stoic is in their head, yes, but they are so because they are processing & assessing the world around them, reserving most of their thoughts for themselves & often only sharing that which they’ve taken the time to digest internally. I would argue that the Oxford definition sits somewhere in the middle.

“Stoic
noun
1. a person who can endure pain & hardship without showing their feelings or complaining.”

— Quote Source

Holiday & Hanselman argue that stoicism is exactly as I put, a contemplation. It is looking at an emotion & saying “why do I feel that way?” “Is it justified?” “What is the role we play in society, in life, in nature, in culture?” “How does that effect the grand scheme of things?” Etc. Etc. Etc. They themselves lean into the three main disciplines of Stoicism.; Perception (how we see & perceive the world around us), Action (the decisions & actions we take & why), & Will (how we deal with the things we cannot change, clarify, justify, & understanding our place in the world around us). The book is then broken down into daily devotionals that you are asked to sit & contemplate throughout your day, starting with whatever calendar day you picked up the book in. The prompts are short, giving an overarching theme as the title, followed by a quote from a famous stoic, & then a reframing in modern context or clarification on what the authors perceived the original author was implying. I’ve carried these throughout my day just short of the last week & have also taken the time to write out my immediate thoughts with each as I finish going through the devotional in question. I’ve been asked to share the last three days here & expand upon some of my thoughts here.

Seeing The World Like A Poet & An Artist

One of the things I often remember fondly my mate, Ali Donowho, saying that he admires the way in which I noticed the little things in life & nature & then take the time to appreciate them as much as that which is grandiose.  So often we are distracted by this larger picture that those little bits tend to fall between the cracks. This segment talks specifically about turning the uglier parts of life into something beautiful like the spilts in the bread as it bakes, the thing that becomes alluring despite it not being a part of the baker’s (artist’s) plan.

The example used by Marcus Aurelius in the book is as follows:

“Pass through this brief patch of time in harmony with nature & come to your final resting place gracefully, just as a ripened olive might drop, praising the earth that nourished it & grateful to the tree that gave it growth.”

There is beauty in all things even if those beauties aren't always apparent. The more time goes by the more I find love & life to thrive in the mundane, not in the overtly boisterous; like a microcosm bursting with history, love, patience, & understanding. I have often found myself rewarded by the powers that be for the appreciation for the little thing & for taking the time simply to sit & absorb the tenacity of life. To see the world as a poet or an artist is to see the world in an ever shifting glorious eruption of expression. To find the beauty in all things, not just the conventionally beautiful.

Wherever You Go, There Your Choice Is

When life feels out of our control, when the world seems to be spiraling in on us, the one constant that remains, no matter your circumstance, is that you always have a choice in how you choose to act. It doesn't matter your station, your position, your financial or how opportunistically ready you are, at the end of the day your choice lies in on your choose to behave. As Epictetus writes:

“A podium & a prison is each a place, one high & one low, but in either place your freedom of choice can be maintained, if you wish.”

You are the master of yourself & are therefore responsible for only yourself. No one can dictate the words you say, the actions you take, the course you make except for you. How you behave in the darkest of depths will always come to light with you when you're raised to the highest heights. Be sure your choses remain in line with who you want to be as a person.

Reignite Your Thoughts

Today's meditation in stoicism is unintentionally based in grace & forgiveness, specifically for one’s self.  Its argument is that it's never too late to reignite something you enjoyed about yourself or your life. It can be a belief, a habit, a skill, whatever, just because you've fallen off of the wagon doesn't mean that it's gone too far ahead of you that you can't still hop back on.

“Your principles can’t be extinguished unless you snuff out the thoughts that feed them, for it’s continually in your power to reignite new ones… It’s possible to start living again! See things anew as you once did- that’s how to restart life.”

-Marcus Aurelius

This can extend to any direction. It can be about something you did yesterday or an hour ago that disappointed you or you felt led you in the wrong directon. It can be about something that happened fifteen years ago or a lifetime ago, the point is that you're introspective enough to recognize you've shifted away from a belief or a behavior that you viewed as a positive influence in your life & find yourself yearning for that “lost” yesteryear. It's okay to put your stuff down, go back & pick up the joy you lost ten miles back on the road. Your life is yours to live & that includes how you act, what you believe, what you like/love, & who or what you spend your time with, & what you do that makes you feel alive. Just because you got a little lost in the woods doesn't mean the path is gone.

Like I said, I just wanted to share some of my thoughts around the topic with you as I believe dialogue is what makes all of this insightful. Just like the stoics of old had their schools to pass around ideas within, so too should we in a manner that creates a discourse. Evan had me share my thoughts because he found them insightful & I hope you did as well. I would challenge you to take up this practice as well, that doesn’t mean you need to go out & buy the book, but I think we should all get to know the inner machinations of our own minds & understand why we feel the way we do about the thoughts that drive our actions & emotions. At the very least it installs a bit of wonder back into your life & helps you to see the world around you in a completely different light than you would before.

I hope you all have a great week or weekend, whenever you find yourself reading this.

And as always, much love to you all!

-C

Blog: Little Abundances

If you’re a follower of mine on my Instagram, today’s blog posting will not be entirely foreign to you. I posted the tiniest anecdote around the roots of this story on my story posts a few days ago & got incredible feedback simply regarding the short paragraph that I had written. So, naturally I though that I should expand upon it in this longer form setting.

Towards the turn of the year I had a TikTok creator, of whom I should give credit for this idea if their name hadn’t been alluding me for the last few weeks, come across my daily doom scroll. She works specifically in a spiritualist setting but has had a lot of clients talk about their manifestations & how they have trouble believing that the things they want are coming their way when they live in a state of lack. She went on to explain that it, to her, an impossibility to manifest from a mindset of lack & offered a quick tip on how to escape that cumbersome feeling. Her method was altogether simple & has, over the last week & some change, become a staple in my day to day thought process.

Her suggestion for escaping scarcity mindsets was incremental. She said that every day, at the end of her day, she writes down three things that happened that were little abundances. This teaches the brain to look out for things to be thankful for & recognize that even when things don’t seem to be going your way, there are always little things to latch onto that will shine even the slightest bit of light on darker situations. So what are little abundances? What does that look like in the mundane day to day?

A little abundance is simply something that went your way in the tiniest of ways, let’s come up with some examples shall we?

Maybe there was a 10% discount on something you needed from the grocer.

Maybe your fragrance of choice or someone else’s hit the olfactory just right & made you smile.

Maybe you woke up without feeling achy or sore.

Maybe you wore an outfit that made you feel alluring or sexy.

Maybe you made it through the day with less anxiety or depression than the day prior.

Maybe you came across a post that made you think of an old friend or helped you to learn something interesting you hadn’t known before.

Maybe you simply enjoyed being in someone’s presence.

Maybe the perfect stone caught your eye as you were walking & you gained a new pocket companion.

Maybe your pet showed you affection & love.

Maybe someone in your family or friend group did.

Maybe that last quarter mile of your run felt a little easier than normal.

Maybe you found time to read a book or watch a show or movie that makes you feel something.

Maybe you had a good hair day.

Maybe you noticed a new grey hair (again is a gift after all).

Maybe you felt a sense of wanderlust walking through nature.

Maybe you got in your car & it was the perfect temperature or the perfect song was playing.

Maybe all of the machines or weights at the gym were open when you needed them.

Maybe you enjoyed a cup of your favorite tea or coffee.

Maybe an animal graced you with its presence outside.

Maybe you found a $20 note in your coat pocket.

Maybe you finally beat that level in that game you’ve been playing.

Maybe you brightened someone else’s day.

Is this starting to make sense to you? There is no limit to how “small” these little abundances can be. The point is to start recognizing them as God, The Universe, Nature, whatever you believe in sets them in your path, accepting them, & being grateful for their enrichment of your life. You cannot expect to embrace & love the unknown that is life if you aren’t willing to, as the saying goes, stop & smell the roses.

Now my method of this looks a little different. I knew that if it came down to be writing out my little abundances list every night I wouldn’t do it, I’d forget to or view it as a chore. So my list is mental & isn’t restricted to the time in which I lay my head to rest at night, nor is it limited to three items.

I count my abundances as the day rolls on, why this works for me, I don’t know. How it ends up not being forgotten, again, don’t know, but thus far, every day throughout my day, I am reminded from something within to find my little abundances that I’ve experienced thus far & look on them with love, gratitude, & admiration. On my list today: I had a package arrive that I wasn’t expecting until next week, I woke up several times in the night to Max, on of our cats, snuggled into me purring loudly, I had enough time to complete all of the tasks I needed to get done today, I had a humorous dream last night, my dogs listened when they got in a tiff while playing & I didn’t have to break up a fight, I had ample leftovers in my fridge & didn’t have to cook in a day where my time was scarce, I was notified of a refill order for one of my scripts that now I don’t have to call my doctor to get filled, I lit & dispelled some Palo Santo, one of my favorite, most comforting scents, I noticed a few of my plants have new leaves despite it being winter & not a time for usual growth, I woke up today but did so feeling energized, well, & taken care of, my Irish Breakfast Tea that I’m sipping while writing this is brewed perfectly, I got a good picture of Harvey, my rapidly aging Golden, of whom I don’t know how many more pictures I’ll have the privilege of taking.

Your life is rich my dear readers, you just have to look for it. That’s not discounting your problems, your ailments, your struggles, but the beauty in life is found in the little things, in the little abundances that show us that somewhere out there something, someone, is on our side & that this beautifully tragic, lonely, simply complex life is worth living day by day.

I’d love if you all would adopt this philosophy as well or at the very least give the abundance lists a try. Do it in your own way, make it your own, however that looks. Talk about it openly & honestly, let people in to celebrate with you your tiny victories.

I hope this post hasn’t been too flowery for some of you, I know we’re all on different levels of our life journey & have different degrees of happiness, privilege, health, & prosperity. Just know this comes from a place of love & gratitude for all of you who take the time to read my thoughts each week. You all make my little abundances list every week!

As always, much love to you all,

-C

Blog: Grace?! She Passed Away Thirty Years Ago.

For someone who doesn't believe in New Year’s Resolutions I sure am writing an awful lot of blogs about them, this being my third I think. When I sat down today to try & figure out what I wanted to write about I kept coming back to the idea of “grace.” I have made my own set of adjustments going into the new year in an attempt to get ‘back on the horse’ & have already, six days in, found myself falling short. Resolutions aside, I think we are often too hard on our short comings & falterings & I believe that a little self inflicted grace would do us all a great bit of good. I know for some of you out there the idea of grace has religious connotation or even triggers a religious trauma response but I hope by the end of this I can help to shed new light on the idea of grace & being gracious.

Let’s start out with a definition shall we? According to Merriam-Webster grace takes many linguistic forms. The one I’ve already addressed is:

“1: a: unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification
b: a virtue coming from God
c: a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine assistance”

— Webster's Dictionary

And I can already feel those of you on the other end of the internet recoiling from the fear of having that definition & need for repentance nailed into your head. Let’s explore further shall we? Let’s look at the next set of definitions from M-WD.

“2: a: approval, favor
b: mercy, pardon
c: a special favor, privilege
d: disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency
e: a temporary exemption: reprieve”

— The Dictionary

It’s interesting to me that the five of these definitions fall within the same subset of definitions. In what way is a favor akin to mercy? How is an act of clemency the same as a privilege?

Much as the various religious texts would indicate grace is not something afforded to all but that exists at the same time in abundance, available to those who seek it out. Whether you seek an act of grace, of mercy, from that which you deem almighty, a ruler, a supervisor, a friend, a family member, or what have you, it is not something guaranteed or afforded without the permission & intent of the party to whom you are at the mercy of. It is a privilege to be reprieved of your guilt, shame, penance, or punishment.

So how does this tie into ourselves? How do we exercise grace when the judge of our falterings is the same person as the one requiring forgiveness? How do we set aside the shame, the guilt, the should’ve, could’ve, would’ves, of it all & release the anguish we feel? How do we afford ourselves grace? Well, I think to answer that question we have to briefly shift our focus to shame. For this I’m going to turn to Brené Brown.

In Atlas Of The Heart Brown defines shame as the following:

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed & therefore unworthy of love, belonging, & connection.”

— Atlas Of The Heart By Brené Brown, Page 137.

According to Brown shame thrives on several things, one of the primary being judgement. What dispels shame? Empathy. Self-Compassion. These allow us to look at our perfectly imperfect selves & see the humanity that lives within us. It blows perfectionism, another type of shaming, out of the way & makes way for grace. It gives us the leeway to learn from our mistakes & grow instead of festering & derailing.

“Grace means that all of your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame.”

— Brené Brown

I’m trying to get back on the wagon after the holiday. After eating poorly, not exercising my mind, body, spirit enough, not flexing my creativity enough, & definitely not drinking enough water, I decided to push myself for twelve weeks of evening out the playing field. Will I fall off as I’ve done already? Of course! Does that mean I should give up now & return to a place of discomfort & unhappiness? Absolutely not. We are human, at the end of the day, at the end of your diet, your abandoned workout equipment or stacks of books that have gone unread, we are human. Perfection is an unattainable goal that striving for will ultimately leave you feeling empty & unfulfilled. Having the grace to recognize your humanity, dust yourself off, & try again will be your saving grace & the thing that makes your spirit soar.

I want to leave you with one last anecdote this evening before I sign off & let you all get back to giving yourself grace in your day to day life.

I was recently told of a practice that many of the Native American tribes of the southwest observe. It specifically revolves around art & the pursuit of the perfect. Anytime a native artist from one of these tribes goes to finish a piece they’ve been working on; be it a knit, an item of jewelry, a painting, etc. they intentionally leave a flaw. Why? Well, two reasons. The first reason is that it allows the trapped bits of the artist’s soul that they’ve poured into their art to have a place to escape from. The second reason is that it allows a reprieve, a grace, from perfectionism & the never ending quest for that which is unreachable for us. It find this sentiment beautiful. It adds levity, humanity, & yes, grace, into a piece of art & allows the artist to free themselves from the shackles of shame.

I hope, thus far, you’re having an awesome new year. I wish you all the greatest one imaginable going forward. I want to challenge you to find little moments of grace in your day to day, not just for yourself, but for others as well. These little moments will eventually snowball into medium moments which then become larger moments & I’d be intrigued to see where that snowball leads you.

As always, much love to you all!

-C

Blog: #Goals! Wait, Scratch That, #VisionBoards!

I’ve never been much for goal setting, though I’ve never been entirely sure why. Whether it has something to do with the fleeting fancies of ADHD or the feeling that somehow, if I don’t complete everything on it, I’m some sort of a failure, I’ve never been able to stick out my goals & make actual steps towards their achievement. That’s not to say I never meet my goals, but for some reason there’s a sterile pressure around the idea & practice of goal setting; it feels oddly corporate or cheesy, like something you do in a quarterly review with a higher up who really doesn’t care whether or not your aspirations are met. I guess a part of me still attributes goal setting to the academic setting, a worksheet to hand in for trivial credit that never actually amounts to much.

If you’ve read my previous blogs that were written around the transition between the old & new year, you’ll see that I also am not an advocate for the new year’s resolution, nor for that matter is science. Simply stated, they don’t work, they fizzle out. To some degree I’d say I feel the same about goal setting. In all honesty, I’m sure, if you’re like me, that you saw the title of this blog about “goal setting” & probably didn’t even click the link. I guess we’ll never know though seeing as the simple window shopping didn't come in to investigate.

This past year both myself & my lovely friend, Kate Cosentino, came across the same TikTok around the same week. It was a woman talking about how she, like me, hated the traditional form of goal setting & why said past goal setting attempts didn't work for her. Her approach, instead, was that of a guest who had previously appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show. If their segment they talked about vision boards & what to do with them/how to place & arrange them in a way that allows you to use them towards the aims you were after. Their method was quarterly, requiring a new vision board every three months, & asked you, not only, to visualize your board on the front, but also to write your visions & goals out on the back. In this way it was similar to the “Mind Movies” that Dr Joe Dispenza uses in his seminars to teach shifting perspective & mental energy in alignment with the things you desire. As aforementioned, the vision board you’ve created is meant to be revisited on a quarterly basis, the only difference from your first board being that you are meant to review & revise.

Let’s say you put on your vision board that you want to rekindle a relationship with your parents. If at the end of Q1 you’ve made attempts & gotten no where near where you want to be you write on the back of your Q2 vision board the same goal emphasizing the things that worked & writing & evaluating a new path forward. I suppose it’s also worth mentioning that you’re meant to write how you plan to go about your visions on the back of the Q1 board.

Another major component of the vision boarding is that you’re meant to do so with a group & share your vision board with said group when you are finished. The day Kate & I came across out vision board TikTok we both planned an evening with Kimi Most & Evan to create together & share. This outward expression of your desires helps to get the word out, it helps to solidify the things you want in the words you say. After all, how can it be known what you want if you won’t ask? In this way it gets you accustomed to speaking on your wants, your shortcomings, & your plans with those who will love & nurture you along the way. It also allows people the chance to help you if something comes up on your board that they feel they have insight on.

So how did my vision boarding go? How did it turn out. Well, much like I mentioned above with goal setting, we all fell off the wagon. We did the one evening of work & then never followed up with the next three quarterly reports. That’s not to say it was a failure though as yet another aspect of this vision board journey is that you place your board somewhere you see it daily & somewhere people who enter your home will see it & can ask you about it. Again, the goal is to talk about the things you want, to keep them at the forefront of your mind so that they become the magnetic north that guides your internal compass. Mine & Evan’s have been in the kitchen, right next to the place where we consume majority of our meals. Both boards are highly visible & both have been talked about openly amongst each other, friend, & the like. I’d say of the twenty-five things I have on my board, around seven of them came true in one form or another. That’s not bad for not following the program to the letter you’re supposed to.

So why do I draw attention to all of this? Why do I talk vision boards, goals, & the steps it takes to actualize them? Well, because I’d like to, if I may, use the last half of this blog as a digital vision board, so to speak. I’m sure in the type format it will come out looking more like a goals list but I promise you, on the other end of this I will be making a vision board to represent all of the things listed below & probably more. I’m doing this here as a form of accountability. We’re meant to share & talk about our dreams & that’s what I’m doing here. I’d also like, if you may, for you to remind me to revisit this quarterly, checking off & adjusting as we go along!

I wish you all the happiest of new years, filled to the brim with love & joy!

As always, much love to you all!

-C

Charlie’s 2023 Digital Vision Board

-Sign A Publishing Deal (Smack, Universal, Warner Chapel)

-Get At Least Five Outside Cuts

-Tour As An Opener For A Larger Act

-Sign With A Talent Agency (WME, CAA, ACA)

-Get Paid To Travel

-Get Paid To Promote The Products I Already Use

-Cross Two More Continents Off The Total Seven (Still Need South America, Australia, Africa, & Antarctica)

-Release A Minimum Of One Song Per Quarter

-Get Verified Across All Social Platforms

-Grow Creatively

-Help More People

-Get Social Numbers Up (Instagram 20K BYE, TIKTOK 10K BYE, ETC)

-Get 1K Spotify Followers

-Get On Editorial Playlists For Spotify & Apple Music

-Visit Japan

-See The Northern Lights (Preferably In Iceland)

-Become A Master Diver

-Have At Least One Song Trend

-Write More Honest Lyrics

-Cut Medicine Written By Harry Styles

-Do More Features

-Add At Least Five More Michelin Stars To My Belt

-Find Daily Moments Of Gratitude

-Get Back Into Eating In A Healthier Manner

-Hit The Gym At Least Four Times A Week

-Walk My Dogs More

-Spend More Time With The People Who Bring Me Joy & Less With Those Who Don’t

-Find A Consistent Form Of Financial Freedom That’s Not Soul Sucking

-Embrace The Unknown

Blog: If Jesus Is The Reason For The Season, Then Why Does It Feel So Cold?

Back in June I was inspired to write a blog call “No Hate Like Christian Love.” At the time I was hesitant to put out the blog simply because I have people near & dear to me that I thought would disapprove of scoff at the blog simply because of what I chose to title it. I was wrong. In fact, to this day, exactly seven months later, it still remains the most popular blog of mine that I have ever written averaging anywhere from 100-200 individual monthly readers. It’s the blog I’ve received the most feedback on as well, all of which has been set to the tune of agreement. These, for the most part, are people who have been burned or ostracized by the church & it breaks my heart to see the commonality that so many of them share.

When I sat down to write today my brain just kept drifting back to that blog & it got me thinking, have things improved since June, when I wrote & posted it, or are things the same or worse then they were then from the standpoint of Christians using their beliefs as a “moral’ superiority? Sadly, I think the answer is the latter.

Over Thanksgiving I had this discussion with several people in my life who I would consider to be or have at one point or another been right smack dab in the middle of the church Christian lifestyle. This group included my parents; life long church goers & believers who lead the worship team at their small American Baptist Church, my dear friend David; a “missions” worker around the world & lover of Jesus (I put missions in quotes simply because what he does, to me, doesn’t constitute classification under the same blanket as the traditional colonist mentality & practice of missions work), & Evan; a former worship leader & attendee of bible college. Naturally I was also a part of this group, not just the silent observer.

Our discussion began around the subject of Christmas & my often outright disdain for the holiday. I think for a lot of us, especially in my generation & younger, Christmas is not the shining beacon of hope & joy that it is for those living in the older generations. In addition, we, generationally, have more access to the global network of information & have seen behind the curtain where Christmas & its outright stolen traditions are concerned. We don’t buy into the commercialism of the holiday, partially because a lot of us can’t afford to, & thus it becomes one of the most stressful times of the year for us all. However, my mother offered the argument that at the end of the day, what we are celebrating, as christians, is the birth of Christ. The “reason for the season” & all that.

I’m not sure how we circled back to the whole “no hate like christian love thing” but I believe it stemmed from one of my parents asking why I no longer attend church if I, as I say, consider myself a believer. From there entered David, a literal missionary who refuses to find a church to call his “home.” We talked about how the church is driving people away in droves & trying desperately to blame it on the media, or the LGBTQIA+ population, or schools, or drag story time, but is refusing outright to look inward & see itself as the root cause.

We came back to how “young people just don’t want to believe” & I offered the argument of what is being missed. You see, much like I mentioned in NHLCL (No Hate Like Christian Love), we read the book, we were taught about Jesus. We attended the Sunday schools & the church services & the vacation bible school, but when we got to an age where critical thinking came into play, where identity started to form, we looked around at the “brood of vipers” (Matt 12:34) & saw not a scrape of the unconditional love of Christ. We saw people who claimed to love us as we are outwardly belittle & damn the very people that we are or the people that we love & said “enough of this, this is not what love looks like” & we left. As I said in NHLCL, as well as that evening, the problem isn’t that we weren’t taught about Jesus, the problem is that we were & we don’t see that reflected in the people or the values of the church.

I hope what I’ve said thus far hasn’t turned too many of you off. I’m sure there are many people who will read this & not even make it to this paragraph, but if we, as christians, are to overcome the stigmas wrapped around us & the church, then we have to listen & we have to apply critical thinking & we have to know our biblical history & understand when & where & why the bible was modified to fit certain political ideology & personal agendas because this is another huge thing turning people away from churches.

Did you know that christians are far more likely to believe conspiracy theories than any other religious affiliation? Did you know that the brains of those identifying as atheist have been proven to think far more analytically than those identifying as believers? Why do you think that is? As I mentioned in the previous blog, I am not here to lecture or demean, nor am I here to minimize your beliefs. I just want to pose questions that get people thinking. I want to bridge the gap between the, dare I say, secluded world of the church & the outside world. Christians, the stigma against you is that you are self absorbed, incapable of critical thought, & often downright heartless, which for a religion based supposedly all in love, doesn’t seem to align does it?

Something that I had to cope with & make peace with is the following statement:

If you need the threat of eternal damnation to evoke good behavior & kindness then it’s time to revaluate your moral standing & personal shortcomings.

We are called to love, unconditionally, to embrace humanity with open arms & without judgment WITHOUT the expectation of reward, but simply out of the kindness of your heart. That reward includes salvation.

I write all of this because I want you to see. If Jesus is truly, to you, the reason for the season, then celebrate that & celebrate that as Christ would. Christ wouldn’t yell at the cashier for saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” because they don’t know which of the six holidays that happen in December you celebrate. Christ would celebrate with an outpour of love, compassion, kindness, & empathy. Not commercialism, elitism, being exclusionary, & ‘holier than thou.’

There is a reason that NHLCL remains my top viewed post. It’s because it speaks to a universal ache felt by those on the receiving end of christianity. It speaks to the religious trauma, to the family issues, to the isolation that so many feel because of those operating out of the “love of Christ.”

If Jesus is the reason for the season, then why does it feel so cold to so many people when it should be filled with warmth, joy, community, & happiness?

Happy Holidays & Much Love To You All,

-C

Charlie's Guide To Holiday Drinks & Wine

I got the request for this blog from my mate Rhys Jones. In addition to having the most Welsh name on planet earth, Rhys & his lovely bride, & my dear friend Victoria, were Evan & I’s drinking buddies in London. Me being a food fiend & a cocktail connoisseur, I was always dragging the bunch around London, taking them to cocktail bars & speakeasies that they had never heard of. Additionally, during the 2020 lockdown, I stocked my bar & began learning the art of craft cocktail work, of which, much like food, I treat less as the refined practice it has become & more of an ever changing & evolving art form demanding different ingredients not only in diversified flavor profiles but also in quantities. All of that to say that the following recipes will not be precise & you should adjust them as you see fit!

In addition to the few cocktail recipes that I plan to list below I will also be listing my personal wine recommendations for where holiday dinners are concerned. You will note that I have a regional bias for the Willamette Valley where Pinots & Rieslings are concerned, but I just blame the Oregonian in me. Let’s start off there shall we, with the wine! My go to holiday dinner wines will follow below!

WINES:

REDS:

-A To Z Pinot Noir: My stand by, my go to. Readily available in markets around the US & pairs perfectly with majority of your holiday table staples. If you’re wanting to bump the price tag up a little bit look for anything by their parent label Rex Hill & you won’t be disappointed!

-Laurence et Rémi Dufaitre Beaujolais Villages Prèmices…Le Millèsime Rouge: I’ll be honest, that name took me a minute to type. Another red from the lighter side of the spectrum, Gamay can be a little on the soft red fruit side of things. A fine sipper in its own rite, this bottle disappears fast once it’s opened.

-Scaia Corvina: If you’re looking for something slightly bolder here’s a really nice staple as well. This wine always impresses simply because it has a very lavender taste to it. Leaning a little more into the “red meats & pasta” pairing of red wines, I think this bottle still compliments a full holiday spread in style.

WHITES:

A To Z Riesling: I warned you. They’re just such a solid brand that is incredibly accessible. This riesling is perfectly balanced, not too dry, not too sweet. It pleases anyone from Chard drinkers to the Moscato guzzlers. Truly a lovingly bright & complex bottle that is sure to please.

Weingut Berger Grüner Veltliner: A lovely little Austrian grape that is often overlooked for the more mainstream French varietals. Affordable, dependable, readily available. It definitely leans more on the dry side of the spectrum which makes it highly suitable for those gamut of holiday fare.

Argyle Brut: Let’s add something sparkling shall we & while we’re at it, let’s make it also from Oregon! This one is a bit of a cheat because it is primarily Chardonnay while featuring just a touch of Pinot Noir, both being grapes that pair exceptionally well with holiday dinners. Truly refreshing & balanced.

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COCKTAILS:

As I said above, my cocktail making isn’t always an exact science, especially where the batched goods are concerned, nor are the often written out so I will do my utmost to remember them as they are & to the best of my ability. I am also going to include some cocktails that I love for the winter that are not my own. Their originators will be credited along with the beverages of their design.

CHARLIE’S MULLED WINE/GLUHWEIN:

-Jug Of Cheapish Medium-Bold Red Wine (Chianti, Merlot, etc)

-1 Cup Brandy or Cognac

-1/2 Cup Spiced Rum

-2 Cups Pomegranate Juice

-1.5 Cups of Cranberry Juice

-Sugar To Taste (Usually Ends Up 1-2 Cups)

-2 Blood Oranges Cut into Circles

-2 Lemons Cut into Circles

-1 Cup Pomegranate Arils

-2 Tablespoons Whole Cloves

-4-5 Cinnamon Sticks

-2-3 Star Anise

-1 Tablespoon Allspice

- 1 Sprig of Mint

(Optional):

-Rosemary Sprigs

-Cranberries

-Black Walnut Bitters

In a large sauce lidded pan bring all ingredients with the exception of the Brandy/Cognac to a light boil. Once the mixture starts to boil reduce it to a simmer & cook until spices & oils are thoroughly combined. Add Sugar to taste then when you’re satisfied with it add in the Cognac to replace any lost alcohol. Taste & adjust as needed & serve hot with a Cinnamon Stick or Orange Slice! Have fun with it, play with different ingredients & different combinations til you find something uniquely yours!

A (SLIGHTLY MODIFIED) DREARY DAY’S NIGHT:
Originally by Nic Hamilton

The modifications I’ve made to this drink are small but they, in my opinion, really can make or break it for me.

-4 Oz Brewed Peppermint & Lemongrass Tea (I recommend Steepologie’s Minty Kisses)

-2 Cinnamon Sticks

-.75 Oz Monkey Shoulder Scotch Whisky

-.75 Oz Jura 10 Year Scotch Whisky

.75 Oz Grade A Maple Syrup

.5 Oz Lemon Juice

.25 Oz Rosemary Simple Syrup (1 Part Sugar, 1 Part Water, 1 Sprig Rosemary. Cook in a Pan.)

Start by crushing up one of your cinnamon sticks. Make a little pile out of it & light that beotch on fire. Once it’s burning nicely cover it with a mug. After around 15-30 seconds your mug should be thoroughly smoked, flip it back over & assemble the rest of the cocktail. The last thing to go in should be your tea & it should go in boiling, & I mean boiling, hot. Garnish with your unburnt cinnamon stick.

Note A: I like to batch this in a hot coffee dispenser & put extra tea & a cinnamon stick or two in the coffee filter slot.

Note B: If you find this version of the drink to be too strong for you (please try first before you decide that) then I would half the amount of Whisky.

CHARLIE’S GROG:

-8 Oz. Hot Water

-3 Oz. Black Rum (I use Diplomático Reserva Exclusiva)

-.5 Oz Lime Juice

.25 Oz Pineapple Juice

-.25 Oz. POG Syrup (Monin’s Brand is “Hawaiian Island”)

-2 Teaspoons Brown Sugar

-1 Dash Angostura Bitters

-1 Dash Black Walnut Bitters

As above, mix your room temp/cool ingredients first in a mug, then add the Water. Stir til well combined then garnish with a lime wedge, cinnamon stick, dried pineapple ring, or any combination of the three!

CHARLIE’S ALMOND MEZCAL OLD FASHIONED:

-1 Oz. Mezcal ( I use Ilegal)

-.25 Oz Amaretto

-.25 Oz Agave Syrup

-2 Dashes Orange Bitters

Mix ingredients in a glass with ice. Stir for a good while, like you’re making a Negroni. Once slightly diluted strain over a large ice cube in a low ball glass & zest an Orange over the top!

Travel Blog: Indonesia: Part Three- Another Day, Another Nat Geo Experience

Welcome back world travelers! We’ve made it, this is the final entry in my Indonesia series revolving around the Lembeh Strait! I hope you’ve enjoyed the journey thus far & are ready to dive (see what I did there) into our final segment today! If you’re not all caught up on my escapades, no worries, I’ll link the other two installments right below this introductory paragraph! Enough of the pretext, shall we continue?

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INDONESIA

PART THREE:

Day Five

Woke to another lovely day on Lembeh. The rain that rolled in over night had cooled the morning leisurely to somewhere in the low 80s. My breakfast consisted of my same morning staples; Jasmine Tea, Raspberry, Nutella Toast, Eggs, Bacon or Sausage, Fruit, & Fresh Juice. I think this is the morning I subbed one of the aforementioned items out for Granola topped in Yogurt, Honey, & Chopped Fruit, but that’s neither here nor there. No interesting creatures came out to play either while dinning or while making our way down the dock, however, that’s not to say the day wasn’t interesting. Far from it!

Remember in the last blog when I mentioned that I lost track of our dive sites at a certain point. Well folks, we’ve reached the pinnacle of it as, in my dive log, the next two days are full of sites that were already programed into the SSI app so I didn’t have to deal with the grueling entry process for each site. There are a few, especially the last couple days that I have written down, so we shall return to form when we get there!

Dive #1 of the day was a muck dive & deep one at that. Set at off the shore from Makawide, I remember descending the slope with Sam & Puri (if you don’t know who these people are at this point, you haven’t been paying attention) & feeling like we were fairly deep. The thing about muck diving is that most of the critters typically are fairly muted in their color pallet & if they aren’t, you’re usually using a flashlight to spot them anyway which restores their full color. This is much more noticeable on reefs where the many colored corals seem to all fade to shades of blues & blacks. All of that being a round about way of saying that I didn’t notice we’d dropped down to almost 107ft until I looked at my dive computer & was immediately aghast at what I saw. I even got Sam’s attention to show her & she gave me a “shocked eye” stare back at my readings. Was the depth worth it? Absolutely.

I’m going to sidebar again, sorry you’re dealing with an ADHD riddled writer here, but when I was in Fiji I got my deep water certification & remember telling my father later that I didn’t really have much of a desire to dive that deep again. It drastically cuts your dive time &, in Fiji at least, there wasn’t much to see & all the coloration was gone. Muck diving is truly a different animal I guess!

So what did we find at that depth? We found one of the rarer Lembeh creatures. Not only that, but we sat & watched it hunt.

At a depth of around 90 feet we found the highly sought after Rhinoceros Scorpionfish. The Rhinoceros is a marvelous creature that is uncharacteristically colorful compared to the rest of the Scorpion/Stonefish family. Having evolved to look like a dead leaf, they sway back & forth on modified pectoral fins as they inch across the substrate mimicking the movement of a leaf caught in the sway of the tides. Our Rhinoceros was bright orange & was in the process of hunting a cardinal fish. So, of course we had to sit & watch!

We sat, anchored to the bottom for around ten minutes just watching this fish play coy as it gained footing on its prey inchmeal. We gingerly made our way along with it, being sure to keep it in frame & in light so that we would catch the end of its successful hunt on camera, & that’s exactly what we did! Finally after coming within two inches of the cardinal the scorpion struck. It did so at a rate that my camera, running 120 frames per second, only managed to snag one or two frames of its extended jaws.

Funny enough, while we were pursuing the scorpionfish another ambush predator decided to wriggle its way between Sam & I. A massive Lionfish decided it had had enough of us scaring off any further perspective prey & made its complaints known as it grumpily swam between us.

This dive was a gold mine, in addition to the Scorpionfish we saw another Gurnard skidding across the bottom & two massive Titan Triggerfish, which we were sure to steer well clear of. They bite. Hard.

The most exciting find of the dive, especially for Puri, was the gigantic Sea Turtle we came across resting on the bottom around 40 feet. This turtle was one of the largest I’d seen in the wild & Puri was overjoyed as apparently they hadn’t seen any turtles in a good long while. We tried not to disturb it but it took off as soon as we got within 10-15 feet of it.

Farther up the slope, towards the beginning was a reef that sat just under the water line. Here we found the typical Anemones & Clowns, Damsels, Tangs, etc., but we also found another Sea Crete & several large Yellow Trumpetfish.

For the next dive we headed back towards the resort to a small archipelago of islands. Apparently their name in Indonesian roughly translated to something along the lines of “The Broken Islands” because they used to be a part of one singular mass of land, instead of their own separate entities. We loaded up on our typical rest food & drink items (tea, coffee, water, milo, cake, & fruit) & were just about to get back in the water when I was handed a guitar.

Apparently someone let it slip that I am a singer & the crew had brought a guitar to get me to perform for them. I reluctantly agreed & sat tuning the instrument for a minute before I played them one of my originals which they absolutely adored. I felt so honored & handed back the guitar before I got all of my gear on & was once again down in the blue.

Dive #2 was part reef & part rubble which meant high possibilities for octopus which we did in fact end up finding in the aptly named site, Critter Hunt! What’s our octopus count at this point? Three? Well, this was number four if that’s the case! It was also another unique species from the other three & another highly sought after Lembeh animal. We had stumbled upon a Wonderpus.

Yes, that’s its real name, the Wonderpus which happened to also be the name of our boat for the week. What makes the wonderpus so wonderful you ask? For that I want to divert to a short anecdote that Kim, the resort manager, told us. Kim is a Danish gent who has lived in the Lembeh area for well over 15-20 years. He said that the first time he saw a wonderpus he didn’t think anything of it, in fact, he thought it was a lion fish. How does one confuse an octopus with a lion fish? Well the wonderpus, similar to the mimic, another Lembeh favorite, can do exactly that. It can mimic. Only the wonderpus has the keen ability to alter the texture of its skin along with the length, shape, etc. of its arms & body. Our wonderpus presented to us as white & black striped with big arching brows.

I was, unfortunately, once again pulled away from my Garden Eels to come look at the octopus, but I think it was an acceptable replacement. They did let me sit & watch the garden eels afterwards for a few minutes, so I truly can’t be mad.

Additionally we came across some lovely clusters of Frogspawn Coral, some Snowflake Eels, Coral Gobies, Cowfish, Fingered Dragonettes, Panther Grouper, & I once again attempted to get a Cleaner Wrasse to clean my mouth. It didn’t work, sadly. One of these day, one of these days.

Back to shore we went where I grabbed another Pocari Sweat & sat editing til it was time for lunch & then until it was time to hit dive #3.

Dive #3 at Pintu Colada started at a sparse reef with some monumental mounds of coral. However, that’s not where we spent the majority of this dive. We spent the majority of this dive pestering Male Ribbon Eels.

For whatever reason Ribbon Eels seem to be very curious creatures. I noticed, as I was filming one of the electric blue males that he was very interested in my pointer that I had buried in the ground. I unmoored myself & passed the baton closer to the eel so that it could investigate. The eel would come pretty far out of its den to ‘smell’ the titanium stick I was using, I would get it close & then slowly inch it backwards to see just how far out they were wiling to chase the blue rod & the answer seemed pretty damn far!

Additionally this site had many Chocolate Chip Starfish, several rather aggressive Maroon Clownfish in their Bubbletip Anemones, & some type of buried Moray that I have scoured the internet for but come up blank on its identification.

Our afternoon, post dive, was fairly uneventful. I most likely spent the entirety of it, you guessed it, editing but that’s not to say the interesting parts of the day were over. Oh how wrong that assumption would be because folks, this was a four dive day. We still have the black water dive to talk about.

Now a black water dive comes in a variety of forms. Some where you’re out in the middle of the water attached to a line, letting the little critters come up to you, some where you are sat on the bottom around a light referred to as a “bonfire,” ours was a version of the latter. You see, typically the crew would go out before hand & plant the “bonfire” around 20-30 minutes in advance so that it has time to draw everything in. The problem with this is that it has the high tendency to lead to boredom. We hybridized our black water with just your standard night dive, deciding to plant & ignite the bonfire, the let it set for a while while we went around exploring & poking around in the dark.

We found ourselves some Fuzzy Dwarf Lionfish, a Gorilla Crab or two, large quantities of Pipefish, a Blue Spotted Ray, an Orange Blotch Rabbitfish, some Porcupine Puffers, Banded Coral Shrimp, & a baby Barramundi (Sweet Lips). The real prize of the dive, however, were the squid.

We were back out at Aer Prang where we’d dove a few times before & done our previous night dive. Just off the clusters of Trumpet Coral Puri spotted them, two Squid suspended in the water. As we got closer their colors began to shift & change & each of the pigment cells along their body began to light up. One of the squid decided it best to try & gfto & inked, though it didn’t then attempt to flee. We swam around filming these two squid for a good 10-15 minutes before we decided it was best to leave them be & return to the bonfire. However, on the way we encountered a hand made fish trap teeming with captured fish. We all had the same thought in wanting to set the fish go, especially since the trap didn’t seem to have a line or anything attached to it, but we felt it best to leave it incase it was a local’s meal.

I mentioned briefly in the previous blog about night diving the tiny little plankton & organisms that you find while night diving. At one point, after returning to the bonfire, I held my flashlight straight upright & just watched the different varieties of life dancing in & out of the beam. We came across several free swimming crustaceans & Puri found some kind of mostly translucent organism that looked not dissimilar to the double helix of DNA.

We returned to the resort after another bulging day of diving, showered, scarfed down an incredible dinner, & were out before our heads hit the pillows.

End Of Day Five

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Day Six

It was time to start winding down, after a full week of diving at this point our dives were starting to become a little more sparse on these our last two days. If you’re unaware, when diving, you need an 18-24 hour period between the time of your last dive & the time of your flight. This is to help prevent the bends. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I assume you know the drill at this point? Wake up, breakfast of eggs, fruit, bacon or sausage, toast, fresh juice, etc. I suppose I forgot to mention that earlier in the week the kitchen staff had found me a fresh Jackfruit, of which they continued to serve at any meal they knew I’d be at because I was one of the only few dining upon it. Most meals would end with a bowl full of jackfruit, covered in Calamansi Juice. After breakie & gathering the dive gear & camera I took with me off of the boat, it was once again time to dive. Today’s dock creature was a Spadefish, bobbing along the surface in-between the dock & the Wonderpus, our boat.

Our first dive of the day was a rubbly coral spot called Nudi Retread. It was home to many Blue-Spotted Stingrays, some beautiful Maze Corals, many Giant Clams, & even a few big ole Leopard Sea Cucumbers. It’s here where we found a pair of Tozeuma Shrimp but, you guessed it, my camera said “Tozeuma Shrimp who? I’m more interested in this plain old background behind them.”

The site also, of course, had its fair share of Bubble Coral, Anemones con Clowns, Sea Fans, & even a Miniatus Grouper with its bright blue spotted red body.

After we surfaced we headed off to dive #2, set off the island chain in the middle of Lembeh.

Dive two was a reef dive, Sarena Patah. Amongst the reef I once again tried my hand at getting Cleaner Wrasse to excavate my mouth to no avail, found many Tiger Jawfish popping their heads out of the sand, a mating pair of Singapore Angelfish, a school of Pajama Cardinal fish, some Moorish Idols & a Mosaic Pufferfish. After our time below the surface it was time to head back to NAD Lembeh for lunch & my daily ritual of editing over a Pocari Sweat.

Our third dive was at Tanjung Kusu-Kusu or Cape Kusu-Kusu as it would be in Ingles. It was another muck dive location with sparse reef near the two. Immediately upon our decent we discovered a pair of Spiny Tiger Shrimp hiding in a cup sponge. Puri was very excited at the find & wrote on his tablet “Tiger Shrimp” followed by “a very special shrimp.” The shrimp were about an inch in length & were covered in white spikes. The white body of the shrimp had orange spots on it surrounded by smaller black spots & while the resemblance to a tiger is iffy, I can understand why it was so named to a degree.

The dive was also full of many Lionfish & Scorpionfish though the coolest thing we discovered PSTS (Post Spiny Tiger Shrimp) was a rock covered in a microcosm of predator & prey.

All along this little portion of reef, about the size of a Fiat, were schools & schools of Cardinalfish. I’m talking hundreds if not thousands of them, all tucked in the rock & poking out just a tad. Below the school, patiently waiting was a Stonefish blending perfectly into the rock work where it perched, just waiting for one of the cardinals to dip a little bit too close. Just around the rock, under where the stonefish sat was a White Mouth Moray Eel, farther around on the other side of the rocks there was a Ribbon Eel, & amongst the rock there were assorted Dwarf Lionfish & Scorpions.

Though we didn’t end up doing a dive in the evening, that doesn’t mean I was done with aquatic life for the day. In fact, I got a glimpse of some aquatic wildlife on the shore during our leave. No, that’s not a typo, ‘on’ is the correct use here.

Along the beach of our little bay I started to notice little pricks of movement. My initial thought was that it was crabs or some other burrowing crustacean but I was wrong & was so excited to find what it actually was. All along the shore line, on the beach, were about ten Mudskippers. Mudskippers are a type of goby that has evolved to move, in a limited capacity, on land. They come out of the water to feed on the insects that congregate near the shoreline & can be out of water for around two days! Funny enough the Indonesian name for the mudskipper is ‘Ikan Tambio’ which means “prostitute fish” though I can’t for the life of me figure out why they are so named.

Darin, our trip guide & owner of Midwest Aquatics, the dive shop I went through for my certification, Fiji, & Indonesia, had asked previously if we could do a village excursion or something of the like on land. He & Simon came to the conclusion that it probably wasn’t for the best of the group & instead decided on a sunset cruise for the lot of us! The Wonderpus had been stripped of our gear, wiped down, dried out, & instead was packed with coolers with drinks & bowls of snacks

We went all the way up the strait to a village where the locals were farming pearls, the children rushed out into the water yelling any english phrases they could think of to get our attention & we affectionately waved back & yelled “hello” to them on the shore. Once we passed the lighthouse into the mouth of the strait it was revealed that it was Darin’s birthday & his lovely wife & incredibly talented photographer, Cari had requested a cake from the kitchen to bring aboard. We all sang “Happy Birthday” & slices of the cake were passed around before we turned back & headed towards the south end of the strait.

Along the way I was once again passed the guitar but I opted for soft covers & what I call “call to prayer” guitar just to fill the space with something atmospheric & not make it the “Charlie Rogers Show” on someone else’s day.

As we neared Bitung we began to hear & see the music festival that had been going on throughout the week. Spotlights scraped the clouds & music ricocheted across the water with thunderous bass that was soon replaced by actual thunder as a storm rolled in. We all ducked for shelter as if we hadn’t just spent the last week completely drenched & the boat made its way back to shore where showers, dinner, & beds awaited us all.

End Of Day Six

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Day Seven

Well, we’re here, the last day of dives for this trip. Have we had fun? Have we enjoyed the ride? I promise you it’s not over yet! Like I said, we still have one more day of diving!

The morning started unceremoniously with the typical wake & break…fast, followed by the morning pack up, & walk down to the dock. There weren’t any dock critters of interest this morning, but we’ll get back to that in the afternoon! Our first dive was Hairy Larry, so named, apparently, because of the hairy diver guide that “discovered” & named it. One thing is for sure, Mr. Larry had found himself a gorgeous reef & wall dive.

The afternoon prior we’d been asked by the guides what we wanted our last day of diving to look like, the general consensus was something a little more reef forward but still balanced with muck & rubble, so that’s what the guides delivered!

We were dropped into the site at the top of the reef. Immediately we were greeted by Honeycomb Grouper, tons of Clowns & Anemones with Benggai Cardinalfish hovering near by, Squirrelfish, Bicolored Angelfish, & even another Day Octopus!

The wall portion of the dive was at around 60-70 feet. It was stacked corals overlooking a sandy forever with a multitude of fish, nudibranchs, & other invertebrates ducking in & out of their high rise hovels. The wall was home to hundreds of varieties of Torch Corals, a Blue Spiny Lobster, & large Granulated Seastars.

As we made our way from the wall, through the rubble downslope from the reef, Puri started picking through the dead coral in search of a very specific score. Puri was searching for Mosaic Boxer/Pompom Crabs. A boxer crab is a wee crustacean about the size of your thumb nail. Their name is derived from the itty bitty anemones they carry in their claws & use to sweep the water for microscopic food, which they then pilfer from the anemones. As Puri was scouting the rock a very interested, very large Sunset Wrasse came over to see if we kicked up anything edible for him. He didn’t seem at all afraid of us divers & in fact was very keen to hang out & remained very close to us the entirety of our search.

Puri eventually did find a boxer crab which he brought over to a large rock on the branch of deceased coral it had been occupying. We three gathered around the rock & Deb & her guide even joined us. We all sat watching the pompom swipe the water & feed. As we were watching it another of the guides cut through us & placed a second pompom crab on the rock with the one we were observing.

I’m still beyond amazed at the eyes on these Indonesian guides. All week they were able to find the smallest of creatures in often the dimmest of lighting. Each of them would point out things that it would often take my eyes thirty seconds to a minute to focus on. The crabs are a great example of this.

After we left the crustaceans to their filter feeding I ran into a Foxface, a few massive schools of Green Chromis, a Naso Tang, many more Bubbletip Anemones.

Once we were back on the reef we immediately noticed the innumerable Giant Clams that dotted the coralscape. Blues, browns, greens, any color, variety, & size you can think of, they were there. I found a Common Egg Cowry feeding on some Leather Coral, which if you remember from my Fiji blog was one of my favorite finds simply because of the striking nature of its deep, black pigment.

The reef was mostly stoney corals & leathers; Birds Nest, Antler Coral, Trumpet Coral, Maze Coral, etc. Amongst these I found a Scopas Tang, two big ole Lobsters, a brown Trumpetfish, Hawkfish, & a Triangle Butterflyfish. I had a really had time returning to the surface because I felt everywhere I turned there were new things to see.

Dive #2 took us back near the site of the previous to a site called Makawidey Pier. The other dive boat, the Mimic, joined us at the site where we sat side by side enjoying the surface interval. About halfway through it I was once again handed the guitar. This time the crew was asking that I perform a mini set for them of anywhere from 3-5 songs. It’s always funny to me how when you’re put on the spot your mind completely blanks on what songs you have available in your catalog, but I did manage to pull out a few more songs for the crew that had worked so hard on our behalf throughout the week.

Makawidey was half reef & half muck. Once we were down we immediately began to find incredible creatures!

We almost landed right on top of a Blue-Spotted Stingray when we entered. It hightailed it out of our vicinity, literally. We headed down father & found three separate Seahorses all within 100 ft of each other; one white & one a light grey, & one with red stripes. Additionally I spend a little more time pestering Ribbon Eels.

The muck eventually gave way to reef where we found a pair of Scissortail Gobies, a Golden Rabbitfish, Benggai Cardinals with babies in their mouthes, a White Mouth Moray Eel, a gigantic field of Pulsing Xenia, & Hammer Coral as far as the eye can see.

I mean that last bit literally, the hammer coral must have covered the length of a football field, it took my breath away. I kept thinking back to the aquarium hobbyists who would kill for just a single head of it. Typically a small head of hammer coral starts are $50 & that’s for something the size of a nickel.

After our second dive we were off to the resort for, what would be the rest of the time for a lot of people. There was no afternoon dive on this day but that didn’t stop me from feeding my saltwater soul a few more times before we left.

In lieu of a dive I took myself snorkeling/freediving. NAD Lembeh Resort has a lovely little house reef that I felt I needed to explore before we departed. I’d spent my week peering into the water & remarking at the wildlife from the dock so I decided to get a closer look.

I didn’t find much on the south end of the reef, but when I got closer to the dock my luck started to change. The dock itself was covered in Long Spine Sea Urchins. As I was (cautiously) passing through the legs of the pier I saw a Triggerfish that I still have yet to identify. The reef on the north end of the resort was flourishing; Clams, schools of Pipefish, Trumpetfish, & Anthias all dotted the rock work. When I got back towards the dock I found an Angelfish upside down picking at the floatation devices, a school of Batfish, & even a few little Boxfish. All just from hopping in the water 100 feet from where I’d been sleeping the last week. Around 4:30 we loaded up the dive boat one last time & headed out.

Yes, I said there was no afternoon dive BUT there was an early evening one! This was a dive I’d been looking forward to all week long. We were going on a Mandarin Goby dive!

Mandarin Gobies, Seahorses, Garden Eels, Cleaner Wrasse, all my obsession. I hadn’t seen a single mandarin the entirety of our trip & it was really starting to bum me out because they’re one of my all time favorite fish & there we were about to do a whole dive dedicated to them.

The mandarin dive takes place in a bay called Bianca, it’s named after the boat, The Bianca, that has been anchored there for a few decades now. The dive is a stationary dive, meaning that you sit on the bottom & wait for the things to come to you. So sit & wait we did.

The dive takes place at twilight, right when the sun has sunk below the horizon. We were all kneeling around a cluster of broken coral waiting. You aren’t allowed to use the full brightness of your torch & red light is mandatory.

So there we sat, waiting on mandarin gobies. Then, almost all at once, they started to pop out of the coral debris, they seemed to come from everywhere. The larger females would come out, flare up a little bit, & the smaller males would come pouring out in an attempt to gain her affections. Once she’d found one she liked they’d do a courtship dance where they rose up in the water, hooked together side by side. Then on cue they’d both release (& release) & depart from one another. The largest female in the area did this with around six different males.

As the light faded more & more fish began to emerge from the rubble including an assortment of Clown Gobies. They perched on the rock watching us watch the mandarins. There were green ones & black ones & one very large Citron one. I went to point them out to the people to my right but their guide had motioned for them to leave & they ended up decimating the rubble bed in their wake sending the clown gobies scattering in all directions.

Upon our return we were greeted by a barbecue, the staff had taken the tables & chairs from the dinning hall & arranged them in a line between the entrance & the bar. In the middle of the table were several plates of sashimi fresh caught that day & at the end were an arrangement of grills & griddles all boasting different assortments of meats & vegetables.

We enjoyed the food in mixed company, mingling with a group of snorkelers out of England who had come to the resort on a snorkel tour, something I was unaware was a thing. We all dined & exchanged stories, us at the end of our week, them just a few days into theirs. After we supped a cake was passed around the table.

With bursting bellies & smiling faces we adjourned to bed where we drifted off to sleep before the next day’s conquest home began.

End Of Day Seven

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Day Eight

I debated on whether or not I wanted to include “day eight” as if was a travel day. Then upon reflection I found myself remembering many interesting things about the day. The odd part about writing this is that it will butt up into my Singapore Blog which I actually decided to publish in advance before going back to do the dive blogs. You can find a link to it at the very end of this blog.

We slept in a little on this day. Not having to beat the clock to get breakfast in before our dive time, we enjoyed a leisurely morning. After we had our fill of breakfast we all went back to our separate abodes to pack & make sure our electronics were charged for the return trip back. I was the only member of my group separating from the rest of them & the anxiety of 20+ hours of travel was palpable amongst my compatriots.

We left the resort begrudgingly, just short of noon. The tide was out at the time of our ferry across the strait so when we reached the cement dock on the other side we had to all climb onto the roof of The Wonderpus to get back on land. We all were escorted down the dock where locals came out in droves to observe the foreigners. The children yelled “hi” over & over at us & it was explained that it was probably the only english words they knew. We returned each “hi” in kind, accompanied by a smile of appreciation.

Our convoy to the Manado Airport was a series of minivans driven rambunctiously down the roads. We passed the festival grounds, several markets, & many curious locals who waved or peered into the windows at us. My car was the first to reach the terminal by a long shot & we sat for around 15-20 minutes waiting for the others to arrive with out gear so we could tip our driver.

The waiting game then began as our ticketing agents had not yet shown up. I went out in search of food, finding a Starbucks & a convenience store to satiate me. It was well over an hour & a half before someone showed up to check us in & we were all starting to get nervous that we were going to miss our flight.

Though I was the first in, I was the last out. I had to pay an extra baggage fee for my gear which took a while to process & I ended up being the last member of our group through security which didn’t end up mattering because our flight was delayed.

Ever the curious pallet I wandered into another convenience store while waiting to board & was met by many different Durian products. For the unaware, durian is a type of custardy fruit whose aroma is so pungent it’s often outlawed from Southeast Asian public transport. I was curious, as I always am, & opted for the durian ice cream with fresh durian in it. Y’all. No shame, truly. I regretted it. I kid you not, to my westernized pallet durian tasted like a mix between smelly feet (just assuming that flavor) & gasoline (that one too) with just the slightest banana & mango taste thrown in. The worst part of it was that it then spent the next several hours fighting me & I could not, for whatever reason, clear the taste of it out of my mouth.

Our flight finally departed & we were given a sealed cup of water & a literal entire package of cookies upon boarding.

When we got to Jakarta night had fallen & we all gathered our things before boarding the shuttle that had been arranged to take us to our hotel.

The hotel was around 15 minutes away from the airport & the journey there brought up a rather large discrepancy in the life of the people of Jakarta. From the terminal we were taken on highways, beautiful highways before turning into what I can only describe as shanty towns. We maneuvered around these shanty towns until we came to what had to be a seven or eight foot wall. We traced the wall, dotted with shacks, around to a gate where armed guards let us through two separate gates where the surroundings intently went from impoverished to glistening in excess. If I’m being honest it made me feel icky. We had arranged to stay at the FM7 Resort Hotel for the evening.

The resort was stunning. Modern artwork, pristine flora, exquisite lighting & cleanliness. It was a very sharp contrast to the world just outside of its massive walls. The resort was also a complex, an entire network of buildings & roads spread over a large number of acres. We all checked in & were given our room keys where we all went our separate ways to sleep for only a few hours before our flight from Jakarta departed to Singapore.

End Of Day Eight

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END OF PART THREE

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END OF BLOG

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